Burn the forests, skin the animals, loot the planet, maximise the profits. Gotta get that selfie with a dead endangered animal before it’s too late!
link: wildlife board article
26/3 2018
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Today will be a good day. Here’s Mandela and 3B from 2006.

26/3 2018
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Good goat times today. I had some morning troubles (nothing important) and then there was the daylight savingshift. Ended up being a little late. But it was good when I got there. The only place my mind is at ease. It started out grey but eventually the sun came out and became a quite lovely day. I could tell it was getting warmer by how Mia and Mio settled down and sat in the corner of the goat house where the sun beamed in through the doors. Sunshine means lazy goats lazing about. Except the kids, they weren’t ready to settle down yet. They were look at the great whites like “You old folks need a nap, huh? I guess that’s what happens when you get oooold”. Haha: Grandma was pretty salty today actually. She was huffing and puffing at the little ones several times when they got a little too close while I was giving out treats. She’s still got her grumpy side. I like that about her. Even though she nearly bit off half my hand when she snapped at the little ones whil I was giving her a treat! Geez, Mio. Don’t bite the hand that’s feeding you.
26/3 2018
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I bought cake and salad. Today could go either way.
26/3 2018
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How do I love you, grandma, let me count the ways. One, two, three.. hey didn’t I used to have 5 fingers?!

26/3 2018
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A place in the sun

26/3 2018
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My friend who isn’t that smart wanted to know if you can peel a carrot with an electric pencil sharpener? I told him “Lasse, I’m sure Facebook people will know, but remember not to use your own name when you’re asking”.
26/3 2018
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Not feeling that swell. The lost hour to daylight shaving’s time and technical difficulties. And upcoming technical stuff that I’m worrying about and other mishaps and tiredness and headachey. It’s amazing how quickly I can go from “totally got this” to “I wish the glass was half empty because I need a drink”. But I’m going to go hide in the dreamscape. Might be a while.
Btw, does anyone want some semi-fresh salad?
26/3 2018
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Today will be a good day. HappY Yogi Day

27/3 2018
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The dreamscape was strong last night. Funny naked dreams and emotional oldfriend dreams and weird things that I can’t even explain. Adventuring in that world makes having to be in this world a little easier at times.
27/3 2018
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Slowmotionbabygoatbleating featuring Milo and Sky.
link: slomo bleats
27/3 2018
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A Shadow above.

27/3 2018
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Ya lil goofs

27/3 2018
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Ya big goofs

27/3 2018
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Hey everybuddies. Tomorrow I am having my internets upgraded to a superfast fiber connection. I know what you’re thinking. Yes, I will be able to write TWICE as much about Trump and guns! But with these things there is always a risk. And as I hinted there are some technical things I’m worrying about. I think there is a pretty big chance that it’s not going to work right away. And we’re heading into Easter vacation so if things go awry that might slow the resolution thereof. We’ll see. But if I disappear then it’s just my internet gone down. Or maybe I found that invisibility cloak that I lost. You know how hard it is to find an invisible cloak?!
Anyway, I just wanted to write this before midnight. Although the changeover shouldn’t happen until the morning. Now I’m going to post this and imagine how fast it would go if I had the fiber connection already!
27/3 2018
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Today will be a good day. Happy hump day, guys.
6 am and my old internet connection is still running. I expect the change to come within the next hour or two (although it could be as late as 5 pm), so we’ll see how it all goes.

