Good goat times today. All is right when I am with the goats.
It rained overnight, so the ground was wet. But by the time I was out, so was the sun. Lovely sunny day. Sweet goats relaxing in the sunshine, in between the headbutting and begging for treats.
Nice visitors too. Kids feeding the goats. And a lady said it was good to see me and asked if I was okay. My collapse and absense was noticed apparently!
No collapses today. Although I’m not feeling quite right in the head.. but as long as it doesn’t end in an ambulance ride then I guess it’s okay.
I am really tired now. Also hungry. Better grab some soup.
There’s other stuff to talk about, but that will have to wait till later. Soup priority!
4/5 2026
—
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I was surprised to see this. Luna and Sky one the platform together. I wonder how that happened, normally Sky would take flight if Luna approached.

4/5 2026
—
.
So, today I got another notice of an appointment at the neuro clinic. This one in two weeks, the first one is in a month.
I was a little confused at first, wondered if this was a replacement for the first appointment I got, maybe they managed to get me a slot sooner. But no, it’s a different appointment. This one if the eeg appointment. I am not sure if the appointment in a month is going to be for discussing results of the eeg or if it’s for other tests.
I haven’t really had a super close look at the documents yet. I am finding it a little overwhelming to be honest. It’s good that stuff is happening. But it’s scary too. And a lot. And my avoidant mind is screaming at me to.. avoid it. Bury my head in the sand. Cancel appointments. Pretend nothing is wrong. DO NOT DEAL WITH IT. But, I know that’s what i did for far too long. Now I don’t have any choice, have to deal with it.
They say you have to have dry clean hair for the eeg. I wonder if it’s ok to be bald? I’m going to call in and ask, just to be sure. It would be super weird if I had to grow out my hair haha. I haven’t had hair on my head in… decades? I would imagine a bald head would be better actually, but better to make sure I guess.
It is difficult to deal with it all. I don’t know how evident it is, since I blabber on constantly on facebook, but I am a very guarded person. And letting people in is super hard. They’re going to be looking at my brain waves and stuff. What if they find something wrong with me? Or worse, what if they find nothing wrong and there’s no explanation for what’s going on. What if they find out that my brain has been replaced by a toy train set somehow, I mean i’m not sure how that would happen but I can’t rule it out.
There’s just a lot going on right now, it’s making it hard to get back on the good path of helth too. I just want more cake and pizza and to sleep all day and hide away.
Stupid real world intruding on my brain cells.
What if my brain still communicates on a 56kbps modem, I hope they have the right kind of plugs to connect up.
The letter says that it’s okay if I show up tired, so I can sleep during the test. Sounds like I don’t HAVE to sleep, I can just relax. Or sleep.
I’ll have to look at it all tomorrow and make a game plan.
Maybe I can get a brain transplant. One from Abby. NORMAL
4/5 2026
—
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Does anyone know if Tenacious D have an alibi for the correspondents’ dinner?
4/5 2026
—
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Luna sat down on the bench with me. Glad she still likes to sit herself down against me like that.

4/5 2026
—
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Sky under the blue sky.

4/5 2026
—
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🎶 strange you never knew 🎵

5/5 2026
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Today is Liberation Day in Denmark.
It is not a day that has ever really mattered to me. I know that’s not a great thing to say. But you know. It has just been a mark in the calendar. It’s not even a holiday so there isn’t even the annoyane of stores being closed. It’s just… this strange artefact. It seems like fiction. like Matador, that we all watched over and over. Something kind of funny, kinda quaint.
For those of us who didn’t live through it, i mean.
It’s kind of hard imagining it being real. And imagining living through. Occupying forces. War.
And now, we live in a time where the leader of our greatest ally is winning peace prizes while threatening to take our territory by military force.
Is this going to be quaint and funny to some future generations?
I mean, it’s kind of funny right now. But just more “insane funny” than “haha funny”.
Looking back at human history, how insane has it all been. I thought we were progressing. Moing forward. But something has happened. And we are regressing.
Now, of course you can’t blame that all on one person.
But I’d sure like to.
bla bla.
Light a candle, start a fire.
5/5 2026
—
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Triple goat score. You may have to hit the zoom to spot the Sky.

