I am feeling a little better physically. So that’s good. I am, however, a little worried about my left eye. I feel like it’s getting worse again. Like the blind spots are moving in to cover the central vision again. I can feel it is getting harder to read again.

So that is not good. It always varies, goes up and down, so I can hope it’s just a little temporary thing, maybe all the trouble with the right eye is effecting the left one as well. Maybe it’ll get better. I don’t know. It’s just hard not to worry. That it will get back to how it was when I made the farewell post. And keep getting worse. It got better back then and it’s been nice to have some slight eyesight remaining. I don’t want to go back to almost not being able to read. Or worse. I am worried that the downwards spiral is back.

But there’s not so much I can do. Wait and hope.

One little theory I have is that perhaps it’s connected to the diamox medication. The anti-pressure medication. I was taking it for the pressure in the right eye of course. But stopped taking it a week ago. And it feels like the vision in the left eye has gotten worse since then. I can’t know if it’s connected of course. But it seems to me that last time my eyesight was at its worst and then started getting a little better again, that may have been around the time my the pressure went up in the right eye and I got the big dosages of diamox. Maybe a little before that, but I also got diamox then after the last surgery on the right eye to clean out the blood. I don’t know, it just seems to me that my eyesight has been better while I’ve been getting diamox. There haven’t been pressure problems in the lefy eye so anti-pressure meds shouldn’t have done any good for it. But still. Maybe somehow. There was one point when one of the docs suggested taking eyedrops in the lefy eye to lower pressure and thereby get more bloodflow. That didn’t seem to work at the time, but then eyedrops have never been as effective for me as diamox. I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know. But if my eyesight keeps getting worse again then I guess I’ll suggest it to the doctors, that I go back on diamox and see if that does any good after all. It can’t hurt to try. I can live with the diamox side effects if it means seeing a little better. There’s a big difference between being able to read the computer screen and not being able to. I haven’t had complete vision with the left eye since this all started, but having the blind spots to the left is a lot better than having the them spread in centrally.

Always something to worry about.

In other news, I had a call from Alice at the playground. She invited me to the annual christmas party. I was still employed there at the beginning of the year, so I’m still eligible. I decided to turn it down, though. I’m just not up for that at the moment. Even when everything was “normal” it was still a hard thing for me. And now it’s just too much. Going there when it’s dark, I’d be completely blinded. Eating a big feast while not being able to see much. It would all add immensively to my social phobia. I know they’re all nice and would help me all they could, but I just can’t deal with it. Not right now. Too bad.

The other night I dreamt about goat kids. Magnethe had 3 babies and Vanilje jad 1. And there was also a piglet. I don’t know where that one came from. It was a nice dream, though.

I haven’t been feeling too great lately. I stopped taking the anti-pressure medication on Sunday. The laser treatment was supposed to keep the pressure down. But it hasn’t quite. So I’ve been back to the hospital for one unscheduled and one scheduled check up. The pressure in the right eye is a little too high still. We’re going to wait a week or two and see how it goes. I’m expecting that I’ll need another laser dose. I bet. But for now I am suffering slight intermittent pains and eye watering. It’s not bad really, but I would like everything to just settle down and be normal. As normal as it can get. I can’t help worrying a little, again, that I’ll end up losing the eye. But I’ll try not to think about that for now.

I think I’m also feeling the effects of stopping the diamox medication. Some dizziness and unrest. And adding to that I have had some constipation for a couple of days, worse than I’ve ever tried before. But that’s getting better now with some laxatives and increse in fiber and liquid intake. But it’s not been fun.

Now if I could sleep properly at night again and have the right eye settle down, that’d be swell. Thank you.

Today I had a visit from the sight central’s IT department. Got my ZoomText program registered so it’s no longer a trial version. And also got Keyboard Pro installed. So I’ll learning the 10 finger typing system now. Hopefully. We’ll see how it all goes.

Also a thank you to Desirée who sent me a nify Monty Python CD. And also a printed letter with a good sized font that I was able to read on my own. It was quite nice to be able to read my own mail for once. That’s another one of the little things you learn to appreciate.