State of the Mental Health Address
May 23rd, 2006Updating from work again. I called my ISP yesterday. The support guy couldn’t connect to my router. Said it was probably dead. He filed an error report. Probably some technician will try to find out what’s going on, probably will have to get a new router. Probably will take somewhere around 48 hours. And then a couple of days to send me the router. Probably without internet the next week. Probably maybe somewhat crazy.
Funny, last week I was saying how great it was that Thursday is a holiday this week and I would be able to download the season finale of Lost and watch it and have a good time. Now I will count myself lucky if I even have internet on Thursday.
I feel like I’m cut off from my life. As I said on my LJ, I should see this as an opportunity to go out and do stuff away from the computer. Instead I see it as an opportunity to bang my head on the desk.
Oh well. It’s not a catastrophe. But it isn’t making me happy exactly. My mantra has sort of reverted to its negative self. Remember my “Life, it goes on”? The old version was “I hate my life, and I want to die”. Repeated over and over, quickly. Also I’m finding myself swearing a lot. In my head. I’m not the kind of person who swears a lot in real life. But right now it’s as though I have Tourette’s syndrome. In my head. Not particularly constructive. I think it has more to do with the frustrations than with unhappiness. I’m feeling sort of ok. I’m just tired of things going wrong.
Also I’m reading a book about a man who lost most of his memory due to a brain tumor. It is still my little pet theory that I have a brain tumor. And that is why my eyesight is deteriorating and why I can’t talk to people and it will only get worse until my head explodes. That would be a neat way to die, by the way. Head explosion. At least it would be unique.
Ouw. I just cut my finger. Actually, it didn’t hurt. But then I saw the blood. And now I’m typing with 9 fingers. Which is trickier than you’d think. I wish I was an alien/human hybrid with super self-healing powers.
Oops. Got blood on the keyboard. It really is tricky. I am typing this while folding our monthly fliers. 1200 ones. Fun for a day.
Yesterday Tina from work came in and asked if we could talk privately. We went out into the hallway. I thought “Uh oh, what have I done now?”. But it was nothing like that. She just wanted to tell me that she had found my website. While searching for stuff about our workplace I guess. I always knew that was a risk, when I put the name of the place in my blog. Someone here might find it. And that’s okay, I don’t have a problem with it. I think she handled it the perfect way too, let me know that she knew about it and that she wasn’t going to make a big deal about it and tell everybody and so on. She just wanted me to know. Very nice of her. And she’s a very nice and happy person in general. So thank you for that Tina, if you’re still reading. She complimented my English. And my cartoon. I must update that again soon.
It reminded me once again that I must be thankful of all the nice people I have met the last few years. I have needed a lot of support. And I have gotten it. I have been lucky really. That’s one reason to keep going, to make it. I don’t want to let all those people down. I don’t want their effort to be wasted.
I still have those good news to share, but I’ll wait till I can write about it at home. For now I’ll leave you with some pictures that I uploaded before my internet went belly-up.
What a wonderful mess of goats.
Nina the cat made a reappearance on Saturday. Good to see her again. Altough she scratched me when I rubbed her tummy. Nothing serious. I wonder if I was doing it wrong or if she wasn’t in the mood or if it was just that cat instinct to swat at things. She has really sharp claws in any case. I felt that when she was half standing half sitting in my lap. She was flexing her claws and they went straight through my pants and I had to get her off. Like razorblades.
Nougat climbing fences. The kids are so big now that they can jump and climb most everywhere.
Mathilde’s kids in particular like that bench there. They’re often up on that.
There you go. Back to work for me. I just had a “Bomba energy drink”. It’s the bomb. Apparently.
Feel free to leave me messages of sympathy. It will make me happier when I get back to work tomorrow and check the blog. Right now I have more than 200 spam comments in the moderation queue. And those are just the ones that the spam filters have caught. I dread logging in to my home account and seeing all the ones that have slipped past the filters. Another 200 at least, surely. I hate spammers. And yet. Life, it goes on.