Good goat times today. Ahh, much better. I needed that.
Had to go downtown first, to get blood tests at the doctor’s office. But after that it was straight to the goat place. A lovely day with a good bit of sunshine. Noticeably colder now, but when the sun is out it is quite lovely. And just good to be back and spending time with the goats and Jeanette. One of the feathers were up by the goats too. I am not sure if it was one of the newfeathers or not. I am not sure if they are allowed to go out yet. But in any case, it’s nice to have some feathers with the furs.
And kids in the pen too petting hte goats. They were getting a little rambunctious and Luna had her fill and started acting like she was going to headbutt one of the kids. And their adult went “it doesn’t want to talk anymore, when it goes like that with its head that means it’s saying no”. You better listen, or she’ll be saying no louder!
So much nicer to be hanging around with goats rather than dealing with medical stuff. I am a little nervous about my potassium levels, but we’ll see when the results come back. And next week is the big MR scan. But I’ll try not to worry about that too much yet.
Also got my packages picked up on the way home. Not too much trouble, but I sure do hope the mailman learns how to deliver to us.
And now, I shall deliver unto myself. Soup. For it is good.
14/9 2026
—
.
Got my Luna hugs in today. Perfect little therapy goat.

14/9 2026
—
.
Triple goat score.

14/9 2026
—
.
I have been talking so much about the parking space and the ramp and all that, so I figured maybe I should show you.
Filmed some footage today. There is absolutely nothing interesting about it, but in case you want to see…
At the start I’m walking up the street and you can see a bit of the building that’s being renovated now, where I used to live before the rehousing. And then I get to the new ramp. The blue carpet kind of pathway. Walking down it and getting to my building. You can see the stairs leading up to the ‘golden gate’ where the road goes right through the building.
So that’s that side of the building, you have have sawed the other side with that picture Helle took of me up on the balcony last year.
14/9 2026
—
.
Damn. I blacked out today.
Last time was July 29th, so it’s been a while. I was kind of hoping I was over it. But I guess not. I guess not.
I got my exercising done and I think I was in the shower. Pretty sure. And I started getting that weird feeling that preceeds the attacks. And I think I sat down, which was probably smart. Don’t want to fall in the shower.
When I came back I had the usual brain fog and confusion. Not knowing when and were I was. Had to slowly piece things together.
But I was in a bad way. Specifically my back. I don’t know if I hurt it when I was out. It could be because I did some pretty intense back exercises and stretches after the bike riding. My legs were pretty sore, I assume because I hadn’t been able to stretch enough. And maybe it was the same thing with my back. My lower back.
I was really in excruciating pain. I could barely move. Barely stand up. I managed to get up, but I could barely move around. I had to sit down on the toilet and just… sit there. For like half an hour or something. Alternating between sitting back and leaning forward. And just in major pain.
When I was finally able to stand up, I was just slowly staggering around. Still painful to move around.
I have taken some painkillers and spent an hour or more in my comfy chair with my psoas massagers, they put delicious pressure on your lower back. And I think it has helped some. But I don’t know if I dare try get up and out of the chair. I am definitely still in pain when I move.
So that sucks. I hope I haven’t done some serious damage to my back. I hope it’s just something that will take a little time to mend.
And then there’s the mental anguish. Dealing with these blackouts again. Now I am just majorly depressed and wanting to give up on everything and I just.. feel defeated.
I hope that mr scanning next week will come up with something. I hope they will put me on the epilepsy meds and that it will help.
I hope I can even get out of bed tomorrow.
Ugh. Just feel broken and defeated. Oh yeah and my tongue is messed up too. Must have been chewing it good while I was out.
15/9 2026
—
.
Thank you everyone for the supportive comments.
The pain is less intense now, but I am still in pain. Pretty much impossible to stand up straight without using my hands to steady myself and push myself up.
I’m going to try to head to bed and see if I can get some sleep tonight. Hopefully my back will be better after some rest. Hopefully it’s not going to be a bigger thing that requires medical attention. Bad enough to have to deal with the blackouts again.
After thinking about it, I think I must have blacked out just after I turned the water off in the shower. I think I was getting ready to grab the towel to dry off when the weird feeling started coming.
I’m pretty sure the water wasn’t running when I started coming back to consciousness. Of course it’s not impossible that I may have turned the water off while I was out, I have previously done things while in a blackout trance. But I think I had just turned it off when I started zoning out.
It was really hard to try to explain that feeling when I was a the hospital last week for the neuro appointment. It’s really hard to put into words without sounding nuts. This weird deja vu feeling and the youtube voices in my head. It’s not like I actually hear voices, but it’s like I start thinking about this particular youtuber’s voice, and the cadence of it. And then it starts feeling like i’m being pulled into a black hole almost. When I start feeling it I have about 5 seconds to react before I go ‘offline’.
Anyway. Thanks again everyone. Hopefully I’ll be in less pain tomorrow and hopefully answers are forthcoming. I really hope I can get epilepsy meds and they’ll help.
G’night, Facebox.
15/9 2026
—
.
Hi. I am not doing well. I am in seriously bad pain. I can barely get up and move around. This really… sucks.
Taking OTC painkillers help a tiny bit maybe. But not enough. I know I should probably go straight to the emergency room. But I’d really rather not, says my avoidant self. I will try to make it to tomorrow and see if I’m not starting to feel better.
i feel like life keeps dunking me in the face with a hammer. I am so tired of it all.
And tired of the pain.
I think I’m going to order pizza. Just have to hope I can get out to the door and get it.
Well, I CAN move around. It’s just slow and painful.
Lasse’s Joytime Partyclub continues, hooray. I doubt I’ll make it out to see goats again this week, doesn’t seem realistic right now. Sigh.
Alright, thanks all for the kindness and support. I was going to make a joke about soliciting for illicit substances to deal with pain, but I would never. I have enough strikes on my account. Maybe I’ll try a soup wrap.
16/9 2026
—
.
Oy, I’ve had a day. And still am having an.
I don’t know the last time I was in so much pain. The eye stuff 20 years ago, I guess. But this is no fun.
You’ll no doubt be happy to know that I did seek medical attention today.
I talked to mom yesterday. She offered to help me get to the hospital. I said I wanted to give it another day and we’d talk. Probably not smart. But you know me.
So I get up today. And I use the term lightly. I somehow manage to get out of bed despite being in terrible pain. I could not even stand up straight. I somehow cobbled over to the kitchen cupboards and forcefully threw painkillers down my gullet. Then hobbled out to the bathroom and sat on the toilet and rocked back and forth until the painkillers started having a little bit of effect.
Maybe slightly overdramatizing it. But only a little.
It was pretty damn bad.
