I cried myself to sleep last night. I was feeling quite happy after posting the goat kid pictures. But then someone told me something about myself and it pulled the rug away from under my feet. Broke me down. It hurt. And the reason it hurt was because it was true. It was like a spike through my heart. I guess I am not as strong as I thought I was. Words can still hurt me.<\/p>\n
I couldn’t look in the mirror when I was brushing my teeth and getting ready for bed. I couldn’t look myself in the eyes, I just stared into the floor the entire time I was in the bath room. I don’t remember the last time I have cried so much, so deeply. I just feel like all the progress I thought I had made is a lie, that all my hope has been taken away. But what can I do? I can’t kill myself off. I can’t give up. I guess I just have to keep going and see what happens.<\/p>\n
On the plus side I have been having awesome dreams. I have pretty much slept all day. And I’m still tired. Because of the new meds. That’s not really nice, but the dreams are. Glorious surreal stories. I wish I could tape them and rewatch them with a clear head. It’s a good thing that it’s easter holiday, I don’t know if I could go to work like this.<\/p>\n
Don’t let my temporary setback stop you from enjoying the goat kids, though. I will be fine. I’m going to go and try to make pancakes for dinner. I have never made pancakes before. Cross your fingers for me. And if you see a giant flour explosion on the news tonight, then know that I’ll be in heaven, eating pancakes with my grandparents.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I cried myself to sleep last night. I was feeling quite happy after posting the goat kid pictures. But then someone told me something about myself and it pulled the rug away from under my feet. Broke me down. It hurt. And the reason it hurt was because it was true. It was like a […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/plume.dk\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/289"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/plume.dk\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/plume.dk\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/plume.dk\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/plume.dk\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=289"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/plume.dk\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/289\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/plume.dk\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=289"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/plume.dk\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=289"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/plume.dk\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=289"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}