Good goat times today. Back to the goat place and away from the worries for a while.
A lovely sunny day. Although the sun is shifting and mostly hitting the far side of the pen now. And it’s getting colder. Barely above 10C/50F. Wish I could timeskip to next spring, when everything will be fine, surely.
Nothing too exciting happened today. Just hanging out with the goats, which is plenty of excitement for me. We did have some visitors, but they stayed out of the goat pen.
Suddenly my phone ran. My first thought was “Oh no someone wants to see my apartment”. But it turns out it was just the electrician, wanting to book at ime when he could come take my lamps down. We agreed that I’d get back to him a little later when I have a firmer grasp on when exactly I’ll switch apartments. Hopefully I can keep the lights on.
Now i think it’s time for some soup I think. Good idea.
6/10 2025
—
.
Got a bit of blue sky action at least, with Bella.

6/10 2025
—
.
Wow, I saw the snl parody before I saw the actual Hecksith speech. Real life really is just overtaking parody. That was something you used to say as a joke, but now it really is just really real realistically reality.
Fkn weird.
I’ll try to stay off the politics. I have enough going on with my own berries.
6/10 2025
—
.
Luna demonstrating how Lasse eats pizza out of a pizzabox. Jsust get yer face right in it.

6/10 2025
—
.
The girls spent some time out in the back of the big pen, foraging for fallen leaves and nuts and branches.Crunchy goodies.

6/10 225
—
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Sky got to sit in the hatch window again for a bit.

7/10 2025
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.
Been taking it easy today. I got a Pepsi & Protein delivery. Been buying a lot of bananas lately. Two bananas and a protein bar, that’s a good breakfast right? Well, once everything is settled I will hopefully get back on a healthy path, right now I’m just staggering along.
I desperately don’t want to deal with. everything that’s coming. My stomach just clenches up when I think of it all
But at least I have time to slowly look at stuff. I was going to apply for housing aid today, but after looking at the citizen service site I have questions. So I’m going to see if i can get answers to that. I have to register my new address 5 days after my move at the latest. But what date is that? I take over the new apartment on November 1st. But I probably won’t move in until around the 17th. And i have this apartment until December 1st. Since I will have access to both places for a while, my official move date isn’t necessarily one specific date. I’ll have to see if I can find some guidance on that. I guess I’ll ask the housing assoc if they can tell me that, otherwise i’ll have to contact the citizen service. Or maybe just go with they 17th or whatever date it will be.
Blergh. As always I just worry too much and I don’t want to think about it all. I just want to eat sleep and play.
Happy national frap day, everyone.
7/10 2025
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Another day is slipping through the hourglass. Happily, I have received no calls from anyone wanting to see my apartment. I don’t actually know if my apartment is still listed for rental, but today was the last reply date according to the message. So if it was still up for rent, then I guess nobody wanted it. Hooves crossed.
Still haven’t gotten any message about whether they intend to try to rent it out. But I hope that nonsense is over with.
Do you ever feel like you’re the only real human on an episode of the Muppet show? Like everyone else is a muppet and you’re the only human.
Or maybe the other way around. You’re the muppet in a human world. One of those episodes where the main character turns into a muppet. They did that on Angel, I’m pretty sure. Please don’t try to ventriloquist me. Do penguins lay eggs? Can you make a penguin omelette? Are penguins even birds? Do they have feathers? What’s the deal with penguins? Is that even what they’re called? It looks like a French word. How do you pronounce Penguin in French. Pan Gwang? Why are you all looking at me like that? Did they forget to make little muppet pants for my muppet puppet?
Orange you glad i said banana?
Can someone turn down the loud buzzing sound that is in my head? It’s like a detuned radio.
7/10 2025
—
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We fight to live another day.
8/10 2025
—
.
Think goat thoughts.

