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This is my old poetry. Written years ago. It's the past. It's pretty typical teen-angst internet poetry. Most of it is very bad. Trust me, I know that. But it meant a lot to me back then. Writing these poems helped me deal with my problems. And it was because of them that I started making websites. And it was because of them that I met a very special girl. So these poems will always be special to me. Just because they are no longer relevant and just because I can see that they are mostly bad, it does not mean that they will be forgotten. You can click the titles on the left to read a specific poem or just scroll down on this page. (If there is no frame with poem titles on the left then click here. . . . promiseswith all the heartache of the world on my shoulders because you're not here I promise you will but you won't see me like this with the sorrow of us all in my head hiding away being dragged by the feet kicking and screaming they promise they will but they can't change how it is with the sadness in your eyes in me too you let me in I let you down we dance for a while I promise I will but I can't hold you just yet with all the pain of being alone missing you misery all the heartache you would see I promise you will . . . dead cellistsshooting the breeze jumping the gun behind a comfortable desk he judges you with a hand on his knee and liquor in his lungs I've been waiting for this don't you love this song? of course you do it used to make you smile dead cellists lined up drowning in the symphony looking at your watch don't you love this song? dead cellists and forgotten percussionists don't you want to sing along? of course you do it'll cheer you up dead cellists and sad tenors drunk parents and passing time with a hand on your knee and a knife in your back don't you want to sing along? dead cellists and dying composers and you try to forget but the music never dies . . . rituals of lonelinessinside the mirror forgotten places you're staring back at me outside in the acid rain all the people I've betrayed staring back at me I don't know you anymore these simple things let me escape as the days go by but you find me hold me back hold me down and there's nowhere left to go I used to cry I don't know why I don't know if I'm lonely or what you see inside a broken mirror your face in the clouds the days going by . . . bits and piecesmake friends so you can be happy so you won’t be alone a bullet through your brain prozac overdose let your thoughts explode I just want to belong I just want to belong to you make my thoughts explode constantly pushing myself back to let others trough I don’t know if it’s the right thing to do I don’t know what to do I just want to belong I just want to belong to you let my mind explode you can try you can try but you cannot hide you can try you can try but you cannot see me you can fry in your own fat chemical fire burning desire you can fry let your thoughts explode you can try no one knows who we are inside no one cares but what’s the fucking point what’s the fucking point when you don’t want me? you don’t even know me you don’t know that I can’t look at you you don’t even care so what? so what’s the fucking point? let it all explode . . . quiet desperationunderneath our skin we carry dirty little secrets and the man you look up to is looking down on you anger in the corner of your eye so he can't see you despise him... everyone has them dirty little secrets that follow us around dirty little secrets that one day explode quiet desperation that way they won't know what hit them... and you start to hate him and you start to fear him and it's okay to beat kids cause they don't have any feelings quiet desperation so no one sees it coming... . . . super samuraiTaking over the world sexy japanese steel mighty sword in his briefcase all his notes leaving you behind some kids will never die some words will never die some kids will never die my kids will never die leaving you behind sexy japanese sword cuts you in half super samurai is your master he'll never die he'll never die I'll never die leaving you behind . . . ashes undonewhy did you go? a lonely song the rain keeps on falling lonely drops ashes undone where did you go? burning houses I’m hiding in the corner the rain keeps on falling the house is still burning the world undone why did you go? . . . bigger strongerHello friend, I’m a big mighty man can’t you see? I can crush you with these hands Cause I'm big and strong when you're down I can slap you around cause I'm big and strong when you're down Hello dear, It’s very important to me that you see I’m a big mighty man I can kick you around cause I’m big and strong when you’re down I can beat you up when there’s no one around cause I’m big and strong when you’re down I’m so big and strong when you’re down I’m a big mighty man . . . pretty in the sunshineand every time you smile you're screaming on the inside dancing in the sunshine screaming on the inside and you wonder if anybody can hear you and in the end does it matter? happiness is just something you invent so you can make believe everything's fine dancing in the sunshine screaming on the inside and when the sun goes down you go to bed every night crying staring at the ceiling wondering what you did to deserve it trying to forget what you did to deserve it and on the inside you're screaming . . . no answerwhores at