And so the year draws to a close.

It’s 8 pm as I start writing this. Four hours left of 2009. I’m not going to write a long recap of the year, because, you know, that would be depressing. Suffice it to say that this has been, by far, the worst year of my life. It’s been an almost unstoppable descent into blindness, constant hospital visits, pain and problems and many dark hours.

Not depressing at all.

I would say that 2010 can only get better, but I wouldn’t hold my breath. Nothing is so bad that it can’t get worse and worse and worse.

But instead of all the doom and gloomd I just want to say that I am still very thankful that I have such a supportive family and online friends and that I have enough eyesight left to at least function somewhat still. Lots of people in this world are worse off than me. That doesn’t mean I don’t feel sorry for myself. Because boy do I ever. But, things could get worse. Let’s hope they don’t.

I have had a quiet new year’s day. And by quiet I don’t mean sonically, because outside it is all boom boom bang bang kapow. But I’m back home from a nice little dinner with my parents and brother. The trip over there wasn’t nice. It was getting darker and there was ice and old, hard snow in places. My dad had to take me by the arm and lead me several times. It’s not going to be easy for me to walk outside until the weather gets warmer. And by then the sun will be out more and that will blind me. It’s never going to be easy again, is it? … But we made it okay. And the dinner was nice. And we took a taxi home. And now I am waiting for midnight. I do miss having midnight with the family. Just like with christmas we aren’t really huge tradionalists or anything. We don’t make a grand fuss of it. But just standing in front of the TV and seeing the clock strike twelve and raise our glasses (theirs with champagne, mine with cola or sparkly sports water or whatever) and wish eachother a happy new year. That is a nice little moment, that I would have liked to keep. But I really don’t like leaving my apartment empty for so long. And I wouldn’t like going home after midnight with explosions en masse. And even though I like spending time with the family, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself for so long in company. I do feel more comfortable in my own little apartment. So I’ll raise the glass by myself at midnight, and then they will call me pretty much immediately after twelve and then the year will be over and ne challenges ahead. The first two weeks of January will bring a visit to the doctor, a trip to the foot therapist and a return to the hospital. No rest for the wicked.

Tonight will be the first time in a long, long while that I stay up later than midnight though. In the olden days, before diabetes, I was a night owl. I’d be up to 3-4 am every night. Sitting at the computer mostly. But now that my computer usage has been drastically limited there’s really no reason to sit up all night long. In fact in the beginning of this year I’d often go to bed at 8 or 9 pm. Going to sleep early because I couldn’t stand being awake. I’d go lie in bed often during the day as well. I don’t do that as much anymore. And I’ve started staying up to 10-11 pm, and then taking an hour or two with an audibook now. But I don’t think I’ve staid up past midnight since last new year’s quite possibly.

I hope you will all have a safe new year’s eve. Try not to blow up anything important. Happy new year, I hope you’ll have a good 2010. See you then, everybody.

This entry was posted on Thursday, December 31st, 2009 at 20:37 and is filed under Blogging. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.