Today will be a good day. Happy Mio Monday everyone.

6/4 2020
—
.
Good goat times today. Oh my oh my. It was so good to be back. And the weather! Oh my. 18C/65F. Nuts. Amazing. It’s been too long. Too long since I saw the goats. I was gone for two weeks. The last time I was gone that long was.. well, probably the last time I borked a rib. And too long since we had weather like that. Sometime last fall I guess. So beautiful, warm and sunny. So good.
My only regret today is that I couldn’t take the goats out for a walk as I like to do. We’re still quarantined. But that’s okay. It was good to hang out in the pen. We had several visitors come by. A group of kids and parents who kept social distance amongst themselves at the fence. They let the kids pet the goats, as long as they were wearing gloves.
No gloves for me. Before heading out this morning I saw some people posting articles about tigers getting the virus in a zoo? I only read the headline. But yikes. Well. The goats weren’t coughing. There’s not a lot I can do. I can’t be around the goats without touching them, that would be literally impossible. Did i let Nuller jump on my back several times today? Yes. Yes I did. Hey, it’s my rib that’s borked. Not my back. Well, my back isn’t great either but.. STOP ACCUSING ME.
My ribs are doing pretty well. Not back to normal but not too bad. Even when they hurt it’s more of a slight ache instead of the sharp pain it was at the beginning. So that’s something.
And then the total bliss of all the goats getting tired and sitting around lazily in the sunshine. Sky snoring like a doll. I wish it would stay this warm. The forecast says it will dip down again soon, though. But I’m ready for summer.
6/4 2020
—
.
Beautiful day in the goat pen. I’m glad I spent it with goats.
I worse a longsleeved shirt because I wasn’t sure how warm it would get. I had to keep rolling up the sleeves. Definitely t-shirt weather.

6/4 2020
—
.
Not only did I get sunshine and goats today, I also found Danish cucumber in the grocery store. Score! The Danish ones are always better than the imported ones. And I bought more of the tomatoes I tried last time, and they’re still good. So now I have access to good tomatoes and cucumbers, hopefully. That will help me get healhier, hopefully. I’ll try.
6/4 2020
—
.
One… two… three… four… five.. six…
Six little tired goats in the sunshine.
We got Nuller and Lilly in the front. Milo and Sky in front of the bench. Mia on the bench. And Sassy next to the bench.
Not pictured: Uncle photographer, who quickly put the camera down and went to squeeze in next to Mia on the bench. If the sun shines, we sits.

6/4 2020
—
.
Hey. Did anyone notice I was gone? I slept through the entirety of Tuesday, and half of today. And I am in tremendous pain. Some of the worst I’ve ever felt. I guess it’s because I was sitting around for 2 weeks being inactive due to my rib and then I went on a long, hot goat trip. That 1 hour walk back and forth, having Nuller climb on me, being outside in the sun. I guess my body couldn’t take it. I feel like I’ve been through a cement mixer. The legs are bad, the worst is my ..core? My stomach, lower back. I honestly don’t know if I could have sat up in bed if it wasn’t for the fact that I have an exercise bike right next to the bed. I was able to reach out and grab a handle and pull myself up to sitting position. Still through remendous pain.
I do feel it’s gotten a little better now that I’ve gotten out of bed and moved around a little. The painkillers might be helping too.
The weird thing is. My tongue. My tongue hurts. It feels swollen. And almost like there are cuts or abrasions along the sides. I don’t get it. Did I bite my tongue in my sleep? I did for a second consider whether I might have died and it was the bloated tongue of a corpse. But I guess I’m alive. I also checked some corona symptoms. Didn’t say anything about the tongue really. I don’t have a dry cough or fever. I just hurt whenever I move.
Today’s another gorgeous, warm day, I had planned to go back and spend more time with the goats. Right now I can barely make it out to the bathroom. I can only hope this will pass quickly. I don’t wanna live like this.
8/4 2020
—
.

