The Mellow Meltdown
Me every time I look at the news
link: South Park tweek piano
25/9 2017
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Today will be a good day, let’s all agree on that.
25/9 2017
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Good goat times today. Grey morning. I was a little too optimistic going out in a t-shirt. Regretted it somewhat. But at least it stayed dry mostly. The first thing Mia did when I let out the goats was go to the new rocks and jump up on them. I think she likes that spot. It’s up and out of the mud, wet grass and horse dung at least. My fence repair had been taken down. In a human way. I put up a new fix to keep the horses out. I’d prefer the goat pen didn’t turn into a complete mudslide like the horse pasture. But we’ll see. Finbarr told me this morning that they’ll be building a new goat stable. So the goats will get a house of their own. Not sure when it will get done, but I hope it will be nice. Hooves crossed.
A couple of families came by. They were over by the fence, cooing for the goats to come over. but with all the mud and wet grass the goaties don’t like walking around too much. Eventually I ‘took pity’ on the poor humans and walked over to them. Mia dutifully followed me and so the little kids in their strollers got to see her up close and everyone was quite happy.
25/9 2017
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Where’s Yogi?
25/9 2017
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You sheeple are so sad. Why don’t you get woke and become… goatple.
25/9 2017
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I guess it makes sense. A38 has her little pet rocks. Mia has her big pet rocks. Now we just need boulders for grandma Mio.
25/9 2017
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I’m gonna take a knee.
And then another knee. and an elbow. And some jiggly bits…
#DrFrankensteinWorldProblems
25/9 2017
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I’m not sure I like this reboot of Patriot Games. I can’t believe they replaced Harrison Ford with Jared Kushner. PS BUT HIS EMAILS.
I can’t wait for Kid Rock to take over and make all this insanity stop. As the prophecy says, There shall be a kid and he shall rock and he shall not stop and he shall unite that which is divided and he shall take a knee in the face of war, pestilence and those other guys. And replace the cabinet with Juggalos and country and rap and folk and rock and hip and hop and banjo and ukulele and tiny violins and el guitar og saxofon, we will all sing along to our own kind of music.
PS if I die before I wake please print this in all the world’s newspapers as THE MANIFESTO.
See you tomorrow, or in the funny pages.
25/9 2017
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Today will be a good day. Happy #TongueOutTuesday, guys.
26/9 2017
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divisive political post, don’t read
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I don’t know, I think the whole ‘respect’ thing kinda went out the window when you elected a guy who ran a campaign of mocking the disabled and giving highschoolgrade bully nicknames to his opponents. Who is so liberal with the truth that you have to try to keep a straight face while saying things like “alternative facts” and “facts are biased”.
A better way to honour the veterans would be to make sure they had proper health care and mental support so they didn’t have to go home and be homeless and suicide candidates. If your love of your country is so week that it can be threatened by overpaid athletes taking a knee to the anthem then maybe you should look within and wonder why. It’s like men who are afraid of gay people because they might come on to them in bars. If you don’t think you could say no to a guy coming on to you in a bar, then maybe it’s time for a lifestyle choice.
Bla bla and so on. This world is driving me insane. How about you disband the nfl and give that money to Puerto Rico?
26/9 2017
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Do any of you like horses?
26/9 2017
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goatlog
26/9 2017
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Since I didn’t end up using it for the meme, here it is for you guys instead. Thanks for those who managed to vote. And just to make this divisive and controversial enough, who’s your favourite? Mia or Mio?
26/9 2017
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Ugh, I have a bruise on the inside of my lip and I keep hitting it with my teeth when I chew and it hurts like heck.
Eternal torment, thy name is life. *dramatic hand gesture*
26/9 2017
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Don’t ask, don’t tell. Just, don’t talk to me in general unless it’s on Facebook.
27/9 2017
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Brb, pitching a new TV show. Michael Bublé with a machine gun.
I only have the title, but I’m pretty sure they’ll buy it.
27/9 2017
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If you want to change the world, start with the man in the mirror.
His name is BOB and he’s an inhabiting spirit from the Black Lodge.
27/9 2017
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Are you my foot?
27/9 2017
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You know. If you make an inexperienced person your leader, you can’t really use his inexperience as an excuse when he messes up. That would be like if you were coach of a soccer team and you put a blind guy in as your goalkeeper. Then you lose 20-0 and face the press and say “Well, we had a blind guy as our goalkeeper. It’s not MY fault. And you can’t blame him for being blind. There’s really no way to solve this, other than to keep playing with a blind guy as our goalkeeper and hope it works out somehow”.
27/9 2017
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Today will be a good day. Happy hump day, guys.
I just came back from 30 minutes power outage (kinda scary when you’re alone and blind in the dark) and about an hour’s internet outage (kinda scary when you have no life outside the internet).
