I have had this entry in the works for a few days. It’s hard to write. You will see why.

But let’s start on a positive note.

Summertime goats.

Beautiful Magnethe. She often does that with her head. Movies it back and around like that. I’m not sure why. When she was a little kid I thought she was trying to scratch herself with her horns, but her horns were too small to reach. But now her horns are big and strong and she still swings her head around like that. I don’t think any of the other goats do it. Certainly not as often as her. She is special.

And funny.

She likes thistles. Sometimes you will hear me go “ow-ow-ow-ow” because I’m picking thistle leaves for her.

And like the other goats she stares when something grabs her attention.

3B stopping to smell the flowers.

Mads having a good rest.

3B and Springbok duelling.

They can go at each other fiercely…

And then the next second they are best friends again. Wouldn’t it be great if humans could settle things without killing each other?

Wouldn’t it be great if humans didn’t kill?

Wouldn’t it be great…

I mentioned a new woman working at the playground, in fact there are two. I’m still not sure exactly how permanent they might be. Kurt is on vacation, maybe they are just filling in. Anyway, one of them is called Sara. They’re both extremely nice people by the way. But as I was saying, I was sitting with the goats and then Sara came over with a family, showing them around. I got to tell them a bit about the goats, how old they are and what they’re called and all that. It would have been really nice. It was really nice until they asked if the kids would be staying. Sara answered. She said Vanilje would probably stay. And 3B and Springbok would probably be slaughtered soon, before their meat gets that male goat flavour.

Punch me in the stomach, why don’t you?

Slaughtered. Killed. Eaten.

I knew they weren’t supposed to stay. But they’ve been here for so long that I sort of forgot about that. And I never imagined that they would be slaughtered. As much as I miss Mathilde, at least I know she is somewhere, presumably happy and doing well. But the tought of someone killing 3B and Springbok and eating them… it makes me… sad. And angry. And sad, very sad. I had to cry a little when Sara and the family left. If I’d been all alone at home I would probably have cried a lot.

And then Springbok came over to me and stood still while I scratched him under the chin.

It’s not easy to get goat kids to stand still. Unless you have food for them or you scratch them in one of the “special spots”. Under the chin is not generally one of those spots. It was almost like he knew I needed it. I know, I know. Projecting human feelings onto animals, etc. He walked away and then 3B came over to me and stood still while I stroked him. It is crushing. Crushing. It is killing me.

Why do humans always have to destroy good things? Tear down beauty and erect ugly monuments to our progress. The more we progress the worse we get. And god forbid they would taste like goat, we must kill them while they’re still innocent. We must kill them before they know what is coming.

Ugh.

I assume Sara talked to the others from the playground about this. She wouldn’t just make it up. And I assume there’s nothing I can do. I would offer to work for free, to “sponsor” them if I could. To take them home and keep them safe. But I doubt there is anything I can do. I don’t think they’d kill them if there were other options. It’s not like a couple of kids will make them lots of money or anything. I’m sure they’d rather sell them to another playground or something like that.

Maybe you get used to it. When you have seen kids come and go for years, when you stop seeing them as little miracles. Maybe then it doesn’t hurt.

But it hurts me.

3B is my favourite of all the kids. Springbok is the last of Magnethe’s. They are both so wonderful. I love them so much. And now they’re gonna be someone’s dinner. Tell me the world is fair?

Maybe you get used to it.

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Current Music: Eels – I’m Going To Stop Pretending That I Didn’t Break Your Heart (060630)
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I walked like a zombie today. Not for fun, unfortunately. For feeling. I was lightheaded, but not for fun. Sometimes it feels like I am floating through the streets. Floating through life.

I don’t want you to think that I have turned into an obsessed nut who posts millions of pictures from Oblivion. I want you to rest assured that I am still a nut who posts millions of pictures of animals.

So be it. Pictures and anecdotes from the playground.

3B. He is so cute, so cute. Head-butting everything he can get his head close to. And you can really tell that 3B and Springbok are the two young males, they are butting heads more and more. Yesterday a family came by and one of the little girls asked if the goats were dangerous. And the father said “well you have to be careful, those animals don’t have brains”. Gah. I wanted to tell him off. He said it in such a condescending way. Goats are some of the smartest animals around. If they got any smarter they’d start building bombs and killing each other, like all the other intelligent species. Too bad that I am still too meek to stand up and say my opinion. Maybe when I inherit the world I will tell people a truth or two.

Oh well, at least I hope I showed his daughters that the goats aren’t dangerous. Showed by example. It is always one of my favourite things, when I can help kids get to know the goats. If they haven’t been around goats before then they are usually a bit scared. And who wouldn’t be scared of Mads if you are a kid and he is actually bigger than you are? He can be quite intimidating if you don’t know his softer side. So it’s always good to show kids that the goats are nothing to be afraid of.

Anyway. Where was I? Oh yes, 3B. He is so cute, so cute, when he’s tired. He sort of stares off into the distance. But not like Mads. When Mads stares off into the distance it seems like he’s watching something. He sees something. When 3B gets tired then it seems like he isn’t really looking at anything. It looks like he is looking inside himself. If you know what I mean? Like he is thinking. His eyes drift off, whereas Mads’s eyes seem to fix on something in the distance.

As I have mentioned, another one of my favourite things is when the goats sit down next to me. There you have both 3B and Vanilje sitting right up against me. 3B got up and walked away…

… but Vanilje stayed. Does it look like I have her head in a headlock? I don’t, I swear. She just sat up against me and rested her head on my leg like that. So sweet.

The kids are running around freely. Magnethe and Mads are tied down, they went jaywalking again. Up on the hill and into the appartment complex beyond. You can’t have that. But it’s fun to see the three kids running around. It reminds me of when Magnethe was a kid and she’d run around with Black and White, the two lambs. Roaming the premises, exploring the playground.

There’s a new woman who has been working at the playground. I have talked to her a few times. Haven’t gotten her name though, and don’t know if she’s working there permanently or just an internship or something. But anyway, she told me that in the morning when the kids are let out they have flat tummies and then in the evening when they have been running around and eating grass and leaves and everything they can get at then their tummies are round and full. Hehe. Cute. Goat kid tummies are very cute. When they sit down and their skin tightens, their bellies are like little drums. I like to drum on them. Well, softly. More like pat them. But they are adorably sweet and softly furred.

They are the lights of my life. I don’t know what I would do without them. I have had a rough time getting back to work. I feel inadequate. I feel like I’m drowning. Half sick, sneezing and runny tummy. Without anyone drumming on it even.

On the bright side, it has been fairly cool weather with some rain now and then. And my computer is still working like it should. And every time 3B headbutts me in the side I burst out laughing.

And I bought Star Wars Droids comics 1-4.

And the girl in the bar at work is really cute. Which makes me dislike myself even more. Inadequate inadequate inadequate.

I need a vacation.

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Current Music: Radihoead – Wolf at the Door (060506)
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