school shouting out to me selling their bodies for thoughts whores in public loving every minute as long as you're watching whores in my head selling my spirit and all those thoughts that always disappear the whore in me wants to bleed crying for me selling herself dying for me will you die for me? . . . this girl I know...you’re waiting for something to happen someone to breathe happiness into your world makes me wish I could do it for you this girl I know why are her eyes so sad? telling me you’re not beautiful who told you that? I wonder if you know how beautiful you really are even in your imperfection the scars on your arm the scars on your soul this girl I know so beautiful so strange so alone razorsharp fingernails digging in your skin do you know you’re cutting me too? with a razor so real I wonder if you’re trying to destroy yourself? don’t take me down with you this girl I know... how much can she take? it hurts me to see she's hurting herself I wish things were easier for you and me and this girl I know . . . this appearsilence appears when I’m near I wish I could tell you how I feel but I'm not that kind of person I don’t say "fuck you" even though the desire is there I'd rather let you walk all over me and hate you quietly for letting me down . . . friday 11 pmbelle I can’t tell why you laugh you say you’re dead we’re all dying I don’t care you left me dead anyway (kill me again) belle you’re here but you’re not the faint echo of your voice talking to someone else (I wonder who) belle I can’t tell why you hurt me so shooting darts through my paper hearts pale importance plagued existance Is this what you want? (since you don’t want me) belle I can't tell if you’re real or not and now it’s too late I’m frozen in this moment while you’re walking away (leaving me) farewell belle (go to hell) . . . orange juicetrying hard to find a reason to get up to stay alive tomorrow can’t think of any but I know I’ll get up anyway to see if something’s changed it’s always the same no one wants to see my slightly bruised skin soft surface deep scars I’m trying to hide them myself say nothing do nothing maybe it’ll go away . . . slow me pleaseI dream of pretty flowers but they’re always burning I dream of pretty faces but they’re always crying only shadows of the past frozen memories I rest in the shade of what once was hear you laugh I look at you that’s all I do living in the past pretty flowers faded fast every day is closer to the end and everyday is a step away from you I keep losing I keep losing you that’s all I do living in my past why do you fade so fast? . . . ex-masIi miss the snow the symbol of my innocent childhood I miss the presents and the wonder they used to bring I miss christmas they may say that today is christmas that we should celebrate but I know inside today’s not christmas at all christmas died long ago today’s not christmas there’s no snow outside there’s no tree there’s no wonder anymore today’s just the day I miss christmas . . . unfinished (bleeding)if you killed yourself you’d kill me too whatever they do don’t let them hurt us I’m bleeding my eyes are bleeding for you they may pull you away but they can’t keep us apart . . . post-war bluesretaliate, retribution revenge, revolution the signpost says I’m lost ripples in the poisoned water disturbing my face masquerade – it’s not me someone cracked my head in it’s a sin the world seems to spin january flowers trambled by a soldier’s boot he’s wearing nice combat colours and my blood on his hands masquerade – it’s not who he really is our masquerade – our game playing dead it’s all gone no faces behind the masks no feelings beyond the pain no peace following the war restless soldiers looking for new fights masquerade we lost ourselves in our masquerade . . . exceptionsyeah, she loves me she tells me so it’s my birthright carved in stone except when I don’t do as I’m told except when I’m not happy except when I don’t behave except when I complain except when I slam the door except when I tie up the phone lines except when I disappoint except when I’m myself but when everything’s all right then she loves me she really does . . . amusing amputationsfair repair put my bones back where they belong my head is making noise static static attacking, attacking always endless static feels like something’s going to explode soon... . . . for those who knewand those who never understood I have childhood photos just me and my brother sitting in the same chair looking like we owned the world I’m always surprised when I see myself smiling I wonder if I was really happy back then or did I already know how to pretend? I can’t even remember how it was not hating myself thinking I was good enough that I deserved something from this life seems so long ago like it never really happened I always cry when I see myself smiling I’m sorry if that upsets you I know I’m not supposed to show emotions not supposed to cry you only want that smile the one I lost when I grew up well, I can’t find it anymore it’s gone . . . rubber bulletsI failed I let you down I say this as I’m leaving feeling that now I’m at peace I say this as my eyes are closing No longer feeling tired I say this as I’m falling asleep removing the burden I am in your lives removing the burden I carry in mine I say goodbye . . . bitter pillin a faded photograph she waits in a bitter pill I escape yesterday is 20 years ago tomorrow is uncertain love is