The light of day, a couple of days really, has not given me any new insights on the dream. That dream. I still don’t know why it affected me so much. But it’s okay, not all questions have to be answered.

Now the holidays are officially over. Things return to normal. Like the post service for example. Which meant that no less than three christmas cards arrived in my mail box today. A smidgen too late for christmas, but they still made me quite happy. So big thank yous for the lovely cards to Jessica, Cameron and Jennie. It’s the season that just keeps on giving. This has really been a good christmas, not least because of all the lovely cards from all the lovely people in all the lovely countries in the lovely world. I am almost embarrassed, I feel like I don’t deserve it. I am just a little nobody in a sea of bodies, deserving no special attention. But it makes me so happy to have connected to people like this. Thank you all.

I think every day should be thanksgiving. And christmas. And my birthday. Although I’d age rather rapidly if that was the case.

Now that the holidays are over it is also time for the traditional exchanging of the gifts. I went strolling downtown, and boy were the queues long. It seemed a little depressing to me. Not that I am against the gift swapping. It just seems like a lot to me. Maybe we should get to know each other better. For future reference, if ya’ll ever want to buy me pants you should get me XXXXL ones, cause I got a big butt. Yeeeah.

Sorry.

I took my gift certificate to FONA and bought myself Mean Girls on DVD. Partly because it has lots of cute girls in it. And partly because it was cheap so I could get the rest of the certificate refunded in cash. Yes, that’s the spirit. I took the cash to an electronics store and bought myself a new ventilator fan thingie. My old one broke. And I need a ventilator. A lot. I can’t exist in stale or warm air. I don’t know what it is about me. But I just choke. I sleep with my window open even when it’s freezing and there is snow. I need cold, crisp air. And if I can’t have that then I at least need it to be circulating.

So that was my post-christmas shopping. Then I went and hung out with the goats for a while. Mads was very interested in the big, white box I was carrying. He probably thought it was full of food, despite the big, bright picture of a ventilator on the cover.

I managed to pull it away before he chewed his way through it. There is no cardboard box so strong that it can hold out a goat.

Apart from that I am vastly enjoying my vacation. I am probably sleeping a bit too much, but hey tis the season. Wonderful dreams and nothing to do all day. That’s the stuff.

Here is a picture of my dad:

I am still planning on writing an entry about him and stuff. Maybe I’ll get it done this season.

Over and out. Hehe Pelle Halleløs.

This is so weird. It’s 5:03 am. I just had to get up and write, I’m worried I will have forgotten about it in the morning…

I just woke up from the the weirdest dream. I am almost crying. I did cry a little. Not because of them dream itself. I think. It’s just… I’ve had it before. Many times I think. But not in a long while. Not in years. I just have this incredibly weird feeling. I don’t even think I can explain it. This overwhelming feeling of nostalgia and ..like seeing an old friend.. Or something. Confusion too. When I first woke up I almost thought my life had been a dream. The last many years at least. Like the last 15 years of my life had been a dream. Like I had woken up and was 15 years old and everything that had happened the last 15 years was all a dream.

I might not be making much sense, sorry. It’s late and I am still confused. And very emotionally affected by this. A strange, beautiful feeling.

I woke up in a strange position too. Lying on my back. With my hands folded over my chest. And my left leg bent at the knee, lying underneath my right leg. That’s a position I sometimes lie in when I can’t sleep. But I don’t fall asleep like that. I almost always fall asleep on my side. I think. I had a hard time falling asleep tonight, even though I was very tired. I was so tired that my eyes were almost hurting, I thought I would fall asleep immediately. But instead I tossed and turned and switched blankets and.. then I woke up like that.

It is so odd. Maybe it’s a dream from my childhood. Maybe that’s why all those feelings are attached? I haven’t had this dream since the time I started spending time with the goats. For some reason I feel sure of that. So that’s what, 2-3 years. How old is this dream. Why does it feel so familiar?

In the dream I am an alien, I think. At least I have alien powers. Most of it is all blurred now, I can’t remember the details. But I remember having some kind of telepathic power. I remember pointing at the tv and making it slide towards me. And I remember smiling to myself, because I have had this power before. And now it is back. There is other stuff. There are other people with this power. And then there is some kind of alien being. There is a light in the sky as it comes down in its spaceships. And then teleports into my room. No, the living room. And he’s disappointed. I think I’m supposed to be somewhere else, maybe in some alien world. And instead I am in my living room, using my alien power to slide the tv closer to me.

There’s another part with an elephant room. A circular room with doors. And behind the doors are elephants. When you open the door something happens, each door the same thing happens every time you open it. One of the doors, when you open it an elephant runs stampeding out of it. And my brother wants to open the door. But I warn him, because I know that elephant is going to come stampeding out of it.

God I wish I could explain it. I wish I could see it all clearly. I wish I knew why I am crying, why this is so deeply important to me even though it seems like just an odd dream?

MAybe my life is a dream. Maybe none of this is real. Maybe I am still sleeping.

Maybe it will make sense in the morning. I guess I should go back to bed. I just want to go back to that dream. So badly. Maybe there is something important in there and I am overlooking it.

Why am I crying? I am not unhappy.. I am just.. I don’t know. I can’t tell if I’m happy or if I’m going crazy or both or neither. I am not really tired anymore.

I feel like I have lost something. Or maybe found it again.