Walk Unafraid
I have finally had my first lesson in walking with a cane. A nice lady from the sight central came and instructed me. It went very well, but it’s also a weird thing to deal with. To be forced to accept that image of yourself. Walking around with a cane to guide me, that is not something I had ever imagined before. That is not someone I ever thought would be me. You see blind people on the street and think “glad it’s not me” and five minutes later you have forgotten them. Now I am one of them.
There is a certain sense of finality to it. That’s it. That’s who I am. I will never be on the other side again. I am handicapped. I am broken. I will never fit into the crowd again.
So it’s hard to be exactly happy about it. But at least it went well. We went to Føtex in the shopping center around the corner. Just a 10 minute walk. And the cane made it easier, no doubt. It feels safer. Instead of that sense that you could be walking off a tall cliff without knowing it. It is a good help, no doubt about it. Maybe it will even allow me to go out on my own in the future when I get more comfortable with it. You never know. Certainly it is better to have it than to not.
I am also glad that I still have some sight left. It makes it a lot easier to navigate around and avoid things. People and cars. The house number so I know which door to go to. I am glad I am not completely blind. As horrible as it is right now, it could still be worse. No doubt about it. I do feel my left eye getting worse. The field of vision getting smaller. More and more of the world is blurred out. Even finding my way around my little apartment just by sight is getting harder. Who knows where it will end.
At least there is no more pain in the right eye. We have cut back from two diamox tablets to one. I am still dizzy though. Dizzy and almost blind, it is not the best combination for walking around.
I have also been sleeping poorly. With cold feet. My foot therapist gave me some ointment that is supposed to help circulation and give a warm sensation. I think it is working a little. And I have turned up the heat some more. Plus I am now allowed to use the exercise bike again which will hopefully make me a little more tired. I need my nights to be good because they are practically all I have left.
On Monday there’s a new checkup at the hospital. Maybe I can try stopping the diamox altogether. And on Thursday I have more cane training. We’ll be taking it slow. I can’t handle too much right now and I don’t have a huge need to be walking around everywhere and it’s getting colder and colder. I think we agreed to do it once a week for 3 weeks to learn the basics and then once every 2-3 weeks after that. Something like that. And their IT dept should be getting in touch soon again so we can get something arranged with computer and cell phone and DAISY-rom. I need to see the goats again soon too. It has been a while. I just don’t have energy for much. I am not feeling very strong. But I am trying.
October 16th, 2009 at 17:32
keep trying, hang in there! Glad the walking cane seems to be useful for you!
October 16th, 2009 at 19:36
You deserve such a big pat on the back for learning to use the cane! How bloody scary that must be – navigating in the darkness of the busy, public space.
As you know, I have plenty of second hand experience with blindness as my grandmother, with whom I was very close, was blind. She liked dreaming, too, because that gave her images – colour pictures of all the people and places she couldn’t see. To her, we were all young still! Well, she never actually saw me – the only one of her grandchildren – but she saw me as my mother looked as a young girl, and to be fair, that wasn’t far off.
Anyways, I go on and you’re probably not terribly interested. Just wanted to let you know that I think you’re a very brave man and that think of you every day and hope so, so much that you will be able to keep what little sight you have left so at least you can see if it is day or it is night.
Lots and lots og love,
Desirée
October 18th, 2009 at 3:46
Desiree: that was a very sweet story about your grandmother. She was very lucky to have a granddaughter like you.
Yes, our Plume is a very brave person. I know he doesn’t think so, but he truly is very brave.
Glad to hear you finally made contact with the cane lady and that your first lesson went well. Good to know the IT people will be getting with you soon as well.
We had sunshine today! Mark that on the calendar. We are to have sunshine on Sunday and Monday. Hooray!
We pretty much finished one outside painting job today and have part of a house to finish and a big deck to seal over the next few days. I am so tired of work!
October 18th, 2009 at 19:13
Katrine – I will keep hanging on. The cane should help indeed.
Desirée – Well I’m not sure I have learnt it yet. But so far so good. It’s not too complicated.
Dreams are very nice. I see perfectly in my dreams. I wonder how people who are born blind dream? If they see images and such.
Please do go on as much as you’d like. I am always interested.
Debster – I hope you’ll be getting more sunshine. Or maybe a vacation to Florida. Just remember to check if the airline allows goats and donkeys and kittens oh my.
October 21st, 2009 at 17:40
Hej Mr. Plume,
Sorry for the silence — we’ve had a busy few weeks here. We actually went back to the US for my sister in law’s wedding. We flew through Copenhagen and I thought a lot about you and wondered how you were doing. I’ve just gotten caught up, and considering everything you’ve been blogging about, I think you’ve been holding up really well. I like the title of this entry and I am glad the cane seems to help a bit. I’m sending you *lots* of encouragement and hugs.
October 22nd, 2009 at 1:08
We are supposed to have 3 days of sun in the next 10 day forecast. And I think those days are going to be partly cloudy.
Vacation??? What’s that? I haven’t had a vacation in 7 years. My husband is off hunting grouse for the next 10 days, so I guess I have a vacation from him!
Donkey didn’t get out for walkies today as she wouldn’t let me put the halter on her. (I think it’s going to be a long 10 days with my husband gone.) Frankie didn’t want to come back into the pen, but when he finally did, he wanted all the scratches.
He sort of goes into a “goaty trance” with good scratches!
October 22nd, 2009 at 1:19
Hi Plume,
I thought of you while watching Oprah today. As you know, she visited Copenhagen not long ago. On her show today, I learned a little more about Danish culture and I must admit to being a bit jealous. I like how the citizens of your country are well cared for in terms of healthcare, education, unemployment, childcare and so forth. I also admire your culture–people’s priorities are not centered on rising in social status or acquiring “things”.
I hope this show gets some of our citizens here in the U.S. to think.
October 22nd, 2009 at 19:02
Valja – congrats to the sister in law! I hope it’ll be a long and happy one. And thank you for thinking of me. I do quite like this title myself. You know it’s an REM song, right? I always liked that line, and it’s quite fitting here.
Debster – We got a little rain while walking the cane today. But not lots, thankfully. And I had some very nice sunshine while visiting the goats on Tuesday. The weather isn’t too bad here really, I’m just much more sensitive to the cold now.
Do you hunt anything while your husband is gone? I think I may go hunting for some (sugarfree) ice cream in the freezer tonight.
I love the goaty trance. It’s always great when you hit that spot!
mapple34 – I just saw something about the Oprah show on the news. We Danes are very happy, and we’re happy when Americans notice it too!
And I certainly am greatful for our great health care system. I have probably been quite expensive over the years, first with phobia and now the eyes.
We certainly have a great country going. We just need a little change in government. Fingers crossed for the next election.
October 26th, 2009 at 17:54
Plume — No, actually I didn´t get the song reference. I am sure my sister would have, though. She´s the pop culture person. Hehe. I´ll look up the song now that I know about it.