Death
happy Mio Monday everyone. I hope it’s a good one.
17/4 2023
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Good goat times today. Well actually, not the best. Mia wasn’t feeling so good.
It was a gorgeous sunny day. I had been expecting my first real good spring day with them. Milo and Sky were sitting in the outroom in the sunshine when I got there. Mia was sitting inside in the straw. She did come out to geet me, but did not want any treats. Which is obviously a bad sign. She was just not her good self. There was a lot of sitting around and relaxing today. Milo and Sky always in the sunshine. Mia more often inside in the dark. I went in and sat with her. She did get up and gave me her paw so I could scratch it. And then when i was done with it she gave me the other so I could do that one. She enjoyed snuggles and scratches. And she did come out and sit with us in the outroom. But no appetite. We had a group of visiting kids at the fence. Once again Milo mugging everyone for carrots. Mia did slowly wander down to join us. But quickly started back up the hill to get back inside. Poor girl.
I wonder if someone overfed her. The barrel with their food was gone today. Eventually Jeanette found it down in the chicken house. The chickens are in quarantine right now by the way, so we arne’t mingling with them. But anyway, Jeanette said there was already food in the goats tub when she got there. Maybe someone gave them too much food and Mia being the dominant one at most of it. I don’t know. Hopefully it’s not something serious. Jeanette will keep an eye on her and maybe get the vet out.
So now we can stop worrying about me and start worrying about Mia! Sheesh. I just want a good spring and summer. Last summer was complicated because of the move and all the worries about that. And then we had to get used to a new place and miss half of our flock and there was all the stuff going on with my family. I wish things could just be okay.
But send some good thoughts to Mia if you can.
17/4 2023
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Poor girl. Hopefully she’ll be back to normal in no time.
17/4 2023
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HappY Yogi daY everyone. With bonus Spirrevip. I hope it’s a good one.
18/4 2023
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goatlog
18/4 2023
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Hey everyone.
I didn ot visit the goats today, but Jeanette called me. Mia is not doing well. The vet can’t come see her until tomorrow. Jeanette prepared me that they may have to make a decision on whether to put Mia down or not. I know this comes to a shock to everyone, it did to me. I will do my best to advocate for her. I know if Mia was privately owned like some of you who have animals you could do everything possible and go to any length to make things okay, but that’s not really how it works in a government institution. Ressources are very low, as you maay remember several of these playgrounds are being closed and having to get rid of the animals alltogether. I know they will do all they can for Mia and I will do my best. I just want to be honest and prepare you, I hope you will send Mia all the healing energy you possibly can. It is also a matter of her quality of life. There is no doubt she is not as strong as she used to be. I know people have noticed that she has gotten a lot skinnier. Her tail is down a lot too, most of the time really. She has been down with sickness several times. She is getting to be an old goat and the question is whether she is still living a good life. I will do my best to argue that at least when she’s not sick she’s still a loving and happy goat. But there is no doubt that her condition has declined. We will have to hear what the vet says. I’d gladly pay out of my own pocket if that was what it took, but that’s not how it works. The vet will have to say what her prospects are and what is best for her within the possibilities there are.
I am obviously not in the best state right now. I don’t know what I’d do.. but i have to take it one step at a time right now. This shitty year just continues..
Please send Mia all the love you can, I will of course let you know when I know more.
18/4 2023
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Mia is gone.
I held her head in my arms and told her to go to sleep, as the vet made the injections.
I am so so sorry my girl.
It was the vet’s opinion that she was in so much pain that it was bordering on legally and morally objectionable to keep her alive. The playground had told her to do whatever she could, that they would pay whatever it took to treat Mia. But it was the vet’s estimate that whatever she did would only prolong Mia’s pain, and would not make a difference in the end..
I asked her if there was any chance that it would make a difference if my friend from Belgium, Angeline, could come get Mia and bring her to her sanctuary where they might be able to offer a higher level of care. I am not even sure if Angeline would be able to do that for us, but we had previously talked about this. But again it was the vet’s opinion that it would only make Mia suffer more. A long, difficult transport and again no chance of Mia recovering
The vet, I should learn her name, was lovely. It’s the same vet that has been with us since the first playground, to the second and now third playground. So that is at least 15-20 years of experience with goats and our situation. She was the one who came and helped Mio pass when it was her time. We did that together, as we did it today with Mia. She was very kind and sympathetic and gentle. She knew how much Mia meant to me. I was crying the whole way through when it was clear that there was no other way.
I am crying now.
I don’t know if things would have gone differently if Mia had been taken to a clinic on Monday. The truth is her condition has been declining for a long time, maybe since the move last summer. Maybe even before that. She’s gotten skinnier and skinnier. She’s been walking around with her tail down almost all of the time. She was sick in March too. When she wasn’t sick she was mostly happy when I was there with them, but it was clear she was not as strong as she used to be. The vet didn’t know why, but it just seems to happen to older goats sometimes. She was speculating about organ failures. There’s some other stuff too, but I don’t want to talk about that right now. The bottom line is, she couldn’t see Mia getting anything but worse. And she was already very bad. It was awful to see her in this condition.
I feel completely dead inside. There’s a part of me that wishes I could get an injection to make it all go away too. Everything has been getting worse and worse and I don’t know what to do without my Mia. She has been the best thing in my life for 10½ years. And you have to remember, I can’t really relate with people in real life, I truly appreciate the friendship of you all here on facebook, but in real life I live a pretty isolated life. The goats are my life and I don’t know if i can keep goating now. I don’t know what will happen now. I don’t know what to do.
