The Rise Of Goatherder

April 14th, 2019

If any of you ever catch me trying to drink undiluted appled cider vinegar straight from the bottle again, please slap me.
8/4 2019

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BeVerly Hills Cop 5, in which Axel F gets killed and Serge has to solve the murder.
Please support my kickstarter
8/4 2019

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Today will be a good day. Happy Mio Monday everyone.

8/4 2019

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Dreams are so wonderful and beautiful, I have a hard time choosing reality over them.
9/4 2019

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Today will be a good day. Happy Yogi Day everyone.

9/4 2019

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Good goat times today. I needed that. If you have very keen sense of observation you might have noticed I haven’t been in a good palce the last couple of days. Luckily, with the goats is a good place. I didn’t make it out yesterday, so it was important I got out today. A nice and sunny day, although cold enough in the morning that I regretted not wearing a sweater. But it got better as the day went on. And the goats goat goater. Some good, silly running around. It’s funny seeing big Mia act like a kid with the littles. It’s a little harder keeping everything under control when there’s 6 of them, but on the plus side it’s very easy to get them all riled up and running back and forth. Mia was sprinting so quickly ahead at one point that Sassy didn’t have time to get out of the way and Mia half pushed her out of the way and half jumped over her. Causing a kid at the kindergarten fence to laugh and go “that goat jumped right over that goat!”. It’s good fun when they get all worked up. The goats I mean, not the kindergarteners. Although that’s fun too.
And then lots of good times in the pen. Relaxing and handing out treats and doing stuff for the camera. With a mind blissfully free of worry.
Had to pick up a package on my way home. The younger postal lady saw me and said “I thought we’d see you, I noticed there was a package for you”. I really like our postal ladies, the younger and the elder.
There was also a sale on pasta wheels in the store. So I bought 8 big packages. The clerk must have thought I was going home to cook dinner for my big, Italian family. I go through the pasta a lot quicker these days. It crunches so loudly that you can’t just give to one goat. You end up giving to five, and then by the time you’re given everyone Mia is ready for round two and you can’t really say “You already got one!” because, you know, she’s a goat and you can’t say no. And then you have to fish out some raisins for the little guy. Yes, the treat budget has definitely increased. Good thing I make such big bucks selling goat content to the premium subscribers!
9/4 2019

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Sometimes you wanna go where everybody bleats your name, and they’re always glad you came.

9/4 2019

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Looks like there’s room for someone, if he brought treats that is.

9/4 2019

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Ah. I Thought Sky was saving a seat for me. I guess she had someone else in mind.

9/4 2019

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Still reading Eric Idle’s Sortabiography. Yesterday I listened to the chapters about Robin Williams. Very sad, as you can imagine. But I learned something that I don’t think I knew. Robin Williams had goats? According to Idle. It’s just one offhand line, the kind that most people just read on through. But to me it’s like someone hitting a giant gong. Goats? Someone said goats? I tried the google, but I couldn’t find anything about Robin Williams having goats. Maybe it just wasn’t public knowledge? I don’t know. I wonder if it was a business thing. For profit. Or just pet goats. Who knows. But oh, can you imagine Robin Williams sitting in a pasture with baby goats? That’s where I wanna go when I die. Assuming my own goat pals are there too, of course.
Maybe being with goats helped calm the storms in his mind? Or maybe I’m projecting, since that’s what they do for me.
10/4 2019

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Today will be a good day. Happy Hump Day everyone.
Say hi to Robin for me if you see him, auntie.

10/4 2019

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Thinking about how the goats calm the storm in my head. It’s the only place where I can feel calm and at ease. Other than dreams. Everywhere else. It’s a constant turmoil of anxiety, fear, worry. Blindness, self-loathing. It’s a constant. It’s someone dragging you underwater in the swimming pool, and you can’t shake them. Like swimming lanes with a rhino on your back.
And it feels like it’s always been like that. I was thinking of how as a kid I’d purposely go to school 10-15 minutes early, just so the halls were mostly empty. So I’d be the first one in the classroom. So I could get to my space, in the far corner. And sit there before everyone else started arriving. To avoid having to walk through a crowd. Always that was my seat. In the corner at the far end. So two sides were safe. Like grandma Mio always settling down in the corner. It was always torture when we weren’t allowed to pick our own seating arrangement. Having to sit with people behind me was painful.
I wonder if my mind was always wrecked or if I did it to myself, just me. I don’t know. I can’t imagine what it’s like to be normal. I’m not saying being normal is the greatest thing in the world. But it sure would be nice to not live in constant anxiety and blindness and be able to, you know, talk to people. I wonder what that’s like. I wonder what my life would have been like… I wonder if people in comas dream constantly. I wonder.
10/4 2019

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Today will be a good day. Here’s Peanut from 2015.