5/5 2026
—
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Got an hour twenty on the bike today. So I got that going for me.
Back in the saddle. Again again again. The rollercoaster continues. I once again fell backwards, had some pretty bad days. There has just been so much, and I have not been coping well with it.
So now it’s back to square minus 10. And I will have to try to do better, and keep at it.
Went from treading water to sinking to the bottom.
But hey oh, got on the bike today. So that’s step one. I’ll get back to the surface.
Just have to do it bit by bit, don’t let it overwhelm me.
I tried calling the neuro clinic today, to ask if it’s ok to come in bald. I assume it is, but I just want to hear it from them. Their letter said their phone hours are 8-15. The phone system told me their phone hoursare 8-11. Well alrightey then. I guess I’ll try again tomorrow then!
Bit by bit, little by little, step by step, day by day, one day a day.
Not doing great mentally and physically, but I can get through the next hour.And then do that 24 times and you’re through a day. And so on and so forth. I WAS TOLD THERE WOULD BE NO MATH.
6/5 2026
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Good goat times today. A lovely sunny day. Not super hot, but when you’re just sitting outside in the sunshine, it’s lovely.
Lots of lazing about with the goats. Lune was funny sitting down today, she kept rolling over on her side. And I may have given her a tiny push to roll her over and expose her belly. You know I gotta scratch that goat belly..
Sweet visitors running around too, and the lovely fragrance of Jeanette making popcorn on the campfire.
Just a lovely spring day.
Had another big excursion today, but I’ll tell you about that later. I need to get some some soup in me, before I scratch my belly.
7/5 2026
—
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Luna is rolling around. Pay not attention to the man behind the shadow.

7/5 2026
—
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Hey, look at that view!
I got to visit Helle in her apartment today! How lovely. She actually lives in the building where I got that first offer for a new apartment, the one I did not take.
But yes, as I mentioned the other day I have to return the mobile broadband router that I was using for my emergency connection when I moved in. And since Helle had business in the ISP store downtown, she offered to take my router and return. Which means I don’t have to worry about return labels and shipping and whatnots. So that’s a big help, and as always Helle is just the best and so helpful.
She also helped me with some print work. There’s a form I have to fill out before the EEG stuff, she printed that for me. And I wrote a little notice for my wallet, about my situation and who I am. In case I pass out in the street again and someome who doesn’t know me finds me. Apparently the paramedics checked my wallet and didn’t find any ID, I do have some ID tucked in somewhere. But anyway. A little notice explaining why I may be passed out and some info, I thought that would be a smart thing to have on me. And Helle even has a little machine that can make laminated cards, so she offered to do that for me too. Super handy! Now I have a little laminated info card to bring with me.
So once again I consider myself super lucky that I have gotten to know Helle. What an amazing person she is. Always working to make the world a better place, for individuals like myself and for the bigger picture. I can’t say enough good things about her. I am so thankful.
And other than that it was just really nice to see her place and spend a little time with. I’m not good at socializing, but she showed me around and I got to meet her cat (who is just bigboned, we don’t use the F word). It was really sweet, and Helle is great company.
I have been really struggling lately, and it feels like there’s so much I have to deal with and thing about. It’s so good to know people like Helle and Jeanette, and feel like they are on my side. And sometimes I even spend time with two-leggers.

7/5 2026
—
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Hi Sky!