I sat in my comfy chair and napped until mom called. And we agreed that we should get me looked at. So she came over. Good thing that ramp was installed or she wouldn’t have been able to get to me!
She’s better on the phone than I am, so she called the doctor hotline. To see if we could go to the ER. But you’re not supposed to call them during the open hours of your own doctor. So we had to call my own doc. After a long long time waiting in line, we got through and we talked to them. That was around 10 am I think. They had an open appointment at 11.45. So we took that one.
We sat around and waited for a while. Then called a taxi and went tdown to the doctor’s office.
The doctor looked at me, and basically he said that I must have fallen during my blackout and that I have… blood clots or gatherings? In the.. muscles? Or joints? Man, I’m so bad at taking mental notes during these things. But yes basically blood stuff amassing and causing the pain. And that there was nothing to really do about it, it should start going away in 5 days or so. He also couldn’t give me stronger painkillers. Which is totes bogus, dude. I know they have to be careful with that stuff. But oh man. So much pain. He aknowledged that the OTC stuff don’t do much. They do take a bit off the worst of it, but it’s not enough man. He told me not to take ibuprofen if I could help it, just take panodil. Which is the paracettamettamolladolla thing. So I have to take that and try to get through it. He said nothing was broken, my vertebrae were fine. So. I guess that’s good. But that’s all I got out of that trip.
Came home and peeled potatoes and carrots, preparing for soup later. And then I laid down on the floor to stretch out my back. That felt great. When I was down there. When I tried to get up? Excruciating pain to the point that it took me half an hour to get off the floor, and I wasn’t sure I could do it.
I’m sitting at the computer now, and this position is a little better. But I’m still in pain. And I kind of feel constipated. But I’m not quite sure if it’s just the pain I’m feeling. I feel like I haven’t had a bowel moment since yesterday. But I’m not sure. My paranoid mind is trying to come up with more things that could be wrong.
I suppose I should see if I can get out of the chair and boil up the soup, see if that leads to lasseberries later.
Not looking forward to days of this. I guess I probably won’t make it back to the goats until after the MRI scan next week, I doubt I’ll feel good enough to go before then. But I guess I’ll see how I’ll feel come Monday.
Sorry about all the Bitching & Moaning. I feel pretty miserable. I need to poop and sleep. Maybe headbutt some people. Now I am become goat, devourer of treats.
hey, thanks for listening. And caring. I know it’s a lot. The neuro stuff and now this. You help me cope, I appreciate it.
17/9 2026
—
.
Well, it’s not all bad news. I got my yearly statement from the housing association about my usage of water, heat and electricity.
I had been a little worried about that, since I moved to a new apartment. We pay a monthly sum and then once a year they total it all up and tell you if you have paid too much or not enough. I am always worred I’ll get an extra bill. And especially this year. Even though the rent on my new apartment is a little bit higher than the old one, I have still been paying a fair bit less every month. Because at the old apartment I had set the monthly payments higher to make sure they covered it all. I didn’t do that here in the new place. Which has meant I pay less every month, but then there was the potential of an extra bill at the end of the budget year.
But thankfully, what I have paid the first (almost) year in my new apartment covers almost exactly what I used.
Sort of. I used more heat and electricity than I paid for. But I used way less hot and cold water than I paid for, so it even out nicely. A tiny bit of money back. And then a nicely big sum of money back for my last year in the old apartment.
So that’s a relief. I can keep using the heat and electricity I need. I am happy about that. And my monthly budget is a lot nicer than at the old place.
Good stuff.
Now if I could get rid of the pain and constipation, that’d be nice.
But hooray for this news, that was nice to get.
17/9 2026
—
.
Oh, hello. If you are not currently in excruciating pain, then I encourage you to sit back and appreciate that. Because you often don’t appreciate it until it’s gone.
And if you are in pain, then I am sorry and I hope you will be free of the pain soon.
I am not doing so well, unfortunately. I have basically been in constant pain since Tuesday. More or less.
I can mitigate it with certain things. Painkillers help a little. Sitting certain ways in my chair help a little.
The best thing is lying in bed. But I’m scared to do that, because getting out of bed is when the pain is the absolutely worst. To shreds, you say?
Perhaps the solution is to go to bed and to no get out o bed until it’s all better?
I am just scared it’s not going to get all better. Five days the doctor said. I am worried he is wrong.I am worried that in five days I’ll still be in tremendous pain and then I’ll have to go and find out what the ACTUAL problem is.
I didn’t mention it before, but I have actually seen that doctor before. He’s not my regular doc, but I have seen a him a couple of times before in situation that were sort of emergency-adjacent. And both times I felt a little.. dismissed. Not listend to properly. I can’t say he mistreated me or misdiagnosed me perse. I just.. don’t feel completely trusting. I am also not the best at describing symptons. And being forthcoming. Like with the constipation. I wasn’t really feeling that yet when I talked to the doc. But I’m still feeling. I did have a bit of a bowel movement. But it doesn’t feel right. And I feel bloated and I can’t quite tell if all the pain is from the back, the blood gatherings or whatever there, or if there’s pain in my stomach. Maybe not exactly pain, but at least strong discomfort. And I feel like I’m bloated and that’s putting pressure on the lower back. I don’t know, the whole area around my waist is just a mess.
Which is also making me cautious about the painkillers. I’m not exceeding the guidelines, but I’m worried that using so many will contribute to the constipation or stomach problems. And with me being a diabetes patient I also have to be careful about liver and kidney stuff.
And I’m just not really functioning much right now. I’m basically sitting most of the time staring into thin air. Maybe watching some youtube videos or listening to music. But mostly I’m just… feeling pain.
Haven’t eaten much either. Today basically just leftover cake from Wednesday. I ordered pizza, fries and cake on Wednesday. Thinking I would spoil myself. Who knows what THAT did to my stomach. But now I barely feel like eating. While also feeling a lot like eating for mental reasons and to see if my stomach still works. Maybe I would poop more if I ate more. Maybe it’s just bloated with gas and if I popped the balloon it would ease the pain.
Tra la. Sorry about all the B&M. But you know how I write things out. Too much.
I don’t know. Maybe I should go to the hospital during the weekend. Part of me would kind of like to be seen at the ER, and since the private practices are closed during the weekend maybe they would tell me to come in. If I tell them how I’m in constant pain. Then again spending hours waiting in the ER doesn’t sound like fun either. I don’t even know if you have to go through your own doc.
Alright well I’m going to go stare at the wall for a while. Someone has to make sure the walls stay in place.
18/9 2026
—
.
Hello again. Thank you everyone for the advice and support and comments. You really have no idea how much it means to me to come on here and see that people care about me, while I have such a hard time caring about myself.
Or maybe you do, you’re smart!
