Today will be a good day. Here’s Magnethe from 2005.

7/1 2019
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Today will be a good day. Happy Yogi Day everyone.
There’s some heavy stuff going on. But I guess I don’t want to talk about it yet. Hope everyone is well.

8/1 2019
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We got a couple of discarded christmas trees for the goats, so that’s always nice.

8/1 2019
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Have a good hump day everyone.

9/1 2019
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Hey everyone. Thanks for your love and understanding. I’m sorry if I’m making you all worry. I should probably just.. talk about it. But I am very, very tired. Eyes-not-working levels of tired. I’m going to queue up a couple of videos on Mia’s page for the night and then go to bed and sleep a long time. And then we’ll see what tomorrow brings. I should probably just spill the beans. Sorry I’m a bit of a mess right now. But hey love you all. I very much appreciate so many people caring about this old knuccklehead. Time will keep on ticking.
9/1 2019
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Hey, everyone. I love you guys, so much. You’re the best. I’m sorry to be annoying right now. Me and my family are fine, please don’t worry about that. But there’s something going on, obviously. I need a little time. I will try to write it all out tomorrow, when I come home from the goats. Thank you for being so understanding.
10/1 2019
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Okay. I’m sorry that I’ve been dragging it out. It’s been a hard, few days. We are getting ready to say our final goodbye to grandma Mio. I know some of you will be shocked by this. The truth is that she’s been getting worse for months. I have witnessed the decline, but I have tried not to show it in the videos that I post. She still has good moments when she is almost like her old self. She is still strong as an ox with a powerful will. In those moments. But they do not last. I know some of you have also noticed that she is hanging back a lot and there are videos where she’s just not there. I have been playing it off like she is just relaxing in the goat house, because that’s how I have wanted to think of it. But she is not relaxing, she is mostly standing around, staring at the wall. Not doing anything. Sometimes trembling periodically. Almost like a trance. I have sat with her like that and felt really powerless. I am selfish, I don’t want to let her go. But the vet has looked at her and apparently there is nothing left to do. She is not eating properly. Not walking properly. Sometimes on days I’m not there she apparently doesn’t want to come out, just sits in the stall and looks at the wall. It used to be that she would literally growl at other goats if they neared her food. Now she barely wants their grain in the morning, she just lets Mia have it all. When I give her a banana she might take half and leave the rest. Sometimes not even wanting treats. Sometimes she doesn’t come to the fence when I’m leaving, even though they all know I give out treats when I go. She always was smart, letting me come to her, doing the least work necessary. But it’s different now. It’s like getting out of the goat house is just too hard sometimes.
I feel awful. I talked a little to Angeline about all this (thank you for listening) and said it felt like a slow-motion car crash. And that’s really how it feels. Like I can’t stop it. I can just see it happening. And I want to say we can’t do this, that we should just let her live out her life in peace. But then I sit with her in the goat house, and I can tell she is not good. I don’t know if she is exactly in pain, but she is feeling bad and definitely not living a happy life in those moments. And if the vet can’t help her…
i do not know exactly how long she has left. Alice told me I should say my goodbyes. I hope I can be there when it happens. Alice said it would probably be the end of this week or the beginning of the next. Since it didn’t happen today, I guess it will be the beginning of next week.
I’m sorry I kept you all waiting about it, I didn’t want to make everyone sad until I had to. But instead I probably made you worry instead. Sorry. I have been crying a lot the past few days, and trying to spend time with her. It’s never going to be enough time. She is the goat I have known for the longest time now. I am not sure exactly how old she is. She was already an adult goat when she came to live with us. That was in March 2011. Forever ago. She is old and worn down now. I think all the pregnancies, planned and unplanned, that she went through at the old playground probably played a considerable part in that. I was looking at old videos and she didn’t have that huge belly shape when she arrived. She had her first babies (first ones at our place anyway) about a month after she came. So she arrived pregnant. She brought us some wonderful, amazing goat babies over the years. One of them being Mia, of course. But I am glad she got to have a couple of years at the new playground without pregnancies. Her retirement years. It’s hard to believe it’s only 2½ years since we made that move. I still remember the day. Letting Mia and Mio out in the morning. After Palle’s passing there were only 2 goats, a rare thing to be so few. The big house had burned downed and we just waked around. Waiting for Alice to arrive with her transport. Riding with two goats in the back, something I’d never tried before. Meeting Yogi at the new place. Another sweet, old one.
I wish we could have had another summer. To just sit around and waste time. The best time is the time you waste with friends. Not a waste at all. I just wish there was more.
I could go on writing forever. She’s such a sweet, funny, old goat. Perfect pet goat for visitors. Perfect old matriarch. Eight years doesn’t sound like such a long time when you say it, but it feels like forever. I have spent more time with her than with any humans. I know I don’t have to worry about you guys saying ‘just a goat’. To me, and some of you, there is no such thing as just a goat. Or just an animal. I wish I could trade my life for her. I really just wish I was dead right now. Unfortunately I have enough experience with this to know that the feeling that you can’t go on will fade in time. You go on. It just sucks. I already don’t like this world. Now there is going to be one less thing to like about it. One giant, huge, larger-than-life thing.