in the burn love is in the cut love is in the tear love is in the way I shout your name when it rains love is uncertain hate is so much easier but I love you anyway . . . with eyes closedthin white lines in my skin turning red they begin to bleed again I’m not sure if I’m dying or it’s a dream I will only know if I ever wake up . . . aloneI’m lying in a bed that’s not mine but I’m fine the tears on the pillow must be someone else’s because I don’t remember crying standing in a crowd but everyone sees through me and I struggle to keep up as everybody moves along I guess they didn’t hear me when I asked where we were going I’ll fix my own dinner tonight my parents aren’t home maybe they mentioned where they were going and I just forgot maybe there was a note and it got lost maybe they will be home soon in the corner in the dark not dancing not laughing just waiting for the party to be over avoiding attention wondering why I even came wherever I am I’m always alone . . . cirque d'enferthe last in line with insecure eyes staring at something that isn’t there just to keep from crying just to avoid your eyes the sad clowns can tell something is wrong and they laugh at me but inside they’re the same I know they hurt just as I I know somewhere someone’s laughing at them too the world will judge them as they judge me as I judge them unforgiving pain on this stage we’re all circus freaks torn apart by the looks we get acting as if everything’s okay aching to be accepted so many sacrifice themselves to fit in so many fall trying to stay high seems unthinkable that we could fly with our own wings when everyone else seems stronger so where will I go tonight? anywhere but here any place but home as long as I’m alone somewhere where the rides are free somewhere where people don’t laugh at me . . . bue/greyshe takes me back to a Swedish lake makes me laugh a graveyard at midnight chased by dinosaur-dads flashing their sharp teeth and I find myself missing her wishing her back wishing it will last a wish for every kiss we never had . . . the skyinto the nothingness I run to escape the things I've done into the darkness I flee to leave behind the light and you could be the sky and you could take me away and you could bring me back . . . helloit hurts every time you say goodbye and I don't know what to say it hurts when you say nothing at all and I don't know how to respond iamnothurt iamgone idontcare icried buttherewerenotears itdoesntmatter idontmatter nothingmattersanyway iamgone noonecares gotohell iamgone . . . mr. sadsee sadness in his eyes see truths in his lies feel sad on his behalf be mad at his beliefs see through his disguise laugh when he cries and then leave him behind ...always misunderstood . . . no titlebring back the tears I cried for you, dear I don't care I want to whine about it I want to cry I want to wallow in my self pity and swallow my own saliva drown in my own juices I want to make you feel guilty I want to be mean and hurt you I want you to cry too I want to hide in the shadows I want . . . hiding in the shadowsI saw my picture and I cried it wasn't me just a lie I saw myself through your eyes saw a stranger with no face I saw a way out in the blade an escape cold and sharp . . . silencedwould you miss me if I disappeared? would you miss my voice if it suddenly stopped and I no longer replied? would I leave an empty space? would I leave a mark on your life like I left a mark on myself? will you miss me when I'm gone? will you even shed a tear? . . . sigh and the art of self destructionbe quiet for god's sake don't say a word never talk to us and we'll return the favor we'll never reveal what's going on So what if it tears you up? live with it or die who cares? who cares about you? don't fool yourself you're not that important you're not that important to us we only want one thing from you that you don't talk then we won't talk back be quiet . . . my pretty floweropen letter on my desk open up the life to me bring me the world your perfume hangs around long after you're gone haunts me long after the words have faded the pretty flower reminds me it's summer your scent won't let me forget you were here open letter in my hand I finally see you as you are all my faults revealed in your perfection pretty flowers smell so nice pretty flower on my desk your perfume hangs around long after I'm gone pretty flower growing still . . . 120199pieces of me torn clothes old debris my glasses on the table my body on my bed plastic bags music playing but no one hears it pieces of me on the floor and the sheets what I used to be and it's so bizarre cause I could swear I hear a cartoon somewhere so out of place amidst all this sorrow and these pieces of me . . . lost to be foundshe kissed my pain away I tied my hands so tight but she untied them again I ran but never far from her I cried but she just dried my face and told me it was ok she don't mind the thorns on my rose I was lost but she found me brought me home and kissed my pain away . . . my eve...Mispronounce my name and see through me I find it funny somehow that you don't laugh the joke is lost on you . . . thief in king's clotheshnesty only goes so far when I can't open up all the way sometimes I just wish I could tell you and get it over with so you could see the real me not someone you could love at all I couldn't let you I'd let you down let my walls crumble leave my heart unprotected drop my mask and