If I disappear today it might be another internet/power outage. Or maybe I’ll FINALLY master the spell to open an interdimensional portal to Froopy Land.
In any case, I promise to post less junk today.
27/9 2017
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Just when you thought A38 couldn’t get any mellower.
27/9 2017
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I’m starting to get worried about the four horsemen of the apocalypse. They were supposed to be here 4 days ago. Maybe we should send out a search party?
27/9 2017
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I am about to experience a full body power outage. I will store my brain in the echo chamber and let it soak in all the right opinions until my body reboots tomorrow. Hopyfully the system software will be updated to the newest version. You know the one that’s slightly worse than the previous one but much, much more expensive. And also new sneakers with pumps and aerodynamic flaps. What’s the point in waiting for all the molecules in your body to slowly replaec themselves when you can reinvent yourself overnight for only 10 easy payments and an interest rate that you’re better off not knowing about. You too can buy salvation, as long as your credit is good or your firstborn is of race and gender that is considered valuable in whatever period you live in. Send an email to PleasedToMeetYaHopeYouGuessMyTwitterHandle@sixsixsix.gov.
Offer is valid until the four horsemen of the apocalypse work out how to use their GPS. I TOLD YOU GUYS YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE UPGRADED TO WINDOWS 10!
Okay, print this and send it to MAD Magazine. What me warty?
27/9 2017
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Today will be a good day. We have the power.
28/9 2017
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Good goat times today. Grey and cold and windy most of the time. Oh well. The goats were good. Lovely sweethearts. I miss sitting in the sun on dry dirt, but it’s still nice to sit on a rock or plank and have the girls come for smooches and cuddles. And maybe a treat. Maybe. Got some alone time with A38 which is always nice. I know this is controversial and divisive, but goats are way better than humans. There, I said it.
Bad news in the grocery store. No more Danish cucumber. Sigh. I guess cucumber season is over. I can still get some decent tomatoes, but that probably won’t last long either. The goats will be happy with the imported cucumbers and tomatoes, but they aren’t good enough for me. Did I mention I miss summer?
28/9 2017
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“My baby rocks are growing up!!”
28/9 2017
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Had a checkup at the doctor’s today. Told her that since we upped my dose I had been feeling worse. More sad. Plus the swaying of the world. “That wasn’t what I was hoping for” she said. Haha, no indeed. We have lowered the dose again. Hopefully that will make me feel better. And then back for another checkup in a couple of months to talk about how it’s going.
28/9 2017
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Looks like Mio is babysitting the little rocks while A38 is talking to the big ones.
28/9 2017
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That’s it for me for today. Thank you all for the encouraging words. Also if you want to send me some bitcoins, please.. explain to me what a bitcoin is and how it works and also can you not? Take it with a grain of salt, take it to the taxman. See you tomorrow for more dedicated canning and deadpan analogue monologues.
28/9 2017
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Today will be a good day. Happy #FlashbackFriday guys. Here’s Bruce and Clark, with a little bonus Kamel.
29/9 2017
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I had glorious dreams last night. Lots of them. I won’t bore you too much with them, but just wanted to mention two scenes. One was, I think, in my old classroom with my old classmates. And I became somewhat lucid and screamed at them WE ALL LIVE INSIDE A DREAM (Twin Peaks much?) and then I started levitating to show them we weren’t in the real world.
The other one was one of the first ones which means most of it has slipped away as dreams do with time. But I remember I was using glass containers to trap spiders. And then I trapped something that wasn’t a spider. It was around the size of a little spider, but it had arms and legs like a human. And it was talking to me. And its nose was.. hollow. It was like.. I don’t know. A long kazoo. And I could see into it. And in the dream I thought “Oh, this must be a dream” because it was so odd. I love when I become aware that I’m in a dream. There’s something quite magical about knowing that you’re in a forgiving world where anything could happen but there will be no consequences.
29/9 2017
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You’re not getting away from me this time
29/9 2017
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Ahh, the junk food is here. I’m just going to put this in my trunk.
29/9 2017
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The devil wears a big smile and the liar never doubts his own lies. The rich man is the greedy man and the holy man is the sinner. And the more you take the less you have to give.
29/9 2017
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I for one welcome Steven Seagal’s contribution to American politics. We need a calm, rational person who can think outside the box and who can also suckerpunch the box. Seagal/Rock 2020! If we’re going to go out we might as well go out with a bang.
This is how the world ends. Not with a whimper, but with reality tv.
29/9 2017
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goatlog
29/9 2017
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It’s a busy life for A38. Now she has two sets of rocks to take care of.
29/9 2017
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#TakeAKnee with Yogi
29/9 2017
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10,000 Likes on Mia’s page. I try not to pay attention to these things. I also try not to pay attention to pizza and boobies. But anyway. Thank you to those of you who I’ve gotten to know through the page. That’s the real treat here. That and pizza.