Actually, I am feeling a little better right now. I decided to try out the advice from my dear pal Joan. Thank you! She told me to try combining Panodil (Tylenol in the US I believe), Ibuprofen and kodimagnyl. Three pretty basic OTC painkillers.
I have tried kodimagnyl before but didn’t find it very effective, and apparently it’s harder on the stomach so I was little hesitant to use that now.
Also Doctor Untrustworthy had recommended not using ibuprofen. He said I hadn’t been wrong to combine paracetamol and ibuprofen, but if it was him he wouldn’t use the ibuprofen. Apparently it could cause some bleeding and since my problem might have been some bleeding? I don’t know, again I didn’t find him very convincing.
But I have been just taking the paracetamol, to slight effect. So this evening I decided to try the three of them together. And I must say this is the best I have felt since Tuesday. Not pain-free, but feeling almost human. My stomach even felt good enough to eat some actual food. So we’ll see if and how that comes out.
But good to feel just a little better. I don’t know how long it will last, but maybe it can help me through the supposed 5 days until maybe I’m better question mark?
I have to start looking at the papers for the MRI scan too, to get ready for that next week. It sure would be nice if I wasn’t in terrible pain by the time they scan my brain. It sure would.
I knew I should have gotten the extended warranty on this body. What a piece of junk. I may just donate it to science.
No, not THAT kind of science. You know who you are.
18/9 2026
—
.
Ugh. It has not been a fun day. And where has it got me? Another day older and deeper in pain.
I did go to the ER today. Once again a big thank you to my mother for running back and forth and helping.
I’m sorry, I’m intoo much pain to write the long story. Count yourself lucky.
Short story. Doctor diagnosed indigestion. Which seems like such a trivial word for the immense pain I’ve been in.
Sent us home with laxative. I drank a liter of water with 6 servings of the powder. A ‘bomb’ in the doc’s word. It almost immediately started disolving the pain. But nothing came out. No poops.
That doc had said if nothing worked after a few hours we should come back in.
But the doc we got when we called this time said it had to be allowed to work for a day and would not let us come in.
Which is why I am not home and in huge pain again and not pooping and I wish I was bereft of life, this is awful.
And I am sure it will not start working. It was a ‘bomb’ dosage, it was supposed to work immediately.
I’ll have somehow survive the night and hten go back in any way and I am pretty sure there’s something seriously wron g with my guts.
Can’t eat cant sleep can’t poop can’t fart. Can only howl quietly in pain.
I think there’s a very real chance I’ll get committed to the hospital at some point, so if I go AWOL that’s probably why.
19/9 2026
—
.
It’s been a hell of a week.
It really has. I can’t remember the last time I felt so much awful.
How am I doing now? I am not sure. I took another laxative ‘bomb’ this morning, even though I wasn’t really supposed to. It seems to get my intestines going to some degree. Sorry about the grossness, but here we are. Managed to get some stuff emptied out of the tummy. In small soft chunks. But at least it was coming out.
Now I feel like it has stopped again and I’m bloating up again. The bomb must have worn off and it doesn’t feel like my stomach is taking over.
Pain is rising again. There has been more or less nonstop pain. And I’m not completely sure now if the pain is all from constipation or from the fall when I blacked out Tuesday. Or a combination. Which is complicating the process of trying to get help. We have spent a lot of time waiting on the medical hotline. We managed to be number 100 in the queue at one point! My mother has helped me so much.
It is getting harder to write. I can take half a ‘bomb’ Monday and half a bomb Tuesday. I guess I’ll have to see if that helps.
The next step up in painkillers is morphine. Which apparently closes the stomach, so they don’t want to do that. In general it’s best to stay away from that stuff of cours.e
I am just in so much pain. I don’t dare go to bed tonight, it’s too painful.
Okay I can’t stand writing much more. I will have to see if the halfbombs work. My own doc will be open again so I will probably have to go to them about the pain. I still think there may be a serious issue with my intestines. Maybe connected to my overuse of the superfibrous licorice. I think maybe my guts have lost some of their ‘own power’ if that makes sense? But why would it all come to a head after the blackout. I don’t know how it’s all connected.
Can you have an MRI if you’re in complete pain? Just lying back for 15 minutes or whatever, sounds like torture right now.
I hope you’re all doing well, I can’t really keep up with anything right now. HAlf the time I’m just sitting here staring into air. Or standing up and bending forward, since that seems to be the position that give most relief to my back.
I miss the goats too. I doubt I’ll be able to see them at all next week, it would take a miracle.
I wish this could all just be over.
20/9 2026
—
.
Hello world. Happy Monday.
Right now in this moment I am feeling some of the best I have felt in a week. So that’s good.
I just don’t have any illusions that I won’t be feeling horrible later today. I don’t dare hope.
Last night after I wrote the last entry I tried keeping up with comments and watching youtube videos and I just felt worse and worse. The pain getting worse worse.
I had eaten some biscuits, maybe 10 or so. While my stomach was sort of halfway working under the effect of the laxitive bomb. But as that wore off I regretted eating anything at all.
I wasn’t sure what to do, I was feeling so awful. I wasn’t supposed to take any more of the laxative powder packets until the next day. But I did also some rectal fluid injectors. Yes, I know this all very lovely reading. But hey, you can skip it all!
Mom had gotten me those before we hadeven been to the ER. I had used them a couple of times, and they had some effects. A little bit coming. I didn’t feel they had solved much though. I felt like they empty out the lower portion of the bowels but my problem was more about stuff getting into the upp part? My knowledge of biology is severely lacking, I may be totally wrong about it all. But that was the sense I got.
Anyway, out of desperation and mountaing pain I figured I’d shoot up a rectal rocket. Hooray. Kind of like a mini enema? I don’t know much about enemas, until now they have just been kind of a comedy word. Not something I have had to have serious thoughts about. Sigh.
So I stuffed that thing up my butt (yeah, you try and think sexy thoughts about that, i dare you). And again it did release a bit of stuff. Not that much, but some.
But to my surprise it seemed to really take some pressure off. And the pain lessened. And I was actually able to get a lot of sleep last night. I still didn’t dare lie down in bed. But I spent the night in my comfy chair. Not the best place to sleeping straight through, but I got a lot of good sleep and dreams. And woke up feeling almost normal. Sore back, but not horrible pain.
And I had a bowel moment of sorts in the morning. Pretty liquid almost, but something coming out.
I have taken some of the basic panodil painkillers for the back pain. I am scared to eat. But I suppose I’ll have to at some point. I’m allowed to take 3 packets of laxative powder. I’m holding off on that until problems start happening.
My brother came around with more laxative powder packets and more rectal liquid syringes, and bananas! I am spoiled by my family.