7/5 2026
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.
Got an hour thirtyfive on the bike today. So I got that going for my.
Trying trying trying to stay on track. My brain is demanding cake and pizza and to be left in bed. But here I am, not in bed. And not eating anything bad. And tired legs after a good workout. I guess that’s a win.
And got other stuff done. Got the call to the neuro clinic done. Asked them if it was okay to show up with a bald head. And yes, as suspected, that’s fine. The lady I talked to said it would probably be even better tahn with a head of hair. So that’s fine. I figured as much. I just wanted to be sure. Imagine if I’d shown up for the EEG and they’d said “go home and grow some hair”. IMAGINE. It’s just better to have asked and made sure, even if the question seems obvious.
There’s a week and a half till the EEG exam. I’m not worried about the test itself, but dealing with all the transport and peoples and all that, I am not looking forward to all that. But hopefully I can get some answers from it.
Also today got a deliver of Pepsi and cucumbers. Pepsi was on sale, so I got 15 bottles of 1½ litres. And funnily enough, I’m planning to not drink any Pepsi Friday/Saturday/Sudnay. Going to try to do a little decaf test. I tried that once before, but didn’t realise that the replacement soda I was using also had caffeine. This time I have done research got some other diet sodas that do not have caffeine. So, I’ll still be having diet soda, which I know is not good. But at least I’ll get to try a few days without caffeine. I figure it won’t make any real difference. I think I’m probably pretty desensitized to caffeine. With the Pepsi and Faxe, I get probably 2-3 litres of caffeinated drink EVERY day. For decades.
Anyway, we’ll see how that goes. An experiment for the weekend.
There’s still a lot of stuff to deal with. But as always, the Low Battery indicator is blinking. Theoretically I should schedule a dentist visit in the week between the two neuro appointments. But I just.. don’t have capacity. I need like a week of nothing serious happening in between the neuro appointments. I need… time. I can barely handle one thng a week.
Anyway. At least I got exercised.
8/5 2026
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I did not come home empty handed from my visit to Helle yesterday. She gifted me this “stay positive” sign. On brand! I haven’t given proper thought to the placement yet, but for now it’s resting up against my old computer, next to my treasured goat day painting. First thing i see when I enter my apartment. I need to clean the desk, but it’s nice to have some positive input in your eyeball.

8/5 2026
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For the premium subscribers, a little preview of a future video. Luna’s on a roll!
8/5 2026
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Keiko asked to see Helle’s cat. So here she is, Otilie!
She’s on a diet. I think Helle said that the vet had called her.. Denmark’s fattest cat? Or the world’s? Or something like.While Helle insists it’s just a metbolism issue.. but the vet felt a diet was in order. My vet says the same about me.

8/5 2026
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Got an hour thirtyfive on the bike today. So I got that going for me.
Unfortunately it hasn’t been the best of days. I went to bed pretty early yesterday, thinking I’d get up early today. When I woke up today my depression was really bad. So bad that when I tried to get out of bed my head said “I just can’t”. So I ended up staying in bed 3-4 hours longer. Every time I tried to get up, my head refused.
But I did get up eventually. And I managed to refuse my head’s demands to order cake and pizza and sit and watch youtube all day. That’s what my depression craves.
So I’m glad I managed to get on the bike. It wasn’t fun. I had the “slept too much” headache and the sadness. But sometimes it’s nice to switch the head off and just do the physical thing. So at least I got that done.
I wonder if it’s caffeine withdrawal that kicked me, or if it was just regular depression that I often get. It does feel worse than normal, but who knows. Sure could go for a Pepsi and a pizza right now…
But I’ll be good, for today. See how it goes.
One day a day. Adopt, adapt and improve. Stay Positive.
Et puis seulement quand c’est fini, alors on danse
9/5 2026
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Think goat thoughts.

9/5 2026
—
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goatlog

10/5 2026
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Oh hi, hello. How’s it going?
I am feeling considerably better today than yesterday. I don’t know if it’s because I slept better (less) or the caffeine detox is improving or if it’s just random. It’s hard to tell sometimes, because honestly I am a big jumbled mess of various pains, mental and physical. Doesn’t help that especially during wekeends there’s a neighbour that smokes a lot and it gets in my apartment, I think that contributed a lot to my headache yesterday.
But anyway. Day 3 of no Pepsi. I miss it. I’m going to try to keep it going for another couple of days, and then make an evaluation if I feel like it improves anything in my life, especially sleep. I need to feel that not drinking Pepsi has a positive effect. Otherwise I’m going back to Pepsi. Because I do miss my dark mistress.
I finally sat down and got the hospital info compiled, all the stuff that needs to be done for my two upcoming neuro clinic visits. Got it mailed off to mom (happy mother’s day, thank you for all that you do!). She’s going to come with me to the appointments. I’m going to need help finding my way around the hospital place. I think it’s pretty big and complicated, but my parents have some experience with it. And they have sight, wich helps. And she’ll fill out the form with info that they need, about health status, med list, all that info. I sure do appreciate the help.
Hopefully next week will be pretty quiet and simple. And then the week after, the hospital business starts. And we’ll see how it goes and what happens.
One day a day.
Thank you alls for your help and support. I am glad your mothers had you, and those of you who are mothers I salute you. One of the loveliest things has been seeing some of my friends from way back become wonderful mothers to amazing children. Thank you for all you. May the future right itself and make a better world for the next generations.
10/5 2026
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Sky is kissing the week goodbye. Let’s hope the next one will go smoothly.
Day three of no Pepsi has been conquered. We’ll see how long I can and want to keep going. As with all things, one day a day.