Once again, sorry for handling this all stupidly. But I know you all understand, and I appreciate having you all with me. It will help when I have to find a way back to a new normal. It is a weird, sad feeling when you already feel the loss and absence before it’s even over. It also doesn’t help that I’m extremely worried about my dad. We are waiting for the results of his examination. Worried about possible cancer or neurological issues. So it’s just been a bleak start to the year so far. I don’t think I’m 100% over the flu either. Spending extra time out in the freezing cold to be with Mio isn’t ideal, but you know I gotta try. I wish it was summer so I could comfortably spend all day there. I get frozen like a popsicle after an hour or two no matter how many clothes I wear or heating devices I bring.
Okay, rambling. Sorry. I will be around on the Facebook, reading more than talking probably. Depending on the support system. Love you all.
11/1 2019
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Thank you everyone. I am overwhelmed by your love and support. Not surprised, though. I know I can count on you all. Whether i’m throwing a dramaqueen hissyfit for attention, or it’s something serious like this. I know you are always there for me. I am lucky to have such wonderful friends. I am glad so many of you have fond memories of Mio too, even if it’s ‘just’ through stories and photos and videos. It’s going to be hard to say goodbye.
I am going to bed now. My body is pretty wrecked. Fist the inactvity of the holidays and then the flu. And then now having to head out on long walks in the cold. I am not in good shape for it. I will take the weekend to gather strength. Probably sleep a lot. Next week won’t be fun.
Thank you for all your beautiful words. Love you all. See you tomorrow.
11/1 2019
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I have a seemingly infinite amount of wonderful goat memories. So many, many good goat times. My life has revolved around goats more or less since the slow beginnings in 2004. I have literally hard drives full of gigabytes of photos and videos. I have more than 10,000 people liking a silly little page that a friend made because there was this extra cute little baby goat.. so much happiness and friendship. It’s amazing.
I also have a lockbox in my heart full of sad memories. It’s a little one. But you know how it goes. The happy memories are like helium-filled balloons. Floating effortlessly around your head, making you smile. Light as a feather. Giant, wonderful balloons. But the little lockbox of sad memories is heavy as a boulder that you have to drag uphill. There’s not that much in it, but what there is carries the weight of heavy feelings. Sad feelings are dense and will drag you down if you let them.
It would probably be a good idea to open that lockbox and deal with things. I have a hard time with that. If I peek inside then I fall to pieces. I keep it locked. I can feel it there. But I can’t let myself go too near it. Sometimes you don’t have a choice. And sometimes the happy feelings are tied together with the sad. It’s hard for me to look at a picture of Palle without smiling. It’s also hard to look at a picture of Palle without feeling the lockbox shaking inside me. So you try to find a balance. You smile at the memory and you feel the lockbox but you don’t let it drag you down. You let the smile be your umbrella against the tears.
Or.. something. Sorry. Metaphors fail me. With time the sadness gets less powerful. That’s how I have felt it with the goats I have lost. The big, famous ones that everyone loved. And the little ones from a distant past that no one but I remember. I’m happy to have known them all. Mio is going to add a heavy sadness to the lockbox. She was a big goat, in many ways. Larger than life, in spirit and body. She’s deceptively funny. You look at her and think she’s a pretty average goat. Then you look at her from another angle and remember how barely a day goes by when I’m not asked if she’s pregnant. How she can bark and growl at other goats if they get near her food. While she will stand patiently still for ages when humans want to pet her. She’s like a devil and angel in one. One of my favourite videos is the one where a group of kids is literally poking her in the eye and nose and she just stands there sweetly like she was born for the role of goat ambassador. A lot of visitors are a little wary of her because of her size. But when they ask which goat their kids should pet, I always point them to grandma. Devilishly clever, angelically sweet, so smart and ressourceful. The perfect companion to sit with on a lazy summer day. The perfect quarterback when you’re trying to run defense to stop her from going where you don’t want her to go. A gentle bulldozer. A bullet with butterfly wings. The Mio train. A real character. The way she’d slink along the ground to I guess rub her belly. The way she’d sometimes roll over on her side with her legs flailing like she was swimming in the dirt. The half broken board on the bench from her weight. The way she’d speed up to get away from the horses, glare at the feathery fowls when they clucked too loudly. Always super careful and cautious, especially when exploring unfamiliar territory or if it was foggy or there was a plastic bag blowing in the wind. Super alert and protective of the herd. So affectionate. She came to us with half an ear missing. Apparently because someone let an attack dog in to her pen. I’m not sure if that was the reason she moved to our place or not. But I was always happy that it didn’t give her behavioural problems. Not afraid of humans one bit. A true sweetheart.
I’m going to miss her.
I’ll try to catch up with everyone’s comments soon. Just taking it easy now, gathering strength for what’s to come.