11/4 2019

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Sorry I’m being quite spotty on the facebox lately. I don’t have smartphonery when I’m out with the goats, so no internet there. And I get very poor reception in dreamland. I think they’re still running dialup in there, so whenever someone is on the phone talking I get cut off. I’ve been spending a lot of time in dreamland lately. I was tempted to see if I could stay in bed for 48 hours. I wonder what my dreams would be like then.
Last night I dreamt, among other things, about tw of our old goat alumni. Chokolade and Lakrids. They were working in a supermarket. They hadn’t grown up, still kidsized. With tiny little.. apron things. I think their job was mainly entertaining the customers. Funny where the mind goes when you let it.
Good thing I still have some tethers to reality, otherwise I’d fly off like an escaped blimp full of helium I fear.

11/4 2019

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goatlog

11/4 2019

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Just a couple of goofs

11/4 2019

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Did they Brexit yet? I’ve been sleeping a lot..
12/4 2019

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Limb from limb, dust to dust, broken bones in the ashes, torn and trashed and bruised and bashed, up on the cross and down on the floor
12/4 2019

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O, what a tangled web we weave. When first we realise we’re a spider queen in a dream.
12/4 2019

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Today will be a good day. Here’s Chokolade and Lakrids from 2008.

12/4 2019

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Good goat times today. Cold, though. Freezing with the windchill. Back to winter coat. But at least there was some sun now and then. I hope we get back to the good weather soon.
The goats were happy enough to get out and run around for a bit. And hang out at the fence so the kindergarteners could adore them. And there’s slowly starting to appear some greenery on branches here and there. The goat army will do its best to eradicate it all.
Funniest thing today was, not once, but twice Sassy tried sneaking a drink from Lily’s milk bar. Haha. Cheeky gal. Nuller got himself a drink today, so there’s still milk in there. Maybe Sassy wanted a bowl of corn flakes or something. Lily was chill about it.
Nuller got his first pasta wheel today! It was by accident, really. Milo was jumping on my back, so I gave him a wheel. Then he jumped down. And I thought he jumped back up, so I gave him another wheel. Then I realised… hmm.. isn’t Milo heavier than this? Twas Nuller up there this time. So he got himself a pasta wheel. I was a little worried that his little mouf wouldn’t be ready for that, but he seemed to cope with it. And of course, once a goat baby gets a taste of a new treat they get very eager for more. I gave him a little more, breaking off smaller pieces for him. Just a little. Don’t wanna give him too much of that stuff right now. But he sure is a cute cruncher.
12/4 2019

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Kindergartener’s delight

12/4 2019

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Nuller got more than his first pasta today.
Cracker time!

12/4 2019

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Refreshing Twitter, hoping for an Episode IX title. Come on, it’s time.
Please tell us, so I can get off twitter before Trump fires someone new and that starts trending.
Gotta hand it to Trump, he sure is draining that swamp. That swamp called Department of Juice, Homeland Security, etc.
Okay, that’s it. I’ll try to stay off the politics. GIVE ME MY STAR WARS TITLE
12/4 2019

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Mwahah. They broke Twitter.
The Rise Of Skywalker?
Hmkay. I’m going to need to download that trailer and watch it about a million times.
But hey. That title totally works with my speculationfanfic about Rey being Luke’s daughter.
12/4 2019

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“No one’s ever really gone”
*Palpatine laughter*
Sheeeeeeeet. Sheeeeev.
A rise, lord Skywalker
12/4 2019

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12/4 2019

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Brb, I’ll be in my thinking room.

