In A Chair
Well, I’ve had a day and a half.
It was off to the doctor’s office early in the morning, still dark out. Dad was nice enough to come and help me get there, and help me all day.
My doc’s office has open consultation between 8 and 8.30 am. So we got in there and the doc looed at my arm and asked questions and had me try to.. you know… lift my arm. So much pain.
It didn’t take too long for her to come to the conclusion that I should go to the hospital and get x-rays done. Yeah, I really wish we’d insisted on getting those done when we were there Thursday. We would have been considerably further along in the process. But ok. The doc wrote us a referral so we could go straight to the hospital and get it done right away.
On our way out of the clinic a little kid was running around playing. When I look straight ahead I ca’t see what’s on ground level ahead of me. Can you guess what happened? The kid ran into my leg and I jerked in surprise and twisted my arm. FUUUUUUUUUU
oh god the pain.
We got on the bus and got to the hospital. Pretty quickly I got the x-rays done. Sat and waited for the results to come back. And here is where I have to somewhat defend the nurse from the first ER visit. Because my arm and shoulder were not in fact broken. She was right about that after all. But if we’d known that for sure then, we could have been further along the process now.
But. Okay. I guess that’s… good news? Nothing broken. But I am in terrible pain.
We took a taxi home, and while I tried not to throw up, my dad called my doc’s office to see if I could get a prescription for stronger pain meds. But unfortunately they can not give that out over the phone. You HAVE to show up in person to get stuff like that. Dad said we could go back to the doc’s office right away, but I just.. could no more. In pain and completely worn down. I just needed to collapse. So I’ll have to survive on otc pain meds for a couple of days. We’re going to go back in on Thursday. Hopefully I can get stronger pain meds and then we have to figure out what’s up with my arm.
I’m pretty much planning on spending a couple of days in bed. My back is also killing me and my legs are sore like heck, although better and better with time. My tailbone is sore, making it hard to just sit at the computer. Sigh.
Sent a brief txt to Jeanette to give her a head’s up. I hope the goaties are okay.
Not sure what will happen now. Maybe they will want to send me to physical therapy. I’m not completely sure if the x-rays actually showed any problems or not. I kinda felt like the nurse who gave us the results was being a little evasive. She said nothing was broken and I asked something like “so there’s no clear cause for my pain?” and she just reiterated nothing was broken and now we needed to go to my own doc. Maybe that was just all the info she’d gotten from the doc, I don’t know. I don’t know why they’d hold back information, even if it was stuff they wouldn’t treat at the hospital. I’m sure you’re all screaming at me for not demanding more answers haha. But the x-rays should get sent to my doc and then we’ll see where we go from there. Because right now I am miserable.Tired and depressed and in pain. Not good times for me.
30/1 2023
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A couple of you mentioned torn rotator cuff. Fter reading up on that, I must say that sounds really really likely. I mentioned I’d had shoulder pains for a while. I think I had a worn, or slightly ruptured aybe, rotator cuff. And the fall completely tore it. Or at least made it much worse.
It’s a theory. We’ll see what the doctor says. And if that is what it is then I guess we’ll see if they want to operate on me or do physical therapy. I have a hard time imagining being able to train out of this. I can basically not lift my arm, I’m in bad pain. From what I can read, surgery is more likely with a sudden trauma tear, as opposed to a worn one.
But we’ll see. I’m going to rest up now
30/1 2023
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HappY Yogi daY everyone. Trying to keep spirits up.
Thank you for all the support and advice and good thoughts.
Just going to take a couple of days of rest now and then it’s back to the doctor. I’m feeling better in general, although the stress and depressive thoughts are still trying to push in my head. Keep on keeping on. And keep on going to bed early.
31/1 2023
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Okay. Now I gotta type out fifty paragraphs with my left hand. Hang on.
Sigh. There has been developments. Not great. Feels bad anyway.
So, when last we spoke I was planning to take a couple of days rest before proceeding. I actually went to bed around noon on Tuesday. Planning to spend 20 something hours in bed and dream it all away.
Unfortunately my shoulder seemed to be getting worse though. And worse, the otc painkillers seemed to stop working. So after about 3-4 hours of agony I came to the conclusion that I was not going to be able to wait until Thursday to see my doc.
I got up and called my dad. He has been a tremendous help through this all. I asked him if we could change plans and go Wednesday morning instead. My problem with going out early in the morning is that I can’t see in the dark. So it really helps me to have someone with me.
I got it scheduled with dad and then I went back to bed. I guess it was around 4pm. I stayed in bed till 5 am. I DID get some sleep. But I got a lot more (careful) tossing and turning in pain. I was up a couple of times to take more pain meds, but it did nothing. I was in agony. Literally biting down on my blanket at times.
The pain is worse when I’m lying down. I remember reading about that when looking up stuff about broken arms/shoulders etc. I guess it’s the position you’re in that drags on the injured parts along with that fact that you’re lying in bed with nothing to distract you from the pain. Now I may not have a broken bone, but the pain is definitely worse when I’m lying down.
