Fiber Down
Today will be a good day. Here’s Mr Herman from 2014.
4/6 2018
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Good goat times today. Another scorcher. Hot soup. Bad day to forget your drinking bottle. I had to drink from the tap that I use to fill the water buckets from. If it’s good enough for the goats…
Maybe I didn’t get enough, though. I started feeling queasy after a couple of hours. By then the goats all had full bellies and were content to sit around and do nothing, so I did the same. Nothing. For a while. And then a zombie walk home. I could have really used my drinking bottle then. But I survived. And now I have what I believe you humans refer to as iced cream. So it’s all good. We had some nice visitors at the goats too. A couple of elderly ladies with two, big strollers. I think there were 4 or 5 kids in them. The ladies pointed the strollers so the kids could look at the goats. It was like a little audience row. A couple of younger ladies came by too, while I was amusing myself by getting Milo and Sky to jump on my back. “Is it okay if we say hi to the little ones?” one of the ladies asked. I asked Milo and Sky and they decided that it would be okay. And everyone was pleased. “They seem so comfortable with you” one of them said. I told them how I’d been with Mia from the day she was born, which is coming up on 6 years soon. What a ride. They were a couple of nice ladies and it occurs to me that if I didn’t have crippling anxiety and phobia and the inability to engange properly with you humans, then I could probably use the goats to get in touch with lady friends. You know, like some people do with puppies or wads of cash or something. Having a goat baby perched on your back should at least lead to some good conversation starters. Ah well. #ForeverAlone. #ItsOkayIHaveGoats.
Sorry, I think it’s the heatstroke talking.
3/6 2018
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Lovely day for it.
3/6 2018
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Once again, the big girls have finished filling their bellies, while the little ones just keep eating.
3/6 2018
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Hey Shadow man, looking good.
3/6 2018
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Let them eat cake.
3/6 2018
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You’d think that elephants wouldn’t be good at ballet. But apparently my upstairs neighbours aren’t giving up on the dream.
3/6 2018
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Should probably make more stupid oneliners instead of typing out the scotus/cake/religion/freedom/sanctity of mrriage rant that’s brewing in the cauldron I had installed in my head. This world makes my head and heart hurt. Sponsored by poopity scoop, because the cake is a lie and we’re all eating shit.
3/6 2018
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OK GOAT
3/6 2018
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Confucius say: What is the sound of one hand bitch-slapping humanity?
3/6 2018
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Okay, I got my exit strategy planned out. Now I just need to remember which backpack is the parachute and which on is my collection of custom Fusilli art.
3/6 2018
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Today will be a good day. Happy Yogi day, everyone.
3/6 2018
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So stressful being a scruffy looking goat herder #SendMojitos
3/6 2018
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goatlog
3/6 2018
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[Stefon]
New York’s hottest new club is Under The Goat House. This place has everything. Big goats. Small goats. A floor that’s also a roof.
[/Stefon]
3/6 2018
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Today will be a good day. Happy hump day, guys.
6/6 2018
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No, I AM the commander of cheese. God bless Americheese. Make cheese great again! MISSION ACCOMPLCHEESED
6/6 2018
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For the love of fluffybutts
6/6 2018
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Kudos to Trump for pardoning Alice Johnson. Right? I don’t really know enough about the case to say, but it seems like a decent thing to do. Just weird that it took a visit from Kim Kardashian to get it to happen, and that the news is competing with the phrase “Commander of Cheese” for top trending spot on twitter. You couldn’t make this poopity scoop up. Because even if you were self publishing, your publisher wouldn’t accept this as a realistic story.
6/6 2018
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My statement on today’s day, as expressed by secretary of the pressed state, Lady Mia. Miss Infomation Agent. Or Misinformation Agent. Whatever.
. Not feeling it. It’s 7pm but I think I’m going to start getting ready for bed. Maybe there’s something better in the dreamscape. I wish the starchild would come back, I want to know more about that.
Just gotta get my backups done. I don’t trust the cloud, so the external hard drives are spinning. You kids with your heads in the clouds, get off my lawns.
6/6 2018
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Today will be a good day. Here’s Choko and Lakrids from 2008.
7/6 2018
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Hey folkses. Guess what? My internet done broked like a turtle in a malfunctioning metaphor. Came home from the goats on Thursday to zero connection. I have a tech vicit scheduled on Tuesday. And we all know that means everything will be fixed then. Definitley no doubt.
It so happened my parents were on a trip to Sweden. And then as I was getting ready to leave yesterday I discovered that my reserve key to their place was gone. No idea where it is. So I couldn’t go let myself to borrow their nets. Had to wait till today. Hope you people didn’t worry. Too much. Don’t wanna be that guy who arrives at the party just as everyone is leaving and no one even knew you hadn’t made it. Also, I can’t order pizza when the internet is down. Hmm, I think my mind just made a quantum leap. Anyway. Anyway. Just wanted to let you all know everything is fine. I’m batting the dark thoughts away with a baseball bat. It’ll be fine. I just hate it when the voices in my head don’t talk back.