28/3 2018
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12:40 pm, still on my old connection. I assume they’re going to turn this one off when they turn on the fiber connection, right? Otherwise I’ll be sitting here on my old connection all day waiting haha. I should have prepared better for this. Still plenty of time for everything to go all wrong. At least the glass is half full. HEY WAITAMINUTE WHO PEED IN M

28/3 2018
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Well I just found something that made me tear up faster than the Wikipedia summary of Jurassic Bark.
Sam Fuentes.
28/3 2018
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4:30 pm. Still on old connection. I’m supposed to be upgraded by 5 at the latest. Hmm, maybe they WILL let the old connection live? I don’t know. Well, I’m not really in any hurry to get the faster connection working. I’m mostly worried about downtime. So I’m happy enough waiting. I’m just finding it hard to concentrate on anything other than checking if my internet is still up every 2 minutes.
The exciting tale of Lasse’s internet upgrade continues. I suppose after 5 I’ll have to hook up the new equipment and see if the new connection is live. Please send ice cream.
28/3 2018
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Well it’s past 6 pm and I’m still on my old connection. So, either something went wrong. Or they’re not going to turn off the old one when they turn on the new one. Haha. Well, as I said I’m not in a great hurry to get the faster connection. As long as I have SOME connection I am happy. The thing is, I have a package waiting for me and my dad is kind enough to pick it up for me tonight. Judging by the label it might be some extra equipment for the changeoer and …errr, as long as I have some kind of internet working then I don’t really want to try hooking up the new stuff before I’ve seen what’s in that package. So, patiently waiting for my dad to get here in the next couple of hours and then we’ll see. I’m tired and nervous and kinda just want to go to bed and dream. But we’ll see. Shoutout to my dad for always being so helpful. Always ready to pick stuff up or help me get to places after my eyesight went out. In return I guide him through attaching files in yahoo mails a couple of times a month. It’s like a barter economy. Anyway, I should probably post this and go check if my internet is working. Although if it’s not working then posting this is going to be difficult. Better get the carrier pigeons ready. You guys are on the carrier pigeon mailing list, right? Just log in with your premium access password and check the members section. Okay, stop typing now.
28/3 2018
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Okay, have some goat content too. While we’re here.

28/3 2018
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Well, it turns out that it was a good idea to wait for that package. As I suspected it contained equipment needed for my fiber connection. So if I’d tried to install that without all the equipment, who knows how much I would have messed that all up.
Now I’m tired and have several new things to acquaint myself with. But since my old connection seems to keep working, I guess there’s no hurry. I’m really tired now. I think I’ll go to bed now and then tomorrow i’ll do some research on how to set it all up and if I’m ready I’ll install the fiber connection. Or maybe I’ll research tomorrow and install Friday. Assuming this connection keeps working. If I get up tomorrow and this connection no longer works then I’ll have to be quicker about the fiber installation. We’ll see. Fingers crossed this connection will keep working. I thought they’d shut it down when opening the new one, but I guess not. Maybe this one will keep running till the end of the month. Or something something. Sorry I have been frightfully boring with technical stuff and worrying. Once it’s all done I can assure you I will post HIGHSPEED PREMIUM CONTENT.
Also, dad brought a slice of leftover kikskage so things are coming up MilLasse.
28/3 2018
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Goat Out

