Unicorn Origins
February 18th, 2018Btw if you come to Denmark and you need some toothpaste, don’t be confused by the fact that there’s flour in our toothpaste. Flour in our toothpaste and flowers in our hair. You know, snacks for goats.
I’m not saying I already started eating the leftover soup from dinner today, but I may have a soup problem. On the bright side, it should help me with my pizza problem
12/2 2018
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Today will be a good day. Here’s Magnethe with her ‘babies’ Chokolade and Lakrids. It was always amusing when the kids got really big but kept demanding to visit the milk bar.
12/2 2018
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Good goat times today. Slightly above freezing, so that’s something. Still cold, though. Hanging out with the goats in the pen. Treats and bleats. Big and small loves. Some mishaps too. Did I mention I got a new camera? No, I didn’t mention that because I didn’t want you all to feel bad that I have to spend all my money on goat equipment, haha. I think this was my second outing with the new camera (same model as the old one). And what happened? Yes, Mia knocked over the tripod. D’oh! Another one bites the dust. No, luckily my new camera doesn’t seem to have suffered. Hooves crossed. You know, I have never ever bought one of those extra insurance addons when buying electronics. Maybe I should consider it the next time I buy a camera. Goat photography is dangerous, it seems. Maybe I just need a tripod that can be nailed to the ground.
I also managed to ruin my jacket. The zipper broke. I sat for literally more than 30 minutes trying to fix it. With a goat on each side staring at my hands, hoping the zipper parts were some kind of new treat. No luck. They were so focused on what I was doing that I almost expected them to start chipping in with advice. Finally I said to myself “if this doesn’t work then I’ll just have to walk home with an open coat and freeze my unmentionables off”. Well, I guess I can mention my belly button. But then it worked, finally. So after all it seems my camera and coat are still working. For now. We live to goat another day.
Now I think I deserve a big pot of hot soup, don’t mind if I do.
12/2 2018
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Hey, how’d you kids get in there?! Come on, uncle. I need liftsies too
12/2 2018
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Another thing that happened today was that I tried out my new remote. At least, I bought it because I thought it was remote. Like, wireless. Turns out there’s a wire with a pretty limited range. Still better than just holding the camera up. But I gotta find out how to.. focus properly. Work the shutter. And then do more research to see if I can find an actual wireless remote that works with my camera. That would make things easier. As long as I remember to superglue teh tripod to the ground.
Anyway, the goaties were very interested in helping me with my new clicker remote thing. Picture the same scenario when I was trying to fix my zipper with frozen fingers. Two big goats hovering around me, expecting treats.
12/2 2018
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Like the slow burn of a dying star. Echo of a heartbeat. Flame flickers and the light fades.
12/2 2018
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Today will be a good day. Happy Yogi day.
13/2 2018
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goatlog
13/2 2018
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Here is some premium bonus content. I was with the goats and I set up the tripod. Then I went to go over to the goaties but suddenly the sun disappeared and the dark clouds rolled in. And then the rain started pouring down. And I stood in the rain and looked at the camera as I got drenched. And I was going to set the video to Travis’ Why Does It Always Rain On Me. But then I woke up and realised it had been a dream and I guess I forgot to save the video to my Real World folder so you’ll just have to imagine it. And that’s the premium dream content. I also dreamt about being up in a tree while below a bear and a dinosaur were jumping up to try to reach me. Plz retweet and subscribe.
13/2 2018
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Well, happy #TongueOutTuesday to you too
13/2 2018
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Hee haww
13/2 2018
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It doesn’t look like anything special, but I love it on a cold winter’s day. #mamaSoup
13/2 2018
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I have no business being this lucky.
13/2 2018
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Exclusive bonus content! Premium behind-the-scenes video! The new camera falling. OOPS YOU’ll NEVER GUESS WHAT [click to see more]
link: camera fall video
14/2 2018
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I mean, to be honest you can’t BOTH have food stamps AND taxfree private jets. You’re too demanding. Just shut up and eat your government branded canned food in your jets, ok?
14/2 2018
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Here’s a still from my upcoming rap video “I Like Fuzzy Buts And I cannot Stop Eating pizza”
14/2 2018
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Today will be a good day. Happy hump day, guys.
14/2 2018
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Asking for consent to proclaim you all to be my valentines.
14/2 2018
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Happy Spooning Valentines. I have no idea if this looks horrible or not, but I spent bloody hours trying to get it fairly right so I don’t care. just post it, WE’LL DO IT LIVE. Okay, some of the time was also spent eating so much soup that I think if you poke my belly I might turn into a soup fountain.
