Now watching: American Gods.
This should be interesting.
1/5 2017
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May day, may day! Today will be a good day.
1/5 2017
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Good goat times today. Lovely weather. Warm and sunny. Bit of a cold wind and some thin clouds here and there, so there’s room for improvement. But T-shirt and open coat weather. It’s a half holiday in Denmark, so several people stopped by at the playground. The girls who usually come and help take care of the horses were there early. And I got to say hello to Ophelia, so that’s always nice. Brought another pack of saltines for the goats. Crunchy goodness. Along with the tomato, cucumber, banana salad. Some running in the pasture with Mia, sitting in the sun with A38. Cuddling with Mio. Good start to May.
1/5 2017
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Welcome to my new spoof talkshow, Between Two Goat Noses.

1/5 2017
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Traditional May Day post. NSFW lyrics.
PS. I am going to turn on a space heater now. If you don’t hear from me again, it’s because I blew all my circuits. Or Navy Seal Team 6 finally found out where I was hiding at.
1/5 2017
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Here are 15 facts about me. Guess which one isn’t true.
Yes, this is a real thing. Guess, damblit!

1) I once owned the domain cliffclavin.com
2) I went to school with a singer who has had songs featured on American TV shows like Nip/Tuck, Grey’s Anatomy, Roswell, Eli Stone and Tru Calling.
3) I have never had a pet.
4) But I have been attacked by a monkey.
5) I have never tasted alcohol or coffee nor have I smoked or done any drugs.
6) I once worked at a Danish publishing house that published among many other things books by the American writers James Lee Burke and Elmore Leonard (author of Get Shorty and others).
7) The first time I watched Star Wars I got so scared that I had to turn it off halfway through.
8) I was one of the leading goal scorers when the kids played soccer at recess in school.
9) My first website was a geocities site of my own poetry.
10) I have only ever had 1 girlfriend.
11) I once got in legal trouble for running an MP3 site.
12) I’m blind on one eye and have about 20% vision on the other.
13) I think more in English than Danish.
14) I own two signed Jennifer Paige CDs.
15) I say I hate Nickelback, but I don’t really.
1/5 2017
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Haha, I’m enjoying the 15 facts thing. I am really tired now, though. So I’m going to go to bed early. If you haven’t left a guess yet, you can still do it. Tomorrow I’ll announce the winner, and honourable mentions to those who got it right. And maybe write a little about some of the facts. It was fun looking back to pick some interesting tidbits.
1/5 2017
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Here’s a fact about today: It will be a good day.
2/5 2017
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Okay, time to announce the winner in the 15 Facts competition (by the way, I’m delighted that some of you have taken it up too, it’s like I’m influencing internets! In my humble opinion I think my version is more interesting than the 10 live acts thing. I may be biased). Anyway… drum roll…
Congratulations Sue Lightley! First to pick the correct non-fact, which was number 5. It was a little bit of a trick, though. Since I have in fact never smoked, done drugs or drank coffee. But I HAVE tasted alcohol. I have never been drunk and I very rarely drink and when I do it’s usually some kind of candy-alcohol like breezers or baileys cream etc. I’m 99% straight edge. But that was the correct answer. Honourable mentions go to Miguel Bravo Uribe, Rhonda Stock, Angeline Slaats, Deborah Ladd, Mary Ann Yoder, Katt Winter, CarolAnn Ellis and Christine Günther who also got the correct answer! And thank you everyone who put in a guess! This was a spur of the moment thing but I actually found it really funny. I wish I had enough interesting facts about myself to do another round.
Sue, let me know if you want 5 dollars in your paypal or a picture of a goat with your name on it or something like that!
And the rest of you, do you want me to write a post with details of the facts?
2/5 2017
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It’s not quite hump day yet. But two years since Kamel’s passing. The sweetest goat I’ve ever known.

2/5 2017
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Congratulations again Sue Lightley!
Haha, I had no plans for this so I have no idea if this is the kind of thing you were hoping for. But here you go!

5/2 2017
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I know I promised to write the details of the facts, but I’m just too tired right now. Exercising and not enough sleep. I’m going to head to bed. I promise I’ll write it tomorrow. And if I don’t then you have my permission to make a meme that makes fun of my belief that tomatoes are actually alien eggs and if I don’t eat them all then they will hatch and the invasion will start.
See you tomorrow. Who’s on tomato duty while I’m down?
5/2 2017
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Today will be a good day. Happy hump day, guys.