8/10 2025
—
.
I just had a crazy idea. That i hope I can pull off.
I have this little.. piece of furniture. Chest of drawers?
I’ve been thinking that i want to get rid of it, because I’m a weirdo and i want to get rid of as much furniture as possible and just have plastic storage boxes.
Well, the thought just occured to me… if I took out the drawers. There’s an almost goat sized space in there… I think Sky maybe could fit in there. Not as spacious or cool as the red playhouse. But I mean. On a rainy day, she might be able to step inside it and be dry and not bothered by the big goats.
I don’t know. I haven’t had a closer look at it, how the space is inside, if it could even work. And then there’s the question of transportation, I’m not sure how heavy it is when emptied. Don’t think it’s too heavy. Maybe I could manage to carry it to the playground. Or get help transporting it.
Hmm. Well, that would be fun! A little chest of Sky drawers! I have no idea if this will work out or if it’s a crazy pipedream. It wouldn’t be until after the move and I have everything in order and am sure I want to get rid of it and can get a better idea of the feasibility of it all. But hey, it’s a fun though. I’d really like her to have a little space like that. I’m glad she has the shelter roof to stand under, but she often gets chased away from there too because it’s right over the hatch opening, and there’s often one of the big girls standing there. A tiny little goatchelor pad just to the side, that would be cool.
We’ll see.
If I took the drawers and turned them upside down and pushed them into the ground enough, maybe they’d even make little platforms to jump on.
We’ll see we’ll see.
8/10 2025
—
.
Good goat times today. Clears the head to be with the goat gang.
We got sunshine, but a few raindrops too. And the coldening continues. Starting to feel it when I don’t close my jacket. My wrecked circulation makes it too cold when it’s under 10C/50F in the morning. I hought i even saw some frost in the grass when i got out, but that’s probably just my mind playing tricks on me.
But a sweet time in goatland. Jeanette got a fire going and made pancakes for visitors. A bunch of visitors today. One guy came over to the fence and said hi, said it was good to see me again. They usually come on Thursdays, and I have missed a few of those with everything going on. It was nice of him to come over and say he was glad I was back.
Lots of kids too, some of them going in the pen to pet the goats too. There was one boy who was real friendly. He was like tapping me on the shoulders and putting his arms around me like he was hugging me. His adults had to tell him that when you don’t know a person then you can’t just go and touch them like that. He was like a little goat, zero understanding of personal space. They apologised to me when they left, but I just laughed it off. It was pretty funny. And for some reason i find it a lot easier to deal with than you know, actually talking to people. So, if you ever meet me don’t try to talk to me, jsut invade my personal space and touch me without permission.
Wait, that’s.. that’s maybe not a good takeaway from this.
But a lovely time. When I got home I spent some time gathering the last stuff on my old bookshelves. Books and DVDs are long gone, but there was a stack of old CDs. Some bought music CDs, some burned ones with tons of old Smashing Pumpkins concerts.
Again, slightly heartbreaking to get rid of all that old treasure. Music. Lifeblood. Stuff that got me through the days. Untouched for many years now, because now I have it all on the computer. Still sad to get rid of it. But so it goes. I must shed as much as I can of the old skin. And it’s nice to see the bookshelves completely empty. Visual proof that I have been on a journey to unburden myself.
And now I’m going on a journey to soup. My favourite destination, other than the goat place.
9/10 2025
—
.
Stuck in the middle with Bella and Luna

9/10 2025
—
.
Guess what I did today?
No.
No, not that either.
No, I’m not even sure you CAN make soup of penguins, and I wouldn’t.
Okay, I’ll tell you.
I rode the elevator. On my own.
It may be the first time ever. In my building. I live on the ground floor, so it’s not like I need it. Although the real ground floor is actually the basement, depending on where you come from you have to go through the basement to get in. But nevermind.
I’m not sure, but I may never have used the elevator in my own building, not without my parents there. They need it, because they have mobility issues.
But anyway, I thought I would just try it out. And it turns out the elevator is really easy to use, very simple layout and easy to see. So that’s good. I hope the elevator in my new building is as easy to use. That would be nice.
We’ll see.
I have been toying with the idea of moving a bunch of my stuff over myself during the weekend. Assuming i get the keys on Friday 14th. And do the major move Monday 17th. I could spend the weekend going back and forth. Since it’s just next door. Just carry stuff over. Would save me from packing everything in boxes and then unpacking everything. Just take it bit by bit. It’s not like I have a ton of stuff. And that way I would know what I’m carrying and where it goes, would be pretty easy. And then all the moving people would have to take are the big things and the important things that I need to keep until I move over permanently. Is that a completely stupid idea? I don’t know. But If I do do (doo-doo) that then it would be nice to take the elevator. I think in everyday life I’d probably be fine taking the 6 flights of stairs and thinking of that as exercise. But carrying stuff and going back and forth, would be good to use the elevator.
Alritey, just thinking out loud. I mean typing out loud. I mean, well you know what I mean I mean.
Alternatively I could barricae myself in the bathroom and hope they give up on the idea of making me move. You never know, it could work.
9/10 2025
—
.
Quite lovely when teh sun is out. Not sure if you can spot her, but Sky is making her way up the platform. Since the sun has shifted, they are more motivated to go to the platforms to get into the sunshine.

9/10 2025
—
.
Woke up feeling pretty bleh, with a slightly sore through and feeling a little dizzy.
I think i’m feeling better now, though. Probably just the hypochondria flaring up.
Time is ticking. Today is a 10/10, although it feels pretty mid.
Feeling tired and sad, mostly.
But dad brought me cake. Thanks, dad!
He also brought me an old christmas card from Angeline! Hah. I don’t know how that card ended up in my parents’ apartment. But ehm, thank you, Angeline! I’m not sure exactly when it is from, but tis the season now.
10/10 2025
—
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Can’t believe the Alligator Moat Prison guy didn’t win the peace prize, there’s just no justice in this world.
10/10 2025
—
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Moody Luna.

