I got out and spent some good time with the littles today. It was good to be with them. But it was hard too. Impossible to escape the massive absence of Mia’s physical presence. The absence of her presence, and the presence of her absence. I miss her so damn much.
I wish i could go back to sitting in the sun with 6 goats in a big goat house and not worry about anything…
It just hurts.
Milo and Sky seemed to have calmed down a little, when I got there. Maybe it was because of the rains. They did bleat when they saw me, but they weren’t screaming. And when Jeanette came over and then left again to do chores, they weren’t bleating. So I thought maybe they were starting to adjust. But then a little later they started screaming. I am not sure if tehy were screaming after Jeanette, or had seen something else or if it was after Mia.
I took them down in the pen and we walked around for a bit. And they screamed and looked around like they wre hoping to find Mia there. Jeanette told me they’d been looking around like that when she opened and let them out too. I wish I could explain to them what has happened. They obviously know something is wrong, but you never know how much they understand. It’s heartbreaking to see them sad and confused. And it was really hard when I had to leave and they were screaming in distress. Man, goats can lay on a guilt trip SO hard. I wish I couldj ust be with them all the time. I just don’t have the mental and physical strength to go every day. Even before Mia’s passing I didn’t. And now I just feel completely broken. There’s a part of me that wants to quit goating and just stay home and eat myself to death. But i can’t abandon the littles. Even if it’s not enough I will do my best to help them. I know once the worst shock and pain has passed, they will be helping me a lot. RIght now it just all hurts.
Alright. I will write more later. Right now I need a power nap. And then a pot of soup. Last week it was gorgeously sunny. Now it is grey and rainy. Soup weather. And matching my mood.
Thank you all again for the ..all.
24/4 2023
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Here are the little rascals today. I love them a lot and I am happy to be there for them as they are there for me.
It is going to be tough to live without Mia’s affections though. You have all seen how she was. Practically devouring my face, kisses and hugs and her big physical presence, pawing and nudging and hugs and kisses. I am going to miss those kisses so much. Milo and Sky are lovely and affectionate, but not in quite the same way. They both love being cuddled. They will come to me and put their heads at my hands until I scratch them. Sky sweetly and gently. Milo is more pushing and if you don’t start scratching he will start butting at you with the horns or nibble on your clothes or just do anything until you give him the attention he wants. Such a bandit. But hugging him would not go well, he doesn’t like being restrained or subdued, or touched around the rear legs. If I put my face down to them and make kissy noises they will often get close and sniff or look at me. Sort of like oldtimey lady cheek kisses that don’t actually touch, you know? Very different from Mia’s kisses that left no part of my face dry.
We will all have to get adjusted to the new life without her. I miss her so. I wonder if the littles would let me have some lapgoat time now… they are kind of too big for it, even Sky. But I sure would like to get to sit with her in my lap and give her some sweet lovings. Maybe on a lazy sunny day I’ll try and see if she’ll let me.
They are a couple of wonderful, funny, sweet, loving goats. We’ve been through a lot together. But I would give anything to have my Mia back.
24/4 2023
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Well, in other news.
The feathers are back. I am not sure how much I have mentioned it, but the hens have been in quarantine for I think 3 weeks or more. But now they have escaped. Or rather, Jeanette let them out. They were quarantined because of a bird flu outbreak in Denmark. But I guess that’s passed now, and the feathers are loose. I know there are mixed opinions on whether they should be allowed to have free rein of the goat territory, but at the end of the day it is not up to me anyway. Part of me kind of wants soem quiet time alone with Milo and Sky for a bit. And part of me is happy to have all the life and commotion and company of Henrietta Solo and the redshirts. It didn’t take many minutes from their release till they came running up that goat hill and joined us in the goat house.
Meanwhile I am horribly sad and depressed, but one day a day.

