The Triumphant Return Of Soup
I’m just imagining all of America waking up tomorrow going “wait, what did the game end?”.
Seems to me everyone’s favourite thing about the Superbowl is everything but the Superbowl. The puppy bowl, the kitten bowl, the halftime show, the commercials, the Solo, the Cloverfield. Does anyone actually watch the sportsgame too?
Also, I’m not the only one defrosting their freezer at 2 am, right?
That’s not a metaphor.
5/2 2018
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Late for the rock race
5/2 2018
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Today will be a good day. This is Mathilde and baby Vanilje from 2006.
5/2 2018
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ood goat times today. But cold. Very cold. Freezing in fact. It’s been a pretty mild winter up until now. Even when there’s been snow, the temperature was right around 0C. But now they’re below freezing. It was not a particularly fun walk this morning. Chemical handwarmers stuffed into my scarf to heat up my cheeks. On my face. Brrr. A bit of snow around the edges. But if it’s going to be this cold I’d rather have it be a pretty winter wonderland. Just gotta make it to spring.
Took the goaties out on grass. So they could nibble at the patches that weren’t snowy. Someone had dumped several christmas trees in the pen, so I dragged one out on the grass and the goats feasted on it for a while. No kindergarteners out today, but we did have a lady with a couple of kids who came by and judging by the sounds they were quite delighted when the two little butterballs roled over to them. Those kids are too dang cute. I love picking them up, they’re like beach balls with legs. I’m tempted to try to bounce them around on a basketball court and throw some hoops. I’m also hip with the lingo, yo. Trust me, you may think they look cute in pictures and videos. But seeing them wobble around in person is so wonderful, and holding them is divine. I’m really glad I got to experience goat kids again.
5/2 2018
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Sky is such a little sweetheart. Milo is starting to get a little rowdier. Now he knows how to pickpocket, if he doesn’t get to the treatbag he’ll start pushing his head against my side to try and get at it haha. And a couple of times I’ve caught him pushing Sky a little. It almost looks like he’s going to try headbutting her but then gets distracted and stops. We might have a lil troublemaker in the making.
But Sky here is a total angel.
Which probably means she’s the real troublemarker but she’s got the humans fooled.
5/2 2018
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Come on, won’t you join us, grandma?
5/2 2018
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You know how I know I’m getting old? When Natalie Portman hosted snl 12 years ago and did a rap parody I thought it was cool and funny. When she did a new one this year I didn’t understand half of it. Nevermind not understanding modern music, I don’t even understand parody of modern music. I still love Natalie, though.
5/2 2018
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No, but seriously. Where are they, Donald?
5/2 2018
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Forecast says -8C / 17F or below tonight. So that’s just swell. Thanks a lot, weather. You’re the best. If you’re ever in my neighbourhood please feel free to stop by for a cup of tea and a kick to the shin.
This calls for a wellness quilt and a trip to dreamland. See you when the migratory penguins are back.
]think of funny exit remark later to replace the penguin one. Also photoshop head onto the body of one of the Hemsworths and upload it as a profile pic. Make sure not to mention the rubber chicken or the noodle incident. Deposit the check and meet me at the rendezvouz point in Venezuela, bring the gorilla suit and apply liberal amounts of vaseline]
5/2 2018
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Today will be a good day. Happy Yogi day.
6/2 2018
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I had a wonderful dream. Kristen Bell was there. And Buffy and Faith. No, it wasn’t a dirty dream. It was a kind, loving, accepting dream. There was a guy too, but I can’t picture or place him now. In fact I can’t really remember the dream at all anymore, I just remember the sweet, loving feeling. And waking up feeling warm and fuzzy. And then not wanting to open my eyes because I didn’t want to see the real world. I wanted to be back in the dream. Unfortunately I can see my blindness even when my eyes are closed. Sccarred patterns in the darkness. I want to go back.
6/2 2018
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Can you imagine if Obama had suggested it was treasonous to not applaud him?
6/2 2018
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The fluffybutts immediately came running to check out the visitors. They learn quick. Humans = possibly food.
6/2 2018
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Solo is kinda like the superbowl. Everybody was excited about everything but the superbowl itself. And ebverybody is excited about everything but Han himself. Mainly Lando and Chewie and the Falcon.
I hope it will be great. But I’m still waiting for the Max Rebo musical.
6/2 2018
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Fluffybutts on the floof.
6/2 2018
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Wait, wait, wait. The Game of Thrones guys are going to make a new series of Star Wars movies? And Rhian is making his own trilogy (note to self, patent your typo ‘thrillogy’). And there’s the saga movies. And the standalone anthology movies.
You guys knew I was kinda kidding when I said I wanted a new Star Wars movie every month, right?
And they’re making the live action TV show too, right? Man, Disney knows how to squeze all profits from a lemon. Anyway, I’m off to upload the 13th goat video for today.
6/2 2018
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Lasse and the sky with raisins
6/2 2018
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What’s like the cheapest smartphone you could get that would work with Canon’s camera connect app? And would it work without some kind of.. network. Paid. Thing. I don’t know. Why can’t I control my camera with my fax machine that would be so much easier.