Thank you everyone who has offered sympathy and advice and offers to help. Don’t know what I would do without you all either. I know you will all hurt too. Many, if not most, of you I have gotten to know through Mia’s page. She was the light of my life and I feel like it is all darkness now.
Love you, Mia. Thank you for everything. I truly hope you are with Palle and Mio and Kamel and Yogi and everyone else now.
19/4 2023
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Thank you everyone for all the comments and messages of support. I take comfort in the fact that you all care so much about me, and Mia. I had to take several breaks from reading through the comments to cry. And you know, just general cry breaks. It still all feels very unreal. I can’t remember a life without Mia. I have known many wonderful and special goats, but Mia became something truly unique, a connection so deep and that reached so many others too. It is hard to face the prospect of never being able to sit with her again.
I hope I helped give her a good life. She made a giant, insurmountable, difference in mine.
I’m going to try to see if I can get some sleep. Thank you everyone.
19/4 2023
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Got out and spent some time with Milo and Sky today. i neeed to get out of the house. And i needed to check on them. And it was good to see Jeanette too. Jeanette wasn’t there when Mia passed. It wasn’t her day at work, and when the decision was made by the vet there wasn’t really time for her or anything. It was pretty much me and the vet getting it done. And then a couple of the staff was there, Sanne and I think Linda was the other one’s name. Sanne is very nice, she was the one who messaged me to come help when they had to give Milo his meds that one time. She isn’t afraid of the goats, so that’s a plus.
But it was good to talk things through with Jeanette today. And sith with the littles. They were extremely vocal today. I heard Milo in the distance before I was even in sight, and once they saw me they both kept calling. And every time during the day when Jeanette went off to do her chores, they would bleat and bleat after her as she went. They never used to do that when I was there with the three of them. Clearly they are affected by the change too. Several times I saw them looking towards the goat house with concern, looking into the straw room like something was there. Or like they were wondering if Mia was hiding there and why wasn’t she coming out… or maybe they just feel the bad that happened in there. They weren’t inside when the procedure was done. But they were inside before it with Mia when she was sick. And they may have been allowed to go inside while she was laying there afterwards, I am not sure about that as I left immediately after it.
I don’t want to project too much humanity on them, but we all know animals have feelings and they have lost their adopted momma goat. it was really tough when I went home. I gave them apples inside but they left them and followed me out. I spread some treats on the ground, that’s what I used to do at the old place when I left, put out treats to distract everyone and then sneak off. but there was no sneaking off today. They were bleating a storm after me. Milo especially, he wasn’t just bleating loudly today he was screaming at the top of his lungs. I thought without Mia there to jump the fence when I go I could just leave them outside as I leave.. but if they take it this badly every time then maybe it might even be better for them to lock them inside for a few minutes when I go still, so they don’t have to watch in distress as I walk off. We will have to see how it goes. We all have to get adjusted to a new reality now. It felt so empty without Mia. it was good to sit with the littles, but god I missed Mia so much. All her loving and attention and sweetness and silliness. I know it gets easier with time, but right now it feels like it will never be okay. Just a giant vast hole in my heart.
We had some visitors at the fence, and I forced myself to get up and lead the littles down to the fence so the kids could get some time with them. It was a nice distraction I suppose. There was also an elderly man who came into the goat pen and went up to use while we were sitting in the sun. He patted me on the shoulder and told me how sorry he was. And I have to be honest, I am not sure if it was someone I’d met before. with my bad eyesight and bad human relatings, I am not sure if we’d met before or if maybe he’d been told about me or something like that. But in any case it was sweet of him to come up to us and offer his sympathy.
I am functioning mostly on auto-pilot right now. Trying not to let myself sink completely into despair and isolation.
I will treat myself to pizza now. And then come back later and try to respond to message and read comments. I really appreciate all your love and support, it makes my eyes tear up again just thinking about it. I am so thankful I was able to share Mia with so many and I got to meet so many good people through her page. On the post on her page there’s closing to 900 comments. I appreciate everyone, the ones who have become close personal friends and the ones who have followed the goat adventures on the page. Thank you.
20/4 2023
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When I came home on Wednesday, reeling from it all. I put music on just to have noise in the background as I tried not keel over. It happened to be the Frank Turner albums on my current playlist. And I wasn’t really listening, but when this one came on it did punch through the white noise of my crashing mind. Especially that one line. Please don’t take my sunshine away. On the sunniest day of the year so far, my sunshine was taken away.
I still don’t really know what to do with myself, but i have been here before. I know you just have to get through the days at first. And see where it goes.
Thank you again everyone. For the sea of outreaching hands. Thank you for helping me keep my head above water..
21/4 2023
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Hello. Just checking in. Still alive, allegedly. Just zombieing through the day. It is all still feeling very unreal, and sad beyond words. So I’ll leave the words alone for now. Just want to thank you all again for all the love and support. I appreciate you all. Hope you’re doing well out there.
22/4 2023
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Hello. I am
Not sure how to finish that sentence. Just despondently sad I guess. I wish i didn’t have to be here. Just gotta get through the first time now. Hoping to see the littles tomorrow. I feel like kicking and screaming but I barely have the energy and will to lift a finger. So it goes. Hope you’re all doing well out there. Thank you for the support. I know Mia was loved by all.
Not sure how to finish this post
23/4 2023
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