My Descent Into Madnesh
What a year, huh?
Lemon, it’s April.
26/4 2020
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Today will be a good day. Happy Mio Monday everyone.
27/4 2020
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Should have worn tin foil hats, maybethe 5Gs wouldn’t have gotten to us
27/4 2020
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Okay, I’m shutting down the machines now. Going to go to bed, for a long time. Either to sleep long and dream. Or to toss and turn and feel horrible. Spin the wheel, tound and round it goes. One Like = one sheep counted.
27/4 2020
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Today will be a good day. HappY Yogi Day everyone.
28/4 2020
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How’s it doing?
Not great. No change last night, in regards to sleeping. I wake up pretty much once per hour. And it’s very much affecting my mental health. My back feels like it’s getting better, but my mind is stressed and depressed.
It’s so weird. I feel like there’s some broken link in my system. Someone cut a wire somewhere. I don’t know. I’m sure the people out there who are used to suffering from sleep disorders are rolling their eyes. I’m just not used to it. I’m used to sleep being my refuge, my escape from reality. I’m used to it being so easy. I feel like.. a world class sportsball player who’s rich and famous and setting records and then one day he breaks his leg and in an instant it’s all over, everything changed. Well, at least my lack of sleep hasn’t affected my ability to come up with excellent metaphors, am I right.
I don’t know. It just feels so weird, the way I wake up once an hour like on a schedule almost. I could understand if me being less active because of my injuries would lead me to be less tired and sleep less. But that’s not how this feels. And I don’t feel like I wake up from some pain. And even though I have in the past suffered from some breathing problems at night because my noses get clogged (probably due to overweight) it doesn’t feel like that either. It feels like nothing I have ever felt before and it’s weird and I don’t like it.
Well, we’ll see. I’m going to try to go goating tomorrow if I feel up to it. Maybe that will tire me out enough to make me sleep through. But I felt plenty, plentee, tired when I went to bed yesterday, so I don’t really have hope or that. Maybe another day off the extra supplements will help, if it had something to do with that. I don’t have much hope for that either.
We’ll see we’ll see we’ll see we’ll see. I’m just so tired. Of this world.
Hope you all are doing okay out there. Is there still a pandemic? I can’t keep up with a broken body a broken mind a broken world.
Looking forward to some goat therapy tho
28/4 2020
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Way behind on the goatlogs. Here’s one from all the way back in March. Back when I was allowed to take the goats out of the pen and when I allowed Nuller to stand on my back. Good times.
28/4 2020
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In case I haven’t said it recwently, I am very thankful you are here.
As in, generally existing, but also part of my life. it makes a difference.
28/4 2020
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I’m sure the little terrorist is planning his next attack.
28/4 2020
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Today will be a good day. Happy Hump Day everyone.
29/4 2020
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Good goat times today. Made it out. So good for the heart and soul to be with the goaties. Not sure how good it will be for my body. I did the long walk there and back. And Nuller managed to jump on my back. Darn it. It amused the kindergarteners who were visiting at the fence. But it’s not so good. And also Mia escaped from the pen twice, and Sky with her one of the times. She was scratching herself against the gate and it swung open, because I hadn’t secured it properly. Darn it. So I’m a little worried that I have taxed my body too hard. The walk home was rough. I had to stop a couple of tiems. Sitting down on a bus stop bench to catch my breath and correct my back. Definitely sore right now. And i’m pretty sure I’ll be sore tomorrow. I just hope I haven’t damaged anything. I don’t want to wake up to blinding pain again…
But hey, I have tired myself out. So that’s something. It’s a hard life being a scruffy looking goat herder.
29/4 2020
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The gatekeeper and the keymaster.
29/4 2020
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Menace 2 Society.
Well, to my back anyway.
29/4 2020
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Okay. I am going to bed. Cross your fingers and sacrifice a tofu santa to the northern wind for me. I am tired and exhausted, so you’d think I’d sleep well. But I was really tired before last sleeptime too and that didn’t help. It’s getting close to a week without proper sleeping through the night. I could really use a good sleep.