7/2 2018
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Boy, Milo loves his belly rubs.
7/2 2018
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I have giant hands! GIANT HANDS! LOOK AT MY MILITARY PARADE I HAVE GIANT HANDS LOOK A
7/2 2018
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Today will be a good day. Happy hump day, guys.
7/2 2018
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Judging by the rings in my diet coke either a giant T-Rex is stomping its way towards me or they’re putting metal plates in the ground in the construction site across the road again.-
fingers crossed t-rex fingers crossed t-rex fingers crossed t-rex
7/2 2018
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#FuzzyButtSquad
7/2 2018
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My face tuns into Eugene Levy everytime I check the news.
7/2 2018
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There’s always sun somewhere
7/2 2018
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I am the wind in the willows. I am the pines at the fjords. As above I am below, it devours. Until it sleeps, we sleep around, merry goround. Mary had a little lamb, mary had a little stroke. Now dog is a bird. Now we fly, because we missed the ground. Now we are one. Now we are gone. Now we were never here. The more you erase me the less I feel. After the fall, tripping down memory lane, alone, the stone heart beats but words can’t break the beat goes round and round the beat goes round. We are alone together. We were here before. Time began, your heart stopped. Round and round the rollercoaster falls. Like the whispering waves, like the falling stars. It begins again until it stops.
7/2 2018
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Sleeplesslyembracing you. Always protect the thing you know is true.
I’m going back.
7/2 2018
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Today will be a good day. I think Clark needed 5 more minutes.
8/2 2018
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Good goat times today. A bright and sunny morning. Cold, but at least it was slightly above freezing. Took the goats out on the grass. I’m getting a little more comfortable with having them all off the leash. Everybody doing their thing. And excited kindergarteners at the fence. Happy to adore the little goat kids. There was a group of kids with some adults who came walking by. As they came around the corner one exclaimed “oh goats!”. I don’t think they were expecting to run into a kerfluffle of goats. Nice surprise. And I’m always happy when I can help some kids have good experiences with the goats.
When it was time to take everyone into the pen I let the kids in first. Have I mentioned how loud Milo is? When I put them in the pen and left to get the others, he was screeeaming. He does not like to be left behind! He’s a demanding little guy. Like me screaming for pizza.
8/2 2018
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Nobody puts baby goat in the corner
8/2 2018
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We always draw a crowd
8/2 2018
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Oh my loves
8/2 2018
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My arms are sore from lifting baby goats. They need to stop growing.
8/2 2018
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The tiredness is setting in, like the setting sun I must descend below the quilt and extinguish my light and metaphors are hard, guys.
While I’m gone, my clones will be performing Shakespeare. That is, our 10 hour long freeform gangstarap called Shakespeare. It’s the new Hamilon, only much much filthier. Please find your seats, there will be no intermission.
8/2 2018
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Today will be a good day. Here is Peanut during the opening ceremony of the day.
9/2 2018
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Happy #PizzaDay
9/2 2018
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OMG. I caught a ghost on camera!
Or, well a ghost caught ME on camera. Exclusive premium content. Look at that. The camera zoomed in BY ITSELF. I have no idea how that happened. Well, it was the day when the tripod fell. And there was a very heavy wind. I guess… The wind.. did it? Or. Hmm. Well unless one of the goat kids managed to jump up on the roof of the shelter and operated the zoom without me noticing then I’m going with ghost.
I’m ready for my closeup, Mr DeGhost.
link: ghost video
9/2 2018
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Look what I got! A Christmas card! Haha. Thank you Laura Caterina Benedetti! Judging by the post date this card took 2 months to get from Italy to Denmark. I have no idea how that could have happened. But thank you, Laura, for making it Christmas in February.
And thank you to anyone else who might have sent me something that didn’t arrive. I always post a tagged thank you when I get something, so if you didn’t get a thanks then it got lost. But it’s the thought that counts.
9/2 2018
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Thank you 50,000 times from the bottom of the lump of coal that used to be my heart. Love you, Faceboxing Facebookerinos.
9/2 2018
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Brb, working on my new dating site. It will use an extremely complicated algorithm to determine your potential compatibility with other people. (Actually, it will just match people on how they pronounce “.GIF”)
9/2 2018
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Hello?
9/2 2018
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When I dream I escape the confines of my mind
9/2 2018
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There are like 5 things I want to rant about, but my gift to you all is that I will s the f up.
I mean for tonight. Which is another 2 hours in Denmark, after midnight I’m like a Mogwai in a swimmingpool. All over the place.
9/2 2018
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I finally found someone who understands me and shares the same interests as me, me.
9/2 2018
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Actually, now that I think about it…
#KristenBell #Wifey #RestrainingOrderIncoming
9/2 2018
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I’ll hold the rants, just wanted to note that..
“WH speech writer David Sorensen’s ex-wife said he drove over her foot with a car, put out a cigarette on her hand, threw her into a wall and grasped her menacingly by her hair.”