show my scars the metaphors are making me sick I'll tell you another lie, steal your heart and live the king's life a while . . . spent bulletwe used to be so close what happened? We used to be so happy where did that go? now you're saying that I don't exist well, who am I if not real? well, where am I if not with you? how can I prove I love you? Aand how can I prove I am who I say I am? I love you but am I real? I love you but do I exist? well, I love you and isn't that enough? it's all I have... . . . doubtserving dinner for god all my anger and hate on a plate make him swallow it so he can taste what I've tasted all my life hell is just ashes underground heaven is just the clear blue sky god is just Santa for grown-ups accidental are they? all my bad decisions all my misplaced words who knows? heaven is just the clear blue sky . . . poetical correctnessa sunrise dollar I paid for your company with my life I left it all behind shyly I said "I love you" and ran for cover the roads were paved with broken hearts and I longed to join them a sunset smile and all the while I died inside . . . cliffhangerI'm standing on the top of a giant cliff. looking down on the sea in turmoil below. the world is spinning. Michael Stipe is singing "Let me in". the camera rotates around me as I spread my arms. I'm wondering if I want to fall into the water. contemplating the possible outcome. the storm is brewing. thunder and lightning. Rain soaking my body, washing tears off my face. as the camera zooms in on me the rain grows stronger. finally the camera stops right in front of me. stops in a closeup of my face. it's impossible to see if I'm still crying or it's just the rain. "say goodbye - nice try". in slowmotion I close my eyes. the roar of thunder mixes with the sound of waves against the rocks below. the camera holds its position for a moment mercilesly exposing my face. then in a sudden burst it pulls back and as I step over the side and start to fall the thunder and raging sea build into an intense crescendo. I fall forever it seems. periodically lightning strikes and illuminates my falling figure against the cliffside. as I hit the water everything goes silent. the camera follows me underwater. bubbles stream from my mouth. another lightning bolt explodes brightly above the surface. the screen goes dark. we hear the storm in the background then the picture returns. we are above water. waves explode in white foam against the rocks. we wait. nothing happens. I never surface. the screen goes dark again to the sound of one last lightning bolt. soon static fills the screen. and then someone turns off the tv. . . . in the moodI was close to you a wonderful, beautiful you warm and real I can't believe it was just a dream I felt so close to you come to me in my dreams join me like you never did in real life "to die, to sleep to sleep, perchance to dream" I dreamt we were together . . . sillyI wish I was Bubba dancing though our feet never leave the ground I think: Geez, she's really tall but I know she's talking to herself not me who wouldn't want to live next door to her who wouldn't go for her? who wouldn't feel morning glory? just do what Tunney did the right way "to cleanse my regrets" "in their eyes I was alive" I borrow and steal to explain how I feel silly me imprisoned in her golden cage . . . forbiddenthis pain belongs to me locked inside you're the key the need for more if I could only tell you what they did the ones inside me but it belongs to me alone you have no right to know no right to ease it you don't even know me I don't blame you for my tears my words exposed but not shared they're not yours I could never burden you love forbids you are the key . . . sixteenyou never knew how I felt that we danced in my dreams stood together in the moonlight in my mind you never heard the words I said that I loved you you never understood how could you ever be mine? what could I ever say to make you see that I loved you so much? what could I have done? I wish I deserved her love I wish I had told her how I felt I wonder... has she forgot about me now? . . . celestesweet skies above gold stars silver moon shining in the dark and all I see is you shooting star falling snow clouds in strange shapes and all I see is you my star all I see is you . . . praya bullet for every thought a bullet for every day a bullet for every look in my direction I crave the pain you bring offering my soul singing silent prayers to the cross upside down I hate and I sin again and again but life goes on . . . alanis rewrittenthat I would fail even when I try real hard that I won't be loved for who I really am that I wil be lonely even when I'm not alone that I would not speak even if I had something to say that I would go to hell even if I had been good that I would be dead even when I'm still alive . . . pretty and perfectcold society of greed ritual murder of our future great frustration that I feel everybody dies everybody's so pretty and perfect everybody dies tonight candy breath on my back sins of the fathers faults of the sons blame spread among us violated violates kids become adults anger becomes hate our future is buried everybody's so well-adjusted but everybody dies tonight leaving pretty corpses . . . is gonemy home is in the dark my heart is in the grave my eyes are closed everything I knew is gone everything I feel is wrong I'm cold tonight sleep alone cry alone feel so alone