I had called mom in the morning ask if she ould maybe pick up that stuff for me. She has a lot on her own plate today though. She’s going to the hospital for kidney scans and she may be called in for some vision problem exam too. So I said I understood if she couldn’t. But she suggested my brother could get it for me, and he was nice enough to do that. So now I have more ‘ammunition’ if my stomach blocks up again. I suppose I’ll try eating some bananas and biscuits later and see how it goes.
Maybe I shouldn’t talk about bombs and ammunition so much, might get flagged.
It was kind of funny when my mom and I were coming home from the ER, we went into the elevator and an olde woman came rushing into get on it. She missed the first parts of our conversation but she must have heard the part where we talked about the “bomb” we were going to make. Haha. I did wonder if she thought were going to cook up some explosive.
Only the toilet kind.
Yeah, it was a pretty hell-ish weekend. I have never been in so much pain. I am not feeling GREAT right now, but I really wish the pain wouldn’t come back. Really really wish. I guess I’ll have to see. Have to start thinking about the MRI on Wednesday, hopefully that will be fine.
I thought I would have to call in and go to my own doctor today, but as long as I’m feeling as good as I am now then I guess I can hold off. And hope I’m on the right path.
Thank you everyone for the advice and support. I have tried to keep up with it, but there have been times when even using the computer has just been too hard. But I really appreciate all the care and love. Hope you’re all doing well with your stuff, sorry if I’m missing importtant events.
May the berries fall where they land.
21/9 2026
—
.
Hello again. Some time later that day.
It’s been nice having a day of feeling almost human. I decided to take a hot shower. And I thought I would just get down on the floor and do a couple of very basic back stretch. Upards yoga thing? Anyway, supposed to be really good for the lower back. But I regretted doing that. It aggravated my back and I started hurting. A different pain from the blocked intestine pain. The constipation pain is so bad I feel like I’m dying. The back pain is more in the range of discomfort, more known and familiar. But still pretty bad. I grabbed one of Joan’s pain cocktails and went and sat on the toilet for 30 minutes. Just because it was next to the shower, not because much was coming out. At that point I still hadn’t eaten anything.
I’ve been trying to hold off on the painkillers since they probably aren’t great for the stomach. But I felt like I needed them. And they seemed to have helped quite a bit on the back.
And the hot shower felt real good.
And now I have just had something to eat. Thoughts and prayers, please.
I felt so much like ordering pizza and fries nad cake and maybe some ice cream and why not some potato chips and a bag of hazelnut and…
Yeah yeah, I know. Even with a good stomach that stuff is bad. And in my current condition it would probably kill me. So I can’t do that. A lot of my eating issues are mental. That’s why I don’t know if something like Ozempic would ever work for me. As I understand it, it works largely by stopping appetite? And I don’t eat because I’m hungry. I eat because I’m sad. And I have been pretty damn sad that last week. Anyway, I have managed to lose enough weight on my own that I don’t think i’d be a candidate for Ozempic.
Well, that was a mental detour. I have eaten two bananas and a couple of the bland thin tea biscuits. Drank a little uncaffeinated soda. Should probably fill up on water.
And I will see. If my stomach is working somewhat now. Or if I’m heading into more pain.
All i’m saying is, I better lose a ton of weight during all this, or I’ll be so mad. Coming up soon, subscribe to the revolutionary Lasse Brand Diet. Laxative Bombs and Rectal Rockets and excruciating pain. You have to suffer for you beauty!
I have been toying with the idea of cooking up a pot of soup with just some flourballs. Some hot liquid might be helpful, right?
But I don’t quite dare that yet. It’s 7.30 pm now, I’ll have to see how the evening goes. If I need to get out the laxative out or not.
I really want to go to bed, to lie down. But after aggravating my back by getting on the floor, I’m a guess I don’t dare go to bed. Another night in the chair. I just hope I will feel good enough to sleep.
Let’s hope this week will be better than the last.
21/9 2026
—
.
Oh hello Tuesday. How are you? Why don’t you come on in and have a seat and we’ll get started.
How am I doing? Well, right now I’m feeling pretty okay. And that’s a blessing, for certainly.
I had that bit to eat yesterday. And I did not bloat up. I did not get the excruciating stomach pain. And I surely was glad for that.
I wouldn’t say my stomach feel normal, if anything it feels over active now, maybe? A lot of growling. And what I ate came out fairly softly. Not liquid, but not as solid as it should.
I’m sorry, but we’re just living in a Keiko’s Paradise now. Looots of pooptalk.
Anyway. I haven’t had anything to eat today. I don’t know if my stomach has healed up enough to work again. Or if the laxatives and rectal rockets have kept it flushing out and it will still malfunction when new food will be added.
I guess I will find out soon. Because I’m about to cook up a pot of soup. I’m just going to try a regulat serving of soup and see if I can live through that. Mmm I’m looking forward to soup. I hope it doesn’t completely clog up the system and I hope it doesn’t just run straight through. But I guess I will have to see.
I’m feeling much more myself. But I am not all fine. My back is still quite problematic. I spent the night in my chair. Normally I can sleep oretty well in my chair, in bouts. Leaning over on either side. But there’s a hurt in my left side. Making it hard to lean over and sleep leaning left. Which makes it hard, because you get uncomfortable leaning on just one side in the chair all night. My back is definitely still messed up. But I am not sure if it’s at a level where it requires extra medical attention. Or if I can train it back up to a tolerable level on my own. I’m trying to use as few painkillers as possible, to go easy on the tummy and my other organs. Take care of your organs, diabetics!
I got a grocery deliver this morning. Maybe a bit foolhardy of me to believe I would be feeling good enough to accept it. Or that I will have the stomach to eat any of the eatables. But I did. I got the delivery. Thankfully the delivery company seems to be handling the new parking situation just fine. It was a little challenging on my back to drag in the bags and distribute the goods. Especially the 6 big bottles of Pepsi. And I got some various fruits and vegetables and bland biscuits. And some painkillers, they deliver those too.
And I think things are prepared for the MRI visit. As long as I don’t start feeling much worse then I think it should be okay. I’m a little nervous about getting in the tube and all, but not super scared. I think it will be fine. And let’s hope they can find something wrong with my brain, so it can get fixed. Have to remember to unwrap the tin foil hat before I go in.
Alright it’s soup o’clock. Here goes somethnig.
22/9 2026
—
.
Hello. First off I would just like to thank everyone who voted for me in the recent Best People To Follow On Facebook poll. Honestly, it was an honour just to be nominated and I’m thrilled that I landed so highly on the Posts About Poop list. Thank you.
Secondly, I have good news and bads news.
