I think we are getting close to the end now. I can barely make out the text. Abd my rught eye is dead. And I mean completely dead. There’s nothing left. I’m not sure when it happened. I was lying in bed today, for 3-4 hours I gues, listening to the radio and thinking of the past. And the sun was shining through the window. And I realized that there was nothing left on the right eye. It’s been virtually useless for a long time, but there was still something left. I could see bright light sometimes and there was a tiny bit of peripheral vision left. But that’s all gone. Now there is only blackness. I shined a light in it and not the tinist bit of light came through anywhere. Completely blind.

I don’t know how much of a difference it will make, since it was virtually useless anyway. But that little bit of peripheral vision did make a difference. It made my field of vision feel bigger than it actually was, it made it feel like I could see with both eyes evem thpigh 99 percent was the left eye.Now it is very apparent that I am only seeing with one eye. It does feel like my field of vision has been halved.

It’s not good. And it makes it hard to believe that I’m not going to end up completely blind. I thought it was stable in it’s almost uselesness, I thought I’d probably end up almost blind with a little bad vision left. But now it seems that it’s just going to get worse and worse until I am completely blind. That is how it’s going to end up,. It’s a hard thought to deal with. Even though things are horrible right now,it’s still much better than being completely blind. It’s such a nightmare, and there is no way to stop it.

A couple of days ago I woke up with a ringing in my left eear. , It lasted for hours I think. It’s gone now. But it wouldn’t surprise me if my ears will die too. Right now the only escape from the blindness is lying in bed and closing my eyes. All I need is some tinnitus to rob me off even that peace. All I need.

I was at the hospital on Wednesday. Had my eyes checked. There was a little new. The doc said that the lens in my left eye was getting unclear. Cloudy. or something. He said they would probably want to replace the lens. Give my eye a little more time to settle first, bu then they would probably want to do it. It didn’t sound like I should have high hopes for it. But who knows. maybe replacing the lens can have some positive effects, Maybe I will be able to see again. maybe I will not go blind.

He did also say that the eye look good. The retina, the effects of the surgeries. He said it was settling nicely. Which doesn’t help much when I can barely see of course, but it was good for the future, for things not gertting worse. He said. But I hve a hard time believing it. It all seems to be heading one way…

I am trying to keep my spirits up. It is hard.

Well, I am still here. I can still use the computer, in some small degree. To be honest I am a little surprised. I had expected that I would be cut off by now. But my central vision seems to not have gotten worse for a few days. It has been stuck at “completely horrible” instead of going to “gone”.

But it is very bad. It takes a long time and effort to read anything. Sometimes I just have to give up. I have given up on facebook for example. I miss reading people’s status updates, but I just can’t do it anymore. So it goes.

But my central vision hasn’t changed, so I’m just happy about that. I’m not sure if the blindness is still spreading or not. It’s hard to tell. But I’m almost getting used to looking out the side of my left eye. Navigating by peripheral vision. I’m pretty much blind when looking straight ahead.

I still havem’t got my cane. The lady from the sight central was sick. So we have rescheduled. Tuesday and Thursday, not next week but the week after. So then I’ll get my cane and some training. That should be good. I think I need it now. I had a nasty little fall on Thursday. I was at the playground. My dad helped me get up there. And I had a smashing time with the goats of cours. Then I wanted to get home on my own. And I walked into this cement block thing that it supposed to prevent bikes and motorcycles from speeding through the playground and endangering kids and animals. This time I was the endangered one. But at least I managed to block the fall with my hands, so I didn’t smash my head into the pavement. I ended up with some bruises and scrapes on my shins. Nothing serious, but not funy either. It was hard in the bus too. I think I am pretty much done walking outside on my own. Even when I get the cane. I think. My dad is always happy to help me get around, so that’ll probably be how we do it from now on. Maybe when I get to feel comfortable with the cane I can try on my own a little. We’ll see.

Other than that there is not a lot new going on. I have kept up the exercise biking. I’m trying to do it two times a day. Although I have had to downgrade to once a day the past two days, because my legs are sore. The fall didn’t help either. But I’m keeping it up well I think. I like doing it. I’ll put on a Craig Ferguson show and listen to that while I bike. It’s better than lying in bed all day. It’s amazing how much time I have now that I don’t use the computer and can barely go outside. Exercising kills some time, so that’s good.

Next week I have another checkup at the hospital. They will look at my eyes and say that there is nothing new and they don’t know why the blindness has spread to my central vision. And so it goes. Still 3-4 months until the oil comes out of my eyes. It’ll be interesting to see if that makes any difference to things. All we can do is hope.

All in all I think I’m doing okay. I’m keeping my spirits up still. Staving off the panic. Working on the things I can work on and accepting the things I can’t change and trying not to get depressed. What else can you do really.

Finally a congratulations to Caroline Wozniacki, who will be playing the US Open final in tennis tonight. The first danish female ever in a Grand Slam final. Could be the first Dane to ever win one. She’s only 19, it’s not often we get sport talents of that calibre in Denmark. I don’t care that much about tennis, but I’ll be rooting for her. I wonder if tennis on the radio is any fun?

See you all soon, eyes willing.