Shoulder The Pain
October 18th, 2026Good goat times today. Back to the goat place where I belong. And it was a beautiful day. Lots of sunshine. Some clouds, but lots of blue skies too. Just from the look at it you might have thought it was summer.
But it as a cold morning, though. Down below 5C/41F. For the first time this season I felt the bite of coldness. Too cold for me. It must have rained too, or maybe it was melted night frost. Everything was quite wet.
But it was so good to be out in the sun with the goats. The sun doesn’t really reach the goat house much now it seems, so we were down in the big pen by the platforms a lot. The goats were already down there when I arrived. Luna and Sky seemed to be sharing a platform. I think sometimes Luna gets a little tired of bossy Bella and wants to be around Sky instead. Nice when Sky doesn’t flee.
We had a really sweet group of visitors too. Maybe 6-7 kids and 3-4 adults. It’s fall vacation in Denmark and they were out enjoying the lovely weather. The kids were sweet and got to pet the goats a lot. One of the adults said “you must be some kind of goat whisper”. It’s always nice being recognised for being close with the goats.
There may also have been a mini-Keiko. At least I heard one of the adults a couple of times going “we don’t touch tem on the butts, not on the butts”. I decided not to tell them that the goats actualy looove being scratched on their rears.
There was also a kid that got down on their hand and knees and mused the adults by playing goat.
And when Luna got tired of all the fuss and started swinging her head (just occured to me she does that with kids when annoyed just like she does it at the chickens, hah) then the adult said “it’s saying ‘no thank you’ so just leave it alone”. I hear “no thank you” a lot from adult caregivers. When kids do something they aren’t supposed to the adults will go “no thank you” insted of “don’t do that!”.
Anyway, that was a sweet and fun bunch, quite lovely.
Good day with the goats. The walk there wasn’t fun though. Frustrating that a walk that I could take without any problems, without even thinking about it, is now challenging and painful. You never know what you have until it’s gone.
Well now I’m going to have some soup until it’s gone IN MY BELLY.
12/10 2026
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Sunshine on goats make me happy.
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12/10 2026
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Look at that beautiful Sky, and look at that beautiful sky.
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12/10 2026
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Hanging out with Sky and Luna. Not that often i get to sit with those two together for that long.
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12/10 2026
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Bella and the blue sky. I didn’t really think I’d get to post pictures like this anymore this year.
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12/10 2026
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Ohioh. It’s been a bit up and down today.
I had a pretty good morning actually. I haven’t taken painkillers at all today. The pain, not too bad. I did some stretching in bed. I actually managed to do some almost-situps. Not from lying completely falt, but lying with my upper body on my big bulky pillows. But still, raising my upper body up without bad pain is quite novel. The least amount of pain I have felt in 3ish weeks. There’s still a kind of.. disconnect, in my lower back. Like it’s been severed. Okay, not that dramatically. But it still feels like there’s kind of a weakness or disconnect between my .. pelvis or hips or something, and my lower back. I don’t know. Definitely not feeling normal, but feeling progress. So hopefully that will carry on.
It made me almost optimistic and I was starting to make plans about how I was going to lose some weight before the SleepEEG. I think I said that was in 3 weeks, but for those keeping track, it’s actually in 2 weeks. So not too far away. And my anxiety is starting to ramp up. I can’t remember the last time I slept another way than alone at home. Maybe almost 20 years ago when I got admitted to the hospital when they discovered the diabetes? I do not go on vacations or sleepover. Anyway, I’m sure it will be fine. And I am sure I will have lots of anxiety and worry, because that’s how I do.
Anyhoo, I would like to lose a little weight before it. Because I have gained weight due to the inactivity and overeating to cope with sadness and pain.
But then, I discover that a website that I use a lot for recreational fun and good times is most likely going to close down in the near future. Not like I can’t live without it, but it really sucks. You never know what you have until you don’t. It could still get saved, but I doubt it.
So that of course sent my depression spiralling. Because I have a fragile mind. Maybe because of my shrunken brain? Who knows.
Anyway, instead of putting in effort to do better, I ordered pizze and fries. Whoops.
But ok. I’ll try to do better. And hopefully my back is progressing favourably and will continue to do so. That would be nice.
I just feel like my body and mind is a decomposing mess and things keep getting worse and there’s always something bad around the corner. Fatalism, it’s a lot of fun!
But at least the pizza was good.