25/4 2023
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Damn, I know losing our animal friends is part of life, but just today I have had two facebook friends post about losing their decade long best animal friends. And all their words mimicking my own about Mia. It is so damn tough. I feel for everyone. And for myself I feel lost and hopeless.
Thank you everyone again for the supportive comments, I really appreciate the little reminders that I am not alone, even when it feels like it.
25/4 2023
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It has been a week since Mia’s passing. I can’t hardly believe it. Still feels completely unreal and … unfair and ..so much more. Honestly there’s a part of me that feels like I can’t go on.
And then there’s a part that’s just going on, because it has to.
I distracted myself with some youtube uploading. I was always slacking with uploading them, so I had a handful sitting on my hard drive from before Mia’s passing. I couldn’t bear watching them, but I got them uploaded to the channel. So if you’re subscribed to my youtube channel and wondered why the sudden acitvity, that’s why. The video attached to this post is just a short one from the day after Mia’s passing. Milo and Sky. I love them, but it is so strange to not have my Mia there.
There was a part of me previously that was feeling like I was spending way too much time on working on videos and photos for the page and the channel. But the prospect of not doing it is.. just feels wrong. It is a part of me and I still want to do it. I still want to post happy things and hopefully give people a reason to smile. I just have to take the time it takes until it becomes happy again. Keep going and you’ll get there, right?
Well., You’ll get somewhere I suppose.

26/4 2023
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If anyone else is wondering where the whole “One day a day” think comes from, well I got it from a podcast. I don’t listen to a lot of podcasts in general, but every weekday I listen to The Ralph Report with Ralph Garman. He’s a voice actor and good friend of Kevin Smith. He got fired from his radio job and started a podcast. I listen to it every day and there’s a great community around it. Right now I am listening to live bootlegs of Frank Turner, and I actually discovered Frank through the podcast, because someone requested the song Get Better for a happy hit. Anyway, Ralp has a cohost called Eddie Pence. He’s a standup comedian and he.. he’s a character. He says a lot of goofy stuff and he often messes stuff up. And as you might can have guessed by now, he was trying to say “one day at a time” and it came out “one day a day”. And when Eddie messes stuff up it often become a bit of a recurring gag and Ralph will rag on him and stuff. So that’s where I heard it, said by mistake as a funny goof and largely forgotten by everyone by now. But for some reason it stuck with me and now I just use it, seriously. I mean it works. One day a day. Tomorrow is tomorrow’s problem. Right now I can’t handle more than a day at a time, and barely that. I don’t know if there is a future, but I know there is a today.
Anyway, The Ralph Report is a patreon podcast, but if you want a daily break from the big bad world I do recommend it. I think the cheapest level is just a couple of bucks a month. Use promo code Lasse for 20 percent, no just kidding.
Anything to distract from reality.
26/4 2023
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Got out and spent some time with the littles today. It is good to be with them. But it is bad to be without Mia. It still really really hurtrs. But that’s okay, that’s how it’s suppose to be.
Milo and Sky seemed a little calmer today. But they still had a couple of screaming sessions. Jeanette said they’d seemed calmer to her too. She’s trying to spend some more time with them. Taking time out of the chores she has to do. So that’s good. I don’t know if their screaming is going to be the new normal. Previously they’d get that loud once in a while, shortly. But now they can go on and on. It is especially hard to leave them. They scream like they’re being murdered, and they don’t stop. I hear them until i’m out of range. I hope we don’t get complaints from the neighbours. I feel so bad leaving them, though. I wish i could sit with them all day every day. It is good to just sit with them. And nuzzle them and scratch them. But I so badly miss Mia’s physical affection.
I’m trying to regain some sense of normalcy, shooting some video, walking around with them, giving them fruits. There’s a bit of ‘fake it till you make it’ about it, but it is nice to do too. I am glad we have each other
27/4 2023
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The lil howlers.

