It’s okay, guys. I pressed snooze on the Doomsday Clock. We’re fine.
30/1 2017
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Who Wants To Date A Sack Of Potatoes Wearing a Top Hat and a Monocle, the new gameshow from we’re not even trying anymore
30/1 2017
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Sadness for Quebec. As if things weren’t dark enough.
30/1 2017
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Today will be a good day. Let’s do our best for it.
30/1 2017
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Good goat times today. Quite a foggy morning. Later on some splashes of rain. But at least it’s not freezing. We had another horse invasion in the goat pen. They managed to undo my temporary fix of the fence. I talked a little with Ophelia about it. I guess a lot of the woodwork is quite rotten so it might be costly to get it all fixed. And it’s better done in summer when it’s not so wet. I guess I’ll try to put up another temporary fix when I get the chance. The only one who didn’t get in the goat pen was Black Beauty. She might be too short to get over the remainder of the fence. She seems to be getting on better with the bigger horses now, though. Last week I saw them chase her around a little. To settle the hierarchy I’m sure. Today she was hanging out first with Luna and later with Perle, and there didn’t seem to be any problems. She seems like a sweet and calm pony. Ophelia had a laugh when I compared her (her = Black Beauty, not Ophelia) to Mulle. Mulle was a little more… outgoing. I do miss Mulle, but Black Beauty is a nice new friend.
And the goats were all goat. So that’s all you can goat for. They weren’t too happy with the horse invasion, but without Mulle things are less tense. Although Mia did have a close encounter, I think it was with Perle. It looked like Mia couldn’t quite decide whether to headbutt the big horse or run away. So she sort of half-and-halfed it and then ran over to her human shield. I knwow my place.
30/1 2017
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What the fog?

30/1 2017
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Okay, I can’t world anymore. I’m going to take a nap. I genuinely don’t know if I’ll be back in an hour or two, or 15. Depends on how good the dreams will be, I guess. Into the cartoon loophole.
30/1 2017
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Today will be a good day.
Well, that turned out to be a very long nap. With amazing dreams. I love the dreamworld. So much better than the real world. Prove me wrong, humans. Prove me wrong.
Got up and did some exercise. For the first time in 1½ months. Because I’m a lazy slob. Now it’s time to start losing the Christmas weight. We’ll see how that goes…
31/1 2017
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Another fogshot.

31/1 2017
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Usually when I get friend requests from obvious spam accounts they feature young ladies of the opposite sex wearing a smile bigger than their outfits. But today I got a different one. Let’s just say he subscribed to the Anthony Weiner school of politics. Year of the rooster and all.
31/1 2017
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Okay, to make up for that last post, here is a picture of our two resident sweethearts. Black Beauty and A38.

31/1 2017
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goatlog

31/1 2017
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I was also surpised to see the editorial staff of The Onion becoming members of the National Security council.
31/1 2017
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And to think I thought I’d never get any use of all that stock footage I purchased of monkeys flinging poo. It’s going to come in so handy on my new comedy special A Metaphor For What’s Actually Going On.
31/1 2017
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I remember that time I brought a knife to a gun fight. I also brought a fork, because I thought it was a picnic. Things went horribly wrong from there. Have you ever tried slicing a pie with a gun?!
31/1 2017
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That’s all for today. If you see me posting about a GoFundMe campaign to pay for extra peanuts and raisins, don’t fall for it. I think Mia guessed my password.
31/1 2017
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Today will be a good day. Happy hump day, guys.

1/2 2017
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I can’t believe it’s February already. Time sure does fly when the world is collapsing around you.
Just gotta make it to Spring!
2/1 2017
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Some more fogtography. BECAUSE IT’S A PUN.

1/2 2017
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Rolling on the floor laughing my horse’s a** off.
link: Luna rolling video

1/2 2017
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updated his profile picture.

1/2 2017
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My acoustic cover of Pen Pineapple Apple Pen is not getting a lot of views. Back to the drawing board, I guess.
1/2 2017
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I’m an example of someone who has eaten a lot of pizza, a lot of great pizzas. You have to admire all the pizzas I have eaten. I am getting more and more reocgnised, on the street. For all the pizzas I have eaten.
2/2 2017
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Everyone loves it when Facebook makes these videos, so I’m definitely going to post this.
Happy Friend’s Day. I guess? I wish the video did more to showase my actual friends instead of that… dancing monster.
You all know you my Facebookerinos tho.
link: Lasse’s Friends Day Video
2/2 2017
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goatlog. The big horse invasion part 1

part 2:

