Pain
Good goat times today. A shorter visit again, as I’m still not back to tiptop shape. I’m feeling fine when i’m not doing anything, but as soon as I get active I get winded and tired.
Still, better than last week I think.
Got about an hour plus change with the goats. Just need my goat time. And talked to Jeanette too. She brought the print that she was nice enough to do for me, for the grant for the glasses. So nice of her, and she said she was happy she could help. And I could tell she meant it. I’ve said it before, but it’s such a blessing that she came into our lives. Made the goat move here much better, and I feel much better when I know she’s here to take care of the goats. And the fact that she cares about me too makes me happy. With how difficult a time i have being around people, it really is precious having someone you feel comfortable around and who is such a good person.
Hooray.
I had hoped to take the grant down to the optician today so we could get the glasses ordered and things going, but I was berried after being out with the goats and doing some shopping, so that will have to wait for another day. Soon.
And now it’s time for soup, hooray.
4/11 2024
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Sorry bout the blurry pic. Here’s Bella on the crooked platform. So they do still go up on it. I am not sure if they still can use it to sit and nap on, now that we’re going into the colder days they sit around a lot less anyway.
I forgot to take a picture before I cleaned it out, but funnily enough Keiko was right when she joked about the berries rolling downhill. When I got there in the morning there was a larger than normal pile of goat berries lying down in the crooked end of the platform. Rollin rollin rollin’
4/11 2024
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Good news. For me.
Remember my almost catastrophe with the fallen TV and the hard drive that I thought was dead
Well, I fixed the hard drive. And by fixed, I mean I plugged the cable into the right plug this time.
Hah. Well. I blame my blindness. The hard drive is a backup hub with extra USB ports. It has two extra ports on the front where you can plug in other devices. I was trying to plug the cable from the PC into those ports. But that cable is supposed to go in a port in the back. It’s been many years since I plugged that drive in, and it’s been connected ever since, so I forgot where the cable was actually supposed to go. In my defense, I DID actually look all over the drive to see if there were other ports. Because the cable from the PC didn’t seem to fit into the front ports. But in my blindness I did not manage to actually see the port in the back, so I figured that when the TV fell and it tore cable out it must have wrecked the port and that’s why the cable no longer fit.
No no. I just needed to plug the cable into the actual right port.
Oh boy. Well that’s a relief. An 8tb external hard drive is not cheap. It would be on the wrong side of 1500 kroners / 220 US Dollars / 170 Pounds.
So I’m sure glad it turned out okay. So far so good. Disaster averted, again. TV seems to be still working without problems.
It hasn’t been the best couple of weeks lately, with sickness and frustrations and pain. And I’m really starting to feel the coldening. We’re down around 10C/50F in the day, and lower at night. And that’s too cold for me. Even with all the things I do to mitigate it, it still just wears on me. And the darkness.
4/11 2024
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It was a very Twin Peaksy morning.
4/11 2024
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🎶 Come on get up, get down like Mickey Mouse on crack cocaine, go round and round, like a fucked up song by a fucked up Dane 🎵
Well, nothing interesting on the table for tomorrow. I might not even get out of bed. I might keep my head in the sand. i’m a reasonable man, get off my case get off my case.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I6qFSLS2hqM
4/11 2024
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I had a shitty night. Literally. Diarrhea. So that was fun. Let’s hope today won’t be a giant turd.
Oh, what could possiblie go wrong?!
5/11 2024
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Very tired now. Had my night’s sleep ruined by the diareebus. I’ve had a nap, but still tired. My stomach seems stable right now, but who knows if that will last. i’m going to have soup now. It may be a grave mistake, but I want soup. Soup will guide me. In soup I trust.
Not sure if the nightly evacuations were because of something I ate or it’s my general current malaise. The latter seems likely I guess.
Soup now, then rest. The doomscroll the apocalypse.