10/5 2026
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.
—
That’s all for now.

Watching Labyrinth with Brian Froud’s commentary track. Highly reommended. Good listen. And of course, a good excuse to watch Labyrinth. I have always loved that movie. Love the music. the visuals, everything. I think they’re making a sequel? Doing something. Not sure if it’s still on. I hope they don’t mess it up. I guess we’ll see, if they manage to finish it before the clock runs out.
26/4 2026
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Hello everybody. I had a little trip to the emergency room today. (TLDR at end of post)
I had another blackout. On my way to the goats. Apparently Jeanette found me on the ground in the middle of the road lead into their driveway.
She isn’t usually down there a lot, so it was pretty fortunate that she found me. I’m not sure if I was completely passed out or not. Last time it happened at the playround I had that video of myself saying good morning to Jeanette, so I wasn’t unconscious then. But I don’t know if I was this time, or in a trance or whateve.r
In any case, when I came back to myself I was in an ambulance with a couple of medics talking to me and asking questions.
I’m always really desoriented when I come back after one of those spells. Not sure where or when I am or what I was doing. And it was even more confusing this time, with a couple of strangers talking to me
Not sure how much sense I made, I just remember being very confused and not knowing where I was and trying stay calm and cope with the situation. No memroy of seeing Jeanette at all.
I got to the hospital and was seen to be odctors and nurses. My memory of the day slowly coming back. Remembering walking to the goats. Crossing the road and then getting that deja vue-ish feeling I always get before the blackouts. Good thing it didn’t hit just 30 second earlier I guess. I might have fallen over in the middle of the actual road. And it swerves right where I cross, if I had been lying in the middle of the road I’m not sure if an oncoming car would have seen me around the bend. Well, they probably would. But you never know.
Also lucky that Jeanette happened to be down in the entrance/driveway. Picking greens for the bunnies I think. Good thing it was her who had found. She could tell the medics about my previous blackouts. Who knows, if some stranger had found me, maybe they would have grabbed my wallet and ran. Probably not, but you never know.
Anyway. As I came more and more back to myself in he hospital bed they asked me more questions and had me do little things, like touch my nose with one hand and then with the other, thing like that. I guess to show I was mentally functioning. And they took blood tests. An ekg. Blood pressure. And all that stuff came back normal, not showing any problems.
So they wheeled me off to have my brain scanned. And that also came back normal. Yes, I actually have a doctor’s word for the fact that my brain looks normal. I know i’m as shocked as you all. Normal brian, me? Whoda thunk it.
But yup. None of the tests could explain why I had blacked out.
The doctor told me she would refer me to a neurological examination. To check for epilepsy. I asked her if she thought that was what I had, but she said she didn’t know. She wanted to rule it out. I got the impression that if it’s not epilepsy then there might not be anything they can about it, i may have to just live with having these attacks, since they couldn’t see any cause? I don’t know if there aren’t more tests they could do.
But anyway, I’m finding myself in the peculiar situation of really hoping I have epilepsy. So I can have a diagnosis and hopefully get meds to stop the seizures. That would be really good. Much better than not knowing what’s going on and possibly having to live with it or go through more tests.
But that’s all they could do today. The neurological tests will be another day, I’ll get called in for that. Since I was feeling fine and back to myself again, they let me go back home. I had to wait about an hour to get a transport home, which was pretty boring. But it gave me time to lie in the bed and think about things. And listen to other patients talking to doctors and nurses.
I called my parents to let them know what was going on too. And called Jeanette to tell her I was okay. It must have been pretty frightening to find me lying there in the middle of the road. She asked if I was hurting, but I wasn’t. She said she thought my backpack had cushioned my fall. I guess I fell backwards. Good thing I didn’t crack my head on the asphalt or anything.
Now I’m home and just trying to relax. Going to cook up some soup. Probably tke a day or two to just relax.
Not a fun day. But it could have gone a lot worse. And on the bright side, I was finally forced to tell a doctor about the blackouts. I knwow it is really stupid and irresponsible of me to have gone so long without getting it looked at. But now something is being done, let’s just hope I get it sorted out. That would be a relief.
One of the weirdest moments of my life probably, coming to myself in an ambulance with strangers talking to me.
.
TLDR
Had a blackout attack on my way to the goats, Jeanette found me lying in the street in their driveway. I was taken to the hospital and had a brain scan and other tests done, they showed nothing that could explain what happened. I will be called in for neurological exam at a later dat to test for epilepsy.
.
27/4 2026
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Thank you everyone for all the kind and thoughtful comments. I wanted to reply to more of them, but I am super super tired.
But I am thankful to know so many good people who care about me. Also hankful for the hospital staff today. Everyone was so sweet and helpful, considerate of my initial confusion and my vision issues and everything. I found it quite moving actually, all these people doing their best to help others. I know it’s their job and all, but there was just a lot of compassion and care, towards me and the other patients I could hear.
It’s easy to start thinking that the world is full of awful people, but if you add it all up there are probably more good people than bad. Right? I hope. Or maybe it’s just that people are just complicated. Most probably aren’t just good or bad.
Anyway, that’s neither here nor there.
I’m still kind of amused that they said my brain looks normal.