One day a day.
13/10 2026
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Going to be heading to bed soon. Made it through the day without painkillers. First tiem since The Incident.
I will probably take a couple before heading to bed, just as a pre-emptive strike. But painwise, it’s been the best day in a long time. So that’s good. I hope that it’s a sign that I’m getting better, not just random fluctuation.
Btw, please send me 100,000 buckazoids asap to cover my goat treat budget, honey.
13/10 2026
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goatlog
14/10 2026
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Got an hour fifteen on the bike today. So I got that going for me.
Oh boy. Well, the bike ride went great. That was good. But then. Sigh. Got on the floor to do exercises and stretches for the back. And I gues that was a mistake, yeah. I was feeling pain while doing it, but I was trying to push through. Shouldn’t have done that. When I got up afterwards, well I barely got up. Could barely stand up right. Really bad pain. Almost couldn’t move around. Had to gobble down a triple painkiller cocktail and a turmeric capsule and then basically sit around for an hour trying to find positions that alleviated it somewhat.
I was hoping it was all getting better, but there’s clearly still something very wrong in my core. I won’t be doing those kinds of exercising again any time soon.
It’s gotten somewhat better now, not as excruciating bad. But still not good.
And the positivity I was feeling has now been replaced by feeling defeated. Again. And again and.
And as if that wasn’t all enough, now I seem to have hurt my shoulder?! Not sure what happened, I had just sat down at the computer and I was moving my left arm and I felt something snap or something. Now there’s pain in my shoulder, or maybe it’s the top of my upper arm. When I move my arms in some directions.
It’s not super super bad, nowhere near as bad as the back pain. But it’s not nice. I hope this isn’t a new permanent thing to deal with. I’m getting real sick and tired of pain.
Getting real sick and tired of everything. Just want to give up it all. My mind is broken, my body is falling apart, everything gets worse. Never better, only worse.
At least I haven’t lost my positive spirit, yuck nyuck.
Hopefully I haven’t wrecked my back too much. Last time I did those kinds of exercises, after biking, I also had more painright after. I figured that was just the immediate stress, it did get bettera fter that. Hopefully this keeps getting better too. Hopefully I can get back to at least not being constant pain.
I’m going to have to go to the doctor. I just. Can’t deal with it right now. Hopefully I can get to feeling okay enough to at least go a cuple of weeks. Get the EEG done. And then I’ll have to go to the doctor.
I am so tired of everything.
14/10 2026
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Think goat thoughts. I think this one qualifies as a selfie with Bella and Luna.
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14/10 2026
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Halløjsa. How am I doing?
I’ve been better. My back is thankfully doing better after yesterday. That was real bad. I’m back to sort of being able to sit around and not feel pain. As long as I stay still. Not as good as before I did those dumb exercises, but a lot better than right after.
My shoulder is still hurting. So, I guess that’s a thing now. I feel like there have been too many times in recent memory where I have had to say “Well, this is my life now”.
It’s not super bad. But it’s another thing causing pain. Another thing that forces me to think about how I move to try to avoid pain. I’m glad it’s my left arm at least, since i’m right-handed. If I move the arm in the wrong way then it hurts. A pain I can grit my teeth and bear, but it’s just. More pain.
I had hoped to go see the goats today. But with all the pain and all the feeling worn down, I ended up sleeping in. And I have had several long naps in my chair after getting up. I just want to sleep everything away.
Thanks everyone for the supportive comments. Sorry if I’m a bummer right now. Feeling pretty far down.
But one day a day.
Got the SleepEEG in a week and a half. And after that I suppose I’ll have to go to the doc about my back. And hey maybe my shoulder too. I can’t imagine it’s broken or anything, so what else is there to do than wait and hope it heals? Stupid body. Is this the thanks I get for treating you like oh wait right yeah okay.
Anyway, hope you’re all doing well.
15/10 2026
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Are there any evil global corporations who want to do some experiments involving a Robo Goat Herder? Because I am willing to participate. Just replace my body with a metal exoskeleton and let me herd goats.
ROBOGOATHERDER *robocop theme*
I’m sure it wouldn’t freak out the goats or anything.
15/10 2026
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For the record, I am glad that it seems like America has called off the livestream of the execution. Should probably state that, since I complained about it previously.
Not that I for a second think it has anything to do with compassion or morals or anything. I don’t know why they changed course, maybe publically murdering a guy in a wheelchair right before midterms was bad optics or something.