27/4 2023
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I spent some time with the feathers yesterday too. It was funny, I almost thought they were going to lay eggs for me. Especially when the first redshirt sat down next to me, it almost looked like she was oddly squatting and I wondered if she was just going to poop out an egg right there. Hah. But all three, I think we have three now since we lost one, actually sat down next to me. I don’t think they’ve ever done that before. Maybe they felt I needed the company. Or maybe there was just never space before because there was a giant white goat sitting next to me… sigh.
Sky was butting them away a couple of times earlier in the day, but Milo was more chill with htem.
But yes, I had a little group of feathers sitting with me. And Henrietta Solo flapped her way up to the hay shelf above and made herself a nest in a box. Jeanette tells me she often finds eggs up there.

28/4 2023
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Here is a picture of Sky and the guy. I am not doing so well. Massively, massively depressed and sad. But what are you gonna do. Other than sit with your face in your hands and stare at the insides of your eyelids.

29/4 2023
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Here is a picture of Milo and that man. I’m doing the best I can.

30/4 2023
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That’s all for now.

happy Mio Monday everyone. I hope it’s a good one.

17/4 2023
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Good goat times today. Well actually, not the best. Mia wasn’t feeling so good.
It was a gorgeous sunny day. I had been expecting my first real good spring day with them. Milo and Sky were sitting in the outroom in the sunshine when I got there. Mia was sitting inside in the straw. She did come out to geet me, but did not want any treats. Which is obviously a bad sign. She was just not her good self. There was a lot of sitting around and relaxing today. Milo and Sky always in the sunshine. Mia more often inside in the dark. I went in and sat with her. She did get up and gave me her paw so I could scratch it. And then when i was done with it she gave me the other so I could do that one. She enjoyed snuggles and scratches. And she did come out and sit with us in the outroom. But no appetite. We had a group of visiting kids at the fence. Once again Milo mugging everyone for carrots. Mia did slowly wander down to join us. But quickly started back up the hill to get back inside. Poor girl.
I wonder if someone overfed her. The barrel with their food was gone today. Eventually Jeanette found it down in the chicken house. The chickens are in quarantine right now by the way, so we arne’t mingling with them. But anyway, Jeanette said there was already food in the goats tub when she got there. Maybe someone gave them too much food and Mia being the dominant one at most of it. I don’t know. Hopefully it’s not something serious. Jeanette will keep an eye on her and maybe get the vet out.
So now we can stop worrying about me and start worrying about Mia! Sheesh. I just want a good spring and summer. Last summer was complicated because of the move and all the worries about that. And then we had to get used to a new place and miss half of our flock and there was all the stuff going on with my family. I wish things could just be okay.
But send some good thoughts to Mia if you can.
17/4 2023
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Poor girl. Hopefully she’ll be back to normal in no time.

17/4 2023
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HappY Yogi daY everyone. With bonus Spirrevip. I hope it’s a good one.

