Let Me Count The Ways
I am sorry.
I am sorry for being a bad person.
I am sorry for wallowing in self-pity.
I am sorry for being responsible for 3b and Springbok’s imminent deaths.
I am sorry for being so upset about their deaths that I wrote angry entries that upset someone I thought was a friend.
I am sorry for not being mindful of the suffering of the lebanese.
I am sorry for not being more direct in my apologies.
I am sorry for eating meat.
I am sorry for drinking milk.
I am sorry for being selfish.
I am sorry for only going to work 2 days this week.
I am sorry for not going to the appointment with my therapist.
I am sorry for not calling my therapist to make another appointment.
I am sorry for not calling my doc and talking about getting higher dosage of meds.
I am sorry for retreating from life and spending all my time playing Oblivion or sitting with the goats.
I am sorry for wanting to give up.
I am sorry for being a cry-baby.
I am sorry for fishing for sympathy.
That’s all I can think of right now, but I’m sure there is lots more. I am sorry for that.
August 11th, 2006 at 12:16
It is not your fault !
None of it !
You are not guilty, so stop feeling like you are
Signed in blood,
The Re-Fuse
August 11th, 2006 at 13:08
Movie recommendation of the week:
-American Beauty-
Gosh! I loved watching that film !!
Very recomendable *****
August 11th, 2006 at 13:34
Music of the day :
I hear the drums echoing tonight
But she hears only whispers of some quiet conversation
She’s coming in twelve-thirty flight
Her moonlit wings reflect the stars that guide me towards
salvation
I stopped an old man along the way
Hoping to find some old forgotten words or ancient melodies
He turned to me as if to say: “Hurry boy, it’s waiting there for
you”
The wild dogs cry out in the night
As they grow restless longing for some solitary company
I know that I must do what’s right
Sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serengeti
I seek to cure what’s deep inside, frightened of this thing that
I’ve become
It’s gonna take a lot to drag me away from you
There’s nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do
I bless the rains down in Africa
Gonna take some time to do the things we never had
I bless the rains down in Africa
I bless the rains down in Africa
I bless the rains down in Africa
August 11th, 2006 at 13:59
It’s okay to wallow, for short periods of time. But now it’s time to get up and STOP wallowing and do the things you know that will help you. Like contacting your doctor, etc. “Hint, hint”.
When you get to the end of your rope, tie a BIG knot in it and hold on. Remember when you didn’t feel this way? You will not always feel as bad as you do now. Things will change. Keep going. . . life, it goes on.
August 11th, 2006 at 18:49
If that friend is Katherine, she sounds ghey. -_-
I’m really sorry about everything happening babes xox
August 11th, 2006 at 19:40
Wow – I just checked in after being gone for the last few days. So much happening in such a short amount of time!
I know you’re feeling down right now, but this too shall pass. Just rememer to stay strong and focus on the good things in life.
Take care.
August 11th, 2006 at 23:00
Wow dude. Hellfire came upon you in the blogosphere seemingly out of nowhere. You dun need it. You’ve always been teh Plume. Maybe some people dun get that or your sense of humors. Anyways. Ignore crazy talk. Btw for other readers I’m not that Katherine chick. She scares me. Maybe she’d change her mind about a few things if she took a vacay in Hell House. Muhahaha. I hear it’s available now to rent. :) Personally retreating sometimes and chilling out with goats is a good way to get perspective. So don’t be sorry. It’s your life. And you are living it. Even if you are just hanging down with the goats. What you do with your time is your perogitive, mang. I know when Twilight Princess comes out I’ll probably forget what daylight looks like for awhile. You probably don’t need stronger meds just some R&R. But don’t get lost in the escapism.
Much love to the Plumemaster. I actually have your little denmark flag from xmas over here on my desk. It’s cute.
August 12th, 2006 at 0:26
Don’t feel too bad. This too shall pass. We all have bad days. You haven’t done anything wrong at all…
August 12th, 2006 at 7:04
I am sorry if you thought that someone is only a friend if they never disagree with you, always coddles you and exclusively tell you what a nice child you and gives you fluffy hugs of no substance. is that why you prefer the company of animals?
I am sorry if I accidentally gave off the wrong impression and caused you to mistake me for a robot or a dog that has zero independent thought or opinions that may not overlap with your own.
I am sorry if it somehow “offends” you to be told that there are viewpoints other than your own, and that by expressing an alternative viewpoint, it is not a direct attack on your entire existence and everything that you do and are.
I am sorry that I didn’t get the memo that to be passive-aggressive and list a whole bunch of “wah wah, i will not actually discuss anything with you/avoid defending anything I say or think or why i disagree what you say, but will instead do a woe is me, pitymepitymepityme i am wrong i am worthless” bs, thereby making any rational talk impossible, is actually considered not annoying nowadays.
August 12th, 2006 at 17:11
The interesting thing is you’re not sorry, but saying sorry like this gets you lots of sympathy. You’re incapable of really giving to other people and everything that supports you is only as good as its willingness to be endlessly sympathetic. The proof is in your ability to “move on” but not really. If an animal ignored you for a day you’d probably write the same message. If you are incapable of meaningfully caring, it’s because that’s who you choose to be. No one makes you. Your life is pretty good, really. You have no responsibilities. Your mother still looks after you, even though you complain about your parents.
I hope you don’t wake up one day at forty still living with mom, on welfare, and saying you’re sorry and whining about how cruel it is to be you.
I did my best to be a friend, never asking you to be a friend to me. But it’s a waste of time being your friend, because it’s completely one-sided. This is what I get for being a friend, a whine designed to make it look like I was the big meany. Or Judas. Or whoever expressed an opinion. Pathetic.
August 12th, 2006 at 17:14
Yeah, and pissants who attack me in your comments…but how nice that must be.
August 16th, 2006 at 12:41
I’m sorry for your little goats. I wish there was something I could do for them. I don’t know why everyone is on a the rampage attacking you, but I know you care a lot for them and do what you can.
I don’t have a problem with domestic livestock animals being used for our purposes, because that is why they exist, were and formed and molded by us over the past 10,000 years or so. It’s a waste of land and resources for them to exist and not be used as production animals for the most part. I agree that factory farm animals should not exist.
I don’t think animal farming in itself is bad or destructive. I have a lot more respect for the environmental arguements against livestock farming then those that are beating you up about “oh, the poor poor goats! *cry*” obviously they have a good life.
the whole vegan thing is annoying too. I have friends who own a farm growing organic vegetables and grass fed lambs, goats, and chickens. The goats/sheep graze hill sides, which if you tilled for growing crops would cause huge erosion that the animals don’t. They grow their own food, material (wool), and the animals provide nutriants (manure) for growing food. This is much more sound than some vegans who buy processed soy crap which takes so much more energy and waste and harmful farming practices, besides clearing vast areas of natural habitats. Most big farms that grow the soy are also in animal farms, which they are so against. buying locally grown produce and meat is much much better.
Sorry this is rambling.