Swell
Good goat times today. A chilly grey walk to the goat place. But as soon I got there, the sun came out. Very symbolic. A lovely, mild later summer’s day.
Lots of visitors. Kids running around in the pen. Petting the goats. Everyone had a lot of fun. Sweet kids running around. And I sat down in turn with each of the gals. Just happy to be there.
Now I’m going to be happy with some soup yum yum.
25/8 2025
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There is no such thing as personal space, there is only goat space.
25/8 2025
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Jeanette brought some fresh branches for the goats. The visiting kids got to help hand them out. And of course we had to put in some ffort to make sure Sky got her share.
25/8 2025
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Sweet Sky.
25/8 2025
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So I was planning to call the dentist today. But I ended up not doing that.
I have been off the painkillers for two days now, and I’m not really feel pain. Some discomfort. And maybe a little headache brewing? I am not sure. But I’m going to wait and see how the night goes now and how I feel tomorrow.
I feel like when I’m leaning that bad tooth with more effort, using the inbetween brushes, then it seems to help. The pain doesn’t seem to come. It’s hard to be sure because I’ve been using painkillers so much. I want to take a day or maybe two more without painkillers and see if the pain actually increases. Right now I feel almost like I did right after the dentist visits. And that’s .. fine ish.
I know part of it is just me being avoidant and wanting to do anythin to not go, to not deal. But in any case, I’m feeling a million times better than just before the dentist visits. So I don’t feel like I’m at an emergency urgent level. I feel like taking a few days is fine. That’s my story and I’m a ticking time bomb on it.
I’ll see how the night goes.
Unfortunately I did not stick to my back-to-health ambition for the week. After the goat visit I stopped in the supermarket and bought two b&js. Ate one today after soup. Dammit. Once I give in to the addictions I have a really hard time getting off them again. But once the last bj is gone then I’ll totally get there. Absolutely. no doubt about it.
I have been pretty severely depressed the last week or two, even worse than normal. I am just trying to cope.
Try try try.
25/8 2025
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Keep the wafer thin mints coming, barkeep.
26/8 2025
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Hay down there, says Bella.
26/8 2025
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goatlog
27/8 2025
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What’s the sitch, you may ask?
Well, that teeth situation seems stable. I’m not really hurting. There is discomfort. And it still feels like there could be a headache brewing. But all in all, it’s not too terrible. So I’m kind of monitoring the situation. If I’m going to go to the dentist before my next appointment then I want it to be because I’m in pain, ideally. I mean, I don’t want to be in pain. But I also don’t want to go and then there’s not really anything they can do for me. I’m continuing to do a lot of betweenbrushing and cleaning the bad tooth. It’s not really that bad now, I can push down on it without pain. But there’s still discomfort in general.
You don’t realise how nice it is to not feel your mouth until you’re feeling your mouth. It’s kind of like with your eyesight. You rarely think about how nice it is to be able to see until you’re not able to see. Ain’t it just the way. You have to appreciate what you have while you have it, because you’ll miss it when it’s gone.
Life Lessons with Lasse. Subbscribe to my substack.
So the teeth sitch isn’t too horrible. The health sitch isn’t good though. I had planned to get back on a healthier track this week. That did not happen. Pizza and ice cream and no exercise. I have been spiralling with depression and trying to cope with everything and avoiding reality and all that. So I guess I have postponed that plan till next week. Monday is September 1st. That will be a good day to start fresh. To get back to exercising and to eating healthily. And this time I mean it, for realsies.
But for now I’m limping along. It’s been a rough summer. But it’ll be the Autumn Of George, I can feel it. Everything’s coming up Lassehouse. Bang zoom straight to the moon. Here we go. Giddyup. Just try to keep up.
27/8 2025
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i just stopped myself from writing an angry post about the shooting and about religion and about gun control and all the usual sht.
You’re welcome.
Thoughts and prayers, and despair.
27/8 2025
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Think goat thoughts.
27/8 2025
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I was planning to go see the goats today. Instead I ended up taking a 12 hour ‘nap’. Now I am sad and tired and feeling like a headache is growing. Waa waah. Everything will be great starting Monday, though, so it’s fine. No worries.
Maybe I’ll skip checking the news today.