18/4 2023
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goatlog

18/4 2023
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Hey everyone.
I didn ot visit the goats today, but Jeanette called me. Mia is not doing well. The vet can’t come see her until tomorrow. Jeanette prepared me that they may have to make a decision on whether to put Mia down or not. I know this comes to a shock to everyone, it did to me. I will do my best to advocate for her. I know if Mia was privately owned like some of you who have animals you could do everything possible and go to any length to make things okay, but that’s not really how it works in a government institution. Ressources are very low, as you maay remember several of these playgrounds are being closed and having to get rid of the animals alltogether. I know they will do all they can for Mia and I will do my best. I just want to be honest and prepare you, I hope you will send Mia all the healing energy you possibly can. It is also a matter of her quality of life. There is no doubt she is not as strong as she used to be. I know people have noticed that she has gotten a lot skinnier. Her tail is down a lot too, most of the time really. She has been down with sickness several times. She is getting to be an old goat and the question is whether she is still living a good life. I will do my best to argue that at least when she’s not sick she’s still a loving and happy goat. But there is no doubt that her condition has declined. We will have to hear what the vet says. I’d gladly pay out of my own pocket if that was what it took, but that’s not how it works. The vet will have to say what her prospects are and what is best for her within the possibilities there are.
I am obviously not in the best state right now. I don’t know what I’d do.. but i have to take it one step at a time right now. This shitty year just continues..
Please send Mia all the love you can, I will of course let you know when I know more.
18/4 2023
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Mia is gone.
I held her head in my arms and told her to go to sleep, as the vet made the injections.
I am so so sorry my girl.
It was the vet’s opinion that she was in so much pain that it was bordering on legally and morally objectionable to keep her alive. The playground had told her to do whatever she could, that they would pay whatever it took to treat Mia. But it was the vet’s estimate that whatever she did would only prolong Mia’s pain, and would not make a difference in the end..
I asked her if there was any chance that it would make a difference if my friend from Belgium, Angeline, could come get Mia and bring her to her sanctuary where they might be able to offer a higher level of care. I am not even sure if Angeline would be able to do that for us, but we had previously talked about this. But again it was the vet’s opinion that it would only make Mia suffer more. A long, difficult transport and again no chance of Mia recovering
The vet, I should learn her name, was lovely. It’s the same vet that has been with us since the first playground, to the second and now third playground. So that is at least 15-20 years of experience with goats and our situation. She was the one who came and helped Mio pass when it was her time. We did that together, as we did it today with Mia. She was very kind and sympathetic and gentle. She knew how much Mia meant to me. I was crying the whole way through when it was clear that there was no other way.
I am crying now.
I don’t know if things would have gone differently if Mia had been taken to a clinic on Monday. The truth is her condition has been declining for a long time, maybe since the move last summer. Maybe even before that. She’s gotten skinnier and skinnier. She’s been walking around with her tail down almost all of the time. She was sick in March too. When she wasn’t sick she was mostly happy when I was there with them, but it was clear she was not as strong as she used to be. The vet didn’t know why, but it just seems to happen to older goats sometimes. She was speculating about organ failures. There’s some other stuff too, but I don’t want to talk about that right now. The bottom line is, she couldn’t see Mia getting anything but worse. And she was already very bad. It was awful to see her in this condition.
I feel completely dead inside. There’s a part of me that wishes I could get an injection to make it all go away too. Everything has been getting worse and worse and I don’t know what to do without my Mia. She has been the best thing in my life for 10½ years. And you have to remember, I can’t really relate with people in real life, I truly appreciate the friendship of you all here on facebook, but in real life I live a pretty isolated life. The goats are my life and I don’t know if i can keep goating now. I don’t know what will happen now. I don’t know what to do.
Thank you everyone who has offered sympathy and advice and offers to help. Don’t know what I would do without you all either. I know you will all hurt too. Many, if not most, of you I have gotten to know through Mia’s page. She was the light of my life and I feel like it is all darkness now.
Love you, Mia. Thank you for everything. I truly hope you are with Palle and Mio and Kamel and Yogi and everyone else now.
19/4 2023
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Thank you everyone for all the comments and messages of support. I take comfort in the fact that you all care so much about me, and Mia. I had to take several breaks from reading through the comments to cry. And you know, just general cry breaks. It still all feels very unreal. I can’t remember a life without Mia. I have known many wonderful and special goats, but Mia became something truly unique, a connection so deep and that reached so many others too. It is hard to face the prospect of never being able to sit with her again.
