The Fog Of Yore
I.. I think I blacked out. again? I don’t know.. I.. I can see I updated an hour ago. Is it another brain fog incident? I found myself not really knowing.. what I’d been doing. What I was planning. I had to check the computer clock. It’s January 1st. About 40 minutes left. I guess.. I stayed up midnight. I slept in my chair. Now i have to piece everything back together again. I.. normally I go check on the goats on January 1st, to make sure they got through the new year’s eve and night ok. But this year I decided to wait until Monday. Which is.. in 40 minutes. Ugh. I feel lost. It’s such an unpleasant feeling. Like I’m lost in my own mind. I don’t even know what I was planning to do tonight. What I have done tonight. I guess I’m planning to go tomorrow morning. Ugh it’s like having to reconstruct a puzzle. All the pieces are just a jumble on the table and you don’t know what’s up and down. I must have dozed off I guess. Now i have to find my way back. It’s January 2nd tomorrow. in 40 minutes. So that’s.. back to normal time, Jeanette coming back from vacation. So I just have to.. find my way back to the routines. Redo the puzzle. Figure out what I was going to do.
I don’t know. Maybe I’m going crazy. Maybe it’s longterm corona effect. Maybe it’s dementia creeping in. Hope you’re all doing okay. I guess I should post this and then.. try to fit the puzzle pieces back together so I know what I’m going to do. Such a weird creepy unsettling feeling.
1/1 2023
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Okay. I think i’m back in my headspace. The brain fog has lifted. Mostly. I hope. It’s such a weird feeling. I sort of retraced my steps just now. I was watching Chelsea Handler’s special. i had that open in my media player, but paused. And I updated my facebook, that post were I was joking about no one in my family having been taken to the hospital in 2023 yet. And then I guess it happened shortly after that.
And it occurs to me. Just before it happened. i think. I had a feeling. That I’ve had before. And that I think i had before the two past brain fog incidents too. It’s a feeling that’s hard to describe. I think I have mentioned it before and called it a panic attack. I am not sure that’s actually what it is. Tonight it happened while I was sitting in my comfy chair, no reason to panic. But then panic attacks aren’t necessarily logical, so I guess it could still be. I don’t know.
It’s just really hard to describe. I get this feeling of… deja vue. When it happens I get these.. almost memory flashes. There’s specifically a guy on youtube and the way his voice sounds and there are some mental images, walking along the pillars down the walkway next to my apartment.. these things, like memory flashes.. but feelings.. like deja vue. But the thing is, I can… lean into them. That’s how I describe it. Like if instead of shaking it off I almost let myself dive into it. So it gets stronger. When I do this i get the feeling that I can time travel. Now, don’t get me wrong. I don’t think I can actually time travel. But it’s the feeling. I guess it’s because of the memory feeling/flashes that it feels if I lean into it, submerge myself in the feeling, it feels like I can almost physically travel into these .. moments. Now again, I don’t actually think that’s real. If I was crazy I would think i could ime travel or whatever. The fact that I know it’s crazy means I’m not crazy. Right? It’s just that feeling. Anyway. Panic attack. Or whatever. Sometimes it starts coming on, not often, but occasionally. And if I shake it off, especially if I’m out in public, then it goes away. And I’m fine. Sometimes when I do that ‘leaning into it’ I feel it escalate but it then fades away and i’m fine. But I think these 3 brain fog incidents have actually happened.. after I ‘leaned into’ that feeling. Maybe that’s a connection. I don’t know if it’s a panic attack. Maybe it’s blood sugar level. Maybe it’s sleep deprivation, because I stayed up past new years even and haven’t actually been properly to bed yet, I have napped in my comfy chair but haven’t had a proper long night’s sleep.
I don’t know. I don’t know. I’m just rambling. It’s such a weird feeling though, that brain fog. like getting lost in your own head and having to retrace your steps and find you way back. Piece together where you are, what time it is, what you’d been doing, what you were planning to do. But yeah it must have happened when I started getting that dejavue/panicattack feeling. Shortly after updating fb. Hmm hmm. Well. Feeling pretty normal now I think. Tired. It was my plan to have a long nap in my comfy chair tonight. It’s a quarter past midnight now.