So, that was horrible. And as if the arm/shoulder pain wasn’t enough, my back got worse too. It had been getting better the last couple of days. I think because I couldn’t get a good sleeping position, and being so tense from the pain, I think that made it worse. So when I got up I was back to not being able to lean down or straighten up without bad back pain. I was not in a good state.’
But we got out and we got to my doctor’s office for their open consultatioon at 8 am. I was really really really hoping for a prescription for stronger pain meds.
I did not get that. We talked a young doctor that I don’t think I’ve seen before. She seemed a little inexperienced, had trouble with the computer while trying to get me a prescription. She wasn’t exactlyinstilling a lot of confidence.
She told me that the x-rays hadn’t shown a tear. I’m not exactly remembering the details now. She said there was some swelling. And an inflammation in the .. mucus sack? of the shoulder. Judging from the google translate the condition is called ‘shoulder bursitis’.
Reading up on it now, it does sound like it might make sense. I think it’s a less severe injury than a broken arm or rotator cuff tear. So I guess it might be good if that is actually what it is… I don’t know.
I tried bringing up the rotator cuff stuff to the doc, but I was stumbling on the words a lot, not sure I managed to articulate it. And if the x-rays do show those inflamed sacs (oh boy) then maybe that makes more sense anyway.
We talked about pain meds and all the stuff she brought up was… well the stuff I was already taking. And she did not want to give me something stronger, as the next step would basically be .. morphine. Well, some kind of morphine based thing I guess. She said they could make you a bit woozy and might make me have another fall. I hadn’t told her the complete details of .. you know. Stuff. But I told her I had been woozy and not completely clear on the details of my fall. So. grrr. No morphine for me, just my luck!
I kind of felt despondent in that moment. The thought of constant pain ahead was not fun.
But she made me a prescription for a slightly stronger version of the otc meds I already had. And told me to take them pre-emptively, not to wait until the pain was already there.
Then she wrote me a referral for a physiotherapist. And that is the next step I guess.
Dad and I went down to the pharmacy and got the new meds. And I took a dosage immediately. And I have to say, this time it felt like it actually worked. I do am feeling better now. So. I guess I have to hope and pray that it will actually work when I go to bed tonight. If it does then maybe I can feel.. not horrible. If it doesn’t then I don’t know what to do. There’s going to be a lot riding on tonight. You know how much my sleep and dreams mean to me. The thought of not being able to lie in bed without excruciating pain is devastating to me.
But. I guess we’ll see. Currently around 4:30 pm and while my arm hurt if I move it, it feels fairly ok when I sit still.
First physical therapy session is scheduled for tomorrow. I think it’s just an evaluation meet, not sure we’ll do any therapy. But we’ll see. I’m going to have major anxiety over it. But can’t live with this pain. So. Going to have to do it, and hope they can help.
My dad reminded me that he had some problem with an inflamed slime sac thing and he got a steroid injection or blockade or whatever it’s called, and it helped him. I wonder if tat might be an option for me.
But I guess I have to hope it is that bursitis and that they can help. I have been feeling pretty hopeless. Been unable to do anything without pain, been missing the goats, feeling like I was going crazy and never going to get better. Feeling like I wanted to jump off a bridge. Really really down. I really hope tonight will give me ok sleep and tomorrow will give good news. I need it. Bad.
Sorry bout the rambling. They’ll have to break BOTH my arms to get me to shut up on here.
1/2 2023
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Oh helloh.
The continuing saga of everything falling apart.
Last night wasn’t good. Painkillers not really working when I’m laying in bed. Trying to fin positions that didn’t make my arm and shoulder hurt. At one point I kinda found one, laying on my side with both arns crisscrossed across my chest, a blanket wrapped around my bad arm. But it’s not easy, I did get some sleep, but not really more than an hour or two at a time, then waking up in pain.
And the trouble sleeping is messing with my back. It got hurt in the fall too, but I felt like it was getting better. But now getting up after the last two bad nights, it’s worse again. Especially when I got up today. My lower back was so busted that I could barely get up and walk. Not being able to find a good position to sleep in, my body all stiff trying to avoid the pain, it’s really messing with my back.
Maybe I’ll just sleep in my comfy chair from now on. I have a hard time getting comfy for longer periods in that one, but if I can’t sleep properly in my bed anyway, I may as well stay in the chair, my shoulder hurts less when I’m sitting and I don’t think my back will get as busted. I don’t know, man.
So, today was my first appointment with the physical therapist. It was mostly a preliminary conversation. My dad had recommended the place to me, and he helped me get there. It’s very near to where I live. The same bus stop that I used to get off when going to the goats at the old playground. Five minutes by bus.
We got in and talked to a very nice young lady. She asked questions about my situation and what had happened. Did a little testing of how much I could move my arm. Barely any.
