Axeiety
October 24th, 2021Happy Mio Monday everyone.
And a Medical Update from me.
The good news is I went to the doctor. The better news is the doctor said I was physically just fine and we’ll be doing no further. The bad news is I don’t really agree with him.
Well, I called the doctor this morning and he wanted me to come in right away. I guess I should tell you all what’s been going on exactly. Maybe I’ll just write out the whole thing and everything that’s been going on. Yeah. This’ll be a long one. There will be a tldr in the comments.
So, it started two weeks ago. Exactly. Monday two weeks ago when I went to bed I had a sore throat. The only thing that had happened out of the ordinary was that I had some creamy cheeses in my fridge (no this isn’t a setup for a joke) and they had gone bad. They were months old and smelly. I opened up one and saw that it was all moldy. So I put them all in a bag and carried them out out to the trash container outside. I didn’t put socks on, just went out in flip flops. I don’t know if any of this is relevant or not, but as my throat got worse during the night I wondered if it was because I went out without socks or if I’d breathed in fungi or something.
Anyway, I took lozenges, it helped my throat pretty quickly. But then the cough started. I’ve been coughing for two weeks. It’s not a real bad cough, and it’s not all the time. But it feels like it’s coming from the chest, not my throat. You know when you get sick and your throat hurts and it gets blocked and you got slime and it’s irritated. It was never really like that. And I felt generally fine other than the throat. But I took that week off, thinking it was just a mild flu or something.
So last week I went out a couple of times to see the goats. And noticed I got way more tried than usual. The last time when I came home I had to sit down for 10 minutes and just catch my breath and strength. I don’t usually get hit that hard from going out goating.
So that was last week, I was coughing on and off, I was feeling more exhausted when I did stuff. And then Friday night it got prety bad. I started having trouble breathing. I felt like there was a problem in my right lung. It wasn’t exactly a pain, but it was some kind of bother and I felt like it wasn’t working right and I had a hard time breathing. My dad came over to check on me and I felt that getting out of bed helped a little. And then I took some painkillers and I felt like that helped my lung and I felt more normal. So I decided to wait and see how it went. Over the weekend I’ve been feeling like I get tired quickly. I feel out of breath sometimes even when just sitting around doing nothing. And sometimes my lips and face and fingers kinda tingling. I had been wondering if I had pneumonia, but I haven’t had a fever. I just feel like there’s something wrong with my lung and like I’m not getting enough oxygen in my blood.
So this morning I called the doctor and he asked me to come in. I went in and he listened to my lungs, checked my pulse and put my finger in some kind of device, I don’t even know what that was. Somethng to do with my tingling fingers?
Anyway, he said it was all fine. My pulse was a little hugh though. I said I’d been told that before when I was at the doctor and that I figured it might be because of my social phobia and anxiety being around people.
And I feel like the doc focused in on the anxiety and decided that was the problem. I did say that when I’d had the problem on Friday that I had wondered if I was having a panic attack.
And I feel like the doc thinks it’s all anxiety. He said he might want me to go back on anti depressants. But other than that he did not want to do anything further right now. And if I got breathing problems I should call again or the emergency number.
So. I don’t know. He listened to my lungs and they were fine. So that’s good. I don’t have pain when taking deep breaths. Maybe it’s not a lung problem. Now I’m wondering if it could be my heart..
I just have a hard time believing it’s all anxiety. I have suffered from depression and anxiety for what sems like forever. I’ve never had anything like this reaction. And the fact that I get more exhausted when going out and that I feel shortness of breath when not doing anything.. it just feels like physical reactions to something. Not a mental thing.
But I mean, in general I feel ok. So. I guess I’ll wait and see for now. I guess I might take the week off from goating, just to make sure I get enough rest.
I kinda wanna go to the hospital and get xrays and blood tests done. But I am also extremely avoidant and I just want to duck my head under the pillow and hope it goes away. I mean who else do you know who’d have breathing problems like I had on Friday and not go to the ER. I recognise that was kinda dumb.
Anyway, we’ll see what happens. Thanks all for the concern and all.
