Vision Quest
Today has not been a good day. For one major reason. I woke up with a dark spot in my eyesight. A so called “floater”. Kind of like ink spots. In a line more or less. It’s hard to tell precisely because you can’t look straight at it of course. It floats away.
So that’s just great. I wasn’t kidding when I said I knew that I’d go blind. Maybe it’s happening now. I looked it up on the net and it seems these floaters can go away by themselves if you’re lucky. But more likely it’s a symptom of retinal detachment. Which can make you go blind. In days. I didn’t realize it was that much of a medical emergency. I don’t think I’m quite as far along as days from blindness though. But I do think I have one of the other symptoms. Flashes of light at the extreme peripheral part of vision. I only have that at night though. When I get up to go to the bathroom at night, if I try to look sideways then I have those flashes. So yeah, I obviously need to get my eyes checked out right away. If I had known it was this much of an emergency I would have called the eye doc today. But I don’t have his phone number so I called home to ask my mother what it was. But she must be working the late shift today cause she isn’t answering. And my dad is in Copenhagen. So I haven’t talked to them yet, and the doctor’s office is closed by now. I should have looked it up on the net or gone home and gotten the number from our address book. But I only just now read that it could be a matter of days. Let’s just hope one day isn’t what makes the difference in the end eh. I’ll call the eye doc tomorrow and we’ll see what happens.
The floaters are only in my right eye. So maybe I’ll get off easy and only be half blind. I can wear a patch and pretend to be a pirate.
I don’t think I could live with being blind. Pretty much my entire life is looking at some kind of screen. Without that, what would I do? And all the people I would have to deal with, be dependent on. I don’t think I could do that.
And that fucking thing is still floating around in front of me. I just want to tear my damn eyes out. I remember people describing tinnitus, always hearing that sound. And not being able to ignore. This feels sort of like the vision version of that. A constant black spot that you just can’t escape. Sometimes you can sort of look past it but then as soon as you move your eye it floats right back to front. It’s so stressful, you just want it to go away. But it doesn’t. Even when I close my eyes it’s still sort of there, if I move the eyeball around.
It’s not the end of the world. I can still read and see and maybe you could get sort of used to it. I could live with it a lot better than being blind. Sigh. So what does the future hold? At the very least phonecalls and appointments with doctors. What then? Blindness? Laser surgery? Lots of shitty stuff that I don’t want to deal with, no matter what. Some days you just wish you’d never woken up at all.
October 31st, 2008 at 12:40
Okay, Plume – take a deep breath.
The internet is a godsend for lots of stuff, but on this particular matter, I’m really sorry you went and looke dit up before asking me.
Adam’s sister is an optician and has studied all things eye for many years, so when I suddenly had a floater some years back, she was obviously my first port of call.
Basically, they are nothing to worry about.
You are right, in rare cases they can be a symptom of the things that you are currently freaking out about – but most commonly, they’re just one of those things.
I remember that program on the telly where all these animal and medical experts sat around a table in a beige studio and looked at questions from the viewers – one evening they talked about floaters, so I did have a vague idea before I even spoke to my sister-in-law.
Anyways, it probably won’t go away and it’ll take ages before you don’t notice it anymore. Mine still annoys me sometimes – but nothing like it used to. But it’s there – like a thunder bug behind a flatscreen monitor. And there’s nothing you can do about it. But it’s unliketly to be anything but one of those things.
For future reference, I suggest that your first port of call for medical advice is NHS Direct. Their website is brilliant, I think, for well balanced and well informed advice on pretty much all conditions you’re likely to ever get. Here’s a link to floaters: http://www.nhsdirect.nhs.uk/articles/article.aspx?ArticleId=162
Now, have a G&T and enjoy looking at something;)
October 31st, 2008 at 13:56
Thanks Desiree. That was a nice and helpful note. I’m feeling better about it all. Although still a bit worried, what with the light flashes and my generally deteriorating eyesight. But we’ll see what the eye doc says on Monday.
What is a g&t though? I’m sure it’ll be really obvious when you tell me but right now I’m drawing a blank.
October 31st, 2008 at 14:29
Gin and tonic, I think.
I’ve never had a floater but I’ve heard of them. Must be very annoying to have one. But like Desiree said, they’re pretty common and can come and go. But it’s a good thing to have it checked out by a doctor.
October 31st, 2008 at 15:06
Debster – Aah Gin and Tonic. That wouldn’t have come to me if I had spent hours thinking about it. Good thing I didn’t.
I’m sure everything will be fine and dandy like sugar and candy.
November 1st, 2008 at 0:49
I finally got time to look at the link Desiree sent. I’m bookmarking that one for future reference. I also like WebMD to look up medical info. Thanks, Desiree!
I’ve never had a G & T, but I know trivial info like that.