Beneath A Dark Sun
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Okay, I’m going to try to get this update written. Sorry it’s taken so long, but there has been a lot going on obviously. And I still can’t look at the screen for too long before my eye gets tired and sore. There will probably be a lot of typos as well, but I’m sure you will forgive me. And if you want to skip all the rambling thoughts, then just skip to the bottom of the entry where I will try to sum it all up.
But the surgery went okay. Thursday last week. The doctor came in the morning and talked to us. Decided that despite the blood in the right eye it would be best to get started on the left eye. And that’s what I was hoping for of course. But I must say I started getting cold feet a little when they blocked off the left eye and I realized how little I could seew ith the right. It was a little scary to know that I would be left with so little. But there was no turning back at that point anyway. And as I said, the surgery went fine. I think it lasted a little longer than the one on the right eye. I was told later that other than replace the vitreous with silicon oil they also fixed the retina a bit. There had been some detachment I think. But they put that into place.
Once again I must say that I actually quite enjoyed the anesthesia. I like how the world slows down and everything is calm in your head. After the surgery they ask if you’re okay and you know what you want to answer but it takes a little while for you to form the words. Everything is in slowmotion.
But other than that it was not fun after the surgery. I think when I got put in the hospital with diabetes I said those were the worst days of m life. But those are well beaten by the first day after this surgery. With a bandage over m left eye and seeing almost nothing with the right. That was quite a horrible feeling. My parents were very supportive, as always. But I couldn’t walk anyhere on my own, I couldn’t do anything except listen to the radio. We had chicken for dinner and I had to eat with my hands. I don’t mean the chicken, I mean the vegetables too. I couldn’t use a fork and knife. And then there was the fear. The fear that when they removed the bandages my left eye would be the same as the right one and I’d be pretty much blind. That was the worst thing. So it was a big relief the next day when we went back to the hospital and the nurse removed the bandage and I could immediately see more with the left eye than with the right. I remember when they took off the bandage after the first operation I couldn’t really see anything. After a minute or two I could sort of make out the doctor’s white coat. But this time I could immediately see light, I could see my dad who was there with me. So that was really good.
Not great though. I see more with the left eye, but just like on my right eye there are parts that are just dark clouds, almost like the eye is dead in places. I don’t think I will ever have a full field of vision again.
Things are dark too. I need a lot of light to be able to see anything. When my dad was guiding me to our house after the surgery I remember feeling the warmth of the sun against my skin. But to me it looked like it was overcast or evening. I couldn’t tell that the sun was shining. Then the next morning I woke up in the bed in my old room and it looked overcast. So I thought that the sun was probably shining. But no, this time it was actually overcast. We got a whole lot of rain that day. But I just couldn’t tell a sunny day from an overcast one.
There is still the crosseyed thing as well. The two eyes don’t match up. My right eye sort of “hangs” a little. And it’s gotten worse. I see double a lot now. It’s very annoying and does not make things easier.
It’s beem pretty hard. My mood swings from “my life is over” to “I have to hang in there and hope things get better”. I don’t tthink I will ever be able to see anything close to well again. But hopefully it will still get better. When the blood is drained. There’s still a lot of blood in the right eye. And a little in the left. And some day the oil will come out as well. And I’ll get glasses again. Right now I am walking around without glasses. For he first time since I was a kid. I still periodically raise my hand to correct my glasses, only to realize they aren’t there. As mentioned, the oil makes you go more farsighted. So my glasses are useless now. But when I get some with the proper strength hopefully that will help quite a bit. Those are the things I must still hope for. The blood coming out. The oil coming out. Getting glasses again.
On Tuesday I had the checkup. The doc looked at my eyes, and apparently things are going like they should. We scheduled the next surgery. Next Tuesday. So that’s in 4 days now. My third eye surgery in 1½ months. I’ll be a veteran soon. This time it should be less complicated surgery. They’ll take out the oil in the right eye and flush the blood. And presumably put the oil back in, although I’m not quite sure about that. But it will be under full anesthesia again. So I’ll dream it all away.
After the checkup on Tuesday we ended up going back to the hospital on Wednesday. I have spent so much time in hospitals lately. Waiting and getting operated on. But we went because I got worried about my left eye. It got very blurry and murky. It was odd, because at the same time I experienced that I could read better. Everything was blurry and I could barely see anything and then I picked up my cell phone and I could read the clock display, which I hadn’t been able to just a day or two earlier. So I was a little confused. But we ended up going. They checked the pressure in the eye and it was okay. And after much looking they decided it was probably the blood in the eye that made things so murky. It makes sense. I hope I can get the blood drained from the left eye soon too. It still gets very muddy and murky. Especially when I have to look downwards. And that’s something you have to do a lot actually. Like if you want to butter a piece of bread. You have to turn your head downwards. I can barely see the bread that I’m trying to butter. But at the same time I can sort of read the teletext on the telly. It’s still a little confusing. But they tested my sight and I could read 3-4 lines on the board almost. So behind the blood it seems to have gotten better. So that’s good. I got quite worried because if it keeps getting worse after the surgeries then what hope is there left? I am still not sure it’s not getting worse. But it’s hard to say with everything going on. Some things are better, some feels worse sometimes. There’s like a rim of blood around my left eyesight now. It gets confusing and hard to deal with. But all I can do is wait and see, take a day at a time and hope it gets better and not worse.