everyone I knew are gone the next generation remains unborn the sun will never rise winter will last forever all I wanted was to belong but all the things I had are gone when you come you'll see I'm already gone . . . heaven or hellwill I go to heaven if I silently decay? will I go to hell if I punish myself? will my soul be lost if I torture myself? where will I belong up or down? or will I slowly fade if I do nothing at all? . . . happy birthdayI can't feel anymore so numb so cold wet pillow, stained face leave it stained so they can see who I really am do they think I can't hear? that it doesn't hurt? sorry - I forgot I'm supposed to stay here be nothing nothing, nothing, nothing be NOTHING I'm meant to fade - I forgot but now I know my place won't try to escape just sit here quietly being nothing, being no one if that's what you want . . . the only truth there ever wasand ever will be . . . . . . of my world . . . . . . . . . so shy so stupid so ashamedwords more words they're saying the same things but it doesn't make sense to me words I can't say so many of them so many I wanted to use words a curse escapes me all the time slippery devils are they words worse than fire I'd rather burn than speak my mind words I can't even tell you how I feel words fail me again . . . passed outthe night is blind I cannot see everything's dark I scream, I scream, I scream but I don't wake up I run, I run, I run but I can't escape there's no exit in sight they're coming I hit him with a shovel but he won't die they're coming and there's no escape everything's twisted not quite as it should be not as it should be at all and I'm caught here in the night where everything's dark and there's no escape . . . doomI can't cry for you now and endless list of lost lives tragic deaths innocent bystanders doom awaits death comes slowly in many forms gunshot wound to the chest broken heart old age mad cow-disease or plane crash don't breathe don't eat meat don't procreate don't drink too much but drink enough don't smoke don't laugh too hard but don't be too serious don't die when God calls you we'll find a way to prolong your misery doom awaits death comes slowly in many forms . . . somewhatsomeone else killed themselves someone cried somewhere things went wrong and I lived someone elses life a cruel fate was unavoidable as we fell into despair and someone else killed myself the one you knew is long gone and I killed someone else . . . silent song (mtv edit)my feelings I held back I don't scream out loud just sing silent songs of sorrow and pain of regret and fatigue I sing to myself these songs of self pity and as I listen to the quiet night I hear no reply no one hears me . . . typecastfootprints already erased in the settling dust I leave no mark pass through your lives like an unborn baby you don't hear cry so I play the part of the invisible man of no one important living in a wasteland wasting time I feel so wasted hard on you but harder on me that you don't see how hard it really is . . . salesmanI sold your dreams to your worst enemy they bought your life we're all labelled for sale tagged with a price a price we can't escape lucky loser Self-appointed salesman sells our lives silent goodbyes the great exit (applause) (applause) bitter, bruised, better-off-alone bye . . . eternitysunrise again sunrise again sunrise again all these days seem the same all these feelings are in vain missing you sunset again sunset again sunset again all these nights look alike all my dreams concern the same missing you monday again december again 1999 again all these weeks go by the same all these months seem to fade missing you writing again all these words mean nothing all these poems say the same missing you sunrise again . . . shoot againkill familiarity rape the bereft turn on the radio and hear the bad news fall thru the crack in the pavement need nothing miss it all miss you miss me but shoot again hit with hate and feed anger too late to stop too soon to regret see you need you want nothing want you hit again see the sun go down the rain fall the snow melt miss it all but shoot again go insane escape run for your life don't look back miss it all . . . strange placeturns on the TV and sees me she cries goes to bed in denial the very next day it happens again before her after her all the time saddens her this day so we go together to the strange place and someone else turns on the TV sees us thinks - at least they aren't alone and so the cycle goes we all die alone and take someone else with us in our fall to the strange place . . . millenniumgunpowder in the air constant explosions a siren somewhere it's the end of the world they say we are dancing on the last night welcoming the new day Just more pain and regret another excuse to party another day . . . ANTI-christI'm here for you tell me your problems reveal your demons I'm here for you tonight your anti-christ under your sheets share your sins with me let yourself cry I see me through your eyes I feel my power kneel on your knees before me I'm the demon and the saviour trust me god would want it that way kneel let's pray I'm here for you just cry and let me inside ...trust me... . . . bad sunI hurt I hurt so bad but those word mean nothing change nothing can't tell can't ask for help too weak I hurt I hurt so bad does that disappoint you? I never was good enough never was what you wanted can't look you in the eye can't hear your words