{"id":1914,"date":"2020-11-22T15:04:51","date_gmt":"2020-11-22T14:04:51","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/plume.dk\/blog\/?p=1914"},"modified":"2020-11-22T15:04:51","modified_gmt":"2020-11-22T14:04:51","slug":"in-the-lockbox","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/plume.dk\/blog\/?p=1914","title":{"rendered":"In The Lockbox"},"content":{"rendered":"

Today will be a good day. Happy Mio Monday everyone.
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\n16\/11 2020<\/a>
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\nGood goat times today. A cold morning, with a little rain. Not the best weather to goat in. Muddy, naturally. We did get a little spell of sunshine later on, so that was something. But this was the first time since last winter that I did not spend any time without a jacket on. Sigh.
\nBut good goats, thankfully. Spent some sweet time in the shelter with Mia, Milo and Sky. The little sitting in the hay and chewing their cud. Mia standing next to me, leaning her head against my chest. I love that closeness.
\nNuller was bleating a bit differently today. Usually he’s loud and bratty and sometimes practically unhinged. But today a lot of his bleats were little soft ones, almost like whimpers. Not like there was something wrong with him, it just sounded like a little sad baby. Manipulating me for extra treats. There were loud machines working again too, on the other side of the pen this time. That and the mud made for slightly bothered goats. At least that’s what they said when they asked for extra treats. I guess it’s extra treats for everyone then.
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\nMia resting her head on me.
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\nAnother booger check for Sky.
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\nSo fucking embarrasing.
\nCan you believe it?
\nAll caps. America, I implore you. The next time you pick a president. Please. For the love of all that’s holy. Pick someone who doesn’t TWEET IN ALL CAPS.
\nI don’t even care if you pick another Bush or Clinton. Jut ffs check their timeline first. You could even check for racism and misogyny and stuff like that, but I guess that’s too much to expect.
\nBut can you at least pick someone who KNOWS HOW THE CAPS LOCK KEY WORKS?
\nWhat a fucking disgrace.
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\n16\/11 2020<\/a>
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\nDoes anyone else have a lockbox inside them? Not a physical one of course, a mental one. A place you store stuff that’s too painful to think about? I posted a baby picture of Palle on the page yesterday, and someone asked what happened to him. Normally thinking of Palle makes me happy. Enough time has passed that I can remember the joy. But there are some things I just can’t think about without breaking down. And I lock them away in a box and try to keep my distance from them. It’s mostly the deaths of goats really. And a few other things. But I can feel when I approach it. Whne my line of thought starts heading in that direction. Finding Palle.. finding Kamel… Mio collapsing on me.. even just writing this. I have to back off or I’ll fall apart. I just can’t. Can’t let myself.
\nI know I should confront the feelings and process the memories and face the fears and all that. But I can’t. I’m just going to keep stuffing stuff into that box until it explodes some day. Dynomite.
\nI wish I could make everything okay for everyone always and no one had to suffer and there was no pain and everything was perfect nonstop. Which would also probably be super healthy. Sigh. Anyway. Life is what happens while you’r busy trying to avoid it, I guess.
\n16\/11 2020<\/a>
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\nYou know what was a good show? Siberia. I am still angry they cancelled Siberia. Bring back Sbieria, finally a cause we can all get on board with.
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\nStay sane, or fly trying.
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\n16\/11 2020<\/a>
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\nToday will be a good day. HappY Yogi daY everyone.
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\n17\/11 2020<\/a>
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\ngoatlog
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