12/4 2019

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Alright, I’m going to pack it in for today. Tiredytired. The Star Wars hit me in the head and heart. I’m sure by the time I’m up tomorrow the internet will have dissected the new trailer and everything will be clear and I’ll just sit here and read all about it.
And for those of you who don’t like Star Wars, there’s Star Wars. And now for something completely different. Star Wars.
*naked piano player outro*
It’s
12/4 2019

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Today will be a good day. Here’s grandma and the Ping Pong twins from 2016.

13/4 2019

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goatlog

13/4 2019

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If 500 people Like this then I won’t post my Palpatine theory.
13/4 2019

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Goat ladies are judging my Star Wars postings

13/4 2019

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OG Goat Trio comi atcha

13/4 2019

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But, can’t they like get a throne each?
14/4 2019

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Okay, so my Palpatine thoughts. They’re not really very interesting. It’s going to be long and rambling. Kinda like a political post, only about someone less evil than Trump. AMIRIGHT #SithWhiteHouse
sorry.
And I haven’t read up on the fandom reaction to the teaser trailer (other than the standard THIS IS THE BEST/WORST THING EVER AND I CANT BELIEVE HOW DISNEY IS {CRUSHING IT]/[RUINING STAR WARS] etc). I could already be proven wrong by smarter minds and bigger nerds.
First off, just because Palpatine’s laughter is in the trailer doesn’t mean he’ll be in the movie. We’ve had stuff in trailers that didn’t show up in the finished movie before. So that’s just worth remembering. But it would be a dick move to put him in the trailer and then nothing in the movie.
My personal theory is that the laughter is an echo from the past. In the old continuity, before Disney, they did bring him back in the Dark Empire comics. He lived on in clone bodies, something like that. And in the books he was researching big dark side secrets and he was aiming to get the power to literally reshape reality, plus him and Plagueis were kinda messing with life and death which may or may not have directly or indirectly lead to the birth of Anakin. Plus in the Rebels cartoon they introduced this weird.. pathway between worlds. Where you could literally travel through time and space. And the emperor did get a glimpse into it. (I hated that plotline btw). So what I’m trying to say is, if they want to bring back Palpatine there is ample ways and means and precedence.
But I don’t think they will. Feel free to ridicule me if I’m wrong. I think it’s an echo of the past. Rey has been shown to have this .. power. Or whatever. The force vision/flashback when she found the lightsaber. She heard Kenobi’s voice.She saw Luke and R2 at the burning academy. I believe they were even planning to show her walking into Luke and Vader’s duel on Bespin, but they cut it and only showed her in the corridors before it. But my theory is, she’ll hear Palpatine when they encounter the fallen Death Star, as we see in the trailer. I think that will trigger a vision and Palpatine will be featured in it.
Another possibility is that the fallen Death Star could be like the dark cave on Dagobah. I’m not sure if it’s still canon, but I believe that speculation was that the cave in Empire Strikes Back was created by the death of a powerful Sith. So imagine what the death of Palpatine could have caused. That fallen Death Star could be a huge darkside epicenter. Not necessarily with the ghost of Palpatine, but with the darkside energy. And Rey might have to go inside to recover something. And then she’ll have to face.. herself? Like Luke did. maybe face the real facts of her parentage? Maybe the Palpatine laughter will be part of that, Like Luke facing Vader only to find his own face under the mask. Maybe Rey will face Palpatine and find her own face under the hood?
Those are my thoughts.
I could be completely wrong. They might LITERALLY raise Palpatine from the dead and have him be the Epic Final Boss. Who knows.
But my money is on either Force Flashback or Darkside Cave Encounter.
14/4 2019

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Today will be a good day. Happy Funday everyone.

14/4 2019

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Newfurs assemble! Form of… three goats, I guess.

14/4 2019

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My next theory will involve the Death Star II crashing on Endor and the epic Ewok barbecues that ensued. All those dead bodies on the Death Star surely didn’t go to waste… They barely had to barbecue the storm troopers since they were all roasted in the giant explosion.
Tune into my new youtube channel THE SCRUFFY LOOKING GOAT HERDER’S STAR WARS THEORIES AND FANFIC. Don’t forget to like comment and subscribe, and smash that bellend.
14/4 2019

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Mail! Thank you so much Keiko Murakami ! Three new, beautiful pieces for the collection. Baby Palle walker, Sky’s berry dispenser and a wonderful rendition of grandma Mio. It might just be because I’m seeing with my heart, but I really think you captured her beauty perfectly.
Thank you so much! When I buy an island off the coast of Costa Rica and make my goat sanctuary I shall erect a museum building and put them all on display.