2/2 2017
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Today will be a good day. I calls ’em like I sees ’em.
2/2 2017
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I don’t know how ANYONE could hang up on ANYONE from Australia. That accent, do anything to stay on the line people.
2/2 2017
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Good goat times today. Cold and dark mostly. I was the first one there so I gave the goaties some breakfast. I was just getting ready to take them out when Ophelia arrived. She fed the horses and we had a nice talk. I finally remembered to ask about the barn kitty. Her name is Mousy. Haha. Perfect. Later on she came out and asked if I could help her send a video to the vet. They’re afraid something might be wrong with Black Beauty, so they want to get that checked out. I couldn’t help her, though, since I know nothing of smart phones and I can’t see well enoug to read the screen. But hopefully it’s nothing serious. We talked a little about the other day with the big horse chaos too. I think things would have gone a lot smoother if she’d been there. She would have just gotten the horses out, she’s used to having horses. I think she, or her family, has had horses most of her life. She told me about one that they had to have put down too. Hopefully nothing so dramatic for Black Beauty. I think some kids have seen her acting like she was trying to throw up. I didn’t know horses can’t throw up? I guess that’d come in handy after a big bender. Or not, as it were. Ophelia was also surprised when she saw me feeding a banana to A38. She didn’t know they ate bananas. Oh yes, skin and all.
Later on she was singing along to the radio inside while cleaning the barn. And that’s all for the Ophelia report.
Shut up.
Good times, though. Good times. I spent some time trying to fix the fence as well. We’ll see if it stands up to horse attacks in the future. Mia was putting me to shame while I was working on it. Repeteadly finding holes and jumping over it, as if saying “you’ll need to do better than that, mate”.
2/2 2017
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Mia checking out my handiwork. Yeah, if you guys need a handyman call me. I’m a real pro. I just hope there won’t be a light breeze anytime soon.

2/2 2017
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Thoughts and prayers for Arnold Schwarzenegger.
2/2 2017
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Let’s not forget that Trump promised Dr Oz that he’d lose weight (this is sentence I just wrote about the President of the United States of America).
Nevermind the tax returns, I want to see a daily weigh-in.
Meanwhile, back to the pizza for me.
2/2 2017
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It kinda feels like every day since January 20th has been Groundhog Day. From Hell.
2/2 2017
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I guess every time I post a political post I should be required by law to post a goat photo as compensation.

2/2 2017
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Like the rain on my windows late every night. Like the hope I have for us every time. It’s like the whispering wind in the top of the trees.
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How beautiful the world is where the people aren’t.

2/2 2017
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And now your moment of zen.
I’ll be back tomorrow with more political satire and goat comedy. Still waiting to hear back from Comedy Central if they want to pick up The Daily Goat Show or not. Fingers crossed.
2/2 2017
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Today will be a good day. I calls ’em like I sees ’em.
Hmm… I have the strangest feeling of deja vu…
3/2 2017
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Justin Shanes ‏@justinshanes 9 hours ago
Finding these Bowling Green Massacre jokes to be a little too soon. Out of respect, we should wait until it takes place.
3/2 2017
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Faint whisper: heeelp

3/2 2017
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goatlog

3/2 2017
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The guy who plays the voice of Bender liked my tweet.
That is your weekly Twitter report.
Oh yeah I also forgot to mention all the harrassment, racism, misogyny, homophia and so on. I really should unfollow my family members!
(jk)
(not about John DiMaggio, though)
4/2 2017
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Looks like I picked the wrong year to stop dipping my face in a tub of bleach.
4/2 2017
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If you haven’t seen it yet, I highly recommend you watch Michael Moore’s new documentary “Bowling For Bowling Green”. Very moving.
Too soon?
4/2 2017
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Today will be a good day. I had the most amazing dream of romantic, singing skeletons. Okay, Real World. Your turn. Dazzle me. Show me what you got.
4/2 2017
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Got some good exercise in. Just trying to get back to a schedule of regular exercise. Unfortunately the LCD display on my bike seems to be bust. I can’t really see what it says anymore. Changing the batteries didn’t help. That’s about my level of experise maxed out then. Too bad. I’m going to miss being able to see how many kilometres I’ve gone. It was a good motivator. When you’re about to die but you see you’ve gone 45 km and you convince yourself you can make it to 50. Oh well. I put a stopwatch program (or app, as you kids would say) on my computer so I could at least keep time. But it’s not the same. Sigh. My bike is very old and rusty and groaning. Maybe I should just buy a new one. But that’s a lot of money to spend when the old one still basically works. Plus I’m a little attached to it. It’s seen me through some hard times. I never pictured myself as someone who’d enjoy exercise. It’s pain and pleasure at the same time.
Anyway. Onwards and upwards. Once I’m back in a good rhythm hopefully I can start losing weight again. I know what it takes. I know I can do it.: I know I can even enjoy it. The harder the better. It’s really mostly a question of my mental state. If my mental state is good then the pounds will start dropping off and I can get back to a skinny, romantic skeleton. If my mental state is bad. Then i eat junk food. And the exercise becomes just to maintain. We’ll see. Lujckily 2017 is shaping up to be the best year ever!!!!11111oneoneone.
4/2 2017
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It’s actually a bucket holder there on the wall, but there were no buckets in it so I filled it with some hay. Almost like the hayholders at our old place.