28/3 2018
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Just call me Nostradamus, because all my fatalistic predictions came true. Old internet closed, new internet not working .Gotta have a technician visit and due to Easter it can’t be until Tuesday. So. Hopefully I’ll be back Tuesday. Surely everything will be fine then. Surely. I am updating from my parents’ place right now. If things don’t go right Tuesday then I’ll hike back here for another update. Otherwise we’ll just have to tough it out. Just don’t take this as a chance to realise you can live without me, please!
I am already panicking about the technician visit and missing my social networks and if you knew the kinds of thoughts I got.. just trying to keep the wolf from the door.
It’s hard though. Like, I haven’t been able to tell you how I feel about the Roseanne comeback (cliff notes: I love nostalgia and John Goodman) or the IT movie (loved parts of it, parts of it felt a bit easy and clhiched). AND THAT’S JUST THE TIP OF THE ICEBERG THAT SANK THE TITANIC OF MY INTERNET CONNECTION.
This was the worst possible time to run out of cake.
Deep breath. This is just a wrinkle in time. This is just a blip on the radar.
Hope everyone is doing well. See you when I get there.
31/3 2018
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As you may have guessed, things are not going according to plan
You have noticed I’ve been gone, right? You haven’t forgotten me? You still care? SAY MY NAME. I need validation
Anyway, I had the technician visit and he couldn’t fix the problem so now we have to get the fiber company involved. Basically I don’t know when I’ll be online again. Sigh. In all my anxietal haze I forgot to ask thme whne I was on the phone with them yesterday if it wasn’t possible for them to turn on my old connection so I could have some kind of internet while this is going on. I’m expecting another call today, so I gotta ask this time. I don’t know if it’s possible to do that, but this marks a week without internet and I can only imagine how hard this is for all of you, not knowing every little stupid thought that comes into my head. Surely a trying time.
Updating from my parents place again. Maybe I should move back home.
Finding it hard not to let the dark thoughts in. The wolf is howling at the door. It’s easier to deal with these things if you know when it’s going to be over. It would have been easier to deal with all the anxiety and phobia over the technician visit if I’d known I just had to get through it and everything would be fine. But I had a hunch. And again my Nostradamus prediction came true. And all the anxiety continues and I’m cut off from my oscial network and IT SNOWED . What the bloody heck. I was sitting and waiting for the tech guy and I had the doors open to get some of the stank out of the apartment. And outside the whole world turned white. In April. And all I could think was “I wish I could go have a snow day with the goats”. But I had to stay in. And even though it looked like it snowed a lot and everything was covered… by the end of the day it was all gone again. No snow today. Maybe my mood controls the weather, I don’t know. But hopefully spring is going to come back in force and hopefully my internet connection will work soon. I’m pretty sure internet access is a basic human right along with dnak memes and hashtag that thing you agree with.
Anyway, I’ll see you when you get there. Miss you all, miss it all. Please don’t leave, I’m all alone and the wolves are howling and OHMY
4/4 2018
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Another tranmission from the parental homebase.
I have good news and I have bad news. And I don’t have pizza, which I guess is also bad news. But anyway.
The good news is, yesterday I had another technician visit and they succesfully diagnosed and fixed the problem with the fiber cable.
The bad news is, my internet is still not working. so now I need a THIRD technician visit. On monday. Anothner “we’ll be there between 7 am and 4 pm”. Well, as long as they get it fixed for the love of the fourteen diamon stars in the fictional world that I have invented while waiting for this to get solved.
First visit was a guy from my ISP who deduced that the problem was in the fiber cable itself. Second visit was yesterday from the fiber company and they found that the cable was broken somewhere in the inside round the outside round the outside something something. Luckily since I’m on the ground floor it was simpler to fix than if it had been… not on on the ground floor. So they were able to fix it right there and then. Which should have meant my internet would start working. But it didn’t. so now I need another visit from my ISP. Fiddlesticks. but at least the fiber is working now. There’s no longer a light in the alarming ALARM button on the media converter [insert technical mumbo jumbo so people think I know what I’m talking about.