3/5 2017
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That sun is kicking my derriere. Great exercise. Now I’m just going to sit here and wait for my replacement legs to arrive in the mail.
3/5 2017
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I’m totally working on that post about the facts. That’s a fact. And you can take that to the bank. Meanwhile, here’s a picture of me and Mio. Now back to writing about the facts, which is factually a thing I’m doing right now as we speak, don’t worry I think they bought it.

3/5 2017
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Okay, here are all the facts revealed. I’ll just go through them one by one.
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1) I bought clifflclavin.com because I had a Cliff Clavin twitter account. It was very popular, it had more than 100 followers. And less than 500. I think. Anyway, that didn’t really pan out but I remember being surprised that cliffclavin.com was available. I thought it was a big scoop getting that. I can see the current owner just has a default CMS page up, haha. Oh well. I remain convinced that Cliff Clavin is a true American hero and like most true prophets his wisdom will not be truly recognised in his own time.
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2) I went to school with Tina Dico, at least for a year. She is quite a big name in Denmark and has been featured on Grey’s Anatomy and Roswell and other such shows along with some movies. Also, if I were to have done the “10 live acts” thing she would have made up most of the list because I’ve seen her live a number of times. I also remember her as being a truly kind and sweet person. And her wikipedia page links to a youtube video that I uploaded years ago. Another video I uploaded of her has almost 3 millions views. Shoulda monetized that!
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3) that I have never had a pet might be a surprise since most of you know me through animal stuff. Of course the goats are kinda my pets. But they’re not really. And Moomincat wasn’t my pet either, she was just a cat who decided to come through my bedroom window one night and would occasionally visit me. I never had a pet growing up.