10/10 2025
—
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in the dark of the new forest

10/10 2025
—
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Do smurfs count blue sheep?
I’ll go ask.
10/10 2025
—
.
What the heart is full of.
I dreamt about Keiko last night. Not once, but twice.
Had a good night’s sleep of drifting in and out of interesting cool dreams.
The first one was at the old playground, the first playground. I only talked to Keiko a little because she was riding around on the ‘moon cars’ (the gocarts that they have there). But we talked a little about Palle and grandma.
And then in a later dream she was taking me somewhere, by bus i think. it was a house where she had worked as au-pair? And she hadn’t had a good time there, the people weren’t nice. But there was a dog that she had loved. And when i got there the dog jumped up on me and knocked me over and was licking my face and was really sweet.
And that’s about what I remember, it’s all a blur now.
I was just happy to be visited by Keiko.
You all feel free to stop by in my dreams, I can handle human contact in the dreamworld!
11/10 2025
—
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By the by, when I talk about flourballs, these are them. I think they are basically dumplings, just smaller? Anyway, I love them.

11/10 2025
—
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Cooking up some soup. Gonna put those flourballs right in my mouth hole. Come get some!
11/10 2025
—
.
(This is going to be a long stream of arely consciousness with nothing important, feel free to skim or skip)
Haven’t done too much serious dealing with things this weekend. But I have gathered up a list of things I need to do, in regards to the move.
I have this file on my computer, temp.txt. As the name suggests it was meant to be a temporary file. I think I made it more than a decade ago. I have a keyboard shortcut that brings it up. Whenever I need to note something down, I use that file. It is very very long now with lots of ancient and outdated stuff. I tend to just add to it, and old stuff gets pushed down and forgotten.
Anyway. Ever since the apartment offeres came in I have been adding tidbits to that file. Today I got them moved over to my rehoming file, where I have kept information about all that. So now I have a neater sort of list of things that need to be dealt with. Almost like a plan, if you will.
There isn’t _that_ much important stuff I guess.
The biggest question mark for me is probably when to register my official change of address. It has to be done between 4 weeks before you move and 5 days after you move at the latest. And i’m still not sure when my official move date is. Is it November 1st when I officially get the new apartment? Or December 1st when I lose my current apartment? Or the first day I sleep in the new place?
I have a feeling the official system wants it to be November, but even though that’s the date on the paperwork, I don’t actually get the keys until 2 weeks later, because the housing association has to fix it up first. So I don’t really want my official registered address to be a place I don’t actually have the keys to yet. Maybe the day I get the keys would be the best day to set.
Anyway, that’s one of the first steps on the list, to see if the housing association or the municipality has any guidance on that.
Another one is finding a cleaning service. I still haven’t heard back if the housing assoc wants to rent our my apartment for the 3 months until it gets taken down, but assuming they don’t then my apartment just needs a basic cleaning. But I still feel like that’s beyond my capabilities. So I need to find a service to do that. I am thinking that I’m going to post on my city’s reddit page and ask for recommendations. Maybe Helle knows of one too. But I need to get that booked for when i’m out of the apartment.
And I need to book the electrician. Once I know what day I’ll probably make the permanent move, then I need the electrician to take my lamps down and put them up in the new place.
And I need to look at my internet connection. Part of the documents I got from the housing assoc was something about their regular partner for TV and internet. I use another company for internet right now. But I’m thinking I will switch to the company that I have my TV from now too. They have a cheaper and faster connection than my current one. So, I figure I will keep my current connection here until I’m out of the apartment. While getting the new connection up at the new place. That would mean paying double for November. But I feel like that would be worth it. In case there are problems with the new connection, then I’ll have the old connection until the end of hte month. Because internet connection is pretty dang important to me. That’s my plan, keeping my current connection until the end of November, getting the new one from the beginning of November. But I do have some questions about the new connection, so I have to contact their support and ask. I also have to find out if I need to do anything about my TV package. I will be using the same company at the new place as I do here, but I’m not sure if my package gets moved over to the new place or if I have to cancel my current on here and start a ne one there.
I want to order some big storage boxes. Since I’m planning to use more of those instead of my furniture and stuff. So I want to have those before the move. That way I can put some stuff in it and take them over one by one, moving bit by bit during that weekend after I get the keys.
And that.. is pretty much it. Some other small things. Clearing my basement storage unit. Asking on reddit for general moving advice. Update my address various places after the move, the places that don’t get the new data automatically from the official register. I have standing lamp that I need to check if it works, would be handy if that still works so I have some light before the electrician moves the ceiling lamps.
I think that’s basically. I don’t really have to pack things, if I move the small stuff myself during the weekend.
Yeah. Can anyone think of anything else I need to get done? If you have read all that.
But it’s not really too bad. On paper.
I feel better about it all. Mostly because I felt completely utterly despair and anguish beforehand. I’m not feeling good about it now, but it feels more manageable. Getting the pre-inspection done and having Helle see my apartment and say that she’s seen much worse, that did help.
it felt impossible before. Now it feels like.. well maybe I can get through. Still very worried about things going wrong. But it’s possible they won’t. It’s possible.
I’m so anchored in my routines and set in my ways, it’s going to be difficult to be uprooted. Like having a tooth pulled out. It may seem simple on paper. But it can still hurt a lot if it isn’t done right. Okay, maybe I shouldn’t stretch the metaphor. There’s just .. stuff I don’t talk about. Part of my life is kind of a puzzle. And I’m worried if i will be able to put it back together in a good way when this is done.
But hey. On paper it looks possible. So let’s hope.
Hopefully my dreams will move with me.
11/10 2025
—
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goatlog