14/2 2018
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This year for Valentines I think everyone should go to that extra effort to share love. Not everyone realises how loved they are. So tell them. Tell the lamp post. Tell the mail box. Tell third step on the stairs at the gym. These things never hear a “I love you” and do you know how sad that must make a lamp post? Love your world, every little building block of it.
14/2 2018
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This year for Valentines, show how big your heart is. If you’re a lawyer, why not pay a hooker off with your own money to show your rich, old, white client how much you appreciate him?
14/2 2018
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This year for valentins, show how much you goat with goats goats goats. Goats.
14/2 2018
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Btw, congratulations to the Danish Olympic team for winning the gold medal in juggling rotten tomatoes while tap dancing in clogs. I know we were favourites, but you can never take these things for granted. This year for valentines I can’t believe I don’t shut up.
14/2 2018
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This year for valentines, I’m going to bed alone. I think my clones are out on hot dates with clones of hot girls. Or guys. Hey, it’s the future. My clones are free to do whatever they feel like. Just remember, we don’t have any lawyers with deep pockets. The only deep pockets we have are the treat pockets. But anyway, I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that collective sigh of relief and go away. Another lonely Valentines. I just hope the greeting card companies don’t go out of business on account of me.
14/2 2018
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Today will be a good day. Here’s Preben from 2012.
15/2 2018
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Good goat times today. It was just around freezing, but there was a nasty wind that made it feel even colder. Still, I’m happy I made it out. I almost didn’t. I was feeling sad last night and I was already trying to justify not going. “You don’t have to go tomorrow, you can just stay home in bed and dream it all away”. The rational part of my brain knows that when I feel like that it’s even more important to go. Because the goats are what makes me feel better. But the rational part oft he brain doesn’t always win that chess game against the darkness. So I’m glad I got out. It was very worth it. Maybe Mia could sense I needed some cheering up because she put on a glorious show. I took all the goats out and around to the big sand pit with the swings and all. The littles ones hadn’t been out there before. It was nice seeing everyone explore together, more or less. And then something kicked off Mia and she started sprinting around and doing Palle jumps. Humping grandma and chasing the kids. Haha. I’m glad she’s still got some kid in her. I guess the little new ones bring it out in her sometimes. She was all over the place. And then a group of kids came by visiting and the goats got lots of attention. It was a lot of good times. But something less nice happened too. One of the adults with the kids came over and told me one of the goat kids were bleeding. Around the horns. When I got to look at Sky her horn was halfway falling off. And while I was examining her it came all the way off. Her horn fell off. Well, the harder outer shell. On closer inspection there was still a smaller, raw looking nub there. It almost looked like she’d shed the outer shell. Poor girl. I don’t know what happened. But.. at first I thought the problem was with Milo because he actually had blood on his forehead. I couldn’t find any problems with his horns, though. So the only thing that comes to mind must be that they knocked heads and it broke off Sky’s horn? I’ve never seen them butt heads for real, but goats gotta goat so it makes sense they might get into it when they’re together in the stall sometimes. I feel bad for her, but it didn’t seem to be bothering her at all. Other than when I was examining it, of course. She enjoyed her raisins and sat happily in my lap chewing her cud and acted normal.
I remember reading about this happening, and I just had a quick google. From what I can judge it doesn’t seem to be a disaster. Just gotta try to keep it clean. Hopefully it won’t be a big problem. It was a little scary though, the horn just falling off when I was touching it. Hollow inside. Never experienced that before.
When Anne came to work I picked up Sky to go show her. I knew I had to let Milo out too, he’d raise hell if I left him behind in the pen. Well, he still raised hell as he followed us around the building to go to Anne. I don’t know how a little thing can be so loud. He’s giving Mia a run for her money in hysteria. So cute and funny. The more serious he acts the funnier it seems. Bless him. And her.
Quite a day. I’m glad I didn’t spend it in bed.
15/2 2018
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Our darling unicorn. Hopefully there won’t be any problems with it.
15/2 2018
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Now is not the time to talk about gun control. So I’ll wait until the next school shooting. Should be a couple of days or what?
In the land where you protect them at all costs when they’re in the womb and then you leave ’em high and dry once they’re actually out in the world. In the land where you can threaten to be a school shooter and still buy an AR-15. I don’t even know what kind of gun that is, but I doubt it’s anything any civilian should need. The land where the neighbours and friends are to blame, according to the guy in charge of a government that won’t do anything about it.
