I have slept a lot. I went to bed at 7 pm yesterday. And got up at 8 am. You would think that would leave me rested, but I still took a two hour nap. And could have slept more. A waste of time. But with several beautiful dreams. Dreams are always better than reality.
I must be careful not to get trapped in those thoughts.
The feeding yesterday went fine. I was drained and tired, but no problems. Mads displayed that he is still top of the pecking order. He was eating from the trough. But then decided that he would rather eat from the bucket that Vanilje was burying her head into. Normally he’d jump over and chase her off like a bolt of lightning. Yesterday he crawled slowly on his knees over to her. It’s was somewhat sad to see him like that. But when he finally got over to Vanilje he could still easily chase her away just with a couple of swift rolls with his head. He still commands respect.
I messed up some html in my last entry and one of the pictures did not show. It is fixed now, and the missing picture is also here:
Kids feeding straw and grass to Mads. He is less imposing when he sits down quietly all the time of course. It happened a couple of times that people came by and asked “is Mads loose?”. And I’d say yes, and they’d go “oh no”. And I had to tell them that his legs were hurting so they didn’t have to worry about him chasing them. He has quite the reputation. They don’t all understand the nature of goats, that they’re just curious and want to investigate for food. If you’re calm and peaceful then there’s no reason to fear Mads. He might butt his head at you but that just means “don’t touch me right now” and if you stop touching him then everything is fine. It’s funny how differently some people react. I have seen the most macho “young adult” boys scream in terror just because they see Mads in the distance, even when Mads’s attention is totally focused on something else. Not even looking like he’s going to come in their direction. And then there are little kids like Saad, who just sit down right next to Mads with no fear or anxiety. I know my presence there helps. But there’s still a marked difference. How some people react with unfounded hysteria, and some with peacefulness and respect. I do understand that Mads, and goats in general, can be scary though. I was scared in the beginning too. I guess I was lucky to be naturally peaceful.
In some ways he is a shadow of his former self, Mads. But he is still a wonderful, beautiful goat. His personality is still very much alive, his legs just can’t quite keep up. I’m glad I can be there for him now, spend a lot of time with him. So he doesn’t have to sit on his own and be bored while the other goats are running around. I think he appreciates the company. He always comes right over to me and sits down against me now. When he was still healthy I would often have to be the one who went to sit by him. But now it seems like he wants to be close. I wonder if he understands what is going to happen. I guess not. Not completely anyway. He knows he’s not doing well. But does he know that these are probably our last days together? I’m going to miss him so much. I can’t say that enough.