12/10 2025
—
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Sleepa Belly.

12/1 2025
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Another week is winding down. A pretty uneventful one for me. No big unforeseen challenges. So that’s good.
Putting the plans together and slowly progressing.
Hopefully nothing too major next week either. I’m going to try starting t work on the list and the things that are ready to get started on.
And I would really like to start exercising again. I hope I will be able to. It’s been too long and I am feeling quite unhealthy. I don’t need to get back in super shape right now, but at least stop the downard spiral. It’s already gotten too out of hand. I will do my best.
The depression has been stong today, but tomorrow’s another berry.
Bit by bit, step by step, one day a day.
12/10 2025
—
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.
—
That’s all for now.

Good goat times today. Finally back in my right element.
Heavy grey clouds in the morning, but it stayed dry and not too cold. A mild fall day.
But just good to be back with the goats, that’s a much nicer way to spend my time than all the shenanigans last week.
Jeanette told me that the regular visitors from the school ask about me when I’m not there. How sweet.
We did have visitors today too. A boy named Kaj, which is also the name of my dad. He is full of energy, running around and testing the patience of his adults. He loves the goats too even if they aren’t too sure of him and his high energy. Luna has been butting him away, but he doesn’t seem to mind it. At one point I was sitting in the entrance of the goat house by myself and he came up to me and he was like doing a chicken walk and flapping his arms and making i guess chicken noises while he approached me. He’s an oddball, but he’s fun when he’s not being a little too rowdy with the goats.
Other than that I just spent a good long time with all the goats. Seperated them for a while so I could sit with Sky.
I need my goat time when things are gettng crazy.
29/9 2025
—
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Sky time is good time.

29/9 2025
—
.
With Bella and Luna too.

29/9 2025
—
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It happened again. My rebuilt playset was dismantled. I suppose some kids just like rolling the logs around? I know the goats love scratching their bodies on stuff, it’s not uncommon for them to push stuff around. But they way the logs were laying didn’t seem like it would have been done by the goats. Who knows. But I got to spend time again putting it back together. It’s not that easy to get it to work, it has to be stable and good to climb on. I do like this new new configuration better than the last one. We’ll see how long it lasts this time.

29/9 2025
—
.
Yesterday, when I came home from the goats, I saw I had a missed call on my phone. From the humber of the housing association.
My heart kind of sank and I thought “WHAT NOW”.
I called them back and it turned out it was just Sarah, who has been my main contact there, who wanted to doublecheck that it was right that I wanted to accept the 2nd offer, not the first. So that was fine.
Later in the day I got not one, but two (count them) emails from the housing association. One in my regular hotmail account and one in the official Danish mail service thing where you get stuff from the government and official places.
Again, my heart pounding, wondering if there was some new unforseen trouble to face.
But it was just a notification about a laundry room change and a notice that my rent would go up a little because of the newly approved budget of association.
So, nothing to deal with.
Yesterday was the last day to reply to the apartment offer, so I expect it won’t be too long before I get the confirmation that I am getting the 2nd apartment. And then I can proceed with signing the contract and then I can begin to really prepare for the move.
I am glad I have a fairly big window of time to get it all sorted. And I’m really really glad I spent the time and effort earlier in the year to get rid of a lot of my junk. I would have had enough time to get it done now, but its’ really nice not having to go through two bookshelves and several boxes and binders of ancient documents and stuff collected over the years. It wouldn’t have been fun to undertake that project while getting ready for moving too.
For now, just taking it easy. Giving myself a break until the official paperwork comes in.
Seven weeks and counting.
30/9 2025
—
.
One, two, three goats. Count ’em. Got them all in there. I had been out in the big pen with Bella and Luna, that’s why Sky managed to get a relaxing sitdown in the hatchway. I wish she had an easier time and didn’t feel like she always has to run from the big girls. Hopefully she’s still living a happy life, I’m doing my best to help that.