4/2 2017
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When someone rings my doorbell unexpectedly it takes me about an hour to calm down.
4/2 2017
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THE SKELETONS ARE A PART OF IT
4/2 2017
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I wish those damn celebs, also judges, would just shut up about the things they know nothing about !!! sad.
4/2 2017
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So. Wanna hang out and talk about food?

4/2 2017
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Oh I forgot one embarassing thing about my dream. I woke up half crying because it was so sad and romantic. AND THE SKELETONS WERE A PART OF IT.
4/2 2017
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That’s it, off to exercise my dream muscles. Gotta burn some mental fat.
4/2 2017
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Today will be a good day. Happy Funday, guys.

5/2 2017
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I had considered the possibility of getting up early today and doing some exercise. But I also knew that probably wasn’t likely. And so it went. Later that day I was still in bed thinking “You know, I don’t really have to get up AT ALL”. If it wasn’t for the fact that I knew my Facebookerinos would probably be worried about me and that the people following Mia’s page would go without Danish goat fun then I might have just stayed in bed until Monday. So, thanks for getting me out of bed guys…grumblethanks.
Why was it hard to get out of bed? Dreams, of course. Many wonderful dreams. Well, not all of them. I had one really bad and sad and personal one. I woke up and found that my ear was mashed oddly into my pillow and actually hurting quite a lot. I guess the hurting ear sent pain into my dream. I always find that interesting, the outside physical stimuli influencing the dreamworld.
I had another dream that seems to be recurring. This was at least the second time I’ve had it recently. Not the same dream, but the same thing happening. It’s kind of hard to describe. There’s this unseen force chasing me, and others. I can’t see what it actually is. But it changes the ground. It makes the ground into squares. Kinda like a chessboard I guess. But the squares are deep, dark red with strange, black symbols on it. So what you see is basically this pattern on the ground racing towards you. I think in both dreams I was looking down into a well, or a drain pipe or something. And seeing that pattern racing up towards you. And the thing is that there are only some of the black symbols that are safe to stand on. The rest will hurt or kill you. So when that pattern catches you, you have to start stepping on the right squares, or tiles. And I don’t know which ones were safe. I wonder if it’s symbolic, like I’m trying to find a safe path through life? I don’t know. I guess you could call it a nightmare, since it was quite scary and stressful. And presented something like a Harry Potter or Twilight movie. Haha. It felt like a dark YA cinematic experience. Good thing I like nightmares. As long as they don’t involve goats dying then.
There were several other dreams too, but they’re fading now. And one of them I couldn’t describe becauase it would get blocked by Facebox’s profanity filter.
Now I just want to go back to bed and dream again. The real world can’t hold a candle to my dreams.
5/2 2017
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goatlog. From the frosty day. We got cold days ahead according to the forecast. Maybe snow.
Just gotta make it to spring.