14/4 2019

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Maybe I oughta trim his pantaloons. That fluff is outta control.

14/4 2019

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I have a new theory. This is what it is that it is: AHEM. I am going to bed. This is my theory. It is mine. I own all rights to it in perpetuity and across all social media. PATENT PENDING.
I’m probably going on a dreamquest, so it may be a while until you see me again. If I found out you stole my theory while I was gone I will feed you to the Ewoks.
14/4 2019

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That’s all for now.


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The Empy Swimming Pool

April 7th, 2019

Wait, that million dollars in bitcoin that the guy at Starbucks gave me was an April’s Fool
Brb gotta go cancel my motorboat order
2/4 2019

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if there’s a shadow out there living my
2/4 2019

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Today will be a good day. Happy Yogi Day everyone.

2/4 2019

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Good goat times today. A quite sunny day, but colder than last week. With a cold wind too. Brought the sweater back out. But left the winter coat at home, at least. Out with the goats on the greens. It’s a big flock to herd around. Always something happening, with the group dynamics making for lots of fun situations. And a captive audience at the kindergarten fence. I think we have a little Mini-Murakami in there. Suddenly there was a fit of giglges and a little girl yelling “LOOK AT HER BUTT!! HER BUTT!! HER BUTT TEEHEE!!”. I think she was referring to Mia’s derriere. Someone get that kid a pack of crayons, I wanna see how she draws.
And then back to the pen to relax in the sun, and give everyone their fair share of time with me. Maybe I should hire a stunt double to take the Nuller leaps, he’s getting bigger and his timing isn’t always great when he hurls himself at me. But it never stops being amusing having a little goat catapulted at you. Very persistent. Good thing Mia doesn’t do that.
2/4 2019

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Everyone’s enjoying the parade of goat butts

2/4 2019

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dont-poop-dont-poop-dont-poop
I wonder how mini-Murakami would have reacted to this…

2/4 2019

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Okay, I give up. What are we doing?

2/4 2019

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Maybe she’s refusing to look at the camera until I pony up a treat?

2/4 2019

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Alright, enough selfies, shellfish. I am off to the bed place now. I am going to go dream of being someone I’d want to be. See you when the sun shines, sunshine. Be kind, rewind. Be nice, think twice. Stop rhyming, forkface.

2/4 2019

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Today will be a good day. Happy Hump Day everyone.

3/4 2019

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Why does the handsome goat in there never want to come out and play?!

3/4 2019

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Oh my, that Joker trailer looks really good. Here’s hoping the movie will live up to it.
3/4 2019

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Unhand me, human. I have adventures to go on, places to be, dragons to slay.

3/4 2019

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I am also shocked that Joe Biden would whisper in women’s ear. But are we sure he wasn’t just whispering locker room talk?
3/4 2019

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Humans aggravate me. Did you see that thing about Skrillex keeping mosquitos away? I don’t think it’s worth it for mosquitoes, but if it keeps humans away too maybe I’ll give it a go..
4/4 2019

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goatlog

4/4 2019

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Oh Nuller

4/4 2019

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Sometimes, late at night, I think about how sad.. how sad it is.. that my clock is broken, what time is it?
4/4 2019

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Finished watching Miracle Workers. The storyline on Earth didn’t grab me, but the stuff in Heaven was great. Steve Buscemi as god was everything I wanted it to be.
If you don’t get giraffes… if you can’t find the joy in a tall dog with a leg for a neck, then I feel sorry for you.
4/4 2019

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You know the kind of people you just oughta ignore, but it’s like a train wreck and you can’t look away?
And then you snap and leave 20 semi-rude comments pointing out all the horribleness,
And then you realise you don’t wanna be that guy and you don’t wanna get banned and lose your goat page over it and you delete all the comments.
And then you write a post about it on Facebook?
Maybe the train wreck was inside me all along.
4/4 2019

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Today will be a good day. Here’s Fuzzy from 2016.