Sorry if i worried anyone! I’m sure i’m fine. May need to see the doc soon though.
2/1 2023
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Happy Mio Monday everyone. I hope it’s a good one.
2/1 2023
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Good goat times today. A relief to be back and a relief to see the goats well into the new year. This year was the first time in as long as I can remember where I didn’t go check on the goats on January 1st. Normally I always go to check that they got through the big night okay. But I just wasn’t feeling great yesterday. And there has never ever been a problem with the goats on new year’s eve, so I trusted that there wouldn’t this year either. And there wasn’t. Thankfully. I had to wade through spent fireworks on my way there. Some places I literally had to step around or over because the path was just full of it. On my way shopping later in the day I passed a burnt out car! Don’t know if that happened on new year’s night, but I suppose so. Crazy. Thankfully I did not see any spent fireworks aroudn the playground grounds. And neither did Jeanette, she told me. Oh yes and a relief to see Jeanette again! I missed her. It was nice to get there in the morning and see the goats out. Well. In. It was raining so they didn’t come out. But the place was open and the cluckers were abound. And when Jeanette came over we had a little talk about our how our holidays had went and how the goats were doing. Their care during the holidays hasn’t been the best it could be, but they’re doing well and now we can get back to normal days. With Jeanette and happy goats. That’s all I want. Here’s to hoping for no surprised this year. I would just like some stability, as far as it goes.
2/1 2023
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Here’s to another year with these three goofs.
2/1 2023
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Well, the whole ‘my family hasn’t been to the hospital in 2023’ thing didn’t last too long, as it seems my dad and brother was at the hospital for examiations, my brother’s foot is still a problem. They haven’t been able to find out what’s wrong, but they got him on penicillin which seems to be helping.
Hopefully it’s nothing too serious, but yeah there’s always something.
My rib is hurting too by the way, but it’s not too bad. Only really bothers me when I sneeze or cough, or something when I lean on my arm. It’s fine though.
Got myself some raspberry cheesecake dessert today. A last hurrah as I’ll be trying to get in better shape again. The depression has ‘helped’ me put on a bit of weight again, and I have had some blood sugar measurements that were pretty bad. So I gotta get that under control. Who knows if the brain fog episode was connected to that, although the out of shape thing has been for a while not just this week. Aanyhoo, gotta get back on the exercise bike and stop eating candy. Adult life, that’s what I’m living oh yes.
Possibly soup this weekend though, so that would be grand.
2/1 2023
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New year, same love.
3/1 2023
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HappY Yogi daY everyone. I hope it’s a good one.
3/1 2023
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First goat butt parade of the new year.
3/1 2023
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Happy Hump Day everyone. I hope it’s a good one.
4/1 2023
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goatlog
4/1 2023
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I’m not feeling super. Slept too long. You know I love my dreams. But got up feeling.. off. Kinda shaky. And cold and tired and my rib is starting to annoying me more and feeling sad. Zero motivation to do anything. Just feeling bleurgh. But hey ho, it’s off to something we go. One hoof in front of the other.
4/1 2023
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On a much much brighter note. Thank you so much Deborah Ladd for this lovely surprise! Wonderful photos and lovely words. Good enough to frame! I hardly deserve it. But thank you for lifting my spirits and giving me a big smile on my face! So many many memories and good goat times over the years. Thank you to the Ladds and the gals and lads of fb for being along on the ride.
4/1 2023
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I hope today is a good one. Here is Magnehte from 2005.
5/1 2023
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Good goat times today. Although I’m starting to feel that rib. The pain isn’t excruciating, but it’s just so annoying and uncomfortable. At least it helped me score some sympathy points from Jeanette when we talked about it. Hey, it happened closing the goat door at the playground.. maybe I can get some kind of ..compensation. Like one MILLION dollars. Or a million peanuts for the goats.