The good news is that I had a really big pot of soup and I very much enjoyed. I made too much and couldn’t finish it. Even so, I probably shouldn’t have eaten that much. But once I get my mental appetite back…
It’s a few hours ago now, and I have not bloated up or gone into excruciating pain mode. So that’s encourage. A lot of it did seem to run through pretty fast. So I wouldn’t say my bowels are just fine. Maybe my gut needs to rebuild. But I would rather run to the toilet a lot than sit in a catatonic state of pain.
I took a shot of Yakult. Apparentlly it’s a probiotic drink. Fermented milk with bacteria that are good for the intestines. I only happened to have some because I got them for free from the grocery delivery company. If you order 3 or more deliveries in a month then you get some periodical free stuff. And I got this. I have no idea if it was a good or a bad idea to have some. But let’s hope.
Feels like my tummy is churning, let’s hope it’s not going to shut down again.
Now, the bad news. I mentioned that I also had the back pains. Unfortunately I greatly underestimated those. While sitting here in my chair they were fairly mild, more like discomfort. But when I got up to peel potatoes and carrots for the soup… I could not stay upright for more than 30 seconds before it got really bad. I had to pop some painkillers and sit down.
Once they started working I got the veggies peeled, going a little back and forth between standing and sitting. But yeah it was pretty bad. It would be hard to go out and do stuff with that level of pain just when being upright.
I might have to spend the rest of my life just sitting in my apartment. Honestly, I wouldn’t mind that too much. If it wasn’t for the goats. There’s nothing else really that makes me want to go outside. But it would be hard to function without goat trips.
So I will probably need to seek medical help for that. Which would likely involve going to my own doc and then getting referred to physical therapy. Who knows, maybe I could find one who would want to do more than just acupuncture?!
Or maybe I need back or hip surgery or something.
Or maybe it will get better. Dr Untrustworthy said that it was bleeding and muscular and stuff. And he said I had to wait 5ish days. And that was… Thursday. So, just about 5 days ago. Maybe it will start getting a lot better now. Mhm. He didn’t have the constipation information and as I said I wasn’t too trusting of his opinion in general. But hey, he could be right. Let’s hope.
Or maybe I can start doing some gentle stretches. My back have been a constant problem, but I have in the past been able to work on it and improve it on my own. I don’t know. I guess tonight I will try to actually go to bed and see if I can do some of those genetle knee lift stretches that some of you have suggested. And hope it doesn’t aggravate things too much.
I’m just so very very tired of everything.
Does anyone happen to know if it’s fine to be on painkillers during an MRI? Just basic OTC stuff? The papers didn’t say anything about that, so I would imagine it’s fine. I may need to take some just to get there.
Alright well that’s all for today I suppose. Let’s hope things continue to go in the direction not worse.
22/9 2026
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Who’s got two thumbs and had his brain bombarded with magnetic waves for half an hour?
This guy!
Yes, the MRI scan is done. It went totally fine. Easy-peasy. No problemo.
Now of course they don’t give you any results right away, so I don’t have any important health news. It will be a couple of weeks before I hear anything probably. But I’m glad I ot it done. And glad it was easy.
The hardest thing was the transportation, really. The five minute walk to the bus was tough. My back is still very problematic. I am pretty sure I’ll have to head to the doctor next week. And I think it will keep keeping me awway from the goats too. In my current state I could make the walk to there. Even if I sat down with them and did nothing the whole time. Two half an hour wolks would absolutely kill me. So that’s distressing. But I’ll have to see how it goes, what I’ll do.
Let’s cover today. My stomach is still feeling okay, so I have the strength to write long, pointless posts!
I slept in my bed last night. Although slept is a generous term. I did get some sleep. But it was not easy. Normally when I’m bed and I have been having back issues, I feel like it helps to lie down on my stomach and arch my back. Get that… compression? Or whatever it is. But that possession usually feels helpful in shorter bursts. But not right. There’s a sharp pain. I’m worried something’s wrong with my spine or a disc or something. Not good. Can’t really lie well on my side either, which is usually my preferred position mostly. But I could lie somewhat on my back and I did get some sleep.
Spent the first part of the day not eating. Worried that my stomach might either block up and send me into catatonic pain, or explodes and make me a toilet rocket. So, fasting.
And then time to head out. once again, a huge thank you to my mother for helping me. And for paying for some taxi rides along the way. We took the bus out there today, and a taxi home. We’ve spent a fair bit of money on taxis lately. Including the trip home from the ER where we had to stop off at a pharmacy to get laxative bombs, that was a costly trip.
Anyway, we got there. And this part of the hospital didn’t have a revolving door, so already there things were going my way.
The young lady who did my scan was super sweet and helpful. I liked her a lot. She explained the stuff and got me ready and then she jammed me into a tube, hooray.
Haha. Well, it was fine. Honestly lying on that thing was almost more comfortable than my own bed. The thing that had worried most was if I would be able to lie down and stay still without being in tremendous pain. But it wasn’t too bad. She put something under my legs to raise them, which helped quite a bit.
The scan itself was fine, didn’t bother me at all. A little desorienting at times. Whne it was pounding ahead in a specific rhythm for a while and then suddenly stopped or switched to a different beat.
She told me it would probably take 20 minutes. It felt longer to me. The paperwork had said 20-75 minutes. I felt like it was 30 or a little more. But who’s counting. And I think I got out in the same reality as the one I came in. You can never be quite sure. Maybe should look for Walternate? But I think the universe is the same. Other than my teeth glowing in the dark for some reason, but I’m sure that’s an ormal side effect.
Just kidding of course.
So that was my big MRI adventure. Let’s hope something significant comes from it.
When I got home I did something stupid. Hungry from fasting, mentally worn down and just tired of everything. I ordered pizza. I know that’s not smart when I’m not sure if my stomach is actually okay or not. I guess we’ll have to see tonight if I end up in terrible pain. or if I can digest that cheese.
I never claimed to be smart. That brain scan is going to show a few buzzing flies around a big turd.
Thanks everyone fro the advice and support again.
22/9 2026
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.
Hello. We meet again. Let’s sit down and talk over a mug of frothing grog.
Not that much new today. Which is goodn ews. My stomach seems to remain operational. I am taking magnesium supplements, but no laxative bombs or rectal rockets.
I have had bowel moments. I hesitate to call them normal. But my digestion has always been somewhat… unconventional. With my periodical overusage of the fibrous licorice and a general diet that swings between extreme sparsity and then to greasy over indulgence. Let’s just say if it was a facebook couple from the 2010s, it’s relationship status would be Complicated.
But things are moving. And they haen’t stallen into catatonic blinding pain. So that’s good.
My back is still very troubling. When I take painkillers and mostly sit around, then it doesn’t feel too bad. But as soon as I get up too much then I can feel there’s definitely still something very wrong.