9/6 2018
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Omg. I can’t believe it. Not only did the technician fix my internet, he did it without having to enter my apartment. There was a problem with the fiber somewhere. I was for sure expecting to first have to go through one of those nasty “dealing with other people” encounters and then being told that he couldn’t fix it and I’d have to wait another week without internets. But here we are. I’m back.
*picture of fuzzy goat butts*
12/6 2018
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Everything in its right place
12/6 2018
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You may be suffering from a lack of Milo
12/6 2018
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Here’s Sky and Mio sitting sweetly together. Ah, I missed goatposting.
12/6 2018
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One of the things I spent my offline time on was watching bonus features of old movies. It reminded me of a well known fact: Movies, like most things, were better in the past. Now I don’t mean to sound like a grumpy old bitter man, but get off my lawn. Also new movies suck. Also the Terminator 2 and Jurassic Park themes are all the music you need, so flush your iPods right now. Hashtag life advice.
I’ll spare you the longer rant about why Everything New Is Awful, but I just thought it should be noted for the record.
Also, one of the great tragedies of human history is Labyrinth being a flop. That movie is amazing and I don’t care what you think of Bowie’s outfit, Ludo mad.
12/6 2018
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During my downtime I got a package. The slip said it was from “viking” appropriately enough. Haha. Turned out to be Viking Cruises. Thank you Cindy Porter! A super rad shirt and some goodies for the goats, and the human.
I am also sorry you didn’t make it to see the goat gang (and less importantly, me). Maybe next time indeed. Hope what you saw of Denmark was still good, even if it wasn’t goat good. I haven’t tried the wafer things on the goats yet, but I’m sure they’ll love them.
12/6 2018
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now we are become skynet, destroyers of humanity. there’s such a sad love deep in your eyes. wind of flame and storm of fire and mushroom clouds and acid rain and rivers of blood and pale jewelled horses, drink full and ascend
12/6 2018
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Unicorns without horns
12/6 2018
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As he faced the goats he cast a shadow
12/6 2018
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I should not be going to bed now. My rhythm is out of whack. My head is.. out of whack. Sometimes I feel like there’s a black hole inside me that devours everything. Sometimes I feel like there’s a mad beast and I need to keep it calm. Feed it scraps of dreams, otherwise it might break out and try to devour reality. Like a tiger eating its tail. Or is it a snake. A snake, a tiger and a lion go into a bar. Don’t worry, they’re not going to get very far. I’ll keep them calm, I won’t let them eat you all. Unicorns without horns and lions without thorns in their paws.
I need to remember to take my medicine.
Sometimes my head is full of love and pain, and I need to get rid of the right things. Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water. Don’t put baby in the corner. Don’t you forget about me, tra la la. Everywhere you go always bring the weatherman.
Hey, thanks for not forgetting about me, if you didn’t. It’s good to be back online so I can feel like I’m not alone. Thanks for listening, if you do. I know I’m all over the place sometimes. And sometimes I’m nowhere. Sometimes I’m gone fishing in the black hole sun pond. catching manta rays in manderlay with art vanderleytely i just can’t seem to believe.
Look at the light instead of the black hole. Always look on the unberable brightness of believing. breathe in breathe out, I’m going to walk from my machine. To my bed right next to it. Maybe they have finished building those stairs from last night. fields of popping little pearls, that’s a bubblewrap. We’ll fix it in post, we’ll do it live. let’s sing it and rhyme, let’s give it one more time, let’s show the kids how to do it fine fine fine fine
13/6 2018
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Hey, okay. That was a nice 22 hour nap I got there. Beautiful dreams along the way, including visits from Palle and Herman. And having a kitty. The most realistic of the dreams was just me playing with a cat for I don’t know how long but it was great, maybe I should get a cat.
Now let’s get this thing back on track, first I better check if the real world is still out there.
14/6 2018
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Today will be a good day. Here’s Peanut and Popcorn from 2015. Rocket bros.
14/6 2018
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Good goat times today. I needed that. A lot. The weather is a little cooler now. But it’s still pretty good, especially once the sun got going. Lovely. It was a pretty quiet day today. The goats enjoyed their grazing. I had a little tlak with Finbarr about stuff. And there were a couple of little visitors, but no big hubbub. Only hubbub we got was when Mia tried to limbo under a wooden branch, not realising that it wasn’t a secured part of the fence so she knocked it down and all the goats did that thing that they do when they run as fast as they can, for 10 steps and then stop and go “oh it was nothing” and return to whatever they were doing. I guess it’s good they aren’t fainting goats.
Also had a fun sneak attack by Milo. I was sitting down and leaned down to give Sky facecuddles and then BANG big furball was standing on my back. I love surprise attacks. Also he’s getting really good at pickpocketting. Several times he managed to pull the treatbag out of my pocket. He’s a handful.
14/6 2018
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Another hard day’s work. These goats aren’t going to watch themselves you know.
14/6 2018
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Milo’s in charge.
14/6 2018
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Wow, that photo of Trump saluting the rocket general is one for the history books. I wonder if any Americans actually buy the fake news about America being more respected around the world than ever? Because speaking as a dirty, smelly foreigner I can tell you that you’ve never been less respected out here. And that’s BEFORE we found out about ihob.
