I am quite liking the pictures of Magnethe in the bucket. The look on her face. She seems to be thinking “Yes, I’m standing in a bucket. I am a goat standing in a bucket. Is that so unusual? I am quite pleased with myself actually”. She is so cute.

Back at work again. In fact I am writing the draft for this entry in my lunch break. One of the advantages of going back to work should be, in theory, that I sleep better. When you get up and out and do stuff then you get naturally tired. When you lie in bed and feel sorry for yourself all day then your sleep rythm gets bombed to pieces and you are constantly tired but not necessarily able to sleep through the night. So I figured that going back to work would also let me have a good night’s sleep. But no such luck. I didn’t sleep much. See, I have this thing. On the back of my right thigh. A swelling of some sort. It feels a little like a bee sting. But it’s winter and there are no bees. So I really don’t know what it is. But it is unfortunately placed in such a way that every time I sit down or get up from a chair then it hurts. And sometimes when I walk too. And when I toss at turn at night. So that wasn’t fun. I guess I’ll try some painkillers tonight before I go to bed.

On a more positive note, I managed to get a hold of the doc from the anxiety clinic on the phone. Birgit. And we agreed to up the dosage of my meds. I’m currently getting 150mg capsules. We’ll add a 75mg one to that so I’ll be getting 225mg in all. That means I have to swallow two of the damn things again. Bah humbug. But hopefully it will improve my condition.

—
(later that day)

So I picked up the meds. And I managed to ask the pharmacist if it was okay to open up the capsules and just swallow the inside stuff. And it was. Bang, problem solved. I’m glad I finally asked. I remember wanting to ask last time I was picking up meds. But then something happened. I don’t remember what. Probably there were lots of people and I was stressed and didn’t have the emotional surplus to get it done. Silly. It’s a good example of social phobia getting in the way of life. All those pills I didn’t have to swallow, just because I was afraid to ask a pharmacist about it. Oh well. Now I will never swallow again.

As the sailor said to the nun. Or .. yes, something like that.

I had my mom look at the thing on my thigh. She said it did look like an insect bite of some sort. She suggested maybe going to the pharmacy and see if I could get some ointment or something to relieve it. Dammit, why don’t I just move into the pharmacy already? At least my jaw seems to be okay. It still hurts a tiny bit if I try to “stretch” it, but during normal functions there is no pain. So I can put really big things in my mouth now, as the sailor… No, no. Sorry,

What else? Yes, there’s a christmas party at Gyngen. The 20th December. I’m thinking that I’m going to turn that down. I will be going to the christmas party at the playground, that is enough christmas partying for me. At Gyngen there will be lots of people and lots of drinking and commotion. So there. I forgot to mention that I met Bodil on Saturday. And her dog Lulu. She started talking about the playground’s christmas party again. Told me that it wasn’t a big drinking fest. I think she has a clear sense that I’m not the most social person, that it’s a little difficult for me. And she’s trying to make me feel comfortable about the party. To make it easier for me. She really wants me to go. That is such a sweet feeling.

That is all. I’m still feeling pretty ok. Hopefully I can get some sleep tonight. And in the meantime, here’s Mads.

Ai.

Back to reality.

I’m not sure if I actually stated it clearly, but I didn’t manage to get to work all last week. What a horrible week that was. I spent most of the time in bed, constantly tired and so sad that I could barely do anything. People who haven’t experienced real depression can’t imagine how incapacitating it can be.

But I got up today, and went to work. And I’m feeling somewhat better. I hope I can keep it going. I will do my best.

When I got to the playground it had started raining. Quite a lot. Pernille poked her head out of the door and called to me. Told me that the goats were outside, but I could just let them in. That was exactly what I wanted to do. So I could sit inside with them.

Mads watching the rain. You can just about make out Kulle outside. The lambs were not so lucky, they had to endure the rain. It wasn’t too long before the sun came back though.

Vanilje went outside when the rain slowed down. She is not as afraid of water as Mads is.

But Mads now has control of the hatch, so no one is safe.

I think Magnethe has misunderstood The Trick. She’s supposed to go up on the bucket, not stand in it. Hehe. And in the back is Vanilje, jumping up as she likes to do.

Sigh. Mathilde always used to stand in the buckets like that. I miss her.

I hope they have lots of buckets where she is now.