Your Evolution Is A Silly Idea, Yeah
I am feeling a little sad. Sometimes that happens. Don’t ask me why. I guess I just have to get back on the horse. Or goat, maybe.
Today I picked out a vet. One not too far away. I had hoped to find one right here in the neighbourhood. But there were none. The one I picked is actually closer to my old house than to here. But it’s not too far, as I said. Now I just need my kitten. Need my kitten.
I’m going to crawl back into bed I think. I feel a little like a legless fish that jumped out of the ocean too soon, I’m not ready to evolve into a mammal just yet. Put evolution on hold for a millennia or two. There is no hurry.
September 18th, 2007 at 8:13
Sleep is good, sweet Plume.
&So are celebrity sexbots
September 18th, 2007 at 8:48
PLUME’S STAR PREDICTIONS OF THE WEEK:
Virgo (August 23 – September 22) – A happy smile often masks our true feelings. Unless our true feelings are happiness, in which case an angry scowl will do the job.
Libra (September 23 – October 22) – Take care of the nuts and bolts today. Wash them, polish them, speak soothingly to them. Then tuck them in tonight.
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) – Put playing cards in the spokes of your car rims today. Complain bitterly that it’s just not the same as when you were a kid.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) – Today is a great day! It’s happiness and bliss all day, except for a huge, nasty paper cut that hospitalizes you for a week.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19) – Ignore all street signs and traffic lights today. In fact, make up your own rules, like “Right on red after shouting.”
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18) – Why not rent a foreign movie today? Because no one speaks English and they’ve got weird camera angles, that’s why! Shoot! Get a Quentin Tarantino film instead!
Pisces (February 19 – March 20) – Go to your local police station and paint huge smiley faces on the windows of all the police cruisers. They’ll appreciate such a warm sentiment.
Aries (March 21 – April 19) – Make yourself a big bucket of buttered popcorn and bury your face in it. When someone acts surprised, say, “It’s a popcorn facial!”
Taurus (April 20 – May 20) – Remain anonymous in all your contributions. Unless there’s a big tax write-off, in which case take full credit.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20) – A great day for a major life change, such as converting to the Amish religion. It’s a barn-raisin’, butter-churnin’, beard-growin’ good time!
Cancer (June 21 – July 22) – Design a T-shirt that says “I’m With Stupid,” with the arrow pointing straight down.
Leo (July 23 – August 22) – Call up lots of important people you don’t know and refer to them as the wrong gender. “I’m sorry ma’am, I must have the wrong number.”
YOUR “LUCKY” COLD CUT OF THE DAY: PEPPERONI
ANSWER TO DEBSTER’S QUESTION: “YES, BUT NEVER ON A SUNDAY, A SUNDAY, LA LA LA LA LA…”
ANSWER TO LUISLEMMING’S QUESTION: “LEXAPRO IS ON YOUR SIDE. LEXAPRO!!”
ANSWER TO MAD’S QUESTION: “BAA, BAA, BA, BA, BAA, BAA. SNORT, SNORT. THRRRRWWPT!”
September 18th, 2007 at 8:55
PLUME: Hey, there Debster. I just stoopped by to show you something I came across this morning. I know you collect buttons so I thought you might be interested.
DEBSTER: Where? Let me see.
PLUME: It’s on the ground, there by your foot.
DEBSTER: (Leans down and picks it up)
PLUME: It appears to be a decorative button from a marching band uniform. Still, I’m not sure…maybe it’s from an old military dress jacket.
DEBSTER: Ewwwww, this isn’t a button. It’s the tip of a human finger!!
PLUME: Hmmm…you know, I wondered why such an unusual coat button would be buried in the bottom of a hospital dumpster.
DEBSTER: You’re sick, Plume!
PLUME: Hey, I’m not the one picking up filthy medical waste off the ground with my bare hands.