I tell you, I’d be happy to never feel a tongue in my mouth again.
6/4 2020
—
.
During these trying Corona times a lot of companies are putting their premium content out for free to help everyone get through the hardships. I thought I’d follow suit, so here is some premium behind-the-scenes goat footage, for free! I hope you appreciate it since I apparently almost killed myself for it. Cheers.
6/4 2020
—
.
How you guys doing? I’m not so great. Getting a little worried here…
I think dehydration may be off the table. I’ve been looking at things like a herniated disc and Guillain-Barré’s syndrome. So that’s something. I don’t know. It’s weird. I’m in a lot of pain when I move. My legs feel a little better. But my back worse. And my tongue is weird. I don’t understand how that fits into anything. I was peeling dead skin off it and it feels better, but still too big and like it’s cut around sides. Any sane person would go to the doctor now. But it’s Easter Holiday! And can you even go to the doctor in these coronatimes. I’m going to try and wait a couple of days. But yeah, I may end up in the emergency or hospital at some point. It doesn’t feel like dehydration. Wouldn’t that have cleared up by now? I’ve been drinking, resting, taking lots of supplements. My rib is feeling fine by the way. But who knows if it’s connected to this whole thing. Maybe I went out too soon and my rib garroted my spine and I don’t know.
I’m worried. I do feel like my legs have improved some. And when I sit still I’m not too bad. Well I guess we’ll see. My dads coming over tomorrow. He’ll have a look at me. Hopefully I’ll get better. But I am worried. I don’t think there’ll be any goating next, barring a miracle. I guess I have to hope it’s not something serious.
10/4 2020
—
.
It’s crazy how quickly things change. A couple of months ago the world was completely different. Five days ago I was completely different.
Lying in bed in pain it did cross my mind that maybe I was dying. Because, you know I’m a d rama queen. By the way, when I die I really hope you all (who outlive me) will keep posting on my wall. Just like now. If you see a goat or pizza or Denmark post just share it to my wall. If they have facebook in… I wanna say heaven? .. then I’ll be checking in even if I don’t have posting priviliges. I don’t know why, but the thought of being forgotten is one of the most painful to me. Maybe it’s because there was a time when I was very alone and when I practically wasn’t part of the world. I have been invisible. I don’t want to be invisible again. Even when I’m a memory. That’s one of the reasons I’m glad I’ve got Mia’s page. I’ve been able to make people happy with it, which is a great thing. And somehow that means I’m a part of the world. You know? I don’t know. Who know how long Facebook will be around. My Myspace profile isn’t doing so hot.
Anyway. Just rambling It’s been a weird week. First the joy of getting back with goats on a sunny day. Then the pain. Then trying to sleep it away. And now here were.
If you read all that, thank you. Honestly I’m a nobody shithead from nowhere. I really appreciate people caring, paying attention, lifting me up. I always feel like I don’t deserve it. But I treasure it, and I wish I was better at reciprocating. I am grateful.
We’ll see how my health goes now. I’m probably just going to sit around and watch youtube videos and listen to podcast. I’m probably going to be even more socially dysfunctional than usual. But I’m reading the messages and advice, appreciating it. Love you mean it
10/4 2020
—
.
Just so it’s not all doom and gloom, here’s a photo from Monday’s goat trip. What a beautiful day it was. I do wonder if the heat is part of what knocked me out. My hurt rib and two week inactivity beforehand? I just don’t know. I hope I won’t have to stay away from the goats for too long now. But I guess I need to check my prriorities. Let’s hope I don’t die and haven’t irrevocably ruined my body and health!
I always knew those goats would be the death of me. I just figured they’ gang up on me and murder me for the treatbag.