4) Yes, I was attacked by a monkey. Sort of. Did you ever see the movie King Kong?
Well, it was nothing like that.
To be honest I don’t remember it at all. I was just a little kid. I just vaguely remember the story. It was in our Tivoli gardens and I guess it was some kind of setup where the monkeys could play with kids? (I don’t remember what kind, they can’t have been that big. Maybe Monkey isn’t even the right term, I’m just using it in the general sense. I never claimed to be Sir Attenborough). I don’t remember if the monkeys and kids were together or if the monkey jumped out to join us or what.. but basically the monkey jumped me and started pulling my hair. Something like that. Clearly I have blocked it all out due to trauma. Don’t ever talk to me about Planet of the Apes. My worst nightmare.
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5) The false truth. It’s true though that I have never had coffee, cigarettes or drugs. And never really wanted to. It’s not that I’m against it, it just doesn’t interest me very much. Which no doubt is partly due to the fact that I have had very little social life growing up. When everyone else started drinking, I started isolating myself. But I have tasted alcohol. Highland ale from Lynne, Baileys cream mixed with cola, bacardi breezers and Tyrkisk peber (Wiki: Tyrkisk peber is a strong liquorice candy flavoured with ammonium chloride).
I’m high on life, and pizza.
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6) I worked for about a year at the publishing house Hovedland. Who are renowned for publishing a book about the head coach of the Danish national soccer team. Richard Møller Nielsen, that got him so upset that he boycotted the journalists who wrote it for a while. Right after Denmark’s sensational European Championship win in 1992, one of the biggest surprises in soccer history.
Also they published the Danish edition of a very prestigious biography of the Dalai Lama, and managed to spell his name wrong on the cover! Blunder of the ages. Publishing was very interesting though, and working with books was great. It was fascinating getting to read manuscripts that hopeful would-be writers sent in. Also very hard when you read a manuscript that was just no good and you could tell that even with years of rewrites and editing this was just never going to get published. Crushing people’s dreams isn’t fun.
Once I got to talk on the phone with a bigname producer from Zentropa, the film company started by Lars von Trier. There were talks about them making a movie of one of Hovedland’s books. It’s never turned up though, so I guess the deal fell through.
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7) The first time I watched Star Wars I can’t have been very old. I think I was scared right from the time Darth Vader showed up and only made it to about the cantina scene. Then I had to turn off the TV. The next day I had to bluff everyone on the playground, to make them believe I’d watched the whole thing. Not sure they bought it.
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8) Believe it or not, I was quite good at soccer. Mainly because I was surprisingly fast. I could outrun most of the kids around my age. Every recess the boys in my class would go down to the playground and play soccer. Only the place was so small that we had to play it with a tennis ball. And the goals were little benches. Usually we’d make up two teams and play like that. But sometimes we’d all play against a team of boys from one of the other classes. And we started writing down who scored the goals in those games. And I was always one of the leading scorers, often number 1. Of course that was partly because I always positioned myself as a striker. Who knows, if I’d stayed fitter I could have been the next Messi. Who is a player you all know, am I right Soccer fans!?
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9) Yes. My first website was a horrible pagebuilder creation on geocities full of bad poetry. It did introduce me to a lot of good people though. Among them…
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10) My only ever girlfriend. Who lives in the Netherlands. We met a handful of times. Still friends on Facebook, she’s married now. I encouraged her to try online dating after we broke up and well, that worked out well for her. I know it’s hard to believe that a charmer like me hasn’t had the rich dating life of a Justin Bieber or Jaden Smith, but there you go. I have social phobia that makes it extremely hard for me to talk to people, which kinda gets in the way of dating.
Yes, I’m still single if you want to apply. You too, ladies.
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11) The musical love of my life is The Smashing Pumpkins and for a while I ran a website with MP3s. Live shows and rare demos. Someone reported me and I had some tense email exchanges with the Danish version of the RIAA. Quite scary considering the fact that there were big stories in the media of kids getting sued for big money right around that time. I managed to get off without a lawsuit at least. It was sad to have to close down the site, though. I enjoyed spreading the music. Billy Corgan and the band were always very in favour of the fans taping the shows and sharing them. And people enjoyed downloading the music. In a way it was a similar thing to Mia’s page now. That feeling of being able to do something good for a lot of people. Doing something that makes people happy. Reaching people. I think I’ve always had a need for that. Good thing Mia isn’t copyrighted!
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12) Blind on one eye, almost blind on the other. It got so bad that I had to quit Facebook and just lie in bed and listen to the radio. I thought that would be the rest of my life, but then thankfully it got a little better. There’s a lot of things I can’t do, but at least I can Facebook again and I can goat and walk around without a cane mostly. It’s amazing what you can get used to. Sometimes it’s hard not to think of the things you miss, and there are lots of problems and so on. But lots of people have it worse. And as my eye doc usually says when we meet every 6 months… I came very close to being completely blind. So I have a lot to be thankful for.
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13) I have always loved languages. Been told I have an ear for them. Got the highest possible score on my final French exam. And English has just always been my favourite. All the TV, movies and computer stuff in English. Most of my social interaction is in English. So yeah, half the time I think in English too. I guess my mind is bilingual.
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14) On two separate occasions I won a signed Jennifer Paige CD through contests in the Danish music magazine Mix. They would always have lots of competitions and I’d send in lots of answers and the only other thing I can remember winning was a 4 song sampler from The Aeroplane Flies High by… The Smashing Pumpkins. I value that higher as I love tsp and that sampler is probably the rarest thing of theirs that I own. But I do think I kept the Jennifer Paige CDs around somewhere. Not because I’m into her music, but I just figured there can’t be too many people in the world that own two signed copies of her debut album. I don’t even know if people know who she is today. It’s just.. a little Crush.
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15) Shockingly, I don’t hate Nickelback. It’s not that I’m a fan of them. I just don’t have any strong opinions on them. When they broke through with that big hit, I actually quite liked that song. And there was another one I thought was decent too. Something about Hero? And that’s about all I’ve ever heard of their music. But sometimes I’ll use them when making a joke, because they seem to be the universally accepted example of a sh***y band. So that’s just a go-to when talking about bad music. But I don’t hate them, I just don’t care about them. Live and let live. I can think of a lot of bands that annoy me more.
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And that’s it! I hope that was at least a litlte interesting. This is probably the closest I’ll ever get to actually writing my autobiography. Hahaha. All that’s left to tell are all the worst parts. And the goat story.
4/5 2017
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Today will be a good day. I believe it. Do you believe it?
4/5 2017
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Good goat times today. Mostly at least. Some oddness too. No one showed up while I was there. That’s very unusual, I’m not sure it’s happened before. I wonder if they had meetings or something like that. I took the goaties out and discovered that my bench from the old playground had arrived. So good to have it again! No sign of the red playhouse, though. I wonder it will come later. I remember when I talked to Alice about it I asked if we’d be able to get it since it was secured to the ground. She said it wouldn’t be a problem, but I’m wondering if maybe she was wrong about that. Anyway, we shall see. It’s good to have the bench back. I didn’t get to spend any time on it today though, because we couldn’t be in the goat pen. They have nailed a wooden board across the gap that the goats used to go through to cross between the goat pen and the big horse pasture. Since there was no one there I couldn’t ask about it. But I really don’t hope it’s their intention to leave the two places separated like that. We’d still have a nice goat pen to be in of course. But I sure would miss going out in the pasture and the goats having so much space and interaction with the horses and the little dark forest beyond. That would suck. I wonder if something happened to make them do that. I hope I can get them to change it.
Since I was there on my own I couldn’t take the goats out through the exit in the goat pen. Because Black Beauty is in that stall at night and I don’t want to take the horses out by myself. So we had to just go out the main door to the big pasture and spend all the time there. Except for Mia, who can jump the lowest part of the goat pen fence. So she can sort of go back and forth between the pen and pasture. No way Mio or A38 can do that, though.
Ugh. I’m feeling stressed about this. Because I know I’ll have to talk to humans about it and knowing my weak social skills I don’t know if I’ll be able to make my case for reversing it. It also looks like they haven’t trimmed the girls’ hooves yet, so I’ll probably have to bring that up again too. Oh well. We’ll see, tra la la. Things would be easier without humans.
But other than that it was nice to be out with the goats. I left home in just my T-shirt for the first time. Well, and pants. You know. But no coat or jacket. The wind was a little chilly, but the temperature good. Lazing around with the goats.
I was so rattled that I accidentally bought more ice cream. Now let’s just hope the power doesn’t go out so I’m forced to eat it all in one go. Brb, turning on 5 space heaters while recharging all my batteries.
4/5 2017
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Hey look, it’s my old friend the bench! It’s been a while. You can also see the wooden board they’ve put at the bottom of the fence where there used to be a gap that the goats could go under. It let the goats go in the horse pasture, but kept the horses out of the goat pen. Let’s hope it’s not permanent.
Also notice Mousy the cat. I forgot to mention the funniest thing that happened today. When I opened the front door to go in she came darting out and then she started rolling around on the ground, kinda like the horses do in the dirt. Never seen her do that before. Really cute. And then later, when I took this picture, she went to the white door and asked to be let inside. As a good human servant I of course obliged.