5/11 2024
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Aight. I’m off to bed. I am feeling pretty okay right now, so we’ll see what happens next. Probably a meteor will fall on my head or I’ll knock my knee against the coffee table or
anyway, I’ll be scared to get up and check the news tomorrow. Nevermind the politics, the thought of four years of that ugliness makes me want to get up on the room and stretch out my arms and scream COME AND TAKE ME COMET, I WELCOME YOUR CLEANSING BREATH.
Oh well, what are ya gonna do. The world is on fire, we don’t need no water
5/11 2024
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I despair
6/11 2024
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Well here we are. So that happened.
I would love to write some eloquent and thoughtful thoughts that put it all in perspective. But you know me. i’m going to self medicate with pizza and ramble.
I’m privileged enough that this disaster won’t directly affect me super much. I can turn off the news and pretend it’s not happening. I feel really bad for Americans. For women and minorities. For everyone whi will have to live with the direct consequences of what will be happening to them now. The fear of what will happen next. The pain and fear and suffering. But hey, maybe your groceries will be cheaper and that’s waht matters. As Jesus famously said, fuck everyone else I’m looking out for myself and mine.
It’s all a bit more esoteric here. It’s not like this won’t have an impact on us in Europe. When Americans, republicans really, ask us why we care and tell us to mind our own business, well America is a superpwer, it’s all our business. Putin has succeded in massively destabilizing everything now. What’s going to happen to NATO? Ukraine? My life isn’t going to be different tomorrow. But this was the year when the Danish government advised the population to stock up and be prepared. I can’t say there won’t be foreign soldiers in my country in the future. I can’t be confident of that aynmore. It’s so crazy to say.
Can’t help thinking of.. history classes. German soldiers in Denmark. I never experienced that myself, I know it from the teacher’s words and old folksy tv shows where it almost seemed quaint, having to put up heavy curtains to avoid being bombed by enemy planes at night. Hard to understan that these things were actually happening in real life. What will war look like in our day and age.
People cheered for Hitler. People approved of gas chambers. And now here we are. I want to think that people cheering for mass deportations just don’t fully understand what they mean. They have a cartoon logic of “oh my country is full of illegal aliens who rape and murder and eat pets, and we’ll just put them all on a plane and dump them across the border and then our country will be great again”. They don’t understand the reality of it. Did people understand the reality of gas chambers?
You’ll have a vice president who literally, LITERALLY, compared the president to Hitler. LITERALLY.
Literally empowering Hitlers.
The insanity of all the poor people desperately needing their groceries to be cheaper so they empower Hitlers and evil billionaires and tycoons. The fucking insanity of it. These people that could give you free groceries out of their own pockets for a decade without making a dent in their fortunes. Fucking golf kart terrorists.
It makes me so angry and sad and deeply deeply depressed. It happened once, you could call it a fluke. But you can’t pretend that anymore. The neoreligious fascism is the intention. The pain and suffering is the point. It’s almost funny after all this blind panic over comunism and socialism, now they’re just handing the keys to Putin. Fucking bizarra.
And there’s no way back that i can see now. The system was already rigged against democracy because of electoral college and gerrymandernig and all that, and it’s been made painfully clear with Project 2025 and a Trump with nothing to lose that it’s going to get even worse. I’m not saying Trump will become lifetime dictator, but I’m damn sure they’ll be setting up stuff so there’s no chance to beat them anymore. It’s evident now that they don’t really have to fear doing stuff in the open, they can literally say it out loud. They can get away with whatever they want. They can drag the dog out in the gravel pit and just shoot it.
I hope Americans will have the strength to keep on fighting the good fight for their lives. I don’t know that I could. But when youre stuck in the middle of it I guess you don’t have much choice. I wish you luck.
I feel bad for people who have to reckon with the future of this sewage. I don’t know how much time I have left, but this is definitely not the world for me. I don’t feel bad about not having kids and having to worry about how it all goes. I guess that’s selfish. But this world. This is not my kind of world. I’d like to think the ship will be righted at some point down the line, but i can’t see it happening. We live in an enlightened agan and still this is how it’s going. Not just America, all over the world. It feels like the beginning steps of all those Dystopian future worlds from our fiction. I just read In The Country Of Last Things by Paul Auster and I mean, I can’t confidently say that’s not where we’ll end up. We’re already halfway into Handmaid’s territory.