10/4 2020
—
.
Hi. I’m alive. I think.
A little better, maybe? But not good. There’s something quite wrong with my back. Maybe my spine is broken. Can you survive a broken spine?
I feel fairly ok when I’m not moving. But sometimes there’s blinding pain when I move my back. I can’t bend down without supporting myself on something. Can’t sit up straight in bed without rolling sideways and doing it in stages. I also feel a bit like there’s a rib poking in my lung when I take a deep breath.
I should have gone to the ER on Tuesday. But I’m not smart. I’m also social phobic and it’s Easter and everything is corona.
I’m not sure what I’m gonna do or what’s going to happen. Maybe it’s just a matter of letting my back heal. Or maybe I’ll never be ok. Who even knows. This isn’t good though.
12/4 2020
—
.
Hi everyone. Again. Well, I ended up going to the emergency room after all. My dad came over and we talked things over and he took notes and called the er, because I’m not good at talking to people while he has extwnsive experience with healthcare etc.
The doctor told us to come in, so we grabbed a taxi and went straight away. As I was out and moving around I felt somewhat better.I think my big mistake has been spending so much time in bed the last few days, it has made the problem much worse. Being upright helped.
Well the doctor had a look at me and did some examinations. And the conclusion is that I have obviously hurt my back, but there doesn’t seem to be signs of you know.. totally breaking every part of my spine. Which was what it felt like earlier. No further action needed right now. give it time and painkillers and work on strengthening my back. But nothing further right now.
I’m glad I went. Both because I feel physically better, but also because it’s reassuring to have had it looked at. It’s a weird time to be around the hospitals though. Let’s hope I didn’t catch a corona while I was there.
For now. I guess. I’m going to try to take it easy. But not stay 24 hour periods in bed. I’m not ready to play with goats yet, but maybe in a couple of days I can start taking the walk there and say hi to them at the fence and give out some treats. It seems being upright is helpful.
Sorry if I worried you all. I did worry myself as well. There were were a few time there when it felt like I was dying or never going to be able to move without feeling pain again.
If I needed a spine transplant, one of you guys would step up to the plate, right? I’m counting on you, organ farms.
Thank you so much everyone for your concern and advice. Hopefully things will be going okay. And thank you so much to my dad, who as always goes above and beyond the call of duty.
12/4 2020
—
.
Coughing without feeling a sharp stabbing pain into your very soul is such sweet delight.
Let’s hope things keep improving.
Thank you everyone so much for your support and love and advice. It’s been a weird forking week. But then I know the whole world is in a weird place. Sometimes I wonder if we live in some kind of weird simulation and the people in charge have just left the building and let everything run wild. Kind of like in the old days when you played, I don’t know, Sim City, and you cranked all settings to max and just let madness ensue. It feels like whoever is running reality has just said fork it and now anything can happen.
Would anyone be surprised if aliens landed and demanded to be taken to our leaders next?
Anyway. I very much appreciate having you all on my side. Thank you for helping me along and caring. It means a lot to me.
13/4 2020
—
.
Good day everyone. Hope you are well today. I am doing… okay. I guess. All things considered. I’m glad I got out to the ER yesterday. Thank you all for pushing me along the way. It has eased my mind considerably. But there is still a problem with my back, no doubt. I didn’t go to bed last night, decided to nap sitting in my comfy chair. Since spending so much time in bed earlier this week seems to have aggravted my problems. I was honestly scared to go to bed… which isn’t fun. Especially for someone who likes to mellow out and dream away reality. I just want to close my eyes and make it all go away…
oh well. There’s still most definitely a problem with my back. But it does seem to help when I get up and stretch and move somewhat. The really bad, sharp pains are more avoidable. But I can’t just walk around normally or bend down without grabbing something for support.
I suppose we’ll see. Give it some time and take it easy. Hope it heals. I don’t know if this is too serious to heal all on its own. I’ll give it a couple of days to start. Try and go shopping around the corner in a day or two, to test if I can manage that. Maybe try a walk to the goats at the end of the week. Atlhough that’s a long walk. Not sure I dare head out that far. Maybe halfway there to begin with. Things won’t be back to normal for quite a while. I wouldn’t dare take the goats out of the pen unless I’m physically capable of handling them. But then I don’t even know when I’d be allowed to take them out due to the virus. What a time.
One day at a time, we’ll see where it all goes. Thank you all for the kindness and support. I am grateful that people care about me. Sometimes more than I care about myself!
13/4 2020
—
.
I wonder if I will ever be back to normal.
I guess I could ask the same of the world in general.
I don’t mean to be pessimistic about it all. I do feel reassured after being to the ER. Reassured that I’m probably not going to get significantly worse. As in, die or be paralyzed. But I do also feel like I.. got close to something like that? I feel like there is something broken in my core. And it feels .. permanent. Like I’ll need to learn to manage the pain and limitations and live with them. But who knows. It doesn’t matter right now. Just one day at a time and we’ll see how things go. It’s not like I got much of a life to lose anyway. It’s funny, I got on disability mainly to mental issues back in the day, but now I could probably get it for blindness and why not add a broken spine?
Really, I don’t mean to sound pessimistic. I’m feeling alright. Just in a weird mood. Still debating whether I dare sleep in my bed tonight. I’m worried it’ll send me back into a state of crippling pain and tongue dying in my mouth, because what was up with that… Maybe I’ll take another night in the chair. That feels safer right now. But I can’t really sleep through the night in the chair. When I sleep in the chair I sleep for an hour or two and then wake and so on. Emotionally I really feel like I need one of my 20 hour naps so I can dream it all away. But I know that’d be a disaster.
Sorry, just rambling. My mind is all over the place. Hopefully I can get back to posting happier goat posts soon, so I can repay all the niceness you guys have shown me. I really appreciate it. I am blessed with family and friends, I’d be much worse off without them. Love you mean it bleat!
13/4 2020
—
.
Howdy. How’s it going? I’m doing okay. Hanging in there. Missing the goats. First I was gone 2 weeks with the bruised rib. And now this. I’m hoping to see them again next week. I don’t want to push myself too hard. That may have been part of what got me in this mess in the first place, who knows.
Slept in my chair again last night. But I have to get back to my bed and see if I can survive that. That’ll be for tonight I guess. And then a quick shopping trip tomorrow I think, to see if I can survive leaving the house. I’m still not sure how my back will deal with the stress. It’s going okay for now, taking things slow and trying to stretch and move.
One day at a time. *checks calendar*