She had the x-rays too. But to my surprise when I said the stuff about the inflamed slime sac, she had different information. I think she called it calcification, or something like that. Because of the bad hit I’d taken there would have been some bruising and swelling and bleeding and stuff. And apparently it might be.. solidifying, almost forming bone in my shoulder or tendons or.. something like that. In any case, because I have basically zero range of motion it was hard for her to suggest a treatment with exercises. She gave me a couple of very basic ones to do, lifting my bad arm with my good one and raising and lowering my shoulders. Basically to try and keep some kind of activity in my bad arm and shoulder. But she couldn’t do much more for me. Instead she made an appointment next Thursday for me with her colleague. To get shockwave treatment. She herself is pretty new in the field and haven’t had any training in the shockwave department. But her colleague has 20+ years experience with it.
I must admit my first thought when I heard “shockwave treatment” was that it was some bogus new-wave pseudo science thing. But looking online I guess it is an actual thing. Maybe it can loosen up the calcification in my shoulder so I can get to a point where I can do actual exercises.
I guess that’s the idea. We brought up the question of steroid injection / blockade, and she said that could be an option if the pain continues, but because I’d had a sudden impact traumatic event, it wasn’t something they’d do right away as a first option.
So that’s where I am now. A week to my next appointment. And I’m not sure how to feel. I guess it’s good that it is, apparently, not a break or tear. But I can barely do anything, barely move my arm, barely sleep. I am terribly missing spending time with the goats, missing being able to wipe my butt and put on socks. Sorry. I wonder if my doc would consider prescribing the morphica painkillers for night-time use only. It’s not like I’m going to get woozy and have more falls if I only take them before bedtime. Being able to sleep through the night would help a lot, both with my physical and mental state I think.
It just doesn’t seem fair to me that I just have to hope it gets better. Sigh. Here’s to hoping shockwave treatment works, and that I can make it till then.
2/2 2023
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Okay, here is some goat content for those of you missing that sort of stuff. I sure am missing the real thing. But I’m planning a goat trip in my very near future.
Nothing really new today. I decided not to go to bed yesterday. Spent the night in the comfy chair. It’s not super comfortable for long sleeping. But it’s better than my last couple of nights in bed. It’s sad because I love nothing more than burying myself in my bed. Hopefully I will be able to soon again.
But it went ok in the chair. Got SOME sleep at least. Did have some arm and shoulder pain, but nowhere near as bad as when lying in bed. And when I ‘got up’ this morning my back was not totally wrecked like it has been after the last couple of stiff painful nights in bed. So, that’s something.I think I will try staying out of bed for a few days. See how it goes.
I have to say, and I hope I’m not tempting fate but, I have to say I feel like I have a little more strength and mobility in my arm. Earlier I was actualle able to almost lift it up to chest height. Yesterday at the physio I could basically barely lift it at all. Now, right now I can’t get it up that high. It varies. Definitely still pain. But. For the first time I have felt some kind of little improvement. So I value that. I don’t know if the extremely simple exercises helped, if not going to bed helped or if it’s just time doing its thing and my body starting to heal the trauma. Or maybe I was huffed up on painkillers and there’s no actual improvement. Who knows. But I’m trying to keep some hope. Since my fatalistic mind easily falls into depression.
Keep on hoping for hope.
3/2 2023
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Actually doing a little goat video editing this morning. Footage from my last goat visit, which is now .. 11 days ago. Sigh. Didn’t get it edited before I had my fall. Sweet footage of humankids visiting the goats. I’m planning on doing a goatrun on Monday, just a quick one.
Slept in my chair again. It’s not a great way to sleep. But it’s nice to not wake up with a completely busted back.
My arm and shoulder is still showing the slight improvement. But I still can’t use it much. Still typing, and now editing video, with my left hand. Not fun, but at least it’s posssible to do it even if it takes a lot of time.
My mood keeps swinging from hopeful to utterly depressed and hopeless. I just wish I could get back to normal. Even if your normal is kind of messed up, you still miss it when it’s gone.
Hey thank you all for listening and all the advice and sympathy. I’m thankful for you.
4/2 2023
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So much for the golden age of ballooning,
5/2 2023
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Nothing much new today. I wouldn’t say there’s been more improvement. It’s better than right after the fall, but there doesn’t seem to be continous improvement. Got the first shockwave treatment on Thursday. The painkillers are working okay when I’m sitting still. But still bad pain if I move the arm in the wrong way. And the pain does start to creep in when I sleep in my chair. Nowhere near as bad as when I slept in bed, though. I am however desperately missing sleeping buried in my blankets, lying down comfortably. I really need a night in bed. I am just worried it will mess up my back completely again. My back is doing better, but I can still feel there’s a problem lurking. I want to have a goat visit before I risk sleeping in bed again. If I go to bed tonight I don’t know if I will be able to get up again tomorrow and go out. I am really badly missing the goats. So. the plan is to sleep in my chair again, visit the goats and then try the bed. And then evaluate whether I should try to ask my doc for morphica pain meds for night time. And see how the shockwave thing goes.
I am just super tired, mentally and physically.
Send cake.
5/2 2023
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That’s all for now.