That was the guy writing Trump’s speeches. Allegedly. Two WH staffers resigning over abuse allegations in a week. Come on, if everyone in the White house who has abused women should resign then what would be left? The women?
Allegedly. Of course Trump thinks you should believe the men. I guess the women would have to be pregnant and miscarry due to the abuse in order for it to have consequences. Because abortion, praise Jesus. Meanwhile an actual nazi is running unop.. no, no ranting. Shut up. This has gone too far enough.
10/2 2018
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This is me making professional memes at 4:19 am
One minute till baking
10/2 2018
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Today will be a good day. The Bob-man from 2013.
10/2 2018
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And now a word rom our new sponsors at That Thing You Like. Use the bonus code Lassesgonnagetmesomethingood to get a 5% discount the next time you buy a thing you like. And if you order before Valentine’s Day then we’ll throw in another thing you like for free! Support the goat show and make that special someone in your life (goat or otherwise) happy. That Thing You Like, when second best just isn’t good enough because you just got paid and can afford what you actually want.
Call now, offer valid until I press “post” on this status update.
10/2 2018
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If I went to bed right now I wouldn’t have to get up in another 27ish hours. That sounds like a pretty good deal to me.
“I’m not my type, but I love my bed. And I recommend that you stop watching the news. Because the news contrives to frighten you. To make you feel small and alone. To make you feel that your mind isn’t your own. I spent the day in bed. It’s a consolation. When all my dreams are perfectly legal, in sheets for which I’ve paid.”
This song was written for me. He forget to put the line about dreaming of goats and pizza, but I’m sure that’ll be in the special remastered reissue in 20 years because every album must now be rereleased withing 15 years to maximise profits, all hail the golden idol.
You can please yourself, but I spent the day in bed. Pillows like pillars, life ends in death. So there’s nothing wrong with being good to yourself. Be good to yourself for once. No bus. No boss. No rain, no train. No bus, no boss, no rain, no train.
10/2 2018
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Get that camera outta my face! Damn paparazzis!
10/2 2018
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God’s gonna set this world on fire, and everything just feels like rain.
10/2 2018
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The tell-tale fart.
PATENT PENDU
10/2 2018
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I don’t even know which of my clones these are. I have made several myself and then they started cloning eachother and now it’s just one big mess with clones everywhere. And apparently they have nothing better to do than stand around with baby goats. Lazy bums.
10/2 2018
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We are all snowflakes. Pointless and disappearing from the earth as soon as we get to it, relatively speaking. I guess… enjoy the fall?
10/2 2018
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That thing when someone leaves a shitty comment on your goat page and you go check their profile and they’re exactly the kind of person you expect them to be. Maybe I should be an FBI profiler. Call me, Scully.
10/2 2018
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Ya goofs
10/2 2018
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Recast as child and mystic sage
10/2 2018
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Hi, this is Clone #5. Me and Clones #8, #15 and #33 have hijacked Lasse’s Facebook account. We have decided that for the remainder of the day we will be reciting Danish translations of old, traditional Ent poetry. There will be no intermissions, or end. Do not attempt to adjust your televisual settee. Stay calm, there is no escape. DO NOT PANIC, I repeat YOU’RE DOOMED.
Original Lasse is locked in the cupboard but I’m sure he’ll be back once he’s chewed through the ro´pe. He’s got molars like a goat. It’s all that pizza eating. Sharpens the tools. Anyway, here goes.
På bare fødder, i vådt græs
trærødder med tørt bark
der var en gang
og den førte til en dør
hør min sang!
Hey, der er en ørred
jeg tror jeg er faldet i floden, hjælp!
ned af bakke på en kælk.
Allez, olé, allez
So long, suckers!
10/2 2018
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Today will be a good day. Happy Funday, guys.
11/2 2018
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I’m tempted to photoshop up one of those “what would you look like as the oppostie sex” results with me on one side and Kristen Bell on the other. But I think I would be traumatized.
11/2 2018
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Maybe my clones can live in the goat house. With the goats. I think they’d like that.
11/2 2018
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Today is soup day! I am off to have soup with the family. As oldtime friends will know, I love mama’s oldtimey soup. Just potatoes and carrots and flourballs. I mean, dumpkings. Mmm. I believe it’s snowing outside, so let’s hope I survive the walk. If you don’t hear from me again then I didn’t.
11/2 2018
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Soup, there it is! In my belly and in my fridge.
Perfect time to get soup again. Cold and snowy. And it feels like forever since I had mama’s soup last. There was long time where there was a problem with their big soup pot and then there was all the health stuff. Finally twas time for sooup again. My parents and my brother and me. Doing .. well enough, for what we’ve been through. And the soup good as ever. I’ll be eating leftovers for a few days now. Mmm mm.
link: soup there it is video
11/2 2018
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You see that hole there in the building? That didn’t use to be there. Yes, that’s where they’re running the road through the middle of a building.
11/2 2018
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Mjallo?
11/2 2018
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End of Facebook. Go go goat photos.
That’s all for this week.