Oh yeah, and the main nurse I spent most time with, she thought it was really cute that I take care of goats. I was asking if they had seen my camera, and she said maybe it was in my back pack. So she picked it up to look. And she commented on how heavy the backpack was. I told her, well it’s full of snacks for goats. And she thought that was just lovely. And the camera was in my backpack and she noted on how there was a big microphone attached to it, and I told her about my facebook page. And then a little later she was guiding me by arm out to the toilet, because I needed to take a leak. And she asked “So are they little goats or?” and I told her they were dwarf goats which made her go “awww”. She was really sweet.
But it wasn’t a fun day of course. And I missed the goats. But I will probably take a day or two before I head out again. Today took a lot out of me mentally.
But at least something’s happening and hopefully it will lead to answers that will improve things. In the long run hopefully today will be a good thing, and it certainly could have gone a lot worse.
Thank you again, everyone. You are the Ludo to my Sarah. Frrrriiieeenddd.
Well, I’m probably more the Ludo.
27/4 2026
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Hey everybody. Thank you all again for all the lovely comments yesterday. Got a bunch on the goat page too. It is so sweet to feel how many people care about me. I struggle to care about myself even a little, so it’s nice that others make up the slack!
Thank you so much.
I am feeling fine today. At least I am not waking up in an ambulance with strangers asking if I know where I am. So already there, today is better than yesterday!
I may… have ordred pizza and cake. I’m not proud of it. But I felt that I deserved it. And by deserve I mean “want”. I wants it. My precious.
Back on diet tomorrow, that’s for sure. Unless I pass out and end up in another hospital bed. Then all bets are off.
Now i’m just going to wait to be called in for the neurological exams. And hopefully we can get some answers.
I am still not completely over the fact that they said I have a normal brain. I think maybe they should get their brain scanner serviced. It may be out of order.
Anyway. Just relaxing and spoiling myself today. Thank you everyone for the love.
28/4 2026
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I was reading up on Weezer and found out that they have performed under the name Goat Punishment in the past.
So now I am anti Weezer.
Also because of the music they have released the last decade or so.
(ok ok I’m still a Weezer fan. Just start making better music again, and keep your hands off the goats).
28/4 2026
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Hello, hi, how am I?
I’m fine. I had hoped to do some exercise today. But my legs are knackered. I have mentioned before how I have to stretch a lot, even if I just walk a little, otherwise my legs get super tight and sore. I don’t know if it’s because of all the biking or my legs are just weak or whatever. But i constantly have to stretch or I’ll be in pain.
And of course on Monday I did not get to stretch after my 25ish minute walk to the goats. Because I ended up unconscious in an ambulance.
So I’m still paying for that. Hurting legs. I probably could have a little biking today, but it wouldn’t have been fun. So I’m taking another day to relax. And then I’ll try to get back to the real world. For better or worse.
Got a delivery of Pepsi and cucumber today. Going to try to hit the cucumbers hard for better dieting. Starting.. TOMORROW. Yes, definitely.
The temperatures are rising too. My apartment is a little cold-ish in the morning, but here around 6-7 pm when the sun is hitting the windows, it gets pretty hot.
Still haven’t got my ventilation system looked at. No call from the housing super yet. I may have to start thinking about chasing that down, since I was expecting a call last week. But I’ve had other things on my mind this week of course.
Hope you’re all doing well out there. One day a day, onwards and warts on.
29/4 2026
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Good goat times today. Back in the goat saddle, as it were.
I was a little hesitant to go out. My legs still hurting. Also the whole thing about how the last time I went there I ended up in an ambulance. You know, that thing.
But everything went fine today. And it was so good to get back to my happy place. Bloody gorgeous day too. Sunshine and mostly blue skies, temperatures sneaking up towrds 18C/64F, which is summery for Denmark. Absolutely lovely. It felt really good. The sun, the goats, the feathers, visiting kids. And no passing out. I’d call that succesful.
Had a chat with Jeanette too of course. I apologised for giving her such a fright on Monday. It was interesting to hear her side of it, though. She had been going out to the driveway with some garbage and spotted what she thought was cloth lying in the road. She figured someone had dropped it and now she’d have to clean it up. Until she realised it was a person lying in the road. And the of course she found out that it was me.
I wasn’t completely unconscious, she said I groaned a little when shaken. But completely unreachable.
The ambulance got there 7 minutes after she made the call, so that was pretty good service. Apparently I put up some resistance when they tried taking my jacket off of me, had to get it off so they could put.. medical stuff on me. But I guess my tranced self is a modest guy. Funny. I kind of wish I could have seen it all. It’s weird to think of myself in that state.
Oh and Jeanette saved my treatbag. The little bag I use for raisins for the goats. It was the only thing missing after that whole ordeal. I figured it had probably fallen out of my pocket or been thrown away during my ‘rescue’. But turns out Jeanette had gotten a hold of it, so I got that back. It’s a good little bag, I’m glad to have it. And glad nothing went missing, camera, wallet, phone, keys, everything.
But anyway yes, thank you to Jeanette for her prompt reaction and helping in getting me help. I am so glad she was the one who found me. Also so she could tell them who I was and about the blackouts I’d experienced previously. I do have ID in my wallet, but I guess they’re tucked away too much, because the paramedics weren’t able to find them when they were trying to find my social security number.
Alright. I need some soup now. Keep my strength up.
30/4 2026
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Triple goat score. Laid out under a beautiful blue sky.