12/1 2019
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I feel like I can’t breathe. Or don’t want to breathe. I wish I could speed up time, or stop it completely. I feel like my body is shaking with kinetic energy and totally still.
13/1 2019
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Back when I started losing my eyesight there was a period where it got so bad that I stopped taking photographs. I was still making videos, but photos were too hard. When I look in my archive there are only 3 pictures from 2010. And zero pictures from 2011. This is the first picture from when I started taking photos again in May of 2012. Mio. On a leash inside the fence. Because the fence never stopped her.

13/1 2019
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Hey, everyone. I am heading to bed now. I have received word that it will happen tomorrow. It’s not going to be a fun day. Thank you all for your support.
13/1 2019
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It’s done. Grandma Mio is at peace.
She spent her last waking minutes alone with me in the barn. The vet gave her an injection to make her fall asleep. It took a couple of minutes I guess. I sat with her in their stall and just talked to her. Told her to just go to sleep and try to dream of me. When the sleepiness got to her she lay down and I held her head in my lap as she drifted off and started to snore peacefully. Then the vet and Alice came in and she was given the final injection. And passed peacefully in her sleep.
I hadn’t been sure if I could be with her for the final moments, if I could be strong enough for that. But when the time came there was no doubt that I had to, and I’m glad I was there for it. Even though it was horrible. I was holding back tears when I was talking to her. And when she fell asleep I started crying. I tried to hold it together when she passed. I guess Alice could tell I was having a hard time. She put an arm around me as we waited for it to be over.
I think I was close to falling over as we walked out. Spaghetti legs wobbling under me. I went out and sat with Mia and the littles. I am glad they have bonded so well, they are already like a little family. Now Mia is the boss of it all. She kinda has been for a while, of course. They were all pretty upset and confused while it was going on, but they were okay when I went out with them. They have been used to Mio withdrawing to be with herself. I don’t know how much they understand of it all. But they will be okay.
So will I. But the heart is broken now.
Thanks everyone for being there for me the past few days, and the days ahead. It’s been a constant flow of love and support and I am very grateful.
See you on the other side, Mio.

