Most of our lives we try so hard
to find
the time

I will try to find the time for an entry now. I’m tired. Quite tired. Yesterday was first day back at work. Today was first day back at therapy. Life picks up where I left off.

Work went fine yesterday. I fell right back into the routines. Talked a little with Sanne about the operation. Had several friendly hellos. It was nice to be back and see everybody.

Strange too. Getting used to my new body. I have to work on my posture. I need to get my back straightened. Not hunch over forwards. It takes time. When you’re so used to walking with your head down in shame, it takes time to get yourself straightened out.

Every time I walked past a window I’d turn my head and look at my reflection and try to see how I looked. It’s like I still can’t really believe that they’re gone. The breasts. I have to keep checking to make sure.

But it feels great to be able to walk into the restaurant upstairs and not worry, and not look down, and not want to escape as quickly as possible. I do feel a change, a big change.

Today I wore a shirt that used to make me feel bad because it was too tight around the chest. Today I wore it and didn’t feel bad. My closet has doubled.

Oh, yes. Look at this:

How neat. It’s in the passage from the street into the courtyard at work. A nest. When I left work a bird came flying into the passageway and landed up there in the corner. Otherwise I probably wouldn’t even have noticed the nest. I stood and watched for a few minutes. The mother (I assume) came flying back and forth. Bringing food for the youngins.

How nice. In the middle of the city, there is still life more than us humans.

We all need a little tweet sometimes.

So today was back to therapy. After missing three sessions. It was a little scary to come back. My bus was late so when I walked into the room everyone else was already seated. And someone was sitting in my chair! Yes, well nothing sinister. We have just changed places. But that was still not nice. My new place is farthest to the right. It’s a less secure position. I’m facing the other Lasse and Vibe, I much preferred my old seat. But okay. It didn’t take long for me calm down. And everyone was nice. Welcomed me back. Anne even said “or should we say congratulations?”. They’re happy for me, that’s really nice.

The session itself went fine. We’re working on “life rules”. The basic assumptions we have about ourselves and the world. But I won’t bore you with the details. At the end we did the usual round where everyone comments on the session. Lasse/2 asked me if I wouldn’t like to join them in the break room. When we have breaks. I usually go downstairs and outside to get some fresh air. By myself. Because I have a hard time with the socializing. But I’ll try to join them instead. That was nice, having a hand extended towards me. An invitation. They’re nice people.

After therapy I missed the bus. Luckily it was raining. I mean that. It was nice to stand in the rain. It’s been summer for so long. I have missed the rain. So I didn’t mind that, but it meant that I was quite late when I got to the playground. The animals were already inside. Fortunately they hadn’t been locked up yet. So I could go into the goat stables and say hi and spend 15 minutes there.

Kurt came in and when he saw me he said “Oh good that you’re here. They miss you, you know”. Sweet. I don’t know if they miss me though. Can goats miss people? I know that they can recognise me. So they remember me. But would they miss me if I didn’t come? At the end of the day it doesn’t matter that much, because I know for a fact that I would miss them.

Especially on therapy day. Therapy is hard and makes me tense. Seeing the animals is the perfect way to wind down. Even if it’s only for 15 minutes.

Yesterday I was there longer. And look at what happened to Magnethe:

Aw poor Magnethe has a collar thing now. That’s what you get for growing up I guess. It’s not like she seemed to mind it all. And now at least she can fit in with the cool kids. Mads and Mathilde, I mean.

It’s a fashion accessory.

Speaking of Mathilde.

I think she’s pretty actually. I realize that people who don’t love goats and who don’t have a personal connection to her might disagree. But I think she’s a pretty goat. The colour combination and everything. Maybe she’s not completely stunning like Magnethe. But then who is?

I like to just look at Mathilde. But of course that might be because I love the way she tilts her head slightly and looks back at me. Love at every sight.

Also, don’t forget the horses.

They have such sweet, deep eyes.

I wish there would come new sheepies. I miss Black and White. They were good kids.

But there you go. Life resumed, and all is well so far.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, September 27th, 2005 at 22:11 and is filed under Blogging. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.