I have no mouth and I must scream.
i suppose for me it will be a matter of keeping my head in the sand. The sand being spending time with goats, eating soup and pizza, reading books and rewatching old tv shows and movies to pretend that the world is still sane. I really just don’t want to be part of reality anymore.
Maybe I shouldn’t be so melodramatic and maybe I shouldn’t let it get to me so much, but more than the actual reality of the situation, which I am physically some remove from, it’s the symbolism, the meaning, the intent, the utter kick in the teeth. The cartoon brick wall. When everything you despise and fear and loathe is elevated into godhood. When at least half the world thinks that your beliefs and values are shit, that you’re nothing. that your pain shoul be laughed at. How do you not take that personally. Today is no different than yesterday, except everything has changed.
And again, I feel so bad for the people directly in the line of fire now. People on my friendlist who have to wonder if their marriages are going to be valid, if their kids are going to targetted, all of those things. I am so lucky to live in Denmark, even with all our problems. I’m gonna get free glasses because i’m sick, in America you can lose your house if you get sick. I am so fucking blessed. Makes me feel selfish for feeling so shit.
I hope you’re all okay. I hope you will be. I hope we’re making mountains out of mole hills. I hope the ship will be righted, not sunk.
I will never understand. Humans.
And now shut the fuck up and eat your pizza.
6/11 2024
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You know, sometimes it’s almost nice when people live up to your negative expectations and stereotypes of them.
There’s a couple of my friends on here who have clicked the Haha icon on my post of distress. One who’s gone into the comments of my profile picture to click Haha on other people’s comments agreeing with my black mood.
I find it hard to even comprehend doing that. If Trump had lost and some of my friends had posted about being upset and distraught about that, I can guarantee I wouldn’t have gone looking for those posts to ridicule them for it.
It’s honestly kind of bizarre. I get that we’re fractured and divied and all that. But literally taking pleasure and enjoyment from other people’s pain? that’s like.. Literally the stereotypical image us liberal elite socialists have of the average Trump supporter.
I know not all Trump voters are evil and coldhearted. I know that. In my view they are politically misguded of course, but that’s like just my opinion man. That’s From A Certain Kind Of View stuff. But laughing at people who are in pain? I can’t really find a point of view where that’s normal.
But I guess if they are comfortable being that kind of people, well good for them. They’ll be thriving the next four years I suppose. They’ll have more fun watching the news than I do watching old Seinfeld episodes. Constant laughs.
It’s not like it matters to me, I’m a big boy, I can take it. It’s just. Again, it’s almost funny. Like a satirical cartoon strip. Wealthy people laughing at the poor, healthy people laughing at the sick, happy people laughing at the sad. Amazing. What a time to be alive.
I wonder if they laugh at me when I’m in terrible pain too, when I’m deeply depressed, when I want to die, when the goats are hurt, when my TV falls over. Hmm.
I am sorry whatever happened to you happened to you to make you that way. Rest assured I will be providing plenty of misery for you to laugh at in the days ahead. Get your tickets to the mass deportations, let’s hope there are glass windows in the gas chambers.
I will never understand. Humans.
I’m not under any illusions that any of this is about me in anyway, or that I’m important in this equation. But this is my space where I express my feelings. My love and sympathy who are in the middle of it all and facing unknown consequences and uncertainty. Stay strong and carry on. The world may be fifty fifty, but that’s still a lot of people on your side. Hopefully that will be enough in time.
The darkness of my mind would not have lifted with another result yesterday, I’ll keep trying to make cracks for the light to come in.
6/11 2024
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What what? Chicken butt.
Keep despondent and carry on.
I’m heading to bed. Goodnight America, whatever you are.
