And so the year draws to a close.

It’s 8 pm as I start writing this. Four hours left of 2009. I’m not going to write a long recap of the year, because, you know, that would be depressing. Suffice it to say that this has been, by far, the worst year of my life. It’s been an almost unstoppable descent into blindness, constant hospital visits, pain and problems and many dark hours.

Not depressing at all.

I would say that 2010 can only get better, but I wouldn’t hold my breath. Nothing is so bad that it can’t get worse and worse and worse.

But instead of all the doom and gloomd I just want to say that I am still very thankful that I have such a supportive family and online friends and that I have enough eyesight left to at least function somewhat still. Lots of people in this world are worse off than me. That doesn’t mean I don’t feel sorry for myself. Because boy do I ever. But, things could get worse. Let’s hope they don’t.

I have had a quiet new year’s day. And by quiet I don’t mean sonically, because outside it is all boom boom bang bang kapow. But I’m back home from a nice little dinner with my parents and brother. The trip over there wasn’t nice. It was getting darker and there was ice and old, hard snow in places. My dad had to take me by the arm and lead me several times. It’s not going to be easy for me to walk outside until the weather gets warmer. And by then the sun will be out more and that will blind me. It’s never going to be easy again, is it? … But we made it okay. And the dinner was nice. And we took a taxi home. And now I am waiting for midnight. I do miss having midnight with the family. Just like with christmas we aren’t really huge tradionalists or anything. We don’t make a grand fuss of it. But just standing in front of the TV and seeing the clock strike twelve and raise our glasses (theirs with champagne, mine with cola or sparkly sports water or whatever) and wish eachother a happy new year. That is a nice little moment, that I would have liked to keep. But I really don’t like leaving my apartment empty for so long. And I wouldn’t like going home after midnight with explosions en masse. And even though I like spending time with the family, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself for so long in company. I do feel more comfortable in my own little apartment. So I’ll raise the glass by myself at midnight, and then they will call me pretty much immediately after twelve and then the year will be over and ne challenges ahead. The first two weeks of January will bring a visit to the doctor, a trip to the foot therapist and a return to the hospital. No rest for the wicked.

Tonight will be the first time in a long, long while that I stay up later than midnight though. In the olden days, before diabetes, I was a night owl. I’d be up to 3-4 am every night. Sitting at the computer mostly. But now that my computer usage has been drastically limited there’s really no reason to sit up all night long. In fact in the beginning of this year I’d often go to bed at 8 or 9 pm. Going to sleep early because I couldn’t stand being awake. I’d go lie in bed often during the day as well. I don’t do that as much anymore. And I’ve started staying up to 10-11 pm, and then taking an hour or two with an audibook now. But I don’t think I’ve staid up past midnight since last new year’s quite possibly.

I hope you will all have a safe new year’s eve. Try not to blow up anything important. Happy new year, I hope you’ll have a good 2010. See you then, everybody.

Today I had the good fortune of visiting the goats. It had been a while, again. Too long.When the weather gets warmer and things settle down I hope I’ll be able to visit more frequently.

It was snowing a little today. It felt good, snow against my face. I have missed that. There was still old snow and ice from the snowstorms on the ground, in places. It makes it somewhat difficult for me to get around. But my dad came and helped me so it wasn’t too bad. I probably could have done it on my own, I’d just have to take it slow and carefully. But it’s not nice really. Especially crossing the road. Where the old, hard snow is bunched up at the curb. And on my own it wouldn’t be a good idea to be too slow when crossing the road. The longer it takes the bigger the chance that a car will come along that I haven’t spotted. It’s also a litte difficult at the playground, with the open areas. When covered by snow I can’t tell where the paths are. I don’t know if I’m walking on the pavement or walking into the grass field. So it’s altogether a lot harder .And colder. But I’m glad I went, of course. As always it was a treat to see the goats. Kurt was there when I arrived. He helped me a little. He went and got me a milk crate to sit on and then he let me inside the goat stable. So I could sit inside. That was good for the temperature, but it was also dark. So I could barely see Vanilje and Magnethe. They actually jumped outside, through the hatch, when I came in. Probably the cane that spooked them, as always. But they quickly came back in and I spent some nice time with them. Although I almost got knocked to the ground by Magnethe. I was giving her some old bread, and I held it above her head, wanting her to jump up against the wall to reach it. Instead of jumping up with her front legs on the wall, she jumped up agasinst me, planting her legs on my chest. And she’s a big and heavy goat, it almost sent me flying on the floor. But I held on and it was a good laugh. They always get very eager when there’s food to be had. But they behaved nicely, which was good because it might have been hard for me to control them there in the dark. In the future I would probably rather sit outside, so I can actually see them. Even though it will be colder. The leg warmers I got for christmas helped though. My legs staid pretty warm. I have two pairs, I wonder if you can wear them on the arms too? Or over my head. Like a bank robber with tights over the head. Maybe I’ll try that.

T’was a good time all in all. I stopped into the playground main house and said merry christmas and happy new year to the staff. And made it home without falling.

And now the year is almost over. Frequent fireworks outside. I’d like the fireworks a lot more if they were just for new year’s eve. I’m not fond of having all the kids and teens running around with bombs here. Sometimes you can hear their sort of conspiratory voices outside. “Quick, quick! Run! Are you crazy?!”. That tone of voice that tells you they are doing things they are not supposed to do. And you want to believe that they are just innocent kids having fun. But kids today… Yeah, I do not like them having explosives. I heard some outside, aiming fireworks at other kids. And I have no doubt some of them, if they came across cats or other animals, or god forbid got in to the goats, they’d try to scare them or even hurt them with fireworks. I’m not saying they are all like that. But look at the world today. We’d be a lot better off without explosives.

I shall be having dinner with the family tomorrow. Parents and brother. I’m sure that will be nice. I’ll be back home before midnight. Toats the new year with a can of cola Zero. I sure know how to party.