Anyway, that’s where we are. I sure am glad that I’m going to be online again on Monday, which I can only assume is what’s going to happen. I’m definitely not making any fatalistic Nostradamus predictions. But hey, if you guys see a giant comet in the sky RUN FOR YOUR WIVES.
Tra la la. Trying to keep up spirits and appearances. I am not enjoying this. But it’s fine. At least it’s giving me time to organize my stamp collection. Step one: Get a stamp collection.
Please send nudes and pizza in a bottle c/o scruffy looking goat herder in Denmark.
The goats are all good. They have grown a little since we last talked. Milo and Sky are the size that Mia and Mio used to be and Mia and Mio are the size of elephants now. that’s a joke. The little ones are still tiny and the big one is still huge and Mia’s tail is still wagging. Thank goat I have goats for company. And if I don’t get my internets working soon then I’ll have to teach them how to speak human speak so I have someone to talk to HOW ARE YOU GUYS DOING.-
Happy birthday to my dad yesterday, and to everyone who has had a birthday while I have been stuck in this thing called reality. It’s not a nice place, there are humans here and they don’t speak in memes. No one retweets me when I say something incredibly hilarious, which is something I often do I can assure you.
I think spring is back. That snow day must have been an insane fluke. A sign from the gods that they are also bored when they can’t read my hilarious comments on current events. The sun is shining. It’s not superhot, but I’m too hot for this scarf no way I’m disco dancing.
I recommend you print this update and read a couple of lines every day to keep you going while I’m gone. Maybe hire a Shakespearan actor to read it out loud in a Danish accent, but make sure he talks with such a low voice that you can’t really hear what he’s saying.
I can’t wait to get back and see what 3 people are left in the Trump administration am I right haha politics.
I was just getting into a good swing with eating healthy and exercising and then this happened and now I’m sitting around being fat and pouring sugar and salt and fat into my veins to keep the depression at bay. Thanks, Obama. I’ll start over when the internet is up. There’s no point in doing anything hard if you can’t complain about it to others and there’s not reason to exercise if you can’t write on Facebook that you just exercised. There’s no point in eating salad if you can’t write on Facebook that you just ate salad. You don’t win friends with salad DENTAL PLAN Lisa needs braces.
I’m not going insane, thank you for asking, giant marshmallow with stuckon googly eyes.
You know, maybe from now on I should only go online once a week and just post ALL THE THOUGHTS AT ONCE and break the internet like Kim Kardashian’s rear.
And when I found out whomst of you were the one whomst wished that I’d be gone I will hunt you down with my particular set of skills and perform celebrity impressions for you until you break it down now.
End transmission.
PS I miss you, I hope you are all well. I hope your kids and animals are thriving and I hope you have pizza in yourl ife.
PPS Okay. Well. I guess… I gotta.. go. Back to.. THE FUTU no, back to reality. I guess.Sigh.
PPPS OH NO NO NO I’M A ROCKET MAN
7/4 2018
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I am ON THE LINE! Connection achieved. We are the web. The mainframe is plugged into the cosmos.
I hope. Hooves crossed. Seems like I’m online with fast fiber. Been having some other computer problems. But hopefully things will work ok now. Please. I am tired and hungry. And lots to catch up with. We’ll get there. I’ll be back to spamming goat posts before you know it.
Almost two weeks without internet. Phew. I’m pretty sure that’s the worst thing that has ever happened to anyone in the history of things happening to people, historically.
What a nightmare. For you guys, I mean. I can just imagine you sitting there in front of the blank screen, staring at it, not knowing every random thought that’s going through my head. Must have been awful. Just sitting there with nothing to do. Because what’s the point of the simulation still processing things when the only remaining living human is offline. Anyway, that’s my spec script for Black Mirror.
I need eat. I wonder if I can remember how to order pizza.
9/4 2018
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The goat family busy at work keeping the vegetation trim.