I slept in bed last night. Propped up pillows and blankets so I was lying down in a na lmost sitting position. Not too much pain in the position. Can’t turn over too much though, and not exactly a good completely night’s sleep.
So things are challenging, but a million times better than last week.
My plan is still to take it easy for the rest of the week. Give my back a rest. And then see next week if I’m getting back to normal or if I need to proceed with more medical help.
I’m thinking maybe tomorrow I’ll try to exercise a little. Not one of my long session where I really push myself, I don’t think I’m ready for that. But maybe get on the bike for 15-20 minute’s light tread, just so I’m not completely inactive.
Btw I think I forgot to make this brilliant and classy joke about my MRI experience. The lady told me that when teh machine wasn’t making all the loud clanking and banging noises then she would be able to hear me if I said something. But when it was making the noises she wouldn’t be able to hear me. She gave me this ball with air in it and told me that if there was an emergency and I needed to have it all stop right away then I could press the ball and she would be able to see that I needed out.
So basically… In case of emergency, squeeze your balls.
Can’t believe I forgot to put that in my MRI story, I’m like Hercules DISAPPOINTED.
Okay, back to your regular scheduled programming.
24/9 2026
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Hello today. Here we are.
Sorry, I almost felt like going into an 80s style sitcom theme song. Stepp by step, day by dayy….
Okay, so nothing new really. I am feeling more and more myself. And you could say it’s debatable whether that’s good news or not. But I suppose I’ll take it.
I am glad to not be in horrible continued nonstop pain. My stomach seems to be functioning. It almost feels like it’s back to normal. As previously discussed that’s not necessarily meaning it’s working great. But it seems to be handling everything I throw at it and stuff is moving through, so that’s good.
I am really really tired of the back pain. It’s nice to not be in giant nonstop pain, but it’s grinding me down to be in nonstop low state of pain. I just want peace. From everything.
But hey hey hey here we are.
I did not exercise today. Instead I took advantage of my functioning stomach to eat way too unhealthily. So now I have get that under control again. There’s never nothing, always something!
Bad July, okay August, bad September. Must be a good October coming, right? Can’t believe the anniversary of my being rehomed is coming up. Everything is a blur, I can barely remember if I moved in here in October or November. Was it December? What even is time?
I have been feeling so badly that I haven’t been able to rant about politics, but I feel like it would reflect poorly upon my person if I didn’t extend heartfelt congatulations to America for the impressive conquest of Greenland, you sure won that one. Very impressive the way you seized it.
And so on and so forth. I see that we’re rebranding Artificial Intelligence to Super Intellegence? Yes, it’s going to sting so much less that humanity will get wiped out by SUPER intelligence instead of embarassingly wiped bout by ARTIFICIAL intellgience. Our gravestone will look so much better when space and time fold in on itself and the scorecards of lost civilizations are handed out by the Fart Council Of Ostrich Feathers.
Sorry, I shouldn’t have smoked those painkillers. In case of emergency, cough.
Anyway, have a happy weekend everyone.
25/9 2026
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Got fortyfive on the bike today. So I got that going for me.
Yup, back in the saddle. Hello my name is Lasse it has been eleven days since my last exercise.
Has it only been eleven days? It feels like it has been longer. Like a couple of months, or a lifetime.
But I wanted to just do a test run. Mostly to see if I could even get on the bike and sit on it without being in total pain.
And it went pretty well. As I said, I feel like my stomach is pretty much back to normal. My back is severely poblematic, but sitting on the bike was actually a good position to be in I guess. I didn’t have too much pain during the exercise. I feel somewhat weaker after all this inactivity. Not just sitting around, but barely being able to move at times. So I took it easy. I have two bendy rod tools. One that has super hard resistance and is really tough to bend. And one with lighter resistance that’s easier to bend. I only used the easier one today. Didn’t get into the super hardcore intervals. Just some light exercise. But it felt good to be active. Probably not a bad idea to have some motion in the hips and legs. Trying to stay flexible.
Well, I will see if this throws me into terrible pain later. But so far I’m happy I got it done. Hopefully it’s a step towards get back to some kind of normal.
Right now my thought is that I’m going to try to do a goat trip in the beginning of next week. See if I cand handle that. And then try to see if I can stretch and exercise my back into a shape where I can live with it. Right now it’s bad, but it feels back in the range where it can be improved on your own.
One day a day. Clawing my way back. Let’s hope we get there.
26/9 2026
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I can’t believe they didn’t do a scene of Roy Kent trashing his car like Fawlty. What a missed opportunity. But I’m still enjoying the Ted Lasso season.
Anyway, I should probably get to bed.
26/9 2026
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Well, it’s been a couple of week.s
It sure has.
Not sure quite where I’m at now. I hope next week I can start working my way back towards feeling some kind of okay. I am not sure if I will be able to do that without seeking medical assistance or not. But I’ll try. Because you know me. Avoiding things at all costs.
My back is still very bad. But I do feel like there has been some improvement. So hopefully that can be built upon.
I am very tired of everything. But seeing the goats again would be a boost. So I hope I can accomplish it.
Maybe I can hope for the MRI results to come in soon too. Let’s hope.
One week a week.
27/9 2026
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.
—
That’s all for now.

Good goat times today. A lovely day, good thing I got going. I wasn’t feeling so great, physically and mentally. I had been thinking about skipping today. But thankfully I didn’t. The forecast promised temps above 20/70 and sunshine. So I thought maybe it would be a last breath of almost summer. And then suddenly a heavy rain came down. Whoops. It didn’t last too long though, and we got some sun later and it was comfortable warm.
Some sweet visitors, kids petting the goats.
The main even today though, was hoof trimming. So I helped with that. My job being grabbing the girls by the horns and helping hold them still and comforting them. They really hate it. Jeanette did the trimming and we also had Lillian and another guy, I forget his name.. Niyam, something like that? Anyway, we had a whole crew and it went fine. But it’s never nice for the girls. We have to lay them down on their side and keep them still.
No hard feelings afterwards, a few treats made them forget the whole thing. And I’m glad I could help. I think it makes it easier for them to have someone they know and trust so well to be there.
I also got a nice message from an old friend. Jeanette had been to a meeting with personel from other playgrounds. And apparently someone burst out LASSE!!! when Jeanette mentioned me. It was Nina! Okay, I would be surprised if anyone here remembers her. It is a decade now. She worked for a while at the first playground. Back around 2014. She was very nice, I remember. She is now working doing the same work as Jeanette’s, so that’s nice. She’s hoping to get some permanent position, because she’s on some kind of maternity thing now. But that was really sweet hearing from her, and that she remembers me and I made some kind of impact! Apparently she still follows the goat page so she’s been seeing me and the new goats, she just didn’t know what playground it’s at. Fun!