too tired I hurt I hurt so bad the wasted potential tears me up inside leaves me sitting in the dark seeking relief does that surprise you? can't tell you the truth can't go on hurting can't see a solution I hurt I hurt so bad want to hurt no more just want to let go seeking a reason does that mean anything to you? . . . flushedI'm a fish in a tank swimming in circles always the same circles watching life on the outside go by nobody looks at me anymore I just swim in circles waiting to be fed waiting to be dead Flushed down the toilet . . . the boy who couldn't breathethey tell me I'm not insane I don't hear voices so I must be OK "you're not that sick" I don't need acceptance I don't need a voice telling me it's OK it's not OK I'm not OK but I'm not insane so I'm told I'm not so sure anymore but I'm sure that's OK too . . . darksidein my deep depression in my frustrating situation in my pointless existence in the girl I can't have in the friends I can't get in the people I can't trust in the things I can't do in the words I can't say in my prison in my room in my tomb in loneliness in emptiness in nothingness in fear in anger in hate in despair in regret in the end inevitably in the dark . . . paranoidxenophobicanturnitoffnothing changes everything stays the same if I run too fast I'll end up where I began no escape from destiny no way out of the grave I'm in no matter how much I climb I'm still going down no matter where I look I can never find a way out of the dead skin I'm in give up go down can't break free nothing ever changes . . . faithI burn the cross I hate your son I spit in your book I piss in your house I reject your philosophy I deny your existence I laugh at your servants I distrust your intentions I do not believe I do not care you are not real . . . weakfriday night - I turn off the lights sit in the dark think about you saturday night - sit up late all dressed up but nowhere to go I think about you sunday night - the week slowly ends as weeks gone before while I think about you monday morning - everything starts again I get up early for no real reason and I think about you tuesday and wednesday too similar to differentiate all I can manage is thinking about you thursday's the same way really nothing new to say I still think about you . . . not-you and meall I ever see is not-you not-you staring at me the glaring omission the incredible non-existence the dark matter in my universe always not-you it blocks the beauty of the world stains the unstainable this dream so unattainable I can't see beyond it always gone always not-you I look into the mirror like the vampire's reflection you're not there by my side the gap between where I am and where I want to be it's always there no matter what I do I still see not-you not-you and me . . . homethis house is so silent tonight no voices none out loud your name written in the dust on my table torn posters tell their stories moonlight caught by the cracked window illuminates the rotting woodwork my greatest fear in the shadows lurk clouds block the moon the night is dark again dark and silent no sounds just leaves quietly disturbed by the wind as I rest on stained sheets . . . youI got this need to fucking bleed and I got this friend who needs the same we need to hurt ourselves to prove we exist and I hate everything and I hate everyone and I hate myself and I hate my friend though I know he feels the same and I hate you . . . dying with youI held my breath imagined what it would feel like to die at the hands of your lover cold water all around you all inside you I imagined the moment when the pain disappeared the shock passed and the terror faded I imagined dying with you but then breathed summer air again and you were not there anymore I imagined life without you alone and as I held you under undisturbed water I wondered where you were now free at last? . . . the great romancewe all want to feel it a reason to be alive love written in the stars a story untold no words could ever be enough broken hearts of loves gone by it is what we are what we are made of the need we are slaves of bitter loss and feelings crushed but worth it all it is hope a better life not so alone love it is the great romance we are all waiting for it is you and me together . . . 2222 years of misery 22 birthdays gone by quietly 22 broken bones 22 painful memories 22 sins to confess 22 ways I've failed 22 years alone and many more to come . . . maybe it's maybelline?what if this is all I am? all I'll ever be? no toothpaste smile no Coca Cola breath buy it, be it drink it, live it I'm just stumbling along bodybagged and toes tagged I lie here waiting what if that's all I'll ever do? . . . two of usshe says she isn't hurting but I see the open wound feel the pain of her past I recognise the signs I know them well she insists it's nothing as she shys away from my touch she tells me again it's all right but I don't believe her feel like it's all wrong she won't let me see her tears but I know she cries when she's alone needs me by her side as I need her but still I know inevitably I'll let her down become one of her scars a reason why just add to her distrust whatever I do it will never be enough whatever I say it won't heal her my love can never save us in this cruel world we are both scarred we are both lost . . . vitaminacidnever been kissed never been missed dead eyes and perfect skin they shimmer before my eyes outlines of human