30/4 2026
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Bella looks like she’s holding in a sneeze. Or maybe just trying to get away from the clingy humans. Hey I missed you too, girl.

30/4 2026
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Love my SkyGirl and the way she looks at me.

30/4 2026
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Got myself an appointment at the neurological clinic.
I have to wait a month. But hopefully that won’t be too bad. What are the chances I can go a whole months without another passing out? Not good. Let’s just hope if it happens then it happens at home without consequences.
My parents will help with transport, and I’ll have to look at it all and see what I need to prepare. Mostly info about medical history and medication I’m taking, I think.
And I’m still hoping they’ll determine that I have epilepsy, because that’s a known quantity and hopefully medicatable. I guess I don’t have a brain tumor, the brain scan at the emergency room would have shown that, right? I’m still a little disappointed that they said my brain looks normal. Feels like an insult. Your human standards don’t apply to me, I am the goat man!
Alright alright.
So a month until that. I have gotten notice from the dentist that it’s time to make an appointment there too. And it’s been a month since I started taking the blood pressure meds, so I need to take readings of my blood pressure and get those sent to the doctor.
And I need to get the ventilation system looked at, still not word from the housing super.
I am pretty tired of everything. Being a low capacity battery in a high voltage usb-c world is tricky sometimes.
Maybe I should build a ballroom. Just in case.
Alright. I’ll shut up now. Better give this well-functioning brain some rst.
30/4 2026
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As per tradition
Jonathan Coulton – First Of May.