4/5 2017
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Sir, I’m afraid we lost Ben. Still waiting to hear from Jerry.
Keep me posted, private.
4/5 2017
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Shutting down for tonight. I am definitely not going to say anything about health care or taxes. Definitely not. No further questions. I SAID GOOD DAY SIR.
I hope the 4th was with you. I think the dark side may be a pre-existing condition.

4/5 2017
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Today will be a good day. It’s Friday I’m in.
5/5 2017
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When you finish your exercise and go to take a shower and you’re greeted by the overpowering stench of French Fries coming from out in the hallway. Geesh, thank you, neighbours. *chews on carrot stick*
5/5 2017
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First tomato plate of the season. That’s the stuff.
5/5 2017
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Where’s A38?

5/5 2017
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I can’t believe Tom Welling’s career didn’t take off after Smallville.
5/5 2017
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How many people would I offend if I made a Hurleyluja song with Hurley from Lost.
6/5 2017
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Zeroes and once. Upon thyme. Up on a hill. The dragons rhyme. Breathing fire poetry and smoke rings.
6/5 2017
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Today will be a good day. Hold on to your humanities.
6/5 2017
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goatlog

6/5 2017
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Okay, I’m off to bed. I’ve been busy exercisin and restructing backups today. And now I need to retreat into dreamland, because the displays of inhumanity the last few days have been staggering. I need out of this world and into the next one. See you tomorrow, with any luck.
6/5 2017
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Today will be a good day. Happy Funday, guys.

7/5 2017
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goatlog

7/5 2017
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Goof and goof alike.

7/5 2017
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Cos I got one hand in my pocket and the other one is a pre-existing condition.
7/5 2017
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You know that cake when you can’t stop thinking about cake? I cake when that happens.
7/5 2017
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End of Facebook, go go goat photos.

That’s all for this week, see you in the next one.

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