Anyhoo. Pretty cold day. It rained A LOT the last couple of days. There were some big puddles on the ground. I think that’s why Milo and Sky did a lot of running today. They wanted to get through that water as fast as possible! We had some fun running around. Mia did it a little too. But she’s still limping a bit. I asked Jeanette if there was any news. She said she still hadn’t gotten a reply back from Lars at the old playground, about which vet they use. She’s had problems finding any suitable ones neatby. hopefully Lars will get back to her soon. i think he’s had covid, and then there’s been the holidays of course. But we really need to get Mia looked at and we need to get their hooves trimmed. Jeanette said if she doesn’t hear back from Lars now then maybe she’ll try asking Merete, the lady who took snl. See what they do for a vet. Hooves crossed we get the hooves sorted soon.
Today we also had the return of an old tradition from the previous playgrounds. But I’ll show you that in picture form in a bit.
5/1 2023
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Whoa. What a tragedy. Rest in peace Jannis Noya Makrigiannis. Only 39 years old. He was the lead singer of Choir Of Young Believers. I have posted their videos on fb several times. I was a big fan. Am a big fan. Damn damn damn. That’s so sad. I think he was part Danish, part greek. And Indonesian? He was a great musical talent.
5/1 2023
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Well that bummed me out. But on a brighter note, we got a christmas tree for the goats. And Jeanette put up a sign telling people if they want to get rid of their trees they can dump them off for the goats. So let’s hope for more. They enjoyed snacking on this one a lot today.
5/1 2023
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Hey hey! Thank you so much Ellen Pulizzi Shockley and Tim for the grinchy card and the lovely message! Merry new yearmas to you <3!
5/1 2023
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And one more card in the mail today! Thank you so much Debbie Wilkins for the adorable card! Thank you for thinking of me, merry newyearmas!
5/1 2023
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I hope today is a good one. Here is a visiting buck from 2008.
6/1 2023
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A little Sky hoof.
6/1 2023
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Happy Caturday everyone. I hope it’s a good one. Here’s Heino.
7/1 2023
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Good soup times today! First soup of the season, and the year. Yum yum. Always good to get together with the family for some of mama’s homemade soup.
They had to send a search party out for me, though. I figured I’d take the bus for a few sops to save the walking. But I guess I misread the bus charts or I just missed it. I ended up having to walk the whole way and now I was late. And I was walking in the dark which is tricky as I see extremely poorly in the dark. Well, I got there. And I was greeted outside by my dad and brother who had gone out to start looking for me. Probably should have brought my phone, whoops! Haha. Well no harm no foul. And the soup was good. Now I have a belly full. And even though I feel there was less leftovers than usual, I should still have for a couple of days of good soup meals. That is always great. I am thankful for soup!
7/1 2023
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goatlog. From when we had snow.
7/1 2023
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Thank you to everyone who sent me a friend request the last few days. Not sure why the sudden influx. If I rejected you or unfriended you again then please accept my apologies. If you actually want to be my friend then send me a message or leave a comment or something. Something so I know you’re not just trying to use me to grow your network.
At some point this year I should probably go through and trim down my friendlist. What’s the point of having all these friends whomst you never talk to and you don’t even know if they are real people or phoney accounts. I feel bad unfriending people, maybe they’re just people who want to follow my goat posts. It’s not like I’m a big talker. But if I can’t tell if your account is a real person or snot, maybe I shouldn’t be friends with you. I don’t know. But rest assured you can prove to me that you are a real person by sending me $50 to this addr..
7/1 2023
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And now for something completely different. It’s
7/1 2023
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Happy Funday everyone. I hope it’s a good one.
8/1 2023
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Alright, I held out till 12:30. Ima need soup now.
Can you believe we’re already past the first week of 2023 by the way? Time sure does fly when you.. sleep it away.
Oh and speaking of good soup, I found a stash of episodes of The Soup I didn’t have. Like 50 episodes from 2007ish. I’m going to watch The Soup while I eat the soup. I love The Soup, it was a good time when reality was a freakshow to be mocked instead of just.. the norm. NORM.
Anyway, soup’s on.
8/1 2023
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Now if only we could get two more rocks lined up there, that would make a good goat butt parade rock scene.
8/1 2023
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A thank you to my friends Debbie and Sam for their lovely christmas card and letter. They are not on the facebox, but they may see this in my blog roundup, and if you do thank you! Have a happy year ahead.
8/1 2023
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Our two white ladies. Mia and Henrietta Solo.
8/1 2023
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That’s all for now.