I was listening to my Eels mix as I went to therapy today.

there’s a world outside
and i know cos i’ve heard talk
in my sweetest dreams
i would go out for a walk
but i don’t think i’m ready yet
not feeling up to it now

Not Ready Yet. I used to identify with that song a lot. But now the world outside isn’t a dream anymore. It’s real. I’m finally up to it.

I hope you don’t get bored of my personal peptalks.

(Hey, plume.dk now has a mix page)

Therapy went fine. Only one session left now. Then I will have summer holiday and then start group sessions.

We made a list of things I could do over the summer. Exercises. Places to go. Things to train. It’s important to keep it up. Things have improved but if I just stop working on it then the phobia will come back and grab a hold of me again.

I won’t let it. I have come a long way in the last six months. We went over that at therapy too. Looked at the things that have improved, looked at the things that are easier for me now. It’s good to see. It’s good to see it down on paper, to see what I have accomplished.

I think I have a good chance of beating the phobia. It’s just practice now. Social practice. There are many things I can do now without any anxiety at all. Things that I wouldn’t even have dared to try a year ago.

I am still amazed that I can just be okay. Six months ago that didn’t seem realistic.

I’m tired though, so instead of a long treaty on the effects of social phobia in society in general and me in specific I will show you some pictures from the playground.

For Maile…

The little loudmouth.

The lambs are cute. They’re much less aggressive than the goats. Which makes them easy cuddle-targets!

Kids wanted to be photographed. Their reaction is always so cute. They get all giggly when I show them the picture. One of the girls said “we look like tiny little dots!”. I ought to print some of the pictures out so they can see them in the proper format.

Kurt and Alice. I have seen the other guy before. I think he sometimes buys animals from the playground. They were discussing prices. He buys chickens. For eating, I suspect. Meanie. He better not start buying any goats…

My pretty Mathilde.

Mads, being comfortable. I sat down next to him and petted him. Then Alice came by. She said “Aw Mads, haven’t you found yourself a nice place? Sitting on the bench in the sunshine, and being cuddled. If only there was some food involved then it would be perfect, wouldn’t it?”. He did seem to enjoy it.

I have found a funny thing to do. You know the sound a horse makes? I’m not sure how to write it in English. Something like “prrrrhhrhrhrhr”. Or whatever. If I do that, then the goats look at me very puzzled. Hehe. I’m not sure if they are puzzled because I’m acting like an idiot. Or if they’re puzzled because suddenly the human has turned into a horse. It’s really funny though. When Mads and Mathilde are both staring in one direction I’ll go “prrrrhrhrhrhr” and they’ll bot turn their heads and look at me with big, wide eyes. It’s priceless. It makes me laugh out loud, which just makes them look even more puzzled.

Life is lovely sometimes.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, May 11th, 2005 at 22:08 and is filed under Blogging. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.