1/5 2026
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May May bring more blue skies.

1/5 2026
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Got some balls delivered today. I panicked a little when I saw that the store I got flourballs from the last time, now no longer had them in stock. I guess they’re seasonal after all. But there was another store that had them. So I ordered four more big packs. Now I have 8 big packs in the freezer. My tiny little freezer box is full up with balls. Should last me about 3 months, if I’m careful. And then I’ll have to see if I can get more, as the seasons turn.
Unfortunately I also ordered cake and pizza. So that’s just great. Two steps forward, a giant leap for Lassekind backwards. But I’m sure from TOMORROW everything will go acording to plan and I will be of strong mind and improve my ways. May is going to be the month where I accomplish all my goals and also get my brain fixed and I will bthe very model of a major general something something vegetable and minerals tra la .
Thank you all for cheering me on and being supportive. It forces me to try to care about myself, just a little. And the frozen balls help too.
1/5 2026
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It’s a hottie in Denmark. Above 20C/68F. That’s summer for us, that is. Quite hot.
I am unfortunately feeling quite tired and sad and bloated. Bleh.
But so it goes.
Got notice from my ISP that it’s to return the mobile broadband router that I used for the emergency internet connection when I moved. I had hoped they’d forgotten about that. But I’ll have to deal with that. Hopefully it won’t be too bard. May need Jeanette’s help to print out a return label. Or maybe I can take it to one of their ISP stores. I’ll have to see.
Have to prepare paperwork for the neurological exam too.
And deal with pigeons. I never realised what a big pigeon problem we have here, because I lived on the ground floor and they didn’t bother me. But now I know. They’re running around out on my ‘porch’. They make noise and you have to watch out for eggs, and then there’s the crap. So that’s pretty annoying.
Apparently it’s been a long running struggle for people living in these neighbourhoods. Helle has told me about it too.
Well, I’ve seen on our community fb site that spraying with water mixed with cinnamon should keep them away. So I guess I’ll try that.
I just feel like there’s too much going on and most of it is bad and I just want to sleep and fade away. Sigh. And he whole world is just sinking into the shthole. Come Armageddon come.
But hey it’s fine. One day a day. Going to try to take it easy today. And try to get stuff done tomorrow, the various prep stuff. Try to keep moving forward, even if it’s at a slow pace.
Row row row your boats, or just stay afloat.
2/5 2026
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Oh no. I blackedo ut again. I’m pretty sure. Yes. I must have.
I was sitting at the computer. And then I started getting that feeling I get before a black out. That weird deja vue, that weird youtube sound and vision in my head.
I felt it coming on so I fired up my text editor and noted what time it was.
And then… about 10-15 minutes I was back. With that telltale confusion. Not knowing where and especially when I am.
Couldn’t remember what I’ve been doing all day. It’s Saturday. Normally an exercise day, but I know I skipped today.
And i know I have an appointment at the neurological clinic coming. But I couldn’t remember why. What happened that got me that appointment? And then it started coming back to me. Oh yeah. I passed out and Jeanette found me and I got sent to the hospital. When was that. That must have been Thursday, right? No that was Monday. I was there Thursday without incident.
Yeah, things are coming back to me now. It’s such a scary foreign feeling, being lost in your own head. Having to claw back the memories. It’s 5.22 pm. The pigeons. I hear them outside. I think I dreamt about them while I was out. Do I fall asleep, or go in a trance or? I am not completely sure.
Well, now I have to find my way back. I do have a little leftover cake. Ate most of it earlier. But there’s still some.
It’s hot.
The weather, not the cake.
I was reading about how to combat the pigeons. That must have been the last thing I was doing before I ‘went away’.
It’s such a nasty feeling. I can’t think of what triggered it now.
I think twice the blackouts have happened up at the playground, both times just as I had crossed the road and was going up the driveway. I was thinking, is there anything in that spot that would trigger it? But I can’t think what that would be, and I pass there several times a week without incident.
And then twice blackouts have happened while I was sitting on the exercise bike. But again, I don’t know what would be triggering there, I’m on the bike several times a week without incident.
And now just now, I tink that’s the third time it has struck while I was sitting at the pc. But again, I sit here at the pc on a daily basis without it happening.
I can’t think of any common denominator, anything that would seem to trigger it or that I would have done earlier in the day that would bring it on.
It seems pretty random.
I sure hope that neuro clinic can figure it out. A month to go.
By my ount this is the 7th blackout, since they started happening again in January.
But this is like the 3rd in about 3 weeks, that’s a pretty big escalation.
Tuesday 14/4, Monday 27/4, and now Saturday 2/5.
Today’s didn’t feel quite as severe as some of the others. But it’s bad enough.
Maybe I am losing my mind.
Oh boy. Well, guess it’s back to trying to relax for the weekend. Would be nice if I could get through the coming weeks until the neuro exam without more blackouts. Would be nice.
2/5 2026
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Alritey then. Getting ready to heady to beddy.
I’m feeling okay, now. I mean, in general. Apart from the crushing depression, the tiredness, the sadness. The overwhelmingness of everything.
But hey hey hey, we fight to live another day. Goat team go.
Hopefully no more blackouts for a while now. That would be nice. Otherwise maybe I’ll have to see if it could be possible to get an appointment sooner at the neuro place. The letter did say something about an alternative at a private hospital, I didn’t even look at that really, just wanted to go to the regular hospital place. But hey, if I’m going to start getting lots of blackouts then maybe I need to explore my options further…
My quiet uneventful summer has not gotten off to the best start. Well, I guess it’s still only spring. My appointment at the neuro clinic is a couple of days before summer officially begins. So let’s assume the clinic will fix me and then summer will eb smooth sailing! And by then my ventilation will all fixed and my blood pressure and potassium will be perfect and I will have gotten my diet under control and the pigeons will be banished, and everything will just be wonderful! I can’t wait!
What could possi-bly go wrong?!
Thank you all for the advice and support.
2/5 2026
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goatlog