See you on the other side.
29/4 2020
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Nope.
No better.
No sleepthrough.
Fuck.
It’s weird. I fall asleep really easily. There’s no change there. You’d think if I had a sleep disorder or something I’d have a hard time falling asleep. But I’m out in a minute. It’s like there’s some internal alarm clock that only lets me sleep for one hour. Then I wake up. Roll over. And I fall asleep immediately again. I suppose I should be glad that I don’t have to lie awake all night. But it’s not good for my mental health to not be getting more than an hour of uninterrupted sleep.
And i’m still not sure why I wake. It’s not from some immediate jabbing pain. I used nasal spray last night just in case it was a breathing problem with my nose, but that made no change. I can’t reall figure out what is going on..
well, I still have some things I want to try. Some of the advice you nice folks have given me, and other stuff. So we’ll see.
My body is really sore and achey from yesterday’s goating. But not the blinding pain. It feels more like ‘normal’ pain. I’ve never had a problem sleeping with a bad back or sore legs. Or bruised ribs. Or whatever. Whyich is why this feels so weird and frustrating. And my mental state is depressed. I just don’t want to fall back into constnat suicidal thoughts like earlier in the year. It’s been a shitty year, man.
Sorry for all the whining. I know many people are much worse off. But this is my outlet, so. You can always skip to the goat pics!
Thank you all for being there. And there. And there’s someone over there. Thank you!
30/4 2020
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Think Sassy thoughts.
30/4 2020
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We still have horses btw
1/5 2020
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You kids are on the tiktok and playing animal crossing and fresh prince reunion on snapchat and zoom meetings and whatnot. Meanwhile I’m looking up how to download the complete series of Night Court. I’ll stay in the past until you drag me out of it kicking screaming.
1/5 2020
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Today will be a good day. Here’s Mads from 2007.
1/5 2020
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and dance like chevaliers
1/5 2020
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Happy 1st of May, as per tradition nsfw
1/5 2020
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Today will be a good day. Here’s grandma with Bruce and Clark from 2014.
2/5 2020
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Danish men and their pizza, am i rite
2/5 2020
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Ohh no. Rest in peace Sam Lloyd. Way too young, and apparently just had a kid? That’s so sad. He was one of my favourite things about Scrubs. And I’ve been thinking about Scrubs lately because Zach and Donald have been doing a rewatch podcast, and I was so hoping they’d get Sam on there for one of the episode. Bummer man.
I think he was having some bad health problems, and I do believe I even contributed to his gofundme campaign a year or two ago because he was in bad shape and couldn’t afford treatment.
Fuck it. He was even great in that one scene in that one episode he was on Seinfeld.
2/5 2020
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2/5 2020
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Five years gone. Thank you, Angeline, for reminding me. Most of the dates disappear in the haze of my foggy mind. But I’ll never forget Kamel. The sweetest old goat.
A HREF=”https://www.facebook.com/CutestGoatEver/posts/1371188386269929/”>link: Kamelcopter video
2/5 2020
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Pro tip: If you’re forwarding facebook messages with articles that purport to reveal secrets that the ‘lamestream media’ don’t want you to know, you’re part of the problem.
Never ever forward a message that ends with an ALL CAPS plea to forward it to everyone you know. Newsflash: That guy you know on Facebook isn’t smarter than the establishment.
Also, sorry if it offends you, but if you literally believe in the bible then don’t fucking try to talk science. Don’t tell me how the corona virus started if you also believe god literally flooded the world or sent a plague of locusts or whatever.
Also, I know I haven’t ranted much lately, because i’ve been busy whining, but let me just reassure you that I still think Donald Trump is a sack of shit in a shirt and if you think Trump is a good person or a role model for how we should be act then you’re a nutcase, thanks.
I’m tired of this shitty world.
Just do it, Teddy. One step.
2/5 2020
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Today will be a good day. Happy Funday everyone.
3/5 2020
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You’re somebody if somebody loves you
3/5 2020
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That’s all for now.