30/9 2025
—
.
Alright. I just spent half an hour reading documents.
But I have signed the contract for my new apartment.
I hope. The process was a little confusing. I hope I didn’t mess anything up. I’m supposed to be able to see my signed documents on the site, but it’s empty. But I did get an email saying that all parties had signed the document. Maybe it just takes time to update on the site.
And two days to sign the contract seemed a little rushed. Especially since they sent it to a different email address than the one I have been using for our communication so far. Good thing i check both.
I do have another question, so I think i will call the housing association tomorrow.
I also need to transfer the money. That’s a pretty hefty sum, with deposit and first month’s rent. Sigh.
I hope there won’t be any complications.
The big question is going to be the condition of my current apartment. There’s no way I can do a real proper cleaning and maintennance on it. I am just.. not capable of that. The question is since the apartment will be done away with, am I going to get a huge bill? Or are they basically tearing it all down and not caring. Because of what I’ve been through, I really haven’t been able to maintain the apartment as I should. They will find my negligent, but how much is it going to matter? How much will I have to pay? Will there be other consequences? That’s really my biggest fear now. I can’t fix this place up. I will just have to see what they say.
Time will tell. But I have signed the contract, presumably. So now there’s no going back. The next couple of months are going to be.. important. I feel the crushing weight of it.
30/9 2025
—
.
The crushing weight of reality is suffocating. I cannot run from its quicksand kiss.
30/9 2025
—
.
It’s all getting too real.
Today I signed the termination of my lease.
Yesterday I signed the contract for my new apartment.
No going back now. I feel like there’s cold hand wrapped around my throat, squeezing the breath out of me.
I wish I could remember the safeword.
I take over the new apartment on November 1st. Move in around the middle of the month. Hand over the keys for my old place on December 1st.
I will be happy when this is all over. I hope.
Oh well. Today is just a fart in the wind. Tomorrow it will be a scent memory.
1/10 2025
—
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Fork. Got notice that they’ll be coming on Friday to appraise my apartment. That’s way sooner than I thought it would happen.
No real time to prepare. And my place is a mess. As I said, i’m really worried about hte condition of my apartment.
They want to rent it out in the period until the building is renovated in April. So, negligence and maintennance will still cost me.
I’m really worried about his now. But I will just have to see how it goes. Hope it won’t be too bad.
The notice also says I have to pay rent until January 1st if they don’t manage to rent it out to someone else. But I have been promised I wouldn’t have to pay rent for two places. So I have to call and ask about that. Ugh.
I wish it would all just go away.
1/10 2025
—
.
I just flew in from reality, and boy are my everything tired.
It’s 9pm and I’m going to bed. Because I’ve had a day/week/month/year.
Going to try to do some prep tomorrow. And then Friday will be a nightmare, hooray.
Thanks everyone, for being there. Here. In the air tonight.
Nitey nite.
1/10 2025
—
.
It has been a gnarly day. Tomorrow is likely to be worse. Potentially traumatic.
The TLDR is that my apartment is in really bad condition and since the housing association wants to rent it out for the three months until it gets torn down (just myapartment, not the building) it means I could be liable for a considernable amount.
Honestly, it is pretty certain that I’m going to lose a lot of money on this. I just.. hope it won’t be all my life savings. Or that I’ll be in debt or evicated or something. It could get bad.
I may find out a little more at the ‘pre-appraisal’ tomorrow. I don’t know if appraisal is the right word, when they go through the apartment to see what needs to be fixed. The pre-appraisal is to give me advice about things i can do before leaving the apartment, to save myself money potentially. There’s just a lot of stuff I can’t do. Even the basic stuff will be a challenge.
Anywat, that’s the shortish version.
Now I will go on and ramble about my day, as I like to do.
I gave myself a nice long 12 hours in bed, drifting in and out of dreams. That was nice.
Then first thing when the housing assoc phone lines opened, I call to inquire about my rent. The notice about the pre-appraisal said that if they didn’t manage to rent out my apartment I would have to pay rent until January 1st. But I had previously been told that I would not have to pay double rent. So I wanted to find out about that. And I think it was Sarah I talked to again, she reassured me that I would not be paying double rent. So that’s good.
After I finished that phone call I went to my banking site and paid the deposit + first month’s rent on the new apartment. So that’s done now. And that’s for November, so I won’t be paying rent for November in this apartment, according to my phone call. I have paid October’s rent for this one. And then November and December will be the new one.
Alright.
Next up was a problem with my balcony door. Yes, I have a little balcony. it’s basically just big enough to step out on, I don’t even think I could fit a chair there. I have not ever used it. But the door has been giving me problems. There’s some kind of rubber lining that’s gone lose, and I meant I couldn’t get it shut properly. I managed to get it shut, but there was still a gap. I basically insulated it with cloths and stuff. Because I didn’t want to deal with it.
But that was today’s second call to the housing assoc. And they sent a guy over. I love waiting for guys to come over…
He somewhat managed to fix it. At least so I can close the door. But it’s still not closing tight like it should. There’s a gap.
If I was going to be living here permanently I would have to get it fixed, but I don’t know how big a job it would be. I think I can manage with my own insulation for the month and change I will be here.
I am just so tired.
After the guy had left I tried to do some basic fixing of problematic things in my apartment. In preparation for tomorrow. And it just kind of cemented the fact that it is beyond me. I will not be able to get this apartment in good condition. Not on my own. The questions is wnhether I can leave it to the housing assoc to do it or if I need to hire a professional cleaning company. I will be paying that’s for sure. And the real question is if the damage is so great that it will have further consequences. I can hope that the fact that I have been here for 18 years and that the apartment is going to get removed in April will count in my favour. But you can’t count on business interests being nice to you for the sake of being nice. From what I’ve heard they can be pretty ruthless. Fair, hopefully.
But yeah, it could get ugly. And I am extremely stressed and ancious and scared and worried and other words that mean berrying my pants. I am really finding it hard to face all this. I feel like I don’t know if I can survive this.
But hey. One day a day. I’m done for today. Going to have soup, probably iced creams tonight. And then I’ll have to get through tomorrow. Somehow.
2/10 2025
—
.
Well, things just keep getting gnarlier.
I got an SMS from the housing portal, saying that my current apartment has been made available for offers with last day to reply on Tuesday.
Oh. Kay. I don’t understand. The notice from the housing association about the pre-appraisal tomorrow said that among other things it was to evaluate if the apartment was ready to be rented out again.
I mean, it’s definitely not ready right now. But apparently they have put it up on the housing portal. I guess they assume that by December 1st it will be good enough to be rented out. And that someone will be interested in renting it until April when it’s torn down. I don’t really understand why the last reply date is Tuesday October 7th when the apartment isn’t available until December 1st. But maybe that’s how apartment rental scheduling works.
Weird.
But the thing is, I am obligated to show off the apartment to interested people. Just like I went and looked at the two apartments. So, now I’m faced with that. Possibly having strangers coming to my apartment. Something I hate enough when it’s warranted, needed. Now it’s just strangers that I have zero connection to, zero benefit from meeting, people that will want to look at my place, my stuff.