Let’s talk about it another time. We’ll put a pin in it and get back to you at a more convenient time.
15/2 2018
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The circus princess
15/2 2018
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We’re having a special sale on thoughts & prayers, so stock up now. You never know when you might need them. An educated guess would be “soon, all the time”. Special extra discount if you show your NRA membership card.
Btw, some people seem to think that gun control will give the criminals the upper hand. I ask you, how much more upper hand do you need when you’re slaughtering chidlren with semi-automatic weapons? I don’t know what to do, but nothing doesn’t seem to be working.
15/2 2018
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I am off to play chess against my brain. If you want to play me too then find me in the dreamland, where there ain’t no party like a dream party because a dream party does not have to adhere to the laws of physics. Follow the bright light and turn left when you reach the smell of purple. I am trapped inside this body and can’t get out.
25/2 2018
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Today will be a good day. Have a Fuzzy Friday.
16/2 2018
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Whoa, whoah, whoa. Just how many women did Trump sleep with while his wives were pregnant or caring for newborns? Geez. Well, I’m sure Jesus gives him a pass for all of them, right? And it’s no problem to have a President who’s counting on so many people to cover up stuff. I mean, Bill Clinton would definitely have been elected if his affairs had been public knowledge, right?
On that note, a couple of days ago I wrote something about a pornstar and a president. And I have to make an apology. Normally if you need to write an apology about saying something sleazy about a pornstar and a president you’d figure it was the president who was owed the apology. But no. I referred to Stormy Daniels as a hooker. And as far as I know, she’s not. She wasn’t paid to sleep with Donald, she was paid to cover it up. Right? I think so. It’s hard to keep track. But I’m sorry, Stormy. I didn’t mean to defame you. I think you’ve suffered enough…
Also, whether you believe that Trump’s lawyer paid her out of his own pocket or not.. that still means Trump’s lawyer confirmed that Stormy was paid off, right? Has Donald admitted to the adultery? Or is it just his lawyer who has admitted it?
Meanwhile, in Russia…
Anyway, that’s the Trump report for today. I’ll try to keep it goats from now on. Unless something new comes up. Brb, checking Twitter.
16/2 2018
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The real tragedy here is that I’m out of soup. Thoughts & Prayers.
16/2 2018
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goatlog
16/2 2018
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Clones on the rocks
16/2 2018
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Feetsies and teefsies.
16/2 2018
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A reboof Back To The Future where they travel back to prevent the rebooting of Back To The Future.
PATENT PENDING
#LassesFridayNightShirtPosting
16/2 2018
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I feel like I should say that when I say negative things or joking things about the “thoughts & prayers” I am not talking about the average person expressing thoughts and prayers. I am talking about the feckless politicians who take in millions from the NRA and don’t do anything to solve the problem, despite being in a position where they can actually affect change. If you do not have power to change things then by all means go on with the thoughts and prayers. The harsh truth, though, is that the thoughts and prayers of the 17 dead in the last school shooting didn’t save the victims. And your thoughts and prayers won’t save your family members if a shooter goes into their school or workplace or music festival. That is such a horrible though. But are you really comfortable counting on thoughts and prayers for the life of your kids or friends or parents? Do you really feel that’s enough? In this day and age? Thoughts and prayers can be soothing, good for the soul. They can help communities. But they can’t save lives. What are you praying for? That the shooter will go into someone else’s school? That the radical muslim terrorist will drive the truck into the crowd the day when your parents aren’t out buying presents for your birthday?
By all means think and pray. And then vote and capaign and teach your kids what to do if the shooters comes to their school.
I am not saying this to offend anyone. It’s just if you believe in thoughts and prayers and you feel like people are putting you down. It’s not your thoughts and prayers that are offensive to us/me. It’s the idea that the thoughts and prayers are enough. They’re not. Don’t sit on the floor in the flood and drown because you don’t take the help of the people passing by.
Anyway, I’m just a stupid snowflake foreigner, wnat do I know.. I hope and pray you all will be safe.
16/2 2018
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Exclusive bonus content for the premium subscribers. I lost this round of Catch The Goat. No Olympic medal for me.
link: Milo video
17/2 2018
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When your real world is scarred and grey and hazy and full of empty spaces, it’s quite a wonder to stand inside a dream and realise that everything around you was conjured up by your mind. That your mind can create a reality that is more real than the real world. And that gravity is optional.