28/8 2025
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Well, my dad’s in the hospital now. He’s been having stomach pains since yesterday and has been sleeping constantly more or less. So they’re checking him out. Apparently his infection numbers are a little too high. The technical details escape me. But he’s in good hands, hopefully it’s nothing serious. But man. Life just keeps on lifing, doesn’t it?
28/8 2025
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I think.. I think I may havr blacked out. I barely remember where I was or what I was doing. It’s all a blur. I ordered pizza and it just got here, but I feel like I hve to reconstruct a puzzle of who I am and what I was doing.It’s such a weird feeling. i guess i should enjoy my pizza and try to find my way back in time and space. I had to bring back that it’s Thursday. I was supposed to see the goats but I didn’t. And my dad is in the hospital. All of this was just gone from my head. And I have to find my way back to it. It’s such a disturbing feeling. I wonder what else I’m missing.
At least i have pizza. I feel like I may be going a little insane. Still not quite sure where I am in time and space. Disturbing feeling.
28/8 2025
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Okay. I think I’m back in my head. In the right space and time. it’s such a weird feeling. I don’t think I’ve blacked out in years. Hopefully it’s not going to be a regular thing, like it was for a while back then.
It’s a scary abut also fascinating feeling. Not really knowing who or where you are. Having to piece back reality.
Had to reconstruct everything. Like digging the facts out of mud. It’s Thursday. Ok. I was supposed to go see the goats but i was depressed and my head aching and i ended up sleeping too long. Ok. I told Jeanette I wasn’t coming today. Spent some time doing some stuff. Ordered pizza as soon as the pizza place opened. And it was about 10 minutes later that it happened. Got that dizzy swooning feeling. The smells and sense memories. i’ve had that a few times the last couple of years without going into the blackout. But today i did. I think i may have fallen asleep too? I think I was dreaming. I think I went out when there was 30-40 minutes left on the pizza countdown. And came back around when there was around 10 minutes. I was still putting things back together in my head when they knocked on my door and I got my pizza. Good thing I wasn’t out when they came here.
But yeah. I keep coming back to the that feeling, how strange it is to not know how you fit into reality. It’s interesting. But also scary. There’s a fear that you’re not goign to be able to piece things back together and that you’re just going to be out of your mind for the rest of your life.
I think i’m back in my mind. It’s Thursday. Had some damn good pizza. There’s soccerballshports tonight and it’s going to suck. I’m going to start working on getting healthy again. I know who and where I am.
I can’t remember if I talked about it at the time, but back when i suffered from the blackouts for a while, I once blacked out while I was waiting for my dad to come over. And when I came back to myself I could see that my dad had been there, but I had no memory of it. I called him and asked if he had noticed anything off about me. He said that I had seemed strange and he hadn’t really been able to get through to me. But I’d been conscious enough to let him in I guess and maybe do basic interactions? So it’s not like I’m completely passed out when I’m in that state.
Anyway. I hope it’s not going to be a regular thing. Maybe it’s because I’ve been living so unhealthily for like a week and a half or two weeks. Maybe it’s something with my blood sugar or blood pressure. Would be another good reason to get back on track. My intention is that this was the last pizza for a good long while. It’s not good for the wallet or the tummy. I need the cleaner living again.
Sorry bout the rambling. That’s a sign that I’m myself, I guess. My thoughts may go off the rails, but at least I’m thinking.
28/8 2025
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Thanks everyone for the comments. I’m feeling okay now. And I’m planning on making a push to get back to healthy living. Starting Saturday. That’s the plan. Hopefully that will set me straight. If I start having regular blackout like I did a couple of years ago then I’ll have to seek medical attention. But for now I’ll be my avoidant self.
In other news, my dad is on his way home from the hospital now. I didn’t get any details really, but they’re sending him home and he sounded good on the phone, so hopefully that is all good.
I daren’t think of what our family would do if we lived in America without or excellent healthcare system here. I’d probably have to start an onlyfans.
Stop cheering, it was an imagined situation, I’m not doing it!
Hope you’re all doing well out there. Feel free to plug your onlyfans in the comments.
28/8 2025
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It’s 11.30 pm and I thought there were explosions outside. I guess it’s just thunder. It’s so loud, it doesn’t really sound like normal thunder. It almost scared me for a second.
Maybe it’s just because I’m still feeling off. Yeah, it hasn’t been a gret day. But here we are. Tomorrow’s another day. Unless the world is exploding. I guess we’ll see.