14/1 2019
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Hello everyone. It’s the day after. I’m doing… okay. I’m very sad. But I think it was a good thing that I was there for her last moments. It helped me too. Feeling the feelings and crying the tears. It’s always better to face it head on. Although I may be a little in shock. I don’t know.
I’m sure there will be a breakdown or two along the way, as she peeks out the lockbox in my heart. But for now I’m feeling mostly kind of numb. I can’t believe she’s not here anymore.
I am taking a few days of quiet time to get back on my feet. My dad was kind enough to arrange an emergency pot of soup. He shopped for it last night and they brewed it this morning and he came over with it, even though he’s got things to do. I am lucky to have such great family and friends. Normally the way I deal with sad times like these is to drown myself in candy and cake and sugar. It’s healthier to drown the sorrows in soup, I figure. There’s no better comfort food than mama’s oldtimey soup.
And thank you everyone for the support. Last night I dreamt about goats and you. Yes. Unfortunately I don’t remember what it was about. I just remember the beginning, which was bleats coming out of a tupperware container of soup. I swear. That’s all I remember, but I woke up thinking about how you guys, my Facebook friends, had been there. So thank you for stopping in. I’m not sure Mio was there, she might still be busy getting re-acquainted with Palle and Kamel and Yogi and everyone else. But I do love when they visit in the dreamscape. It’s comforting to feel there is still a connection, even if it’s intangible and fluffy around the edges.
Now I’m going to cook up a serving of soup and then I’ll try to catch up with all the comments and messages. I am overwhelmed and grateful for all the kindness from everyone here and on Mia’s page. It’s amazing how these goats have touched people’s lives, and I’m so happy I get to be a cog in the machine. Thank you all.
15/1 2019
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Sadness is starting to be overpowering. Time to retire to the bedspace. See you when it’s upside down and all the cages are unlocked.

15/1 2019
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Good day. Feeling very sad, but that’s fine. I just wanna lay down and die. But I have lived with depression on and off for many years, I know the falsehood of its lies. I know not to listen. I’ll take a feast of soup and listen to you guys instead. Happy to have such wonderful family and friends, and goats here and beyond.
16/1 2019
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Youtube and soup for breakfast, hbu?
17/1 2019
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Currently in a weird sort of mood where most of my brain is filled with sadness and apathy, but little by little the actual me is trying to push his way back in there. Gonna need a golden shovel. Does that make sense? Probably not.
But I still wanted to make sure to thank Debbie Wilkins for this lovely christmas card. It arrived probably a week and a half ago. Slightly late for Christmas. Or extremely early for Christmas. It’s all a matter of perspective. But thank you, Debbie. I appreciate it.

17/1 2019
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Shutting down for today. I have an appointment with Doctor Sleep.
17/1 2019
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Hello world.
I had hoped to go spend time with the goats, but I didn’t make it out of bed this morning. I guess I am not quite ready. Still feeling sad and hopeless. But that’s to be expected. It’s okay.
We got the results back from my dad’s neurological exxam. It turns out, as I understand it, that he has had a minor blood clot in the brain. So that sounds scary, but at least it was not cancer or demantia or a larger blood clot. It doesn’t explain the problems he’s been having with his leg, so they’ll keep trying to find a reason for that. But I guess it was a good thing they went looking and found this thing now. They will be treating it with blood thinning medicine, and it sounds like things are okay for now. Still scary though.
Thank you everyone for the love and support you have shown for me and my family and the goats. Still very grateful.
18/1 2019
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Eating soup and watching The Good Place. They just mentioned Denmark. On The Good Place. While I was eating soup.
I’m not saying everything is suddenly great. But for that one moment, it wasn’t all bad.
18/1 2019
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Question. Hypothetically speaking, how much soup can an adult male human safely consume without adverse side effects?
Also, if a person is 90% soup instead of 90% water, is it still considered a human or has it evolved?
signed,
A bag of bones and soup
19/1 2019
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The weather forecast does not look too pleasant. We’re heading into the frost times. I wonder if we’ll get snow. Might have to bring out the heated underwear. I wish it was spring. I really wish hibernation was a thing for humans.
19/1 2019
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Here’s a little goat sweetness for those who may be having withdrawals. Won’t be too long now before we get back to regularly scheduled goat posting.
For now I’m heading to bed, though. See you in the rainflow

19/1 2019
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Look at this gorgeous thing. Thank you so much Keiko Murakami . Absolutely beautiful rendition of Yogi. Looks even better in person. Fantastic colouring. Outstanding work.
20/1 2019
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A little goat content for the night

20/1 2019
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That’s all for now.

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