But I’m glad they reversed the decision. The decision they made and publicly proclaimed as if it was normal and righteous. Glad society is not quite at the stage of public executions yet. Not quite.
I am sure the prolifers join me in welcoming this.
And hopefully the trains still run on time.
I was going to write about the elementary school shooting, but I guess I’ve said enough sht for now.
This world, dude. I don’t know.
16/10 2026
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JANITOR
Thank you, Scrubs. I needed that.
16/10 2026
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Missing the sun and the goats. More of that please.
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16/10 2026
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Happy to announce I’m the new press secretary for, oh nevermind I’m fired.
NEXT
16/10 2026
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I got some unplanned exercise today.
My mother was coming to pick somehing up. She called me and told me that the elevator in my builing wasn’t working. She can’t get up the stairs because of her mobility issues. So I had to go down 6 flights of stairs and then back up 6 flights of stairs. Fun!
Good thing it didn’t happen on Wednesday, I’m not sure I would have survived that.
But today it was fine, no problem. Thankfully my back wasn’t hurting too bad. When I got back up it was very stiff. Generally I feel like the pain level is just about back to where itw as before the ill advised exercises on Wednesday. But it’s more stiff and rigid. But at least not constant horrible pain.
My shoulder still hurts when I move it in certain ranges. Painkillers help a fair bit o my back pain, but they don’t seem to do anything at all for the shoulder. It’s not awful, but still, a constant reminder of pain and things always getting worse.
So, mentally not doing so great. Efforts to get back on the healthier track has failed so far. But I’ll keep trying. SleepEEG in just over a week.
Oh yeah, I got an actual letter in the mail today. Nothing important, but happy to get it. That seems to mean that all deliveries can go through succesfully despite the parking space being shut down. Grocery deliveries, food deliveries, package deliveries, letter deliveries, parents visiting. Seems to all be working, which is a relief. It’s annoying that I have to go across the road when I take the garbage down, but I can live with that. I worried so much about the accessibility of the building after the parking space and driveway was closed, so I’m happy that seems to have ended well.
Now what’s that penguin doing on the telly?
16/10 2026
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Got an hour fifteen on the bike today. So I got that going for me.
Good to get on again. Felt fine on the bike. My shoulder is a problem though. Part of my workout, as you may know, is manipulating my rod. The bendy steel rods. And that’s kind of impossible with the painy shoulder. So it’s impacting my workout, and that sucks. But at least I got biked.
And then I got on the floor. I was tempted to start trying to do some exercises for the back, but after the disaster last time I figured I’d better not. So I only did some very gentle stretching.
At least I’m doing something, that’s an important part of it. Getting into a rhythm. Instead of sitting and doing nothing but eating.
One day a day.
17/10 2026
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Are there laws against alteing Mount Rushmore?
I’m just.. just wondering. No particular reason. But it’s protected and stuff, right?
17/10 2026
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Do you ever wonder how hummingbirds pick what songs to hum? Do they mostly do classical stuff or do they pick up modern tunes too, like do they hear people listneing to their iPods and then start humming those songs? And do they have to pay royalties? Do they have problems with copyright infringement, I don’t know if humming is covered by that.
Anyway, let me know.
17/10 2026
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goatlog
18/10 2026
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It’s been a pretty cruddy day. I didn’t sleep well. Which ws a bummer because I thought I had discovered a good routine to get better sleep. And then testing it out I had a bad night and not only did I get up tired and groggy but also sad about the failure of the test.
So it’s been a tired and sad day. The pain, oh the pain, the pain. Lost innerspace. The pain isn’t super bad when I remained in the chair and don’t move my left arm too much. But it’s always. The depression and the pain and the tiredness. Weighing me down. So I have wasted the day and made unhealthy choices. Boo boos.
But tomorrow’s another week and surely I’ll do better, no doubt about it you can be sure.
I must get my goat times, I must get my exercise, I must eat better, I must gently stretch the back. And start to gather strength for the sleepEeg in a week. Let’s hope I can sleep for that. They can’t view your dreams, right? That could be awkward. I don’t want to have to explain why Kristen Bell is feeding me soup, while she’s IN the pot. Look, dreams are just ranom imagery, don’t read anything into it.
Alright. Hope next week brings you good tidings.
18/10 2026
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That’s all for today.