My head is hurting. And my internet is dropping in and out. I will be brave and try to get an update written though. Because there are startling news in the kitten case. <\/p>\n
An unforeseen development. It seems the little grey kitten is not Luna. It is Lana, Luna’s evil twin! No no. Not twin, and certainly not evil. But it is starting to sound a little like a soap opera storyline, isn’t it? Desiree is saying that the “new” kitten (I love the name Lana by the way, Desiree) is most likely Luna’s half sister. Aslan being the father of both of them, the neighbour’s cat being the mother of Lana. At least that’s how I understand it. My head is really throbbing, I might be getting the details wrong. It’s a long and complicated soap opera story. Seems the neighbour’s cat has been driven out of her house by a dog and is roaming around. And is thought to have kept little Lana hidden. But now Lana has come forward. And the fact that Aslan is the father is the reason that she looks so much like Luna. But she’s smaller than Luna, a little younger. I trust Desiree’s judgement that it’s not Luna. Oh my head, my head. So now what? I have been offered Lana, under the same conditions as I was offered Luna. But I must admit that I’m not sure now. On the one hand I feel a sort of obligation. I lost Luna and now her half sister turns up.. and I feel a sort of.. responsibility? for her. Silly, maybe. I have seen a couple of pictures of Lana and she looks almost exactly like Luna. So you know what that means. She’s frigging gorgeous and so very cute. And the whole connection is deep and moving, Lana, Luna, Desiree and her mother and family and so on. It’d certainly be a good story to tell when people ask about my cat! <\/p>\n
But there are also doubts. One is that I have read that kittens who are seperated from their mother can have behavioral problems leading to heartache and vet bills. I was concerned about that. But from Desiree’s mail it sounds like Lana has a loving home with much human contact and cat visitors. So maybe that’s not a concern really. I guess it’s more of an emotional thing. Although I’m trying not to think of it, the Luna business has weighed heavily on my heart. And I’m scared now. Of accepting another kitten under these circumstances. It would be a lot safer to get a cat from a shelter, as I originally planned. Easier, safer. Less insecurity. That would also allow me to do it when I’m good and ready. Right now I’m not sure. After what happened with Luna I’m not sure I’m ready to get a cat yet. But then maybe I will by the time Lana is ready to go to me. That would be the second or third week of November. That’s still quite some time to get used to the idea, again. I was sort of planning to wait to the beginning of next year. Give me that time to get over what happened. Will Lana remind me too much of Luna, bring up that pain? Or will she bring up positive feelings that will help me move on and be happy with my lovely kitten? I’m sure I would be happy. I can’t imagine not being.<\/p>\n
I don’t know. I’m just rambling now. I’m going to take a few days to think about it all. If any of you have comments, suggestions, thoughts… please feel free to share.<\/p>\n
Quoth Desiree “A strange tale, but a very cute tail”.<\/p>\n
My head, my heart, my head, my heart.<\/p>\n
Okay. A little about my week so far now. Yesterday was visitations. It went well again. Mojtaba is a real nice guy. It still scares me, having to spend time with another person. But it’s nice too. We took another walk around the neighbourhood. Talked about this and that. Sometimes I will feel the pressure to say something and I’ll start getting those negative phobic thoughts. But then I remind myself that I have a good excuse. I have social phobia. There’s no reason to feel bad about not saying much. That’s my thing. That’s the whole point why he comes to visit me. Thinking like that makes me feel a little less pressure. Accepting that this is the way I am. I still think I’m doing pretty well actually. You’d be suprised how much I end up saying. By my standards.<\/p>\n
Today I went to TMU. Got my rewards for the website constructing. Ka-ching! It’s nice going out there now. I feel sort of like a student that has graduated and is coming back to his old school. It’s quite a different feeling from when you’re actually enrolled and you go there every day and work “under” the people. Now you’re more like a friendly visitor. I wouldn’t say an “equal”, but yeah, it’s a nice feeling. Probably because everyone is so nice. Smiling and saying hello and thanking me for the help with the site and asking how things are going and so on. It’s a great place. Tilv?relse Med Udsigt. If you happen to have come here googling for that place then let me just say that I give it my full recommendation. The nicest people you’ll meet and very competent in what they do as well. <\/p>\n
I remember how scared I was on my first day there. Things went pretty well, right until we had to start doing those “introductory games” where you get to learn each other’s names and such. I just couldn’t do it. So I went to Peter’s office. The boss. And told him so. And there wasn’t a second’s hesitation or judgment or anything. Just understanding and acceptance. They knew about my problems and they weren’t going to force me to do anything that was too hard for me. That wasn’t their way of working. And that helped me a lot, knowing that from the start. That helped make me feel safe and hopeful about the whole thing. Not that it was all easy. Just showing up in a place full of people, that was and is hard for me. But right from the start I felt I could do as much as I was able to and not be judged for what I wasn’t able to do. That made a big difference from other places where it was always such a struggle, where I always felt like I was expected to do better even though I was doing as much, or more, than what I felt I was capable of. Not that the other places I’ve been were bad. But the understanding I felt I got at TMU just made all the difference.<\/p>\n
Aanyway. There I went rambling again. I didn’t mean to make this a “praise the TMU halleluja” testimonial. But I think you get how I feel.<\/p>\n
I went to see the goats after I was done at TMU. It just so happens that the bus I take to and fro TMU stops at a couple of hazel trees. There’s always a ton of dropped nuts there. So I filled up a bag. And consequently was very popular with the goats! There were also some boys there, one of them was the kid I “saved” from drowning. He remembered it too. “Remember how I almost drowned?”. Yup. I doubt he would have drowned. But hey, if the kids want to worship me as some kind of superhero then why not? One day I will grow wings and fly, I swear. But it’s always fun to help them get close to the goats. They’re less scared when they see someone like me who just walks into the pen and sits down and laughs when the goats start to chew on him.<\/p>\n
So, tomorrow I’m going to take it easy and relax. Chillax. Do some cleaning, probably. Because on Thursday the super is coming to go over the list of grievances. I can’t wait to get that over with. It scares me, and it’s been lurking in the back of my head ever since I moved in. The biggest grievances on the list are the worn down floors and the splotches on the walls. But those are also the ones that would be really inconvenient to get fixed. Fixing the floors would mean breaking them up completely. I’d have to move out for a while. I’m not sure how long it would take to paint a little place like this? I probably wouldn’t have to move out for that. But even so, having painters come in and all that, it would be a big bother for me. I don’t care about these things getting fixed, I’d rather avoid the inconvenience. Even though I know painters are very nice people!<\/p>\n
The rest of the grievances are things like lose panels, a lose electrical plug, some hooks in the walls. And holes from screws. There’s a burn mark on a floor board. Scratches here and there. Little things that don’t actually need fixing or that I just don’t care about. They just have to be noted down so I don’t get blamed for them in the future.<\/p>\n