Yeah it was a lovely day, so much better than staying home and feeling bad for myself and all that.
And now a potful of soup awaits.
7/9 2026
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Luna’s response to our plans to trim their hooves today..

7/9 2026
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Hiding from the sudden rain.

7/9 2026
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The surprise message from Nina was no the only communication from the first playground I got today. Last night I dreamt about it, coincidentally.
I was walking toward the pen. Those of you who were around back then may remember it, pretty small. The grey wall. The hatch.
I was filming as I walked up to the fence, and the hatch opened and goats started coming out. Who came out?
Mia and Mio.
So that was pretty wonderful to see.
It also made me stop, in the dream, and think “Oh. This must be a dream”. It’s been a long long time since I last had one of those dreams were you become aware you’re dreaming. I didn’t get to go into full lucid dreaming mode, becacuse I woke up pretty quicly after tha. All I remember is turning the camera to film myself. Apparently I wanted to send a message to myself. I guess I didn’t realise that the video wouldn’t make it into the real world. Wouldn’t it be neat if you could have a camera that filmed in your dreams and you could then have the videos afterwards in reality. Someone invent that, please.
Anyway. I can’t remember what the message to myself was. Not beyond “Hey, dreamer”.
But it was lovely to see Mia and Mio. You know how important they were to me.
7/9 2026
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In nongoat news today. Nothing really. I think maybe the ramp is finished and ready to use? We still haven’t gotten any communication about it, like they told Helle we would get. But it looks done. They put a kind of carpetting on the gravelly path. Blueish, I think. Maybe it stand out like a clear path. I still don’t know if my mother will be able to use it with her walker. But we’ll have to see.
Also, I am currently reading the Star Wars book Legacy. About Rey and Leia. good times. But the important bit for now is, there’s a character who visits a planet where there are “goat like creatures” I think they were described as. So I was walking long listening to the audiobook and there were goat bleats in it, haha. The Star Wars books are usually very well produced, with sound effects and the classic music and stuff like that. Hums of light sabers, blaster fire, TIE fighter screams. But I didn’t expect to be hearing goats when listening to my Star War.
7/9 2026
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I think Luna forgave me for the hoof trimming. Or, maybe she’s just about to headbutt me.

7/9 2026
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Got an hour fifty on the bike today. So I got that going for me.
Chilling on the diet, but have to keep working hard on the exercise. Had some computer stuff to do too. And just gearing up for the big neuro exam. I hope I pass! Or whatever.
So here we are. Feeling a bit empty. And not just my head. One day a day, onwards and onwards.
8/9 2026
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I’m thinking of getting into Bon Iver, any thoughts?
8/9 2026
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For the premium subscribers, a little behind the scenes footage from the hoof trimming. Just the start and end, not the actual trimming. And I’m out of frame at the bottom for it all, haha. But there are treats at the end.
8/9 2026
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goatlog

9/9 2026
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Oh, hello there. I am back from the hospital and the big neuo exam.
Short version: Did tests, they want to do more tests. They probably want to get me on epilepsy meds, but not yet. So, no conclusive answers yet. but the balls are rolling.
Long version:
Once again thank you to my mother for helping me. That hospital is a huge complex and I would have no chance of finding my way around there on my own. So I am very grateful that she could come along
I had another run-in with my nemesis, the revolving door. I don’t know what it is about that particular revolving door but it’s just hard for me to see where to get out once I’m in. But mom got me steered through.
I was feeling a whole lot of anxiety and tension, just from being in an unfamiliar place and with so many people around. When we got to the waiting area there was one patient who had her whole family there and they took up all the chairs. Thankfully a nice woman eventually gave me her seat. But it was all quite mentally stresful.
And then it was time to get in and talk to the.. I forget now if she was a nurse or doctor. But she was very nice. We started with lots of questions and I detailed all my blackouts and my situation, and she asked more questions.
And then it was time for tests. And they were just pretty basic physical tests mostly. Walk in a line. Touch your nose. Lay back and lift that leg and put that knee on that shin. I think it was pretty basic stuff and I don’t think it came up with any abnormalities.
After all that was done she went to talk to a colleague, one with more experience in the matters. And when she came back she said that there was obviously something wrong since I have these issues, and they probably want to get me on epilepsy meds. But not quite yet. First they want me to get another EEG. This time while sleeping. And then they want to do an MRI scan. “Are you claustrophobic?”. I hope not…
And then she gave me some reading material about epilepsy. I’ll have to see if I can parse through some of that.
But that was pretty much it. I guess it’s not a direct diagnosis, but it seems like I may have some epilepy related thing. I don’t know if the sleep EEG and the MRI will come up with anything concrete, but we’ll have to take that when we get to it. They’ll call me in for those. Hopefully it won’t be another super long wait. On the other hand, my avoidant side is saying “you can leave me alone for a while now please”. I will probably take a couple of days to decompress now. I feel quite exhausted. Mostly mentally.
So, not an endpoint. But hopefully a step in the right direction. It would have been nie with some definite answers right away, but I suppose that would be a lot to ask for. It’s been almost a month and a half without a blackout now, so maybe it’s all just fine anyway. Yeah yeah.
I’m gonna get me a potful of soup now. That’ll soothe me.
9/9 2026
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.
After the big neuro exam, I thought it would be a good idea to take mom home and test out the new ramp outside our building.
It turns out, mama can use it. So that’s a relief. That means my parents can still get to my apartment. And the grocery and food deliveries have gone well so far too. I have a couple of packages coming in the mail the next days, so let’s hope the postman can also make it through. I spent so much time worrying about the access to our building, it would be nice to put that to rest.
It’s a little annoying having to take my trash down to the bins across the road, but I can live with that if that’s the worst of it.
I did just read an article talking about how there was a fire last month in the building I moved out of. And the fire brigade couldn’t get to the the building because it was fenced in. Thankfully another esident was able to put out the fire and save the woman in the afflicted apartment. But reading stuff like that makes me worry about the housing assoc and their bad communication sometimes.
Anyway. Glad mom can use the ramp. That was important to me.
9/9 2026
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.
Ugh. My packages did not get delivered. Two packages coming via post. Both was “not able to deliver”.
So the mailman can’t get to my building. That’s disappointing. Especially since it was, presumably, my regular mailman who has been so good and gone above and beyond before. But apparently he couldn’t figure out to park out by the road and come down the ramp or the stairs?
So that means for the next couple of years I can’t get packages to my place.
That’s going to really suck if I need to order heavy stuff, or if, as Helle has talked about, the package shop around the corner might get closed in the coming months.
