I had dinner with the parents today. We had blomkålsgratin. As far as I can google that is “cauliflower gratin” in English. We used to get that a lot when I was younger. Then for some reason my mother stopped making it. I’m not sure why. I have fuzzy memories of a discussion about the sauce, which was some kind of fatty butter thing. I think my mother stopped making it when she got proper into dieting and healthy foods etc. In any case it’s been something like 10 years since I last had blomkålsgratin. So it was a welcome comeback. Just like I remember it, except no bacon bits on top. But the buttery sauce was there. And just like I remembered, I love the “gratin” part but don’t really like the cauliflowers. Still, it was good.

I also managed to get their VCR set up properly. Finally. After the big channel change. Their VCR is a pain in the neck to reprogram. I also had to redo their TV. The first time I did it I missed a couple of channels. Would have been quick and easy to fix. Unfortunately uncle Jens tried the “auto configure” function while he was visiting. That did bring up all the channels. But sorted by frequency. Which means in one big mess. So I had to reprogram that so the channels were back in the right order. But at least I got a free meal for it.

Then tonight youtube made me cry. Somehow, randomly, I ended up on Apathy’s Last Kiss. To most of you it will just be a crappy song. But it brought back memories and feelings. The Smashing Pumpkins in the 90s. Nothing will ever be like that again. They were my heart and soul. I have been spending hours surfing youtube, listening to old songs. I playlisted some of it. But I know that to most of you it doesn’t hold the same meaning. It breaks me. But I love it.

Have you guys seen my first website? http://www.geocities.com/boypumpkin/. (The counter is wacked, I had thousands of visitors, I swear!) Oh so many years ago. With horrible, horrible poetry that makes me laugh now. But back then writing it helped me a lot. And sharing it gave me a lot back. The memories remain. I found friends and love through the pumpkins and the poetry and all that. I ran a quite popular MP3 site until the man brought it down. I miss the old days. It is a little sad when you realize you have passed your prime and your future holds nothing as exciting…

Not to be depressing or anything.

If I had a time machine I would never stop living in the 90s.

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