30/9 2017
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We have the best water. The biggest water. Ocean water.
30/9 2017
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Today will be a good day. Be the good that you can. Oh yeah and if I could stop biting the cut on the inside of my lip that’d be great.
30/9 2017
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Maybe I should make an updated version of this. But I don’t have any pictures of goats on fire.
AND I DONT WANT TO HAVE SO PLEASE DONT.
30/9 2017
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Sometimes it’s nice to take a moment and remember what a President of the United States of America looks like.
Sorry, I’m too lazy to photoshop Hillary in. But you can imagine.
Sorry,notsorry. #divisiveworldproblems
30/9 2017
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goatlog
30/9 2017
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Sille and Perle. Silly and Pearly.
30/9 2017
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I can’t tell you how happy I am for the couple upstairs, that they’ve given birth to two tap dancing rhino babies. What bundles of joy. I should send them a gift basket, and perhaps a very thick, sound-absorbing rug.
30/9 2017
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Jesus H Christ. Trump on Twitter raging against people who are trying to survive a hurricane. What a sick fuck. How could someone with so little compassion ever have tricked all the religious people into thinking he was anything but a charlatan. Mocking the disabled. Grabbing pussies. Bullying. Corruption and bankrupcies. Facts are biased. I guess as long as he promises not to take your holy guns away then you’ll ignore the rest. I hope SCOTUS was worth all this shit. He’s an abomination. He’d rather have private jets for cabinet members than for first aid. You think 9/11 or Irma was the wrath of god? God doesn’t need to punish us for our sins, we’re fine punishing ourselves. I can just imagine Jesus on his knees weeping before god “please don’t send me back down there”. Send a gunslinger instead. Open carry in the churches and kindergartens. Maybe if we have enough good guys with a gun we can shoot down the hurricanes. Build a fucking wall to keep out the illegal immigrant winds. Bunker up in the megachurches, I just hope they’re earth quake proof. Four horsemen of the apocalypse riding in mercedes and porches paid by the tax cuts. You can applaud bakers not making cakes for gay weddings but if football players don’t salute your flag then they should be burned on the cross. Keep making that list of things you have to boycot because they’re part of the snowflake liberal fake news lamestream media deep state conspiracy. When you think nazis have more of a right to protest than the athletes then there’s something fucking wrong. Nepotism and greed and corruption. Drain the swamp and burn the forest to the ground and shoot the bears in the face while they’re hibernating and poison the rivers and evict the cripples and send your gay kids to fat camp to trim their sins away. Your religion of peace has caused as much suffering and hatred as all the other religions. I don’t know who’s playing a character and who is real. I don’t know if there’s a flaw in the simulation or if the brain worms have taken over everyone. I don’t know how we got here and I don’t know how to get off this ride.
ARGH. Sorry. Maybe instead of lowering my dosage of anti depressants I should have asked to get it tripled.
I’m not out to offend you guys, but if you’re not offended at what’s going on then you’re doing it wrong. All it takes for evil to win bla bla is good people looking the other way while your leaders build cities on ancient indian burial grounds.
30/9 2017
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Okay, I’m going to bed. I can’t be in this world right now. I need to go through the womhole into the dreams and learn to tap dance with baby rhinos or fight a drunk octopus or something. I’ll make sure to wear asbestos pajamas in case I die overnight and go to hell for my blasphemy. At least down there the winters will be warm and you know all the rock stars and movie stars and authors go to hell. No way you can become famous without being a sinner. My righteous indignation has the fury of its own momentum. Fire walk with me, drink full and descend.See you tomorrow, if you haven’t blocked me by then.
30/9 2017
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Today will be a good day. Happy Funday, guys.
1/10 2017
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I’d like to thank you all for your nice response to my meltdown yesterday. Today instead of a meltdown I’ll try to be mellow. WWYD. What Would Yogi Do. Be the Yogi. I am the Yogi.
Now of course I reserve the right to change my mind once I’ve checked twitter…
< 3 ALL
1/10 2017
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Alejandro A. Arbona @Alejandrobot Sep 28
“Plant life in #PuertoRico is so devastated that bees can’t even forage. People are feeding them sugar water until flowers bloom again”
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Very disappointed in the bees. They’re showing a tremendous lack of foresight and poor leadership skills.
1/10 2017
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Mellow up.
1/10 2017
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Jeopardy question in 2050:
Which American president started a nuclear war from a golf course?
Please etch your answer in the scorched earth with your fist since we no longer have technology or simple writing tools.
1/10 2017
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Still mellow
1/10 2017
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End of Facebook, go go goat photos.
That’s all for this week, see you in the next one.