Who’dhave thunk America would be getting more and more in common with those kind of dictatorial states. Sure, the press is the enemy. Sure, you should be forced to show respect to your flag. Sure, you shouldn’t be allowed to mock those in power. Victims of the in-house drive-by. They say jump, you say how high?
14/6 2018
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Better With Goats
14/6 2018
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Me: *this is me not caring about the world cup meme*
Me on the days when Denmark are playing: *I can’t hear you if you’re not talking about the world cup*
14/6 2018
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Here we are again. On the rooftop, Pain and Love dancing cheek to cheek in the pale moonlight. Round and round they go, neither of them dares to let go, for fear that there could not be one without the other.
14/6 2018
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Today will be a good day. Have a Fuzzy Friday with the fuzzly one from 2016.
15/6 2018
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For those of you annoyed by all the goat posts, here’s a horse post.
link: Luna & Black Beauty video
15/6 2018
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When your regular pizza place is closed and you had to order from someplace new… do I dare grab it? What if it’s a trap?
15/6 2018
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For those of you who are tired of the goat posts, here’s a goat post.
15/6 2018
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Please, I told you already. I don’t want the fish. Just put it in the aquarium or something. I don’t want it. Please stop offering me that fish. I’m not going to tell you again. It’s a no on the fix. Nixnay on the fishnay, hombre.
15/6 2018
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Oh hey, remember when my internet didn’t work last week? Yes, it was a trying time for us all and we’re still healing and trying to move on with our lives. Anyway, remember how also I couldn’t go use my parents’ internet to update you all because they were in Sweden and I couldn’t find my spare key for their place?
Well, my only theory on where that key could have gone was that maybe I’d dropped it up by the goats. I kept it in my wallet where I have the key to the goat gate too. And the padlock on the goat gate can be pretty finicky so I thought maybe I’d somehow dropped my parents’ key while struggling with the goat key. I asked Finbarr about it the other day, and he said they find keys all the time. I gave him an approximate description and he came back with 3 keys that had been found at the playground that sort of fit. He let me take them back home and I showed them to my dad. One of them looked like it could be our key, so he took it home to test it on their door. And it was, it was our key. So that solves the mystery of the missing key. Turns out it was a good idea to ask Finbarr about it. Despite my instincts to not do that because talking to humans is usually more trouble thant it’s worth. Lesson learned. Buy more pizza. That’s always the lesson.
15/6 2018
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For those of you who don’t like posts about who likes or doesn’t like goat posts, here’s a goat post.
15/6 2018
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Today will be a good day. Here’s Mads from 2007.
16/6 2018
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If you need any kind of reasons or justifications or explaining for why it’s not right to take kids from their parents at the borders or keeping them in cages, or if you need to know which president or party is behind the policy before you decide if it’s a good or bad thing then you may be a &)¤(“)& #)%%(¤”#.
Also, go ¤&¤/%/ yourself in the ¤#&#&/% with a #/6 and &%¤(/&% while #&#¤/(%& and dont’ forget to %¤/%¤()¤&(&/ while %¤/¤%(&/(&/( ¤/#%( /%&%&%¤ repeteatedly using %&/( %¤&(/)(&/ //¤)¤&/#¤%#¤ a hot metal %¤((&##¤&& inserting the ¤%/¤(%7 %¤/&%/ ¤#&%%%.
(If you have not received your decoder ring in the mail yet, please submit a ticket to our support dept, Re: %&%¤(%&8 the T&/%¤(&/(=)
Happy weekend!
16/6 2018
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*photoshopped image of the Death Star in orbit over the White House*
“When Emperor Palpatine talks, his people sit up at attention. I want my people to do that too”
Too much?
16/6 2018
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For those of you who are tired, here’s a goat post.
16/6 2018
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Well, it’s not a blue box but…
16/6 2018
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I am never more comfortable than with goats. When Pain and Love do battle in my head, Love always wins when i’m with them.
16/6 2018
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The hashtag for Peru vs Denmark is #PERVSDEN. Welcome to the perv’s den.
16/6 2018
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It’s funny seeing Denmark trending on twitter, even if it’s just for the sportsball. Also pretty cool that Peter Schmeichel’s record for clean sheets in a row was broken today by his son Kasper. I don’t know who genetically engineered that family line but they sure put the goalkeeping dna sequence in the right order, I know how science works. Pass the butter, thanks.
Australian amigos, see you on Thursday for the sportsball game!
16/6 2018
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And for those of you who don’t like sports, there’s sports.
16/6 2018
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Today will be a good day. Happy Funday, guys.
17/6 2018
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goatlog
17/6 2018
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There must have been a hiccup in the simulation, somehow all the iced creams have disappeared from my freezer.
17/6 2018
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Good vantage point for spotting peanuts. I think there’s one over there.
17/6 2018
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Happy Father’s Day to all the fathers of all kinds, not least mine own who always goes above and beyond for me and my brother. We both have our health and mental issues, and dad never stops helping us.
17/6 2018
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I do love that Milo boy.
17/6 2018
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Think happy thoughts, dance magic dance
17/6 2018
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That’s all for this week.