I am sorry.

I don’t really feel like debating vegetarianism at the moment. I am barely getting through the day as it is. And as Luis said, it’s a very private thing and we’re never going to get the whole world to agree.

Just very shortly. I am drawn towards vegetarianism. But then there are comments like Judas’s, practically saying it’s my fault that 3B and Springbok are going to get slaughtered. It makes me not want to be a vegetarian. Kinda like if Jehova’s witnesses rang my doorbell and shouted “YOU’RE GOING TO HELL SINNER SINNER SINNER”. It would not make me join their religion. Tonight I’ll have a bloody big steak with your name on it, Judas. And it will be your fault that cow died. And I’m not being irrational. Purple monkey dishwasher.

I don’t even eat that much meat. If anything I should probably eat more of it, I am unhealthy. I still have this John Candy fantasy of dying from an overdose of chicken.

I don’t think I have ever eaten goat meat. Maybe when I was a kid and I didn’t know anything. Today I wouldn’t eat goat. Maybe there is hope for me yet. It still doesn’t make a damn bit of difference in this situation though. And I don’t understand how you can not understand the difference between killing and eating a pet and killing and eating a non-pet. Yes, this is about my feelings. It’s my blog. Of course it’s about my feelings. Of course the reason I don’t want them to die is because of my feelings. Then we can do veganism later and rescue all the other animals.

I am a very selfish person. I don’t have a problem admitting that. Just ask Skye.

Vegetarians are vegetarians so they can feel better than meat-eaters. Vegans are vegans so they can feel better than vegetarians. I’m sure there’s some cult that believe we must consume nothing but sparkling water from the mountain streams and that Vegans are dirty filthy sinners. The choices we make are always selfish. And I’m not being cynical.

No, really.

I sit in the bus and look out the window, at all the people. And I feel like I’m not like them, I am not a part of the human race. But really, I am as much to blame. When I lie in bed at night and imagine jumping off a bridge I get sick to my stomach. Isn’t it funny that my fear of heights overrides my desire to sleep with the fishes? Sometimes I stumble when I’m lying in bed. Not physically, but something snaps in my head and it feels as if I’m falling over and my whole body is shook. Like when you’re walking and you stumble, but you recover your balance so you don’t fall over. But there is still that shock in your system. The feeling of falling while staying on your feet. I never know whether to be happy that I didn’t fall or whether to be embarrassed because who trips over cracks in the pavement? That sort of thing only happens in the movies. And I am not rambling or trying to distract you.

I dont want to hear it
I dont want to know
I just want to run and hide

this is your warning
four minute warning

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Current Music: Radiohead – 4 Minute Warning (060619)
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