These two packages are small ones. And tat shop is just a 5 minute detour ony way home from the goats. So that’s not really a problem. But again. If that shop closes, I might have to pick up packages from places I’m not familiar with, places I probably can’t just walk to. It will add a lot of trouble and anxiety. Sigh. And it would be really bad with bigger stuff. Like kthe new computer I’d still like to get some time. Freighting that home on a long journey with my back and vision, that would really suck.
And it also makes me worry about the letter mail. At least with packages you know they’re coming and if you can’t receive them then you get notified and you can pick them up. If the company that delivers letters can’t get to us, you wouldn’t know there’s a letter coming and you would not get notified, you’d just not get your mail. And with all the communication problems with the housing assoc I don’t really trust that they have made arrangements to make sure we get our mail. They clearly haven’t done anything about us getting packages.
Bah humbug, I will always find stuff to worry about.
I stayed home today to decompress. I was planning on an early pizza. But the pizza place that I usually use and that is usually open at noon, today it suddenly isn’t open till 4. I know I’m weird, but I like eating my hot meal earlier in the day on relaxing days. Bah humbug.
Anyway, in other news. I now have dates for my two next neuro appointments. The sleeping EEG scan and the MRI brain scan.
The EEG one is at the end of October, so that’s a bit of a long wait.
The MRI is in two weeks, so that’s a lot shorter of a wait. By a coincidence, my mother has an appointment the very same day at the same hospital. But hers is early in the morning and mine is late in the afternoon. I need help getting there, but I would not really like to sit 6-7 hours and wait at the hospital. Well, we’ll figure it out. Maybe we can do some rescheduling, or work something else out. I really appreciate the help, going there on my own would be a nightmare.
But the balls are rolling and they’re in my court now. Or are they in their court? What game are we playing anyway?
I’m getting a little nervous about the MRI thing. Part of me would prefer to swap the two dates so there was a longer wait till the MRI thing. But I think the MRI one is more likely to come up with something substantial, so it’s probably better to get that done the fastest anyway. It’s not so much the idea of being in that tube, or whatever, that scares me. It’s more everything around it that makes me nervous. But I’m sure it’ll be fine. I guess I’ll have to take off my tin foil hat for it. A perfect chance for the government to read my thoughts, I’ll have to think clean thoughts. So I may have to avoid a few of you people for those days!
Just kidding.
So I got blood tests at the doctor next week and then MRI the next week. It sure is fun being a mental and physical wreck!
(I know many people have it much worse. I’m just a whiny baby, and I need my bottle).
Oh yeah also I got an email from the grocery delivery service. They are “eager to present to you our new website”. Words like that give me a cold sweat. Things never get better. I haven’t looked at their new site yet. But I would shocked if it’s not a horrible mes designed for mobile with way worse accessibility and usability. I can’t think of any websites that have gotten better with time.
But at least I’ll have more things to complain about! Okay, I’ll go nurse my bottle of Pepsi now.
10/9 2026
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Remember the good old days when politicians had to be subtle? If they wanted to buy votes they had to make it seem like it wasn’t a bribe. They had to like hint at how they might give some special consideration to their supporters.
Now? They can just get in front of the camera and go “If you vote for us I will give you all money”.
Don’t take any wooden memecoins.
10/9 2026
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Sometimes the world has really weird timing.
I am still watching old seasons of snl. Been doing that for a year or more just slowly watching an episode here and there.
I’m getting ready to start on season 27. There’s a youtube channel that does a lof of snl coverage, and they’re doing videos that kind of sum up each season. Something like “What you absolutely need to know about season x of Saturday Night Live”.
So today, I start watching the video covering season 27. Not realising that was the season from 2001.
So by complete chance on the 25th anniversay of 9-11 I’m sitting there watching footage from the snl episode that aired after that happened.
Pretty crazy timing.
Also pretty crazy seeing Giuliani on the show, applauded and respected and loved and coming off like a decent human being.
Whatever you think of his politics, you can’t deny that the atmosphere around him has changed considerably since then.
Unless you’re one of the people who will say ‘fake news’ and who thinks America is still loved by all.
Back then America was our friend, one of our biggest allies, something we looked up to.Back then it was an attack on us all.
Today America is not seen as our friend. Not that we would, in any way, cheer if something like 911 happened again. Obviously. It remains a traumatic day in history.
But man. The world has only gotten more crazy. Not to get all Sugar about it, but what humans do to themselves is truly sad. And scary.
Twenty five years. I still remember seeing the second plane hit live on TV, and being scared and confused.
I hope America will become our friend again. I know I have a lot of amazing American friends, so there must be hope.
Surely, there must.
11/9 2026
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It hasn’t been a couple of good days. I have been feeling bad. Sleeping poorly and having massive head aches. Bad depression. Slipping into the bad habits of unhealthy behaviour.
So that sucks. I don’t know if it was the inability of postal package delivery. Or the 911 anniversaray. Probably more the drainingness of the hospital trip and stuff. I have just been feeling crushed for the last couple of days.
I’ll try to drag myself out of the hole again.
On the plus side the grocery deliverise and food delivieries and a visit from mother has all gone well. So it’s only the mailman that has missed. Maybe he’ll learn with time.
It’s too cold. And the housing assoc still hasn’t fixed my problem keeping me from checking water/heat/electricity usage. It’s been almost 3 months of this. It bugs me.
I didn’t think i’d be spending time listening to electronic jazz. But I randomly stumbled upon GoGo Penguin and I’m really enjoying it. Electronic jazz, what a time to be a leaf.
I wonder if squirrels think we’re nuts.
12/9 2026
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Well, unfortunately I was not able to drag myself out of the hole today.
Rather the opposite, I fell in deeper.
Another night of bad sleep. Woke up tired and head hurting. I managed to get out of bed. But after about half an hour I couldn’t cope anymore, and I crawled back into bed.
Ended up spending 13-14 hours in bed. It’s been a while since I did that. It’s not good, of course. But it feels good. Like eating unhealthy stuff. Why are the things that are bad for us also the ones that make us feel good in the short term or make us forget about what makes us feel bad? I don’t drink or smoke or do drugs, but I know that’s the same deal.
Yeah, so instead of getting up and exercising I slept half the day and then ordered more unhealthy stuff.
I am disappointed in myself. Four pretty bad days in a row. I have to be careful or this will turn into a Bad September, like July. I can feel myself slipping that way.
But I will do my best next week. Need goat time to recharge my batteries. And I have a doctor’s date that will force me out of the house and away from the bad stuff, so that’s good. Hopefully I can turn the ship around. Turn the shi* around.
Feeling lost at sea. And since we live on a flat Earth, I may drop off the edge at some point.
Oh look, there’s a friendly sea serpent coming way. To the rescue!
And so on and so forth.
Fight to live another day.
13/9 2026
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Think goat thoughts.

13/9 2026
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That’s all for now.