14/4 2020
—
.
There was really no way to predict or avoid me getting back problems…
I always loved having goats climbing on my back. It always amuses guests. I can usually count on getting laughs from the crowds when we do it.

14/4 2020
—
.
Alritey. It’s time. I’m going back to my bed, for the first time since I started feeling better. And to be clear, I feel about a hundred times better than I did this time last week. But I still feel very uncertain. I can feel almost normal when I’m sitting here. But any movement that requires use of my legs or my back.. I feel it. It doesn’t hurt as much or as often, but there’s lack of strength and control. I’m honestly not sure if I’m on a path to getting better, or if something has been lost that I can never get back. For now, I hope I can get a good night’s sleep. Yall know how I love to sleep long and dream far. I’d like to still be able to do that. And then tomorrow I’m going to try a shopping trip. The supermarket is literally around the corner from where I live, so it’s a pretty safe trip. I’m not quite ready to dare a one hour walk back and a one hour walk home to the goats. But five minutes around the corner I can manage I am sure.
Thanks all, again. For keeping me company, giving me advice, cheering me up, just generally being part of my life. It means a lot to me. Thank you for never letting me give up on myself. And for taking my melodramatic selfinvolved ass (somewhat) seriously). Love you all.
14/4 2020
—
.
Hello, world. Time for an update, sit back and grab a bag of popcorn and I’ll tell you what’s news.
A little up and down. On a positive note, I had a good, long sleep in my bed. For the first time since I broke my spine, or whatever this is. I gathered some pillows together so I could lie down with my back in a sort of elevated position. I think that helped a lot. There was still some pain if I moved too much, but generally speaking I was fairly comfortable. Compared to last time I slept in my bed when I felt like I was literally dying. So hey, that’s improvement. And I haven’t broken my dreamspine. Excellent and interesting dreams. So I’m happy with that.
Then I got up and went shopping. It went… okay-ish. I felt the pain in my back though. I should have stretched better before leaving the house. The stupid thing about me is, even in convulsing pain I still feel too self conscious to start stretching out in public. My social anxiety and phobia is so bad that I’d rather stuffer jabbing murderous pain than risk getting people’s attention by acting abnormal. It’s so dumb. I wish I had the power to not care what people think. That must be such a sweet gift to have. If I could pick one superpower…
Well anyway. I survived. Got the shopping done. One day at a time. I have further thoughts, but this is enough for now. Sorry I’m a drag lately, but I’m glad I have this outlet and support system. Right now I kinda feel like I’d rather everything was just over. Thanks for not letting that be an option. Love youse.
15/4 2020
—
.
Longing to be back here