I can’t imagine anyone coming to look at my place right now will want to move in.
Ugh. I guess I can hope no one wants it. But knowing my luck i’ll probably have a bunch of people wanting to see it. I sure hope not.
Maybe no one will be interested in it, since it’s such a short term rental. But there could be people who are desperate for just any short term place while waiting for other options.
Well, I guess I’ll just have to take it as it comes. If people come here and think it’s a pigsty, what do I care. I’ll tell them about the constant noise from neighbours, the bulldozers at 6 am, the poor condition of it all. I’ll be honest. If they want it, then good for them. And if not, good for them. Since I have been promised that I won’t pay double rental, I really don’t care if anyone rents it when I’m gone or not.
I just.. feel like everything keeps piling on. Even if everything went smoothly this would be difficult for me. Right now it just feels insurmountable.
I am not feeling good. Stress and depression and anxiety is through the roof. And i’m on the ground floor here, so you know that’s way up.
But whatever. Step by step, day by day. One day a day. Take it as it comes, cos I don’t have any choice.
2/10 2025
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Hello. I survived.
I got through another thing.
It was not easy. But it went much better than I had feared.
First off I have to say another massive thank you to Helle.
We’re friends on the facebox and she saw my post about the pre-appraisal. And she messaged me and offered to be there for it.
I had to think about it a little. Just because I really hate having people in my apartment. And I like Helle. Honestly I’m pretty ashamed of the state of my apartment, and kind of want as few people as possible to see it.
But. After considering it I had to come to the conclusion that having Helle there could only be a help. And I didn’t want to turn that help down because of my own stupid insecurities and fears. So I accepted the offer. And I am very grateful for it.
Okay, the important part. They came and saw my apartment and the state of my apartment is not good, but it’s not as bad as I had feared. It’s not in a condition to be rented out to anyone right now, and the appraiser said that he didn’t think it would make sense to get it fixed up just to rent it out for 3 months and then have it torn down. So he’s going to recommend not renting it out, he said he’d put in a word for that. If that’s what happens then I will only have to deliver it appropriately cleaned. Not fix all the flaws.
So I am really really hoping for that. That would be a huge relief. That would make things so much simpler.
In general I am relieved. It went so much better than I had feared. I didn’t get much sleep last night and I was just kind of a mess.
So, the longer story of the day.
Got up early since I couldn’t sleep and did some more basic tidying up and trying to hide away the worst bits.
The appraised was supposed to come at 10.15 and Helle at 10 am.
Turned out the appraiser turned up like a minute after Helle was there. Not real great to not keep to the appointed time. But whaveter. So I didn’t have time to talk to Helle beforehand. We just went right into it.
And thankfully it wasn’t too bad. The notice had said it would be a ‘superficial’ evaluation of the apartment. I wasn’t sure what that meant. If they would like be moving my furniture around, opening closets, checking everything closely.
Thankfully that wasn’t it. It took… 10-15 minutes I guess. And most of it was just standing and talking. The appraiser, and another one who seemed like an apprentice or such, did some basic looking. But not really closely at anything. A superficial evaluation.
When Helle came in first she said it wasn’t that bad. I had prepared her and told her that I was ashamed of the place and it was a mess. Apparently she’s seen much worse. She’s been in a lot of apartments since she does a lot of advocating and just general activities in the area.
Anyway, the condition of my apartment is definitely not great. The floors are real bad. And I was really worried aout the bathroom because there’s like fungus in the walls. Helle said it wasn’t that bad. Just needs to be painted.
So yes, it wasn’t a disaster. My fears of financial bankruptcy or immediate eviction, that did not come into play. I am going to lose some money, because I am just not capable of properly cleaning the place when I leave, i will need to hire someone to do that I am pretty sure. I am prepared to do that.
But all in all it seems much less consequential than I had feared, and the experience was much less traumatic than I had feared. And having Helle there was a huge help. She has experience with these things and she was able to communicate a bit about my situation, it was really helpful.
This was something I felt I couldn’t face, so it feels really good to be through it.
The appraiser did say that when I move to the new apartment I need to be careful and keep it maintained better. And he gave me some pointers and advice. We talked a bit about that. And he was noting things on his laptop.
And then it was over. This huge giant thing that I didn’t know if i could survive. I got through it.
There are still hard things ahead, my panic will come back for sure. But right now I’m feeling mostly relief. And also tired. Going to take the weekend off to relax. Hopefully no new scary things will pop up right now.
I talked to Helle for a bit after it was done. I will have to start focusing on the move itself soon. And Helle is being helpful with that too. I am so glad I got in touch with her, feels like I found a guardian angel. No pressure! I am just so grateful for the help.
Time to relax now. And gather strength for the next storm.
Thank you everyone for the support and advice and love! I am having a difficult time, but I appreciate not being alone.
I live to fart another day.
3/10 2025
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Not that it matters at all compared to stuff going on in my life, but I wish to register my complaint about Facebook pivoting to reels.
Please feel free to skip this entire post, there is nothing of importance, just me letting off some steam.
The other day I get the notice that from now on all my videos on my Page are automatically reels.
Thanks a lot.
Reels suck. Much less accessible than the old video format. For some reason they insist on putting the text on top of the video? And since i have to have my text zoomed to a huge size, there are a lot of reels that i basically cannot watch because the entire video is covered by huge text.
And then i got and look at my old videos on the Page and now instead of a neat list with titles and dates and stuff, now it’s a bunch of thumbnails in portrait format even though all my videos are in landscape format. I’m sure they’re chasing the tiktok format or whatever.
I love sharing the goat journey with people on the page. But it’s getting so annoying that part of me just wants to quit all that.
I’m trying to keep the goat posts coming there even when my days are filled with tough stuff.
Ugh and now I keep getting notifications when pages I follow post reels. And since all videos are now reels, that means notifications for every video. I don’t want notifications for posts. I want notifications for comments. I got to my wall to see posts. I’m not walking around with a phone in my hand, i don’t need notifications when people post stuff. It’s like on Youtube where everyone says “don’t forget to hit that bell to get notified when I post”. No. No no no. I don’t want to be notified when you post. I go to my subscription box to see what the people I subscribe to are posting. I don’t need to watch a video the second you post it. I’ll watch it when I dam nwell want to. I don’t need to be told you posted something. I’ll see it when i look at my subs.
Fneeergh. Of a geenie popped out of my butt when I wiped I’d wish for it to be 1990 again, among other things.
Okay. Feels kind of good to rant about unimportant things again. Too many important things lately. I’m scared everytime I open my email, dreading something new from the housing business.
Hopefully things calm down a little now. Until the drones invade.
Episode 5 Attack Of The Drones.
3/10 2025
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And a little goat content for good measure. Sky and the guy.

