Disappearing Act
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I went shopping today. It wasn’t easy. I think I am close to the point where I can’t really go around outside on my own. I damn near walked head first into a sign. It was a “liquid asphalt ahead” sign, so I guess walking into that would be better than walking into the liquid asphalt. There wasn’t any liquid asphalt though. I think they put up the signs before the started the work. But anyway, I was staring at the ground trying not to fall and suddenly there was a sign right in front of me. At least it wasn’t a lamp post. It would be so cliché to walk into a lamp post.
I am still having a hard time finding my positivity back. Everything is very, very blurry and it is hard to escape. I broke down and cried a little. After having a vision of myself sitting in my old room back at my parents’ place. It’s not impossible that I’ll have to move back home at some point. But as long as I can take care of myself I’ll be staying. No doubt. I’m sure the surgeries will sort everything out. I’m sure they will. I will be able to see again. Everything will be okay. I just have to wait a little then it will be okay.
I’m going to go see the goats tomorrow. If I can find my way up there. I dreamt about them last night. Miss them. I wish I could move up to Bispehaven, the residential block next to the playground. I’m still on waiting list actually, have had a couple of offers from there the last couple of weeks. But I couldn’t deal with moving right now. With all the surgeries and blindness and all. But maybe when it’s all okay. Which it will be soon.
This entry was posted on Thursday, July 2nd, 2009 at 20:19 and is filed under Blogging. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
3 Responses to “Disappearing Act”
1. hanne Says:
July 3rd, 2009 at 0:53
i can imagine its hard to stay positive.. but hope you can do it.. i know its not easy.. and thats just with my every day problems like love and my so unhealthy lifestyle.. it seems so nothing compared to what you re doing.. and even still youre being a whole lot stronger at it then me!
its ok to cry.. let it out.. (and rember to call me if you need someone)
all is not well in nl.. i have too much sex with men im not enough into.. speaking of luxury problems eh.
oh well i ll get it/myself fixed ;)
be well.. let the goats cheer you up!
2. Debster Says:
July 3rd, 2009 at 13:04
Do you think you might benefit from a visit with the low-vision people? I think they might have someone who could come a couple of times a week to help you sort out getting groceries or doing laundry.
I think everyone wants you to be able to stay living in your apartment and being as independent as possible. You might just need a little help to do so, that’s all.
I think that would help you start feeling more positive when you take action to improve your life.
Hanne: you sound like you need to start taking better care of yourself! Dump the unhealthy lifestyle and try something different. We need you around to cheer up our dear danish goat boy (and to hear about your Scottish Fold kitty kat and your English kitty)!
3. Plume Says:
July 3rd, 2009 at 20:13
hanne – I will do my best to stay positive. I hope you will too. I’m sorry things aren’t going so great. But please do take care of yourself. I want us both to be alright.
Debster – Well my parents already help me quite a bit. My dad especially. He’s been doing laundry for me and buys a lot of stuff for me, the things I can’t quite find on my own anymore. So that’s a big help, and I don’t mind that. It would be nice to be able to do everything by myself, but that’s not the way it’s going right now. But as long as I can stay in my apartment I can at least stay somewhat independent.