Crack
Good goat times today. Back to my oasis, the happy break from reality.
First day of Jeanette’s vacation. Always a little emptier when she is not there. Not a lot of visitors either. An elderly (I think) couple came by. They said that they had recently moved to the area and they were out exploring. So they asked some questions about the place, they seemed dquite delighted with the place, they seemed happy to have found it. So maybe we’ll be seeing more of them. They did also ask if Sky was pregnant. So. A common question, but don’t tell Sky.
It was a mixed weather day, a good deal of sunshine but also clouds and a ittle rain here and there. Cool temperatures. Felt more like fall than summer, but it was nice when the sun was hitting us. I got my time in with all the girls. Luna ith her great hugs. Did some running with Sky. Bella always likes to come in and watch me when I’m stretching my legs right after I arrive. She’ll come in and start nudging me for treats, getting her face all close to mine, just generally butting in. Once they learn how to get treats out of you, they don’t stop.
Now I’m gonna get me a pot of soup. Hmm. I wonder if you can put Cheerios in soup…
27/7 2026
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Hi Sky!
27/7 2026
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There’s my Luna hug.
27/7 2026
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Bella’s letting it slide.
27/7 2026
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I got a grocery delivery today. Stocking up on sodas for next week’s potential parking problem.
But I was shocked and outraged to discover that I GOT NO CHEERIOS. What the heck, man. No free boxes of Cheerios?! I guess my plan to build a fortress out of Cheerio boxes has been foiled.
I only got the things I actually ordered. What a strange feeling.
Anyway, time to stack bottles.
28/7 2026
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Always funny when you’re watching the televisual programming and Denmark comes up. I’m pretty sure the Danish phrase they had the golfer say was not actual Danish, though.
28/7 2026
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So, do Storm Troopers have to remove their whole armour when they have to go pee? Or is there some little trapdoor in the pants that we can’t see?
28/7 2026
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Cloudy with a chance of berries.
Just caught the tail-end.
28/7 2026
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Sigh. Bad news.
I blacked out again this morning.
That’s not good. Obviously. It has only been 11 days since the last time. I don’t think there has ever been that short a break between episodes. So that’s concerning.
I had slept a little long and was just getting up. My bed is next to the computer, usually when I get up I’ll sit on the edge of my bed and do a little computer stuff before getting up and getting going. I was doing that today. I was just getting ready to upload a goatlog to youtube. And then that feeling came, the deja vu kind of feeling that precedes the blackouts. I tried putting my head between my legs, but there’s so little time when that feeling starts coming.
And then. some time later. I came back. Again I don’t seem to have done anything crazy while I was out. Probably just sat there. Maybe laid down on the bed, I am not sure.
Coming back to that amnesia feeling. It’s so awful, not knowing when and where you are, what you were doing, what you are supposed to be doing, what you had plans. There is always that fear that maybe you can’t come back, maybe your mind is lost forever. That’s what it feels like just in the moment. That you have lost yourself and you’re just gone.
I wonder if some kinds of dementia feels something like that. I don’t know.
But slowly it comes back. The puzzles of memory fit together again, more or less.
I was supposed to exercise today. I have not been exercising. I have been doing really badly. It was still early, there was still time to get up and exercise. But depression and sadness was crushing me. So I climbed back in bed and just laid there until I fell asleep again. Another 3-4 hours.
I am up now. But I am tired and sad and feeling hopeless. Not doing well mentally or physically. Getting out of shape and putting on weight, which makes it harder and harder to make the decision to exercise. Eating worse and worse. I am too ashamed to write the actual number, but I have spent a fortune on junk food and cake and that sort of stuff, this month. No lie, I could have bought a computer for that amount. Not top of the line like the one I really want. But a perfectly functional one. It’s insane.
And then there are the parking worries that weigh on me.
I just feel like a complete mess. I just wish I could fall into a coma and live the rest of my life in dreams, because dreams are always good.
Tra la la.
At least I am out of bed. But I had a blackout and I have ordered pizza and fries and I still have iced cream in the freezer. So it’s not a good day.
But okay. I’ll try harder, rigght? Only little more than a month till my appointment at the neuro clinic, maybe they’ll figure something out. Maybe my brain is just rotting away, who knows.
Feeling pretty damn broken. Too late for goat time now, but that will help me. And I have started making preparations for better diet and sleep, so I need to actually put that in motion and get back to exercising. Try to do better at the things I can control. Even if it feels like I can’t control it.
Sorry bout the whining, again. Not in a good state. But tomorrow’s another day.
29/7 2026
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Hey everyone, thanks for all the comments. Sorry I’m not replying much individually. It’s been a bad day, I just want it to be over. Tomorrow is going to be much better. This things I believe.
Thanks for the support, love and advice.
One day a day.
29/7 2026
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Good goat times today. Ahh, I needed that. So much better. It’s always a mental boost to be with the goats.
I’m glad I made it out. Depression was telling me to just go back to bed. But thankfully I know that seeing the goats will make feel better.
Feeling better mentally now. Physically it was a bit of a harder day, though. The second day of a two-day heatwave. The forecast said 33C/91F for today. It probably didn’t get quite that high while I was out, but it was up there. And we felt it. Burning hot. Lots of time spent relaxing in the shade with the girls. Glad I brought my water bottle. It was a little much.