September 18th, 2007 at 9:01
SHAKE YOUR GROOVE THING:
“Shake it, shake it
Shake your groove thing, shake your groove thing, yeah, yeah
Show ’em how we do it now
Shake your groove thing, shake your groove thing, yeah, yeah
Show ’em how we do it now, show ’em how we do it now
Let show the world we can dance
Bad enough to strut our stuff
The music gives us a chance
We do more out on the floor
Groovin’ loose or heart to heart
We put in motion every single part
Funky sounds wall to wall
We’re bumpin’ booties, havin’ us a ball, y’all
Shake your groove thing, shake your groove thing, yeah, yeah
Show ’em how we do it now
Shake your groove thing, shake your groove thing, yeah, yeah
Show ’em how we do it now
We got the rhythm tonight
All the rest know we’re the best
Our shadows crash in the light
Twistin’, turnin’, we keep burnin’
Shake it high or shake it low
We take our bodies where they wanna go
Feel that beat, never stop
Oh, hold me tight, spin me like a top
Shake your groove thing, shake your groove thing, yeah, yeah
Show ’em how we do it now
Shake your groove thing, shake your groove thing, yeah, yeah
Show ’em how we do it now
There’s nothing more that I’d like to do
Than take the floor and dance with you
Keep dancin’, let’s keep dancin’
Shake it, shake it
Shake it, shake it
Groovin’ loose or heart to heart
We put in motion every single part
Funky sounds wall to wall
We’re bumpin’ booties, havin’ us a ball, y’all
Shake your groove thing, shake your groove thing, yeah, yeah
Show ’em how we do it now
Shake your groove thing, shake your groove thing, yeah, yeah
Show ’em how we do it now, yeah
Shake it
Show ’em how we do it now, yeah
Shake it, shake it
Shake it
Doo, doo, doo, whoa
Shake it
Doo, doo, doo, whoa
Shake your groove thing
Shake your groove thing
Show ’em how we do it now, let’s get on down
Show ’em how we do it now, show ’em how we do it now, ooh
Ooh
Show ’em how we do it now, shake your groove thing
Shake it, shake it
Shake it, shake it, a bumpin’ booty, now
Shake it, shake it
Shake it, shake it, a little freaky now
Shake it, shake it
A shake it, shake it, a do it to it y’all”
September 18th, 2007 at 9:05
A “snot rocket” is a slang term referencing the act of holding one nostril while forcefully exhaling through the other mucous filled nostril resulting in a “rocket”-like projection of mucus from the nose and sinuses. This is also known as a “dustman’s flick”, “air hanky”, “farmer’s blow”, “nose gob” or “farmer’s hanky” or more offensively as a “guinea hankerchief” and “dutch hanky.”
Dried nasal mucus is often removed by nose-picking. The social taboos regarding nasal mucus have also led to a wide variety of slang terms for nasal mucus, including “snot” for nasal mucus, and “boogers”, “boogies” (U.S.) or “bogies” (UK) for dried nasal mucus.
September 18th, 2007 at 9:09
Flatus is expelled under pressure through the anus, whereby, as a result of the voluntary or involuntary tensing of the anal sphincter, the rapid evacuation of gases from the lower intestine occurs. Depending upon the relative state of the sphincter (relaxed/tense) and the positions of the buttocks, this often results in an audible crackling or trumpeting sound, but gas can also be passed quietly.
The olfactory components of flatulence include skatole, indole, and sulfurous compounds. The non-odorous gases are mainly nitrogen (ingested), carbon dioxide (produced by aerobic microbes or ingested), and hydrogen (produced by some microbes and consumed by others), as well as lesser amounts of oxygen (ingested) and methane (produced by anaerobic microbes). Odors result from trace amounts of other components.
September 18th, 2007 at 9:09
Sometimes I get the blues, too. I hope they made you laugh or least smile a little bit.
–Luis–
September 18th, 2007 at 13:43
Made me laugh, LuisLemmings! I think Plume is turning Amish what with growing his little goaty beard.
If we see on international news that a Danish Amish man painted smiley faces on the police cruisers, we’ll know Plume took the Pisces horoscope advice. Beware the Ides of March, Plume!
I’m Virgo, so I’ll be scowling today. Watch out everyone. Goats not included. I’ll smile at them.
September 18th, 2007 at 18:56
BIG HUGS!!!
and LuisLemmings, that was fun :D Guess the nuts and bolts will have to listen to my crazy lullabies tonight…
September 18th, 2007 at 22:19
Clare – And combining them is the best :-P
LuisLemmings – Haha, thanks for the laughs Luis. I needed them yes. For some reason I have this mental image of you running around with a red rubber ball on your nose, like Robin Williams in that movie.. Patch Addams? Treating me with laughter. Only I seem to recall that movie not being very well received, so don’t hold the comparison against me. You’re swell, mate.
Debster – Amish? They aren’t the ones that don’t use electricity are they? I can’t live without my computer. I shall have to look into coal-driven computers.
Milla – Guh! (That’s a backwards hug, it’s a little hard to pull off but when you get it right it’s awesome!)
September 21st, 2007 at 4:12
I think the Amish use goat-powered computers, Plume.