I hope I helped give her a good life. She made a giant, insurmountable, difference in mine.
I’m going to try to see if I can get some sleep. Thank you everyone.
19/4 2023
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Got out and spent some time with Milo and Sky today. i neeed to get out of the house. And i needed to check on them. And it was good to see Jeanette too. Jeanette wasn’t there when Mia passed. It wasn’t her day at work, and when the decision was made by the vet there wasn’t really time for her or anything. It was pretty much me and the vet getting it done. And then a couple of the staff was there, Sanne and I think Linda was the other one’s name. Sanne is very nice, she was the one who messaged me to come help when they had to give Milo his meds that one time. She isn’t afraid of the goats, so that’s a plus.
But it was good to talk things through with Jeanette today. And sith with the littles. They were extremely vocal today. I heard Milo in the distance before I was even in sight, and once they saw me they both kept calling. And every time during the day when Jeanette went off to do her chores, they would bleat and bleat after her as she went. They never used to do that when I was there with the three of them. Clearly they are affected by the change too. Several times I saw them looking towards the goat house with concern, looking into the straw room like something was there. Or like they were wondering if Mia was hiding there and why wasn’t she coming out… or maybe they just feel the bad that happened in there. They weren’t inside when the procedure was done. But they were inside before it with Mia when she was sick. And they may have been allowed to go inside while she was laying there afterwards, I am not sure about that as I left immediately after it.
I don’t want to project too much humanity on them, but we all know animals have feelings and they have lost their adopted momma goat. it was really tough when I went home. I gave them apples inside but they left them and followed me out. I spread some treats on the ground, that’s what I used to do at the old place when I left, put out treats to distract everyone and then sneak off. but there was no sneaking off today. They were bleating a storm after me. Milo especially, he wasn’t just bleating loudly today he was screaming at the top of his lungs. I thought without Mia there to jump the fence when I go I could just leave them outside as I leave.. but if they take it this badly every time then maybe it might even be better for them to lock them inside for a few minutes when I go still, so they don’t have to watch in distress as I walk off. We will have to see how it goes. We all have to get adjusted to a new reality now. It felt so empty without Mia. it was good to sit with the littles, but god I missed Mia so much. All her loving and attention and sweetness and silliness. I know it gets easier with time, but right now it feels like it will never be okay. Just a giant vast hole in my heart.
We had some visitors at the fence, and I forced myself to get up and lead the littles down to the fence so the kids could get some time with them. It was a nice distraction I suppose. There was also an elderly man who came into the goat pen and went up to use while we were sitting in the sun. He patted me on the shoulder and told me how sorry he was. And I have to be honest, I am not sure if it was someone I’d met before. with my bad eyesight and bad human relatings, I am not sure if we’d met before or if maybe he’d been told about me or something like that. But in any case it was sweet of him to come up to us and offer his sympathy.
I am functioning mostly on auto-pilot right now. Trying not to let myself sink completely into despair and isolation.
I will treat myself to pizza now. And then come back later and try to respond to message and read comments. I really appreciate all your love and support, it makes my eyes tear up again just thinking about it. I am so thankful I was able to share Mia with so many and I got to meet so many good people through her page. On the post on her page there’s closing to 900 comments. I appreciate everyone, the ones who have become close personal friends and the ones who have followed the goat adventures on the page. Thank you.
20/4 2023
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When I came home on Wednesday, reeling from it all. I put music on just to have noise in the background as I tried not keel over. It happened to be the Frank Turner albums on my current playlist. And I wasn’t really listening, but when this one came on it did punch through the white noise of my crashing mind. Especially that one line. Please don’t take my sunshine away. On the sunniest day of the year so far, my sunshine was taken away.
I still don’t really know what to do with myself, but i have been here before. I know you just have to get through the days at first. And see where it goes.
Thank you again everyone. For the sea of outreaching hands. Thank you for helping me keep my head above water..

21/4 2023
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Hello. Just checking in. Still alive, allegedly. Just zombieing through the day. It is all still feeling very unreal, and sad beyond words. So I’ll leave the words alone for now. Just want to thank you all again for all the love and support. I appreciate you all. Hope you’re doing well out there.
22/4 2023
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Hello. I am
Not sure how to finish that sentence. Just despondently sad I guess. I wish i didn’t have to be here. Just gotta get through the first time now. Hoping to see the littles tomorrow. I feel like kicking and screaming but I barely have the energy and will to lift a finger. So it goes. Hope you’re all doing well out there. Thank you for the support. I know Mia was loved by all.
Not sure how to finish this post
23/4 2023
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