It has been strange at the playground the last couple of days. Strange when I scratch Mathilde behind the ears and she looks at me. The curse of intelligence. Knowing that she will be gone soon. While she walks around blissfully ignorant that things are about to change.

I’m not letting it get me too sad though. I don’t want my last days with her to be sad and filled with negative thoughts. I’m sure animals can sense these things. And for myself, I want to enjoy her company while I still can.

I actually think she’s pretty. Maybe it’s because of the emotional attachment. Maybe to people who don’t like goats she is not a pretty girl. But I find her pretty. In fact, and I’d never say this out loud, I think as an adult goat she is prettier than Magnethe is. But don’t tell Magnethe that. Because I still love her too and find her gorgeous.

Thank you for all the supportive comments. They really make me happy. I love the fact that I have shared these goats with so many people. It’s amazing to me that there are people all around the world who know their names. Some that will even miss Mathilde. That’s a beautiful thing to me. I love sharing them. That’s why I post so many pictures too. It’s kind of the same things as back in the old, old days when I used to run the Dailysp site. Before it got shut down by the copyright police. Sharing happiness and beauty, that’s a great feeling. I know that sounds like a bad cliché, but really. It’s often easier to share negative feelings. To spread your bad moods to the people around you. At least for someone like me, it can be hard to share the good things too. But when you love something then I think it’s natural to want others to love it too.

It was a good day at the playground today. Despite the strangeness.

Nougat and Mathilde. It’s a nice thought that they’ll go together. With Mandela too. And that they will be used for breeding, that their genes will spread. That their family will grow.

Little Natal has taken over 3B’s role as nibbler. While I was sitting down she kept jumping up with her front legs on my shoulder and nibbling at my face and glasses. It was almost unbearable to think that she will be gone too. At least I will be able to visit her. I really would like to see how they all grow up. Magnethe is the only goat I have seen from kid to adult. It’s fascinating.

There were lots of kids today. Human kids. There was some kind of gathering I think. They had a parasol roof and kids everywhere. When I got to the the goat fold Kurt was inside with some kids.

And I was greeted warmly. It is such an awesome feeling. To be welcome, to be welcomed. To have a certain status. When it comes to the goats I am _the_ guy. Almost more than the people who actually work full time at the playground. It brings a sense of self-worth that I am still not used to at all. It brings happiness.

How can you not love that guy? Mads all over the place. He’s still in isolation when they close for the night. There was a boy who asked why he was alone like that and I explained it to him. “He’s grounded?” he asked. Hehe. And I said yes, in a way. Poor Mads. But at least he doesn’t have to go to his room without dinner. He gets his food all to himself now. Although I do think he actually prefers to chase other goats away more than he likes to eat the food itself. He’s so bossy.

Some of the kids are getting to know him better. They feed and pet him and they’re less afraid of him. I’d like to think I have a helping hand in that too. Just the fact that I’m in there, and I’m not afraid of Mads. That gives them the first bit of confidence. And of course it always helps to bring him a little food.

Only trouble is that once you’ve given him food then he expects more. And more. And more. It can be hard to get rid of him if he thinks you’re carrying.

Like I said in a comment, it’s going to be strange to say Mads & Magnethe without saying Mathilde too. The gruesome threesome will not be forgotten.

To finish off the entry, here is a sheep with a bucket on her head.

I got some rather bad news yesterday. The playground is selling Mathilde. She will be leaving on Tuesday.

Kurt told me yesterday. He came over to me while I was watching the goats. And said that now some goats would be leaving soon. I knew that the kids would have to leave so I wasn’t surprised. But when he mentioned Mathilde’s name I was shocked. I will be so very sad to see her go. It will be like losing a member of my family.

She will be going with Nougat and Mandela. For breeding. That’s something at least. I know the playground will have found them a nice place. Natal will be leaving for another playground. Vanilje will be staying, the rest of the kids will probably leave when buyers are found. I need to move to a place where you can keep goats. Then I will rescue Mathilde and we will never be apart. Love is selfish. Love is suicide.

I will miss her like crazy. We had a special bond. I helped her become less shy around humans. She helped me to find a great love for goats and to see that I had some qualities and some positive sides that could be appreciated.

Some people might say I’m being silly and that she’s just a goat. But those goats are like pets to me. I may not own them but I see them every day. I would seriously keep them in my back yard if I could. If you have a pet then imagine it being sold off and then being told “it’s just an animal”. I think most of you know that they’re more than just animals to me. But I’ll be okay, I don’t have much choice. I will enjoy my last days with her and I will never forget her.

tear me apart
tear me apart from you
where is your heart?
where has your heart run to