9/4 2018
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Goats got me through

9/4 2018
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It’s not been all bad, being without the internet. Also, being hit on the head with a hammer isn’t all bad. And the plague, that wasn’t so bad.
No, but seriously. Shoutout to my parents for letting me use their place like an internet café. Including blackcurrant lemonade. Being without internet isn’t really a big problem as long as I could go there once in a while to make sure I kept up with the time sensitive things, and to let you all know what was going on. The bad part was the uncertainty. Not knowing when it would all be done. The sinking feeling that some vengeful god was looking down at me like “OH YEAH? You want fast internet? Here, have NO INTERNET EVER AGAIN”. Also, three tech visits. Sheesh. For a social phobic shut-in that’s no fun. I think I mention already, but it turned out the fiber cable was broken. Luckily because I was on the ground floor and had a hunction cabinet thingie in my hallway, they had enough extra slack that they could fix it without having to rewire the whole building. So that should have fixed it all, but even with the fiber fixed I had no internet connection. There was something wrong in the media splitter box thingie (look, I’m sorry but I’m a very smart person and you’ll just have to live with my technical jargon). I think he said my ISP hadn’t programmed. There’s supposed to be stuff input in the box. THAT’S WHAT SH… anyway, it was all complicated by the fact that I was dealing with 3 different parties. My ISP uses the infrastructure put in place by the biggest Danish tele company. And the cable was put in by another company. So it took longer because they all had to communicate amongst themselves. My ISP had to get the teleco to check it and they realized they had to get the fiber cable company to fix it and then my ISP had to get the teleco back again and on and on. Well, whatever. I’m just glad it’s done. And I hope I don’t have to have strangers in my apartment for a long time, possibly until they scrape my corpse from the bath tub some day. Not to be morbid or anything.
It was a little funny actually, they third tech visit was the same guy as the first tech visit so he said “hi again!” and we actually had a little chat. We talked about the neighbourhood and all the construction going on. And while he was inputting his junk in the box THATS WH he asked if I was a gamer and I told him about my eyesight and we talked a little about the diabeetus and all that. Not so bad after all. Usually it’s not the thing itself that’s bad, it’s the worrying and waiting and uncertainty. I function much better when I know what to expect and I can follow my routines and plans. If they’d been able to say from the start that I’d be without internet for two weeks and then everything would be fine, that would have been a breeze. It was the not knowing that was hard.
But some good has come of it. I got some free time to spend on catching up with things that had been procrastinated for a long time. I literally had PDF files on my PC desktop that I had put there years ago intending to read sometime. I’m really good at putting things aside and ignoring them until they’re five minutes away from exploding or expiring. So I got some stuff done. Also, I had to move my computer setup closer to the fiber box just to make I was using the correct, shorter, cables. So I ended up moving things around. It gave me the chance to clean some nooks and crannies that hadn’t been touched in a long time. THATS W you’d be amazed how easy it is to ignore filth and mess when you’re almost blind. And lazy. But I got some stuff cleaned. And I got one of those Eureka inspirational moments that I sometimes get when I find things I want to change in my life, and sometimes I even get some of it done. This time I got some done. I got stuff thrown out. And now I have big plans to throw more stuff out. Simplify, man. Again. I have too much junk. Useful junk, useless junk, junk that I could buy a new copy of for a dollar if I ever actually needed it. I just want to get rid of it all. I want fewer physical possesion. I have two actual desks in my apartment and I have literally not sat and done anything at them for 5+ years. They’re used mostly for storage (ie places to put junk and mess and forget about it until it explodes). I want to get rid of at least one desk, possibly two. And I want plastic boxes for the junk that I can’t or won’t get rid of. I want space and air and a place that’s easier to clean and I want to eat salad and vegetables and maximise the exercising. I want to get rid of 75% of my stuff. My dad volunteers in a chairy shop kind of place, they can have all my DVDs. Do people even watch DVDs anymore? There are some rarities and box sets I’ll keep. but other than that. I have two big shelves full of junk I’ll never watch, read or listen to. Out with it. Keep digital copies of stuff I still want, but all that crap everywhere. I want it out. I wat air in here, instead of living in a tiny rat’s nest. There’s also a very good chance I’ll have to move, permanently or temporarily, within the next let’s say 5 years. Due to all the construction and renovation. Having fewer physical possessions handily stored in plastic boxes would make that a lot easier.
So. If I can manage to get half of it all done then that’s great. Something good will have come of it all. A new beginning. With super fast internet so I can upload giant rambling rants in no time hooray who wants to eat!
9/4 2018
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Did you miss the fuzzy butts?

9/4 2018
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That’s all for today. It’s good to be back. Thank you all for making me feel so welcome. My mind is all ajumbled. I’m going to for a long dreamwalk. Back tomorrow with more everything, if all goes well.
9/4 2018
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End of Facebook. Go go goat photos.

That’s all for this.. entry.

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