Unexpected snowfall last night.

And how sweet it is. The beautiful snow.

I am the Snow-weatherman.

I love how cars look, covered in snow. I’m sure it’s less fun if you actually own a car. But it always makes me want to get in and sit in the car, in the dark, windows covered by the snow. Maybe I should just build a snow fortress?

Rewind a couple of days. Before the snow fell. Let’s all go to the playground, get ourselves a treat.

The lambs. The big Prince and the little twins. They are baahing a lot more now. And they sound like sheep, not like otherwordly staccato robots. You have missed some videos if you don’t understand what I mean.

It’s great to see them grow. Like Magnethe.

Pretty Magnethe. I love her voice, it makes me feel okay.

I like how the goats baah. With their tongues out like that. It reminds me of The Simpsons, their characters always have their tongues out when they scream. vis-a-vis.

Mads on the bench. I think that’s his favourite place to be. Not just when I’m around. When I get there he’s already up on the bench. A nice throne from which he can oversee his kingdom.

Fast-forward back to today.

Mathilde. Sweet girl.

And naughty. I think I said so already, but you can never-ever have your bags in peace when there are goats around. I put the bag over in the corner, then I go and sit down on the bench and get the goats to come over there with me. But eventually, inevitably, one of them goes over to snoop in the bag. And it doesn’t matter if there’s any food in there. If there’s no food in the bag then they just start chewing on the bag itself.

Moomincat paid a visit, after a couple of days’ abscense. He’s such a beautiful cat.

I’m still not completely sure he’s a he, but Anne said so and she knows a lot more about animals than I do. And he does look rather princely.

Peter saw him. My brother. I didn’t know Moomincat was in my room, when I opened the door he just slipped out and went in to the living room. Much to my brother’s surprise. “Since when do you keep a cat, Lasse?” he asked. And I explained that it wasn’t my cat. Then I picked him up and carried him into my room and sat down with him and wished he was my cat.

I fell asleep while Moomincat slept in a cardboard box, at least I think he slept. When the alarm rang I got up and couldn’t see him anywhere. But then he started meowing, he was still in the box. (The box was in a little sort of alcove or such, so I couldn’t see it from my bed). Then he came out and jumped up on my bed. So I think we were both napping. I would have preferred him to sleep on my bed, but who am I to take him away from such a lovely cardboard box? Just knowing he was in the room was a nice feeling.

It is odd. Life. I have these things that make me incredibly happy. Moomincat. The goats. Reading again. The snow. I should be happier than ever, but I am not. I feel sad and tired mostly. I think I will have to go to my doctor and talk about the medication. I looked the meds I currently take up on the net and it said that the maximum dosage was 60 mg. I’m taking 40 mg tablets. Maybe it would be a good idea to up the dosage. Because they did help me for so long. I started taking them in… December 2004 I think. And I started feeling okay around January last year, when they kicked in I assume. And then for so long I was not sad, almost never depressed. But then around mid-November, I guess, the sadness came back. I had a hard time. It got better when vacation came, I took a break from it all. But now I’m back at work, back at facing the problems, and I am feeling sad and tired a lot. I am feeling unmotivated. I sometimes feel like things are crumbling. Falling apart in my hands.

Last night I imagined jumping off a rooftop. I guess I will go see my doctor soon. And I will try to enjoy the good things, because they are incredibly good. It doesn’t help to feel guilty about feeling bad when you should be feeling good.

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