6/11 2024
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I am not feeling super well. Mentally and physically. But heyoh, one day a day. I did manage to get down to the optician today and give them the grant paper thing. In a couple of weeks I’ll get my two pairs of new glasses. For free, because I live in a communist hellscape, hooray.
I literally don’t think I’d survive living in America. But then that’s mostly because your version of football doesn’t involve using your feet and that’s a hill i’m willing to die on.
Anyway. I’m gonna soup now and take it from there. Keep on hanging in there. Thank you everyone for all the love and support, hope everyone who needs it in the coming years will get it too.
7/11 2024
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Three furs and a feather.
Think fluffy thoughts.
7/11 2024
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Apparently Frank Turner played in Copenhagen yesterday. I wish I’d known that.
I mean okay, Copenhagen is the complete opposite end of the country. And even if he’d played in my backyard I probably would have been too phobic to go.
But still
He played in Denmark, so I can pretend I could almost have gone to the show.
He’s probably my favourite new musical discovery the last 5+ years. Still listening to lots of olf recorded shows. Fabulous songwriter. Would love to see him live one day. Wuld love to see any musical act live again some day. When was the last time I went to a show? A decade at least probably. And even then it was incredibly hard. Anyway. Rock on, rockonskateers.
7/11 2024
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So, I’m having chest pains.
Don’t worry, it’s not like heart attack chest pains.
It’s skeletal. It feels completely like all those broken and bruised ribs I’ve had. Just above the right chest, up to the shoulderish around there. It’s not horrible at all, but I feel it when in certain ways. I must have bumped the skeleton. As the priest said to the sailing nun.
I wonder if it happened when I did the lying down stretching back over the bed. Or something else. But I’m guessing, my feeling is, that it’s bumped my lung too and that’s what has caused the out of breat thing. If I take a really deep breath I can feel it pushing against the sore bones.
And that combined with whatever manflu I had and the return of excruciating back pain, that’s why i’ve been feeling rotten. At least the physical part of it.
I’m feeling better and better, and my experience with all the ruisedbroken bones is that it’ll take the usual 3-4 weeks to get better.
I know you’ll all scream at me to go to the doctor, but you know me. I’m feeling fine and i’m pretty sure it will just take time. I got my yearly diabeetus checkup at the docs office coming up in 3ish weeks, so if i’m not better by then, i’m sure it’ll come up.
Things tend to come up when you’re bumpign skeletons.
Speaking of rude dirty things, did you know there’s a Danish web shop called “BJ Trading”? I swear. it’s a tech shop. I have bought stuff there several times, like extertnal hard drives and other computer goods. It’s a pretty old and well reputed place. I think the owner, or at least guy who started it, has the initials B and J and that’s where it comes from. I recommend if you need a hard drive to go to bj trading, and you can quote me on that.
8/11 2024
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Don’t usually post memories posts, but i know some of you loved these two too tutu toodleeooh.
8/11 2024
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Got an hour on the bike today. Not working too hard, just want to keep the systems going.
Had to abandon the arm exercises. Trying to bend the power twister rod made my chest hurt too much. Ribcage. So I’ll have to stop bending my rod for a while. The intervals got me out of breath immediately too. I sure hope I can breathe right again soon!
I’m just real tired of everything. But heoh we carry on I spose. I’m gonna grab me some soup and see where it takes me.
9/11 2024
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Sometimes life is like a Scrubs episode. You laugh your ass off, but then suddenly the sad music starts playing…
who do you think won?
9/11 2024
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it hurts when i sneeze, and other bedtime stories.
Other than that just a quiet day today.
i really don’t like that Facebook minimises the text size when you are in the middle of writing an update. Smaller text means i can’t read what i’m writing, doesn’t help me that I can see more amounts of text if it’s too small to read.
Back to writing stuff in a text file and copying it over to fb.
Anyway. Still physically and mentally worn, but hanging in there. One day day.
Just don’t sneeze.
10/11 2024
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That’s all for now.