I got myself a little depressed tonight. Just came back from a 20 minute spell of lying on the floor and staring at the ceiling while contemplating how hard it would be to choke myself.<\/p>\n
Partly my own fault. See, yesterday I received a stack of papers from my social worker. The retirement application and various documentation. You might remember that there was a cockup so he never got the papers from TMU. But now it’s coming along and he has put together the application for my retirement and sent it to me so I can sign a couple of things. But all the documentation. I have written about it before. It’s kind of one long list of all my faults and problems and all that. You have to appear as weak as possible, to have a better chance of getting the retirement. But it’s not fun reading. I probably shouldn’t have sat down and read it all. Should have just read the stuff I had to sign. No one likes to have their flaws pointed out. Repeatedly. In writing. And duplicate copies.<\/p>\n
Some of it was interesting though. There was a lot of “background social system” stuff, a lot of excerpts from journals and evaluations. Things I had never seen before.<\/p>\n
Oh well. Let’s not dwell. Yesterday’s mail delivered more than a stack of papers from the social worker. It also delivered a package. From the Debster! Early christmas presents, whoohoo. Very early. Curse the postal service for being so effective, eh? Hehe. Thank you a million times Debbie (and the rest of the household, little and big). It was a lovely card. And very nice animal figures. Three goats and a kitty. They are standing now next to my mousepad and looking very lovely. I especially like the white one, it reminds me a bit of Mathilde. Even though the head colours don’t match exactly. But I’m very fond of that typical white boer look. And also thank you for the comb! I brought it to the playground today and it was a big hit with all the goats. Their first reaction was to try to eat it, but they also were quite happy to be combed with it. I was combing Magnethe while Mads looked curiously on and tried to get close so he could get a bite out of the comb. Then I switched over and started combing Mads and of course then Magnethe was the one looking on, trying to get close and get a bite out of it! And then a little later I was combing and scratching Vanilje on the head and she was of course also trying to get a bite out of it. I love that sort of nibbling they do, when the “food” (or comb in this case) is just out of reach. Their lips curling outwards and tongue jutting out. Fun fun. So yes, the comb was a big hit with everyone. I’m going to get a lot of enjoyment out of that, I can tell.<\/p>\n
Just writing about the goats puts me in a better mood.<\/p>\n
After I had spent a good time with them I went to the main building to talk to Per and Alice. Had to ask them if there was anything I needed to know about the christmas party. It’s tomorrow, you know. I am nervous about it, of course. Part of me doesn’t want to go. Wants to avoid the difficult social contact. But luckily there’s a part of me that is looking forward to it too. Last year it was really good. I had dinner with my parents recently and we talked about this. My mother remembered how surprised she was last year because I stayed out so long. She knows I don’t like the social situations, so she had expected me to be home in an hour or two. But I ended up staying all night, practically. If it goes half as well this year then I’ll be happy. <\/p>\n
After talking to Per and Alice I went and got all spontaneous. Decided to go for a haircut. Been about time, with the haystack growing out of control and all. So I thought to myself I thought “would be nice to have a new do for the party tomorrow. Or at least to look less like a hobo”. So I popped into my regular hair saloon (I never know what to call those places. The Hair Cutting Place. Yes). And as luck would have it there were no one in the waiting room so I could go right in and get a hair cut. I was a little apprehensive at first, though, because I hadn’t had my hair washed since Sunday. Normally I wash my hair before going to the cutters. But since this was a spontaneous thing I hadn’t washed it today. I don’t know what good haircutting etiquette is. Can you go get a haircut with dirty hair? Not like it was completely, horribly dirty. But still. Anyway, I went for it. And the first thing the girl said was “do you want your hair washed?”. So I guess she could tell. And I said yes to the hair wash. It was kind of nice. It was an attractive, young girl too. Having my hair washed like that is the closest thing I’ve had to intimate contact with the opposite sex for a while… sigh. Heh. Anyway, just nice that I’m at a place where I can go get a spontaneous hair cut. Five years ago I’d have to spend a week planning and dreading over it and it would half kill me. Today it was easy. Even did a little small talk. She asked if I lived in the neighbourhood. So I told her that I lived in Gellerup Parken, and had just moved there recently. Gellerup is always a good topic of conversation because of the bad rep it has. So I can always talk about how I haven’t experienced anything bad here. <\/p>\n
But now my hair is cut and I’m all ready to party tomorrow. Fingers crossed it will go well.<\/p>\n
As if all that isn’t enough, today I also got a call from my visitator. We have talked about finding some volunteer work\/project\/whatever. And he found some thing where you can help others with computer stuff. Basically someone like me, with social problems or the like, gets to help someone who doesn’t have a clue about computers. Setting up their computer, internet, etc. I’m not sure it’s actually something for me. I’m good with computers, but the part about teaching others might be too hard. Anyway, Mr Visitator set up a meeting with the guy in charge of that particular project. So on Monday we’ll go there together. And then we’ll see. It’s a lot on my plate now, though. Party tomorrow, feeding animals on Saturday, that project meeting Monday. I’m going to be exhausted. As the retirement application spelled out for me over and over, I don’t have high energy levels.<\/p>\n
But hopefully it will all be good for me.<\/p>\n
PS. The painters have removed the plastic sheet that was covering my door and peephole. I can peep again!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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