After the hospital on Wednesday I went to celebrate my mother’s birthday. Happy birthday mum. We went to Rådhuscaféen. City Hall Café. Uncle Jens was visiting and drove us, which made everything easier. And it was good to get out and get a proper meal and spend time with the family. Outside of the hospitals.
Yesterday I went shopping in the shopping center around the corner. My dad went along. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to go o n my own. After trying it I think that I could probably make the trip on my own. But I’m not sure I could get the right things that I want to buy. Not without help. Perhaps when I get my glasses I will. I don’t know. It’s entirely possible that I may never be able to go anywhere on my own ever again. It’s also possible I will end up having to move home with my parents again. Just not sure yet. Depends on whether things will really get better or not. It’s still a bit up in the air.
Now my eye is very tired. I’m glad I can still use the computer somewhat. It’s not easy though. I still have the monitor at 800×600. And I have set the DPI to something like 160. Which makes things bigger as well. And I am using high-contrast mode. Which basically puts Windows in black&white mode. It’s very severe and it’s not fun or pleasant. But I’m not sure I could use the computer without it. I’m glad I at least found out about it before the surgeries. It’s not listed in the Windows disability help stuff as far as I can see. I found it mentioned in some forum somewhere, and it’s very handy when you can’t see anything.
To sum up: The good news is that I am not blind, that parts of my eyesight are a little better and that there is hope yet. The bad news is that I will never have normal eyesight again and that things are quite hard. And on Tuesday I will have more surgery to drain the blood from my right eye.
Then we’ll see what happens.
This entry was posted on Saturday, July 25th, 2009 at 18:06 and is filed under Blogging. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
7 Responses to “Beneath A Dark Sun”
1. Milla Says:
July 25th, 2009 at 22:17
Thank you for letting us know! Hang in there, dear Plume!
Sending BIG HUGS, MUCH LOVE and HEALING VIBES for your eyes.
Rooting for you!
2. Debster Says:
July 26th, 2009 at 0:43
Yes, I second that for letting us know how you’re doing. You are getting to be quite informed on the ins and outs of surgery!
Getting the oil changed in your eye sounds weird…like you are a car or something.
Snickers had to have a visit from the vet. She was carrying her back left leg and acted to be in some pain. The vet thought she sprained it somehow.
There was no blood or broken bones and her hip wasn’t out of place. We have no idea what she did to it.
So now we are giving her pain pills for horses in a bit of apple and then some paste stuff in a syringe. Let me tell you that is NOT easy to do.
Especially when Frankie thinks somebody is getting something he wants! We get mobbed in the morning when we give Snickers the pill and paste stuff. Crazy goats!
Snickers does seem to be better. This is the second day of treatment for her. She has been more docile even though she tries to kick at the goats with the back leg that’s hurt. She’s still eating like always, so hope her leg gets better soon.
Sure glad to hear from you. Hope your sight continues to improve some each day.
3. Katrine Says:
July 26th, 2009 at 10:19
(((((((((lots of hugs))))))))))) Hang in there!
4. Ann T. Krist Says:
July 26th, 2009 at 12:48
I run eight km two to three times a week, without I would go mentally nuts these days!
Also workout is important to keep fit and healthy. Reading your story underlines that alot I think. I hope you recovery goes well, dear Plumster!
5. Plume Says:
July 27th, 2009 at 19:58
Milla – Thank you too, for hanging with me.
Debster – Hah yeah. Getting my oil changed. I like that.
Poor Snickers. I hope she will be okay soon. All that kicking is dangerous, just look at the kung fu movies.
Katrine – Hugs right back at ya
Ann T. Krist – Yup, eating healthy and getting exercise is a good way to avoid diabetes. And essential if you already have it.
Thanks matey
6. Ann T. Krist Says:
July 28th, 2009 at 16:02
Plumester, I am on Ori Hofmekler’s Warrior diet. It is extremely liberating, and not as tough as one could think. You should consider trying it.
http://fliiby.com/file/13935/z8l3dgek54.html
7. Plume Says:
July 30th, 2009 at 20:41
Ann T. Krist – Warrior diet, that sounds quiete dramatic. I couldn’t read the link you gave. Perhaps I don’t have the right font installed. Or perhaps it’s my virtual blindness. In any case I can’t handle any complicated cooking or shopping at the moment. But thanks anyway.