4/4 2019

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Good goat times today. Sunshine on and off, a cold wind. But spring jacket with no sweater, so that’s pretty good.-
When I got to the goats there was a little group of people on the grass outside the goat pen. They were discussing and pointing and planning. I am not sure what exactly they were doing. But I remember sometime last year Finbarr was talking about how he wanted that stretch of grass made into.. something. A running track or a pitch or something. Maybe work is finally getting underway with that. Although personally I’d be sad if they took away that nice green grass. It’s a great place for the goats. Right out of the gate and onto the grass and then a nice walk along the kindergarten fence up to the bleachers. I don’t know how much grass will be left if they start building something there. I’d miss the walks long the kindergarten fence. If they put something big there then the kindergarteners won’t be able to see from their playgrounds over to the goat pen either.
But oh well, I’m not even sure what it was about, and whatever happens we’ll have places to go to ge the greens.
The newbies are getting used to being let out of the pen, probably won’t be long before I try taking them to the different side, with the pavilliona and long the horse fence. Let’s hope they don’t find the path to the forbidden zone.
Have I mentioned that I admire Nuller’s optimism? He doesn’t seem to need to plan anything ahead, he just sees me and thinks “Ah there’s Lasse, I’ll launch myself at him and see what happens”. Half the time he bounces off like a squash ball hitting a wall and bouncing off. But he gets right back up and tries again. He’s getting bigger, but still a cute baby to me.
4/4 2019

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Mia and Sassy in ‘Polite Discourse’

4/4 2019

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Round 2

4/4 2019

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Who’s a cheeky monkey?

4/4 2019

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I am sleeping in the dirt, I am breathing the dust, I am coughing the germs, I am sneezing the feces, particles of decay and ashes from the dead fire, food for the worms, breeding ground for the germs, bones under the floorboards, I have the fury of no momentum, stillborn, still gone, steel form
4/4 2019

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Today will be a good day. Here’s Magnethe from 2005.

5/4 2019

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followed around by earthquakes
5/4 2019

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Casing the joint. I bet they got some sweet treats in there.

5/4 2019

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Look mail! Thank you so much Shannon Marie Bryant ! What a wonderful package! Assorted nuts, magnets, cards, a shirt and a hat! Everyone agreed that it was great and that I should definitely give out treats to celebrate! Thank you so much, my most Shannon friend! Say hi to Corbin and the family!

5/4 2019

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I’m so LA, like yeah
Again, thank you Shannon Marie Bryant !

5/4 2019

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Do you ever feel like you’re a fly caught in a spider’s web? And you’ve forgotten what it’s like to just fly free, so now you’re just sitting there waiting for the spider?
6/4 2019

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Funny, I’ve seen a couple of people posting about Mick Jagger getting heart surgery in New York and asking why he’d get surgery in America if European socialist healthcare is so great.
Uhm, well. Because he’s rich? I’m sure rich people have great healthcare in America. If you’re NOT Rich and you need heart surgery.. gofundme? I don’t know.
Anyway, coincidentally Mick Jagger is also prominently featured in the book I’m currently reading. Eric Idle’s Sortabiography. Idle is maybe my least favourite of the Pythons, to be honest. But it’s a fun book, and he’s a good narrator. And hearing him chuckle as he tells the story of how he taught his dog to sing along when he played guitar made me like him more.
Anyway, he hung out a lot with the Beatles and Stones and stuff, so that’s.. what the point. Was. of all . This.
Another Friday night well spent, like a rockstar yo
6/4 2019

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Today will be a good day. Here’s Bruce, Clark and Mio from 2014.

6/4 2019

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Did I hear a treatbag being opened?

6/4 2019

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Do you think if Eminem and Gordon Ramsay switched places anyone would notice?
6/4 2019

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Standing on the diving board, realising the swimming pool is empty
6/4 2019

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Today will be a good day. Happy Funday everyone.

7/4 2019

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Yesterday was my dad’s birthday. I was invited out to dinner with my parents and brother, but I had to cancel. I was feeling too depressed. Not up to going out in public among humanpeoples. So that was a bummer. But I’m glad my family understands.
Still not feeling too good. The world is getting to me. Stupid world.
Onwards and upwardses
7/4 2019

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Think goat thoughts

7/4 2019

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The bleating heart

7/4 2019

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Sheesh, get a room

7/4 2019

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Lily-mam, baby and uncle Me

7/4 2019

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That’s all for now.


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