18/10 2021
—
.
Thanks everyone for the comments and suggestions and support. This thing ain’t over, but let’s hope it’ll be alright.
Btw, I’m not super happy with my doc. My old doc left the office recently. I think there are 4 or 5 doctors in the office, along with some nurses and other staff. I’ve never seen this guy before. But then, given that it was such a short-term appt Idon’t know if I would have been able to see my old doc even if she was still. At that short notice you kinda have to take what you can get.
But I kinda got a bad vibe from him right from the start. He sat down and didn’t say anything at first. Now i’m very shy and introverted and repressed and scared of humans. I was kind of waiting for him to say something like “so what seems to be the problem” or whatever. But nope, he waited for me to speak. And I felt that was kind of odd and awkward. He did have the notes from teh guy I talked to on the phone in the morning, so he sort of knew what it was all about. But still. And I felt like the moment I brought up anxiety he kind of decided that was what it was and no need to look into it deeper.
I feel like going right back to him would not necessairly accomplish much. I don’t even know how you go to the hospital here, if you can just show up and expect to get bloodwork and xrays done or you need to make an appointment or whatever, and then there’s the issue of me being too blind to find my way around. I usually depend on my dad to come and help me if I’m going places I’ve never been before. But my dad’s got stuff on his schedule too, so it’s not like he can just come at my beck and call. Back and call? What and what, what even are words?
Anyway yeah. Maybe it IS All anxiety and i’ll be totally good tomorrow, hoooves crossed.
18/10 2021
—
.
And just so it’s not all doom and gloom, here’s a got pic from last week. All six in the shot, you know I love when I get that on the pictum.
18/10 2021
—
.
HappY Yogi daY everyone.
How am I doing? I am feeling decent right now. Had a good looong sleep full of dreams. I still feel there’s something with my breathing, but physically I’m feeling better today than yesterday. Of course that may just be because yesterday I as out doing stuff and today I haven’t done anything physically exerting. But I’m monitoring the situation for a day or two yet. Thank you all so much for caring and for the advice and thoughts. Love you loves!
19/10 2021
—
.
Good news eberrybody!
I got elderberry soup! My dad was kind enough to come over with a couple of frozen packs of elderberry soup, and a couple of bags of flourballs. Good good stuff! And even better news, mama is planning to make soup this weekend. I like elderberry soup, but mama’s homemade soup is the best. If I’m feeling okay by then I’ll go over and have soup with them. If I’m not feeling up to that then my dad promised he’d bring some of the soup over to my place. Yeah, I’m spoiled.
So that’s really good. It’s a good time to have soup. Right now I’m actually feeling pretty ok. But I also feel that if I were to go out and do shopping for example, i’d probably be wiped out and have breathing trouble for the rest of the day. Whether it’s my heart or corona or some infection, I don’t know. But right now I feel ok, and got soup in my future.
19/10 2021
—
.
Today will be a good day. Happy Hump Day everyone.
20/10 2021
—
.
Well I’m going to head to bed now. Since I stayed up last night. My sleep schedule is, like myself, quite liberal.
I’m still feeling pretty decent. It’s been nice to feel somewhat normal again. But I do still feel something wrong in the system. I hope the fact that I’ve felt better now is an indication that whatever is wrong is something temporary that is now close to being over. But I don’t know. It could also be something serious that’s still brewing.
I GUESS WE’LL FIND OUT. One way or the other. I really want to go see the goats. But I don’t think I helped myself by going last week. I better not. Maybe Soup Day can be the test for whether I’m able to go out and do stuff without getting wiped out.
Anyway, sorry for all the blabbering. Thank you for listening. See youse.
20/10 2021
—
.
Today will be a good day. Here’s Mathilde from 2005.
21/10 2021
—
.
How am I feeling now?