shapes like a mirage cold in rain-soaked coffin bitter bones left behind painful memories gone . . . suicidal fishall this water, why can't I drown? all this water, why can't I drown? all this water, why can't I drown? all this water, why can't I drown? all this water, why can't I drown? all this water, why can't I drown? all this water, why can't I drown? all this water, why can't I drown? all this water, why can't I drown? all this water, why can't I drown? all this water, why can't I drown? all this water, why can't I drown? all this water, why can't I drown? all this water, why can't I drown? all this water, why can't I drown? all this water, why can't I drown? . . . broken bonesmake this the day I lose you make this the week of the first snow winter is coming lay it's white hands on us all bring you back make this the day I lose you again "the Loss I Feel" make this the week when the snow melts summer is coming see things in a new light remember losing you a dagger through my heart let it be a lie let it be the way I lose you again rain comes down like tears I think it's fall now make this the year I lose you bring you back lose you again winter, summer sun, snow, rain all the same bring you back again . . . in your eyesstars born in your eyes cast a spell on me I can't deny you're the center of my world when you let me down I still feel so high wanting me to see you so important that I see you I'm staring right at you seeing the truth in your eyes I fear the world will end in nightmares gone insane in your eyes when you cry I'm lost here and now in your eyes . . . psychotic, but self-assuredthat's the way we are it's what we do we go to far can't take it anymore can't break me anymore I'm no better than the bleeding bitches and the psychotic boys the drunken guys their torn stitches what they try to hide I'm nothing but a bore breathing acid clears your throat but the corpse won't float drowning in the moat round your fairy tale castle who the hell are you to bring me down? bottle it all up and send it to the ones I love don't be too sad because I feel so bad I'd cut you too . . . me?the weird the sad living inside himself searching for hidden treasure living by remote control one for the TV and one for the soul always on Standby waiting for what may come for what they'll do to him waiting the quiet the shy nothing to say living in morbid fantasies searching for a way out who knows me? . . . sugarsometimes I just need to lie down lie down on my bed and hate the world the sun shines shines on crying babies in the park shines on red roses in her garden sometimes I just need to hope hope that the sun will never shine never shine on me again the terpentine tastes like wine her blood tastes like sugar sweet and wanting more candy apple, half-eaten intestines all that's good inside sometimes I just need to believe to believe that I could die tonight she sighs and rolls her eyes at me impatiently I'm half at sleep when she leaves not really there sometimes I just want want to not be alone, to be loved sometimes I don't know what I want sometimes I just need you . . . distancefor every man without voice there's a choir singing somewhere for every word spoken there's a thousand words I never said for every life live true there's a hundred lost souls and every path before me seems to lead the same way all the choices I make takes me away from you . . . painkillerwe've got pain and we've got pills we have everything we need to live our blessed lives I can't cry out loud they might hear me I just dry my face clear my throat and try to forget was that me or was it someone else? I'm too drugged up to know anymore so numb I don't even care any longer the pills saved my life my blessed life but left a bitter taste in my mouth . . . to the one I lovewhat can we do to win back the time we've lost? where can we go to find ourselves? what can I say? I wanna be one of your scars I wanna be the tears you cry I want you to hurt me I want you sleep till late, resting with you let the night become day and the day be our night let time turn turn us into something new what can I say to the one I love? fuck you why don't you love me back? (sorry) . . . so let the sadness come againto love you to tell myself you're gone, you're gone you were never here leaves me sad and confused I die I die alone to rise again, alone mind so numb my life so gone my thoughts so wrong my heart so cold I die to find God in me, alone again just want to burn in hell for my sins is that so wrong? I don't need your help I can abuse myself so sad and confused alone and in love with you . . . fuelfamily means tears family means pain father means anger cold and disassociated mother means love for wrong reasons brother means opposite of closeness family means loneliness life is a struggle day is dark as night night is comfort sorrow fuels my anger isolation breeds needs no release my dreams are where I live my reality I ignore nothing is as it seems nothing is real . . . pyrosFlame burns my skin a flame that burns within The fire in her eyes used to warm me when she looked at me I was alive we burned so brightly shined like two stars in the sky but now our light is fading my inner flame is slowly dying I feel the cold coming I feel her slipping away the skies are crying for us and we die in the rain Flame burns my skin does it burn for my sins? . . . |
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