5/2 2017
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Oh, I had another fogging photo I hadn’t posted. Here you are.
5/2 2017
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At this point it almost seems to me that Trump’s presidency is kind of a gritty version of what would happen if King Ralph was a real-life story. Someone completely out of their element, in way over their head. I mean it’s embarrassing when you hear about his dealings with other heads of state and diplomatic issues. Except in King Ralph everything ends well because the protagonist is sweet and lovable and it’s just a movie. Is.. that what happened in King Ralph? I haven’t watched that movie in 20 years.
At this point I feel like asking my democratty leaning friends, do you still prefer Trump to Pence? Before he took office I remember how we were all saying half-jokingly “don’t impeach Trump, Pence is way worse”. Do you still feel that way? I know Pence has a black, evil heart and would put gay people in jail for wanting to marry etc (I assume I can’t offend anyone here, because surely my pro-Trump friends have stopped reading by now). But honestly, the Republicans have all the power so surely Pence can get whatever he wants through anyway? Isn’t it better to have the evil out in the open? And at least Pence is a politician. He’d be able to do politicianny stuff. He’d be able to talk to the prime minister of Australia without it turning into an international incident slash snl sketch. He might even be able to stand up to Putin a little and not be a Russian asset. Just look at how Trump and Pence reacted to the Hamilton incident. If I remember correctly Pence was actually quite decent about it. Maybe he was seething on the inside, but he seemed to handle it quite well. While Trump went on twitter and made a fool of himself. With Pence the Republicans would still have the power to do things we don’t like, but at least it would be closer to politics-as-usual instead of a constant madhouse. Or maybe it’s better to have the madhouse? Something crazy to keep the Resistance fueled? I don’t know. I had very low expectations for Trump, but I did not expect how bad it would actually be. Every day it’s something new. He really did come in like a wrecking ball. It’s just exhausting to think we’ll have 4 years of this. I know I used to say I wouldn’t talk about politics on here, but I just haven’t been able to live up to that rule because of how crazy it’s been and I constantly need to let off steam and sadness. Urgh. It grows stronger, the feeling that this world is not for someone like me.
I don’t even know if Trump is better or worse than Pence. I remember during the election I had the thought that Trump was the kind of person who’d say anything to get elected, just to get to call himself President. While Pence was the kind of person who wanted to be President so he could force everyone to abide by whatever he said. Trump cared about the thrill, the achievement, the title. Pence cared about what he could do with it. I don’t know if Trump actually believes that women should be punished for abortions. It seemed to me in that interview that he didn’t really have a clear opinion on that, he just knew that he was trying to get elected as a Republican and “Republican = no abortion” ergo he had to say something to pander to that. Or how he was suddenly a yuge 2nd amendment guy now that he needed the NRA’s support, even though in the past he’d tweeted support for Obama about tightening gun laws. Or that wonderful “2 Corinthians” moment where he clearly had no idea what he was even talking about. Or how they’re now admitting that all the stuff about draining the swamp and locking up Hillary was just stuff that sounded good on the campaign trail. Just basically saying whatever the audience wanted to hear. I have no clue if all the crazy stuff happening is stuff that Trump wants or if he just signs whatever Executive Order that Bannon or Hannity or Pence slips on his desk.
Fun fact: while doing a little research for this post (I’m not sure I’ve ever done that for a Facebox post before haha) I was surprised to see that Trump openly said that his 2 Corinthians gaffe was due to someone writing him bad notes. I thought I was being sly about casually suggesting that maybe he was just saying whatever the crowd in front of him wanted to hear. But yeah that was what happened. Someone wrote him some cue cards with stuff that would appeal to the Evangelicals and I guess they didn’t realise he wouldn’t know how to say the Corinthians thing properly. Melania was much smarter, she could listen to Michelle’s speech before making her own…
Incidentally, I hope all the religious people remembered to pray for the refugees. As Jesus said “What matters is what you say, not what you do” and “Help those who are less fortunate than you, except if they’re of a different religion. Then just let them suffer”. We’ll have great Samaritans, the best Samaritans. You won’t believe how many Samaritans.
(Incidentally as I wrote that paragraph, Moby’s “God Moving Over The Face Of The Waters” finished playing).
I’ve also been wondering, what with them openly saying that the Lock Her Up and Drain The Swamp and not letting Goldman Sachs run Washington stuff was just for the campaign, and with all the appointments of nazis and millionaires and anti-LGBTQ people and friends and relatives, how does that make regular Republicans feel? I mean I can only really see two possibilities. Either you knew all along that they were just making that stuff up and what they’re now actually doing is what you wanted to happen. Or you didn’t know that was just campaign fluff and you were actually expecting them to, you know, do things differently. In which case you should be upset they lied to you, no? I just don’t get it. I know there are good Republicans. If you voted for him then he’s working for you, your mandate. It’s okay to set higher standards for your president. It’s okay to ask him to do better. I mean for fuck’s sake, no one can be happy with this clusterfuck? How is 4 years of this EVER going to be good for either side?
Alright. I guess I’m done. That was a lot of rambling. Mainly I just thought the King Ralph analogy was kinda funny. Feel free to unfriend or unfollow if I’m harshening your buzz. Or if you think people outside America shouldn’t comment on American politics. I lost one friend over that, and I have to say I find it preposterous. America has a giant influence on the entire world. You cannot expect us to shut up about what you do. One World.
Now that I’ve let off some steam I’ll go find a goat photo to post to make up for this mess. I guess that’s kind of my version of “revoke two regulations for every one enacted”. Post a goat photo for every political rant. Take it or leave it.
5/2 2017
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What? I didn’t see any political post. Just admire my face and don’t scroll down.

5/2 2017
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updated his profile picture.

5/2 2017
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And that’s all from Facebook. Go go goat photos.

That’s all for this week, see you in the next one.

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