3/5 2026
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If you want to know a bit more about my neighbhourhood, and some of the more controversial aspects of it and what our government is doing and all that…
here is a video. It’s in English. And look out, you may see a certain Helle, and even a bit from a certain museum.

3/5 2026
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How am I doing? Not super, not great. I managed to fight the depression and got out of bed. But it’s that crushing depression still, the kind that makes me want to not be here.
And I feel a bit like I’m in a dream. Just a strange disconnect. I’ve felt that before, after blackout experiences I think.
I just feel sad and tired. But hey hey.
Got that blood pressure thing submitted to the doctor, so we’ll see what they say to the readings. They’re better, but still a little on the high side maybe.
Got some mail sent to Helle, she has offered to help print. A form for my neuro exam appointment. And since she’s going to be going to the ISP store anyway, she has offered to take my emergency broadband router and give it to them. So I won’t have to deal with mailing it. Helle is the best. I don’t know what i would do without people like her and Jeanette and my family. And all of you out there in the facebox. When I feel like I can’t go on, I try to remind myself of the fact that there are good people on my side. I am not alone.
Plenty of stuff to deal with. Just taking it little by little. None of this stuff is so important, you know. There’s war and famine and death all around, my little life is not important. We all live inside a dream.
3/5 2026
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The week is winding down. And what a week it has been. Quite extraordinary I must say.
I am mostly referring to the part where I was found unconscious in the street and rushed to the emergency room.
Remember that part? I may bring it up, once or twice.
Anyway yeah. Two blackouts in a week. But at least things are, hopefully, progressing, now. Let’s hope.
I am not feeling so great, mentally or physically. But I’m trying not to stress too much about things. One day a day, little by little. Compartmentalize.
Still feeling kind of off. A little dreamy. A little like reality is warped. A little like I’m just a skip away from falling back into a blackout. But I’ve had that feeling before, after blackouts. Without it signalling that I was heading for another one. So maybe it’s just.. after effects. Or maybe it’s the heat. I hope I can get the ventilators checked soon.
Anyway. I think I’m going to go to bed early now. And do my best to get a good start next week. Healthier living and no passing out in the street and no ambulance rides and maybe just maybe I can get by with a little help from my goats, and friends. Lofty goals, I know! Just one hoof in front of the other, and we’ll see where we end up.
Giddyup.
3/5 2026
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.
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That’s all for now.