17/2 2018
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Not getting a lot of traction for my Black Panther Vs Pink Panther script, but I’m not giving up on my dream.
17/2 2018
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Today will be a good day. Here’s baby Nougat relaxing with Per and one of the neighbourhood girls in 2006.
17/2 2018
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It almost seems unfair. In Denmark we have great health care and few guns (humblebrag, sorry not sorry). Wouldn’t you think that in the country that wants everyone to have a gun, you’d also want to have great health care for all?
Just like you’d think that if abortion was outlawed then all the kids should get amazing, free education with a healthy school lunch and taxfree pencils.
Or something. I don’t know. Maybe I’ll go watch some soccer.
17/2 2018
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My clones don’t just hang out with the kids exclusively. They also love Mia and Mio.
17/2 2018
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I have done some extensive soul searching this morning, and I have come to the inescapable conclusion that my soul probably fled to somewhere warmer. Please call this number if you see it. 1 – 1 – 9
17/2 2018
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Grandma may be planning to launch an air to ground attack on the newbies.
17/2 2018
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17/2 2018
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Be vewy, vewy quiet. Cos you’re talking a wot of switt.
17/2 2018
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Some of the pro gun arguments are just really weird to me. It’s not that they don’t make some sense, it’s just this notion that if the first step doesn’t solve everything at once then it’s not even worth trying to change anything at all. I mean ffs, can’t we all agree that the status quo is not good enough? Even if you’re pro gun, you don’t want things to stay the way they are now, do you?
And being that the republicans control all branches of government, wouldn’t now be the perfect time to get the kind of sensible gun laws that you can live with? No pesky democrats to take away all your guns, just do something to stop your children being slaughtered in the school yards.
Sorry, sorry. I’ll be vewy quiet now. I can’t take much more of reality for today anyway. I’ll go dream it’s over soon.
17/2 2018
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Fuzzy butts, fuzzy thoughts. Be the floof. May the floof be with you.
17/2 2018
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Another star in the night sky, one less pure soul on the ground below. Goatspeed, Poundcake.
17/2 2018
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Your artificial Lasse is experiencing malfunctisalmons. Malflute. Your artificial Lasse requires mainenuns. Maintenonsense. Maintennant le premier fois. Regardez la fenetre, c’est un chien embargo.
The degradation of performance may result in lower standards and unexpected user input analysis random word spaghetti oh.
If your artificial Lasse is still under warranty you may return it to your nearest service point for a free system upgrade. Consider acquiring a newer model if you are still using a 90s emo version 2 point oh set and match. Congratulations you are now elligible for an extended service fee. Please do not try to repair your unit unless you are a fully qualified strawberry pie. By reading this you agree that you have read it and cannot be unread there is only Zuul. Husk at opgradere sprog barrieren til det nye alternativ, stangstiv på skrå brædder. No habla escargot. Sign at the dotted line dot dot dot and I feel fine.
Et øjeblik alene. Gid du var i underbukser og blev der. Såfremt og således. This glitch has been logged and reported to the higher authority. You are being watched. Do no attempt to adjust your justifications. The elves are selfish the elvis is helpless there is no rhyme or reason do not fear the reaper. We have nothing to fear but the reaper itself. The elf on the shelf IS NONE OF YOUR DAMN BEESWAX on wax off there is no unloading in th
Håbet er løst, hjertet banker dig synder og sammensvorren. Vor herre bevares. Genopstår i skyggen af det højeste træ, tre vise træmand som sømanden sagde til tøffelhelten. Smeltet sammen i den gyldne grydeske skema og rutine og al ting til sin tidsforskud over mål drip drop trip trap træsko hip hop værsgo her kommer floden, tanker der forankrer der føler du flyder når du drukner under overfladen over understræmmen inde i det ydre rum fang og genklang jammersang og snefnug og muggent brød i blød brødre dråbe lænker, jeg tror jeg er løbet af tråden, har nok lukket nok lort ud for i dag
We are sorry, your artificial intelligence may need a lobotomy. Our tree surgen will be with you shortly. Please enjoy this complimentary placebo while you wait.
17/2 2018
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I hope your today will be a good today. Happy Funday, guys.
18/2 2018
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On tonight’s episode of Goats’n’Clones: More goats and clones!
18/2 2018
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Existence is futile
18/2 2018
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Okay, maybe not completely futile
18/2 2018
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Yeah, okay. Fair point.
18/2 2018
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end of Facebook. Go go goat photos.
That’s all for this week.