3/10 2025
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Lazy Saturday. Just relaxing. Going to cook up a pot of soup now. For lunchdinnersnacks.
It’s a weird time now, so many Big Scary Things happening and out of the blue emergency Must Act Now things. It’s hard to sit back and relax. Keep expecting a phone call saying that my new apartment has been eaten by termites and I have to go to Latvia and find an anteater.
Or something.
Still very relieved that yesterday was faced and braved and that it went so much better than I had feared.
But the nervousness of the coming things is brewing again, that constant feeling of being on edge and your tummy rumbling, not from hunger but from.. nerves? Fear. I don’t know. I know people move all the time and it usually goes fine. But I don’t move all the time. How do I know if it will go fine?
Hopefully it will. I’m going to focus on the soup now. My routine is watching and old episode of The Soup while eating soup. A cosmic balance.
I depend a lot on routines. I had years where basically nothing new or exciting happened. And I liked it like that. It’s difficult for me when I don’t know what to expect, don’t know what’s going to happen. I don’t cope well with that. I just want everything in its right place. And everything has been a jumbled mess lately.
But enough prattle, I’ll dive into the soup. Hope you’re all having a good weekend.
4/10 2025
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It’s funny how some things stick in your head and become canon. Become the true version of things. Like Jeremy Brett, to me he’s just Sherlock Holmes. Doesn’t matter how well anyone else does, to me he’s Sherlock.
And this, this is my Robin Hood. I see a new Robin Hood series is coming out soon. And the trailer looks decent. But to me. This is Robin Hood. All these years later, i still remember that music so wel. Even before rewatching the opening. Over the years, i would still hear it in myhead. Robin.. the hooded man. And Herne the hunter.
That, and the old Amiga game. If you know you know.

