I had foot therapy today. That’s always a nice little trip. The foot therapist is a very kind and friendly man. I always feel a little bad that he has to spend all day tending to other people’s feet. It doesn’t seem like a nice thing to do, to me. But since that is the profession he has chosen I guess he does not mind.

My feet are doing fine. Apart from a little tiny gash. I’m not sure where it came from, I don’t remember hitting my foot or anything. We have to keep an eye on that, to be sure that it goes away on its own.

I was sitting in the chair with my feet in a tub of water, looking around. Barely being able to see the room. It’s a small room. White. I could make out litlte things here and there. I can see the chairs and the walls leading to the small space. But I don’t really know what the place looks like. I will never really have a clear picture of it. It’s sort of like in old computer games, before 3D graphics were improved. Like wireframe. Lines. A mesh skeleton. A general impression. Like something from a dream, not clearly defined in my mind.

It is strange to think that I will never know new spaces. Rooms and places. All the places I enter from now on in my life will be blurry and undefined. Meanwhile, I can think of places where I haven’t been for 15 years and they seem completely crisp and clear to me. Almost just on the other side of the street from the foot clinic there once was a Bogshoppen. A shop with used books and comics, you could go and trade your old stuff for new (used) things. I used to go there a lot as a kid. When my mom or dad were taking me home from their workplaces we’d often stop in and I’d get a Jumbobog. Comic book. The place closed many years ago, reaplced by a Blockbuster. But in my head I can still see the rooms there, the shelves with squared boxes full of comics. I collected Superman comics. The comic had closed down, maybe before I was even born. But they still kept getting new used ones in Bogshoppen, so even though it didn’t come out anymore I still eventually amassed a complete collection.

Anyway, I can still close my eyes and see that place. And others. I can see the steep, narrow stairs leading up to the cafeteria in Kulturgyngen. I can see the gym room in the Reva Center. The coffee room at the barn.

Wherever I go from now on, the places will never be that clear to me.

And it goes for people too. The foot therapist. I can somewhat see him. I have a general impression of him. But if I close my eyes I cannot picture his face. If I walked by him on the street I wouldn’t recognise him.

Ulla, the lady from the blind society. All the doctors and nurses I have met. All the people I will meet from now on, I will never really be able to recognise them or picture them in my head. When Magnethe and Vanilje have kids in a few months, I might not be able to tell them apart.

It’s not that I feel really bad about this, or sad. It’s just a strange thought. Like my memories have used up all the hard drive space available, and there is no room for new input.

How peculiar life can be.

I had an appointment at the doctor’s office today. For blood tests. Regarding the new kidney medication.

I am still somewhat dizzy from that medication. The nurse, who took my blood sample today, explained that it was because the kidney medication lowers your blood pressure. So that’s the cause of my dizziness. But I will talk to the doctor about it when I come back to get the results of the test. That’s in 2½ weeks. I was hoping it would be a little sooner, normally you come back a week after the test to get the result. But I guess they’re busy right now. So I will just have to be dizzy for a little while longer.

It took a couple of tries to get the blood from me. That’s always how it goes, with my poor circulation. “You have quite a bit of scar tissue there” the nurse said. Yup. I’ve been stabbed a time or two. He tried in the right arm first, but couldn’t get anything and had to switch to the left. Good thing it doesn’t really hurt. Acupuncture was worse.

But I’ll be going back in the beginning of March then. Around the same time that I will be going back to the hospital too. I almost miss going to the hospital. Almost. Well, not really. Not at all, actually. There was a time when it seemed like I was going on emergency trips to the hospital all the time, because of the pressure in my eye. It’s been nice to have a break from all that. But I must say I am also anxious to get underway again and hopefully finish up all the eye treatment. March can’t come too soon. Maybe I’ll get good news for my birthday, you never know.

In other news, my membership to Nota finally went through. So now I can get free audiobooks. I have already received the first one. So that’s good. I will probably still buy some from Audible, but it’s nice to be able to get them for free as well. Some of them you get sent straight from Nota to your house and you can keep them. Others you have to order through the normal library service, and I guess you have to return those. But it all seems to be working fine.

Also, I have received my new radio. It’s quite nice. With channel buttons that you can preset and all. I had been using my alarm clock to listen to the radio. But it gives a fair bit of static noise, that was especially annoying when listening to people talk. It’s much nicer now, I am able to listen to the radio in good quality. Of course it was a little late for me to get that radio, since I’m now not listening to the radio as much as I used to. There was a period last year when I pretty much didn’t do anything else than lie in bed and listen to the radio. That’s when the proper radio would have come in handy. But I’m glad that I don’t have to lie in bed all day anymore. I’m spending more time on the computer again. There has been some frustration lately, as Facebook, Youtube and Firefox all decided to redesign/update themselves within the space of 4-5 days I think. I spent hours and hours trying to get everything to work as I wanted it. I have never been fond of change, and with my limited eyesight it’s even worse. It’s hard to get to grips with changes in design and functionality. But I think I have it all working reasonably well again now. I have been using Facebook quite a bit. Probably annoying people to no end with my pointless status updates. But for me it’s the closest thing to having real social contact with friends.

Also I have been sleeping pretty well lately. Nice for a change. The audibooks help. When I lie in bed and listen to them I can feel when I start drifting off. I can feel the sleep rythm kicking in. And then I know when to go to sleep. You’d think it would be easy to know when you should go to sleep. But I am often tired, without being able to sleep. So actually feeling the sleepiness coming is handy. It’s not just feeling tired, it’s the mind drifting off. So I know that when I can’t focus on the book anymore then it’s time to turn in.

Is this entry making you drift off? I don’t blame you!