28/8 2025
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How’s it going?
Well, let me tell you.
I’m not sure. I am not feeling quite myself. Feeling woozy. Kind of dizzy. Kind of feel like I could slip into slipping away. Not the wooshing whirplool like before a blackout. But like.. I’m not quite tethered to reality. Like I was knocked out of my mind yesterday and I have come back in not quite fitting right. Forcing lego bricks together that don’t quite fit.
I don’t know, probably sounds more dramatic and weird than it is. I’m just kind of tired and headachey and woozy.
And my teeth are hurting more. Not completely unbearable pain like before the emergency dentist trips. But rising pain. And some swelling on the left side of my haw. What’s it called the part where your throat goes up under the jaw, is that still just the throat? There’s definitely a difference between the left and the right side.
Soo yeah. I’m thinking on Monday, if things aren’t better, I will call the dentist and see if they can squeeze me in real soon. I wonder if they offer emergency head replacements, because I’m getting real tired of this one.
My dad was over a while ago. He seemed good. Honestly he seemed more clear-headed than he has for a long time. It turns out that the stomach problems that sent him to the hospital were “diverticula”.
“Diverticulitis is inflammation of irregular bulging pouches in the wall of the large intestine” says the internet. So that was why he was having stomach pain and couldn’t eat or sleep well. He said there was no cancer, which is apparently something that it can.. turn into, or be connected to? But none of that. So that’s good. And he seems to be doing well now.
I can’t remember if I mentioned how my brother is doing. Peter’s back home after the rehab stay afte the second hip replacement. No complications this time, so far. So hopefully he’s on the right track now with two new hips.
I haven’t heard if anything relevant came from my mother’s sleep apnea stay at the hospital.
So that’s the family health update.
Thank you all for listening and caring, if you do. Knowing there are people who care is one of the things that keeps me from completely letting go and collapsing, even though it’s been a rough time lately. Trying to hang on and getting on the better path.
29/8 2025
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Hello there, nice to see you again.
I’m feeling a little better, a little more myself. Still a bit tired and woozy, but more tethered to reality and present in my own mind and body. So that’s something. Less good that I’m feeling quite sad and depressed, but hey that’s me.
Thanks everyone for worrying and for the advice and your thougts however they are expressed. Rest assured that I care. If i didn’t care then i would let myself sink into the quicksand and be gone, there is a part of me that craves that. But I’m trying to hang on to the branches you extend me. Maybe I an get away with just leaving my boots in the quicksand, you can always get new boots. New shoes new shoes.
I took painkillers today so I’m not really in pain. i’m going to try to not take any during the weekend so I can get a proper feel for my condition. My plan is still to call the dentist Monday. Seems like I may need another emergency trip, but you know me. Anything to avoid it.
The jaw swelling has gone down a bit I think, but there’s still some. If I raise my head to look at the ceiling I can sort of feel it pulling on the left side of my throat. It’s tighter there.
i am hoping to get some exercise in tomorrow. It has been 18 days since I last exercised. That is pretty bad, and i can’t remember the last time I went that long. Coupled with really unhealthy eating, i think that may be a big cause to the bad shape I’m in. I think when I was suffering from blackouts a couple of years ago, that was before I got on my health journey. I don’t know if the blackouts stopping was connected to me getting in shape, but it seems to me there could be a connection. I’m scared to measure my blood sugar and pressure right now.
So I really need to get back on that good track. And if the teeth/jaw don’t get better over the weekend then deal with that asap. That’s the plan. It’s a better plan than leting myself sink into the quicksand, right?
I’ll be heading to bed soon and then i’ll see how I feel in the morning. Hopefully it’ll be the first step back to a better place. Life’s what happens while you’re busy wearing others’ pants.
29/8 2025
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Oh hi O. Got an hour ten on th bike today. After almost 3 weeks of not exercising and eating really poorly. It was good to get back on the horse, or the stationary bike I should say.
Didn’t push myself too hard, just have to get back into the swing of things. Three weeks off is enough to feel like it’s hard again. My arms are especially sore after the rod exercises. I had to find my way back into the routine. What order do I do things in, what are the warmup steps. I am pretty sure there is dementia in my future, my memory is so bad.
