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The first week of acupuncture is done with. Now I have a week’s break before the second batch of treatments. I’m glad we worked it out this way, with a break inbetween the treatment weeks. I need a break. It’s been a long week. Just being outside 6-7 hours every day, that’s something I have not been used to for a long time.
But how goes it then, with the eyesight? I want to try to stay positive, but the honest answer is: not too well. I have felt the tiny improvement. But my right eye is so bad now that I’m almost worse than I was a week ago. When it comes to reading things I am probably down to 2-3% again. On my right eye it’s close to 0%.
I feel bad saying this because I was getting people’s hopes up I’m sure with the positivity about the aupuncture. I know my family was very encouraged. And I feel bad now if I have to say that everything is not going to be okay after all. But I have to tell the truth, right?
And it’s not all over yet, of course. There’s another week of acupuncture. The acupuncturist said that the treatment for AMD is the same as for the diabetes related problems. In fact it’s the same for almost all the eye diseases. And I know that some patients do need more than a week to really get better. So we can still try to hope for that. We can hope for the cataracts operation too. Although a cataracts operation on the left eye is obviously not going to fix AMD on the righ eye. In fact it’s going to be pretty terrible that day after the operation where I’ll have a bandage over the left eye. I’ll have to make do with the right. And unless the acupuncture has really helped by then, then I will get a real good taste of what it’s like to be completely blind. Or as near as dammit.
We’ll hope for small improvements. But at this point I guess I have to face the fact that my eyesight isn’t going to be getting back to normal. I am never going to see perfectly again. Perfectly with glasses, I mean. It’s never going to be the same. My life is never going to be like it was just 3-4 months ago. Let alone 5-6.
I’m never going to be able to set my monitor back to the proper resolution. No more contemporary computer gaming. No more reading the paper. If I’m lucky I can use books for people with bad eyesight, if not then it’ll be audio books from now on. No more reading the subtitles on TV shows. No more laughing at background sign gags on the Simpsons. Remember that Don Rosa Hallf of Fame book I got for christmas? I was all excited because the collection had reached the point when I stopped reading Donald Duck comics as a kid so now the Don Rosa material would be brand new to me. I only got a couple of pages in before I put it aside. Figuring I’d get back to it when my eyes would get better. Now I will never get to read those stories. I’m having problems reading even with extra lgiht and magnifiying glasses and putting them right up to my face. There are things now that I just can’t read no matter what I do. I’m never going to watch a live football game again. At least I got to see Brøndby live once before this happened. I’ll probably never go to another concert in my life. At least I can still listen to music. I remember discussing whether I’d rather be blind or deaf, I think it was with Maria from lj/facebook. She would rather be blind. I’d rather be deaf. I know a world without music would be a very sad thing, but without sight there is nothing.
Things will never be the same again. The rest of my life I will be fumbling through the dark. It is a jagged, little pill to swallow.
But I’ll try to keep hanging on to the small hopes.
And today I did sort of prove that life isn’t over, even when it comes to new experiences. For the first time in my life I ordered takeaway. How about that? It seems like such an American thing to do. I know it’s well established in Denmark too by now. But still. I guess it was about time to try it. I ordered online. A little while later the doorbell rang. A guy handed me a plastic bag and left. Nice and easy. I got fish’n’chips. And chicken. Because there was a minimum order recquired. I’m hoping the chicken will be okay to eat cold tomorrow. That should make it a little more cost effective. The food wasn’t outstanding in any way, but it was fun to try. Beats cooking myself. I taste awful.
Coming soon: pictures of me getting acupunctured.
This entry was posted on Saturday, May 2nd, 2009 at 22:19 and is filed under Blogging. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
7 Responses to “Hand In My Pocket”
1. LuisLemmings Says:
May 3rd, 2009 at 3:44
Oh, Plume. I’m so terribly, terribly sad for you. :(
I don’t know what we could do to make things better for you.
But please to know that you have lots of friends all over the world.
And we are all hoping for the best for you!!
Also, take out is sometimes easy especially if you don’t feel like cooking.
And no, eating you would not be a pleasant thing!! I heard eating snake tastes like chicken. Maybe you might taste like chicken, too. :)
2. Debster Says:
May 3rd, 2009 at 4:21
Well, since LuisLemmings has broken the ice…I feel terribly sad for you also, my dear danish goat boy. I wish I could give you a big hug while we both cried.
I sure wish things could have worked out better for you. Something to think about in the future would be to get in touch with the low-vision people.
They probably have helpful advice to give you like folding your bills (money) in your wallet so you know which is which. Or getting a wallet with multiple dividers.
They could help you to still be independent and live in your apartment. Maybe help you with new ways to cook or label the oven temperatures so you could feel the marks. They would do a walk-thru your apt. to make sure there weren’t tripping hazards, etc., just to make it was safer for you.
I’m sure they have lots of things that would help you. Talking books maybe?
PS: I think you would taste like a goat anyway, not chicken!
You continue to amaze me. The old Plume would never have ordered takeaway! Who is this new Plume anyway? I like him. Of course, I liked the old version, too. The Classic Plume, as we shall call you.
3. Valja Says:
May 3rd, 2009 at 22:58
Plume,
First of all. I am proud of you for being brave enough to admit the truth. No, things will not be the same, and that is truly sad, but you’re right, you have to be honest with yourself and others about the way things are. You have a good attitude — looking for realistic improvements, doing what you can.
Still, I can’t imagine what you’re going through — you have my sympathy. *hugs*
Takeaway? Yes, that is very American of you! (Except only the Brits say takeaway … hehe. I say both now, being an American in England) Next thing I know, you’ll be ordering take out pizza! Now, that would be *really American* haha. The New Plume is full of surprises! :D
Do you have Pepe’s Pizza in Denmark? It is a huge chain in Norway, and they do delivery. It’s not bad, actually.
*more hugs*
4. Plume Says:
May 4th, 2009 at 20:44
Thank you guys. When it seems like everything is fading, you are still there.
5. Debster Says:
May 4th, 2009 at 23:27
Of course we’re here! Where else would we be?
6. Plume Says:
May 5th, 2009 at 21:05
Why, in Disneyland of course. Where else?!
7. Debster Says:
May 6th, 2009 at 0:38
Nope, not in Disneyland. That must be why their profits are down.
I have been to Disneyland in California. I rode the “Pirates” ride, the “Haunted House” ride, and of course, “The Small World” ride. It was really amazing to actually be there after seeing all that stuff on tv when I was growing up.
I liked the “Tiki Hut” with all the singing birds and flowers and trees. I’m glad I was an adult when I went. It would have been wasted on me as a child. I would have been too afraid to go on any of the rides!