15/4 2020
—
.
Nuller always close to my sacred heart

15/4 2020
—
.
Think goat thoughts

16/4 2020
—
.
Thank god I tested negative for quibi.
If you need me I’ll be in my roomm, evolving into a brain in a jar
16/4 2020
—
.
Okay, I am shutting down for today.
How am I doing?
Up and down, still. No denying that I’m physically better than last week. But there are still issues of pain and some loss of control and sensation. And my tongue isn’t back to normal. Mentally I’m flip flopping between “I got this” and “I’ll never be ok again”. I’ve had back aches before, especially on long walks home from the goats. But it’s always been of the “back ache” kind, while this feels like “broken spine” kind. I don’t know. I think I’ll try another shopping trip tomorrow. With better stretching first. Assuming the night goes okay. I can’t help worry though, that the walk to and from the goats will be too much for me to handle now. When I tell people that I have a one hour walk there, and back, they are often surprised. Whether it’s too hot or too cold. It’s good exercise, I can listen to an audiobook. But I’m worried now I won’t be physically able to manage it anymore. What will I do then…
I just feel like mentally and physically I am breaking more and more. My body is falling apart. Blind and broken and anxiety ridden. It feels like there is less and less of me left. And that I barely want to be here.
That being said, I am trying to stay mindful of the fact that I am lucky in many ways. Many people have it a lot worse, not less in a global fricking pandemic. And I have great support from family and friends that keeps me going. I am lucky to have people to lean on when I’m too weak to stand.
Thank you all. Sorry about the word vomit.
16/4 2020
—
.
Hello, plane of existence. How are you?
I’m doing okay, I suppose. Slight improvement? On the positive side, I was once again able to get a good, long, dream-filled sleep. Putting my pillows up to support my back seems to have really helped.
My back feels a little bit stronger. Although still with the jarring pains when I move incorrectly. Still, I feel like there’s pain less often. But maybe that’s just because I’m learning how to move and stretch and stuff. I’m not sure.
I went and did some shopping again. I decided to bring my backpack this time and buy some pepsi. Six litres of Pepsi Max. No problems carrying them in my backpack, in fact the weight of them almost felt good.
So that’s nice. Generally I feel like I’m improving, and that has to be a good thing. Still have to try and fight off the depression and the voices in my head saying “you’ll never be okay again, there’s nothing left to live for”.
I know those voices too well. They had a lot to say when I was losing my eyesight. But it’s amazing what you can get used to when you don’t have a choice.
One day at a time, here’s to another one. Hope you’re all doing okay out there. Thank you for being good voices in my head.
17/4 2020
—
.
Call the cops, someone murdered Sassy!
..oh wait. She’s just blissing out in the sunshine.
Hope to be there with you again soon, girl.

17/4 2020
—
.
Well, I don’t want to start being all optimistic or anything, because that always leads to utter devastation. But I am currently feeling quite a bit better. The pain is a lot less frequent, less severe, more avoidable. I feel stronger and more in control. So, I mean, that’s good. I’m not back to normal. I still somehow have the feeling I never will be… but I’m glad it’s gotten better. That is better than the alternative. Hope you’re all doing alright out there.
18/4 2020
—
.
Totes comfs

18/4 2020
—
.
Today will be a good day. Happy Funday everyone.

19/4 2020
—
.
Did a little exercise on the bike when I got up today. Just a light session. To see if I could. It went fine. So now we’ll see how I feel later.
Generally I’m feeling reasonably well, as long as I’m careful about how I move. The really bad pain doesn’t come much anymore. So that’s good. Still definitely lots of issues, but hey. One day at a time.
19/4 2020
—
.
A Milo yawn

19/4 2020
—
.
.
—
That’s all for now.

This entry was posted on Sunday, April 19th, 2020 at 21:07 and is filed under Blogging. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.