But jut good to get started. The important thing is to keep at it, keep a rhythm going. Then you can ramp up the pressure later. First step is do something, you don’t have to do great right away. That’s what I’m telling myself.
I’m feeling better today. More clear-headed. Still a little foggy, but not as much. My teeth are funnily enough not hurting. But i do still have a swelling on my left jaw, the underside. I am not sure if it has gone down some or if it’s the same as yesterday.
I did lie in bed last night and wonder if I should call the emergency doctor line. Or not. But you know me. The answer is usualy ‘not’. My plan right now is to call the dentist first thing Monday morning. Mark it emergency so they get back to me right away hopefully. And hear what they say. Maybe they’ll tell me to go to the fkn hospital. Or maybe they’ll get me in to look at me asap. Or maybe they’ll me to saw my head off and mail it to them. WHAT’S IN THE BOOOX.
Feeling better physically than I have in the last few days. And mentally, well I guess I’m happy that i got the exercise. The general depression and sadness and worry and despair at the world, well we’ll work on that.
30/8 2025
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The weather today is.. dark.
Last song on today’s exercise mix. I’m not kidding, i just watched this music video because I was preparing the post, and i’m really not even kidding, my heart skipped a beat when I saw Mia. I forgot that they used Mia in their music video. I was actually thinking earlier on the exercise bike, how did I get introduced to Superorganism, in my head it was connected to Mary, but I guess that was because of the shirt she sent me. I had to go back to an old blog entry to read about how I found them linking to my videos because they used the clips in their music video. Funny. Man life is a blur when you have bad memory and cognitive decline.
I’m still a big fan of Superorganism they are funny and clever and groovy and charming. Their music makes me happy and a lot of their songs go well on my exercise mix because they have some good beats.
30/8 2025
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I apologise for the lack of goat content lately. Here is a little Luna to make up for it.
30/8 2025
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hey o hey o, I may need to go to the hospital tomorrow. For now I’m going to bed. I am so smart, s m r t
30/8 2025
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Well I call the vagtlæge, the emergency doctor hotline. They said that they could take me in to have a look, but they felt it would be okay for me to wait till tomorrow morning and contact my dentist. There’s an emergency dentist service too, but apparently that can get real expensive. And since I don’t have a fever, the lady I talked to felt it would be okay to wait to tomorrow. Also because my dentist is more specialised with this and knows my situation and stuff. So yeah. Unless things get worse during the day, then I guess that’s what I’m doing.
I called my dad first to ask advice, he was the one who told me to call the doctor line. i think he would have rather I went to the ER. He was ready to come help me get there and everything, always eager to help.
But we’ll see. I’ll monitor the situation today and then first thing tomorrow call the dentist. And hopefully they can get me in right away.
I’m not feeling great, but i’m not feeling awful. More clearheaded than the last few days.
We’ll see how it goes. Thanks everyone for beign understanding and supportive and challenging me and all that. I may hide it under all the goat fun at times, but I am not an easy person to deal with always. Just ask me, I have to deal with me every. Fkn nightmare.
Alright. Lazy Sunday and then deal with reality, that’s the plan.
31/8 2025
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It’s been… an interesting weekend. I don’t hope to have one like that again any time soon.
We’ll see how it goe tomorrow. I’m feeling fine right now. Other than you know. The fact that my jaw is swollen. If swallow or turn my head up to look at the ceiling i can feel pain as it tightens around the throat. But no fever, and more clearheaded than Thurssday/Friday. I think I should be fine. Hopefully the dentist can fit me in right away.
I’m really tired of not being okay, one way or the other. I haven’t been okay for decades, with diabetes and blindness and anxiety. But you sink into a routine and you cope. When emergency stuff happens there’s no routine. I can’t remember if I already wrote about it, but I was thinking how you don’t think about your teeth when they’re fine. You don’t think about your eyesight when it’s fine. When it goes wrong it’s all you think about.
It’s been a long summer. Colossal worries about movings, meetings, parents health, and teeth. It has not been a great couple of months.
But tomorrow it’s Fall in Denmark. Let’s hope things fall into place.
Hope you’re all doing well out there. Thanks for the support and advice. At least I didn’t do nothing today. Maybe I should have done more. But hopefully I’ll be able to do enough next week.
The only way is… up?
31/8 2025
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That’s all for now.