So, tomorrow is the big day. At 9 am I’ll be on the table.

I don’t think I have ever had surgery before. I have vague recollections of spending time in hospitals as a very young kid. And there are all the broken arms and legs and whatnots. But I don’t think I have been fully anesthetized before. It’s a little scary. And hard to spell.

Do you dream when you’re anesthetized? I wonder.

It is odd. That it’s finally going to happen. I have been wishing for this for as long as I can remember. For 20 years at least. Never really figured it was possible. I could barely leave the house, how could I make this happen? But now it’s happening. And I am happy. I know it’s not going to live up to my highest expectations. I’m not going to come out of it as a new and better person with a carefree life. But if everything goes well then it is still going to be something very good for me.

Sanne hugged me when I left work today. Odd as well. I wasn’t expecting that. I thought she was joking at first. Making that funny voice she sometimes does, stretching her arms out. “Then you need a hug” and I stretched my arms out and said “okeeey”. And thought she would break it off. But she didn’t, and we hugged. And that was very nice. A year ago that sort of close contact would have made me feel bad. Now it’s just a good feeling.

I went to the playground after work. Spent a good long time with the goats. I guess I won’t be seeing them for a little while. I will miss them. They’re a great mental pick-me-up. If you could pack them in pills then I would be back in health in no time.

I made a bunch of videos for myself. So I have some goat fun to entertain myself with while I’m stuck at home. That will keep a smile on my face.

I think I have got everything prepared. A couple of books. An MP3 player with Tina Dickow, Mew, Eels, Gorillaz and various mainstream junk. A notebook and pen. My oldest camera. Just in case I wake up in the middle of the operation and need to get evidence of malpractice. Haha.

Hah.

No really, I’m scared of waking up in the middle of it all. Like if the anesthesia malfunctions and I will be conscious and feel everything. My life always resembles old horror movies, it’s bound to happen.

No, no. It’ll be fine. I am not worried. Really, I’m more worried about fasting and getting up early. I’ll be tired and starving. And then I’ll have to spend the night in the hospital. Away from the safety of home. To me that’s worse than being cut up a treat.

But you all take care while I’m away. I’ll be back in a couple of days. If nothing else then to delete the spam that will have piled up in the guestbook.

Send good vibes. When I’m coming back I might not be a new and better Plume, but hopefully I’ll be in a new and better body.

(after 6 months of pain and discomfort at least)

This entry was posted on Tuesday, September 6th, 2005 at 21:48 and is filed under Blogging. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.