I’m not sure. I’m definitely not okay yet. I felt some of the shortness of breath last night. Good sleep and great dreams, though. i went shopping this morning and I definitely feel more exhausted than normal. Breathing harder. I am not back to normal. But still better than last weekend.. I guess=
I looked on my doctor’s website to see if I could make an appointment next week, but if you go through their normal booking system there’s like a month’s wait for open appointments. I guess if I’m still feeling like this on Monday or Tuesday then I’ll call in the morning and ask if they want to see me. I just hope I don’t get the same doctor though, i’ll start ro feel like Elaine in that episode of Seinfeld where her doctors keep writing in her journal because she’s being “difficult”. Hahah. Oh well. Hopefully this is some kind of virus and i’m on the mend, hopefully it’s not my heart. I feel pretty decent right now, other than breathing harder.
21/10 2021
—
.
I’m not trying to distract you or anything, but did you know that Dune’s original title in Danish was ‘Klit’ ?
The more you know about Denmark
21/10 2021
—
.
goatlog.
I’m really itching to get back to the goats. But I gotta pace myself.
21/10 2021
—
.
Btw, I had great dreams last night. In one of them I was standing at the back of teh stage while Morrissey was performing for a huge crowded. He jumped around and danced and then went to the microphone to start singing, but then had to stop and he was clutching his chest and couldn’t breathe and he had to limp off stage while the crowd boohed.
Ehm yes. It’s always funny how your subconscious weaves thing from your real life into dreams in weird ways. My favourite memory of that is when I was dreaming of teh ocean and the sounds of wavs crashing in and then I woke up and my window was open and it was storming outside and the sounds of the wind in the tree outside my window sounded exactly like the ocean waves.
Anyway, for the record I love Morrissey’s music, the person not so much these days.
21/10 2021
—
.
Goat withdrawal is no joke, I’m starting to not smell like goat berries what even
21/10 2021
—
.
Today will be a good day. Here’s a bunch of sweethearts from 2014.
22/10 2021
—
.
Good day, Facebox. How am I doing? I’m fine as long as I sit and do nothing. But as soon as I start doing suff I immediately get out of breath and exhausted. So I’ll be seein the doc next week hopefully, until then I guess I’ll just have to sit and do nothing. Which coincidentally is what I always do, so ethat’s something.
Hope you’re all doing well out there.
23/10 2021
—
.
Hey hey, look what I got! Thank you so much @cyd for the new addientions to my art collection! Sorry the photos are bad, the colours are absolutely gorgeous! Thank you for thinking of me! You’re the best!
23/10 2021
—
.
I gout soup! Soup there it is! I decided to not go over and have dinner with the family, since going out would wipe me out immediately. But my dad was nice enough to come over with my share, and the leftovers. I’m looking forward to that.
Also, my dad mentioned that he’d just had a corona test in the shopping center next door. They have a testing place there, and it’s open without appointment in the weekends. So… I’m thinking I may go there tomorrow and get tested. I don’t think I have the coroner, but it would be nie to get it ruled out. So I suppose I oughta. Supposing I can find the place.
23/10 2021
—
.
Some random, nonplitical observattions:
If you’re mad that Superman is bi, then you’re not on the superhero side you’re on the supervillain sied.
If you’re happy that Alec Baldwin was involved in an (presumably) accidental shooting, you’re not pro-life.
If you don’t like soup, you’re wrong.
If I owe you money, that wasn’t me it was my evil twin Bizarro Lasse.
Gandalf was pronounced Gan Alf in the Danish audio version of the Hobbit.
23/10 2021
—
.
okay I gotta
23/10 2021
—
.
Today will be a good day. Happy Funday everyone.
24/10 2021
—
.
I will try to get out and get that covid test later. I am not completely sure how long it takes to get the results, I read 10-12 hours, but then another place it said it could be a day. In any case, I still haven’t been to bed, and I doubt I’d be able to stay up and wait, and I’d just worry too much anyway. So what I’m going to do is, assuming everything goes well, I’ll go get the test and then I’ll come home and then I’ll go to bed and I’ll take one of my long dreamwalks. And get up tomorrow and check the result. And then take it from there. That’s the plan. Apply soup liberally and cross your fingers. Don’t wait up.
24/10 2021
—
.
.
—
That’s all for now.