4/10 2025
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Luna, the perfect hugging goat.

4/10 2025
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I was planning to sleep late today. Really late. Til noon.
At 9.30 they started working somewhere in an adjacent apartment. Sawing, hammering etc.
I guess I’m up.
I suppose 9.30 am isn’t a totally unreasonable time for them to start working. Better than the 6.30 am bulldoers on weekdays. But still. They were working yesterday too. I would like some quiet weekends. I don’t know who it is doing it or what they’re doing or why they seem to do it exclusively on weekends. Don’t know if it’s the neighbours doing private stuff or if it’s the housing association doing maintennance or whatever.
And coupled with all the general noise from the neighbours. I understand that it’s an ancient building (that’s why it needs to be renovated) and I understand that kids will eb kids and they’ll run around and flap doorhandles and scream and shout. And it’s not their fault that even normal speaking voices in some of their rooms go straight thrugh my walls.
But yes. One of the things that would be super nice about the new place would be much less noise. I hope. I sure hope.
Time to turn up the music to drown out the sawing.
Oh yes, also got a notice from the municipality that my housing support has been cancelled since I’m moving out on November 1st. Have to apply for it for my new place. Hopefully that’s just a formality. No problemo. Everything’s fine. I just love getting formal looking stuff in my email these days, it’s such a thrill to feel your heart trying to leap out of your throat. Hooray.
5/10 2025
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goatlog

5/10 2025
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How can time be so slow and so fast at the same time? Isn’t there some kind of law of relativity that is suppsoe to protect me against this?
I just wish I could cocoon myself and stay hidden away in a bubble where nothing ever changed.
Or maybe I should watch Cocoon.
5/10 2025
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Sky relaxing. I like that she got the chance to sit in the hatchwindow, normally that’s occupied by the big girls.

5/10 2025
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.
Another week is over. A big hurdle cleared, more to come.
I hope next week will be pretty lowkey. More lowkey less Loki.
Hopefully no big unforeseen challenges.
One thing that’s up in the air is whether I will get any calls from people that will want to see my apartment? I don’t actually know if my apartment is still listed as available for offers. Hopefully they will not want to rent it out after all, but I don’t know if it’s still up on the housing portal. Last reply date is Tuesday, if it is. So the next couple of days I’ll be crossing my fingers for no calls on that.
Got a couple of things I need to handle. Applying for housing support at the new place, and then I’m supposed to get a new acces key to the washing room, I got a noticed that I should have gotten that before October 1st. Unless it’s down in my mailbox tomorrow then I’ll have to call them about that.
Other than that I guess it’s just slowly starting to prepare for the move. I still have stuff in my apartment to go through and throw out. Time to get rid of everything that i don’t absolutely want and need to bring with me.
Glad I still have a good amount of time for that. I still have 6 weeks until the actual move. I get the apartment in a month, but they have two weeks after that to fix it up.
So I have time to plan and prepare.
And worry and worry and worry and worry.
And so on and so forth.
But for now. One day a day, and hopefully a quiet week ahead.
5/10 2025
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.
..
That’s all for now.