But I like it. I like when it’s so hot that i have to have my balcony doors open. I’ll complain about the heat sometimes, but I can deal with it better than the cold.
Anyway, just the goat day I needed. Jeanette still on vacation, we miss having her around. I was glad that the water buckets were full, the goaties needed their water today.
We had some sweet visitors too. Three young ladies with kids in strollers. I’m not sure if it was three mothers or if it was some kind of daycare group. But they were very nice. I was rubbing Bella’s hoof when they arrived, and they thought that was awfully cute. And then I stopped rubbing Bella’s hoof and Bella started poking me with the hoof like “no, you’re not done yet” so I had to continue with the hoof massage. And the ladies thought that was so great. “That’s soo cute! Too cute!”. And they laughed when Bella and Luna started butting head, because it was like they were fighting over who got to be spoiled by me next.
Always nice when you can put on a goods how for the visitors.
They didn’t get a huge headbutting bout though. Normally Bella and Luna can go at it for ages. Today they would start and then do it once or twice and then they were like “Yeah.. I made my point.. I’m just… going to sit down in the shade again”. Too hot to headbutt.
And I got my time with everyone. The nice thing about the goats being so tired in the sun is that I can sit with Sky without having to isolate us from the others. They’re just too tired to come over and chase Sky away.
Oh yes, I did hear the visitors talk about Sky’s round belly. “Maybe there’s a baby in there”. Oh dear. The indignities Sky must suffer.
Let’s hope I can hold on to some of the positivity now. It’s a daily struggle right now. But today has been good. And I’m going to get me some soup now. Even though it’s way too hot for soup. But if you believe in yourself, you can achieve anything. Even eating soup when the sun is blazing.
30/7 2026
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Breakfast down by the podiums today. When the sun is scorching, that is a popular place to hang out. In the shade of that big tree.
30/7 2026
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Got my Luna hugs today, of course. Just what the doctor ordered.
30/7 2026
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I brought pears for the goats today. I think Sky likes pears…
30/7 2026
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Luna gets very eager at feeding time. When I sometimes do the feedings away from their goat house, I carry the goat feed in the cup. And she will try to get to it. Jumping up against me. She’s almost knocked me over a couple of times.
You can see that in this video, her jumping up to try to get at the cup.
What you can’t really see is when she jumped up and knocked the camera out of my hand. She knocked it so hard that it turned off almost immediately. So you can’t see it flying through the air and landing on the ground. Thankfully she didn’t break it!
She’s a little menace. But her little growls make me laugh. We’ve had growling goats before, but now quite like her. She sounds like she’s mad at me for being too slow with the food!
30/7 2026
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Sometimes it’s hard to keep focus on what’s important in life.
30/7 2026
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Got an hour and a half on the bike today. So I got that going for me.
I really, badly, need to get back in a routine of exercising. I only managed it 3 times in July. That has no doubt contributed to how badly I have been doing. Getting fatter and out of shape, my back hurting more and more, depression harder and harder.
Well, at least I got something done today. The first step is always the hardest. Until the next one.
I really need to get in better shape. Not necessarily lose a lot of weight. Since I can’t do my licorice diet anymore, that’s not my ambition. But I need to get stronger, to help my back.
Something else that needs to get stronger? Mah butt. Sorry. But not being on the bike for so long has taken its toll there. I had to end the exercise today not so much because I was getting tired, but more because my rear was hurting sitting on that saddle. Hopefully that will get better if I can keep up with it now.
But yes, a thumbs up for today. Goating and exercising is what I need. I am just finding it very hard to resist the temptations of the easy, unhealthy, gratifications.
One day a day.
31/7 2026
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I didn’t just get on the bike today, I also defrosted my freezer.
Exciting, I know!
Yesterday when I was getting flourballs out for my soup, I noticed how big the layers of ice on the inside walls of the freezer were getting. So I figured it was time to get that cleaned out.
As I say every time I do it, it’s such a satisfying feeling to see those big flakes of eyes break off. Unburden your life, I mean your freezer. Now there’s room for more flourballs.
Did I mention the other day that I ordered more flourballs? Given that my future ability to order stuff is in question now, I thought it would be smart to fill the freezer with balls. So I ordered 5 bags. Added to the 2½ I had left. So that’s about 7½ big bags of balls, that should keep my soup happy for a while.
Flourballs would be one of the big challenges if I could no longer get groceries delivered. Because they are hard to find. The packs of meat- and flourballs are everywhere. But the packs of just flourballs are rare. I don’t think I have ever seen them in my local grocery store. And with my eyesight and anxiety problems, just going around town and looking in diferent stores, that’s just not really an option. So if I could no longer get flourballs, that could be the end of me eating soup… not sure how easy finding gnocchi in the stores would be.
I have a general grocery delivery coming tomorrow. Stocking up on last things before next week.
It would really have a huge negative impact on my life if I couldn’t get deliveries. Not just the physical part of having to drag soda and other groceries around again. But mentally too. My social phobia and anxiety makes it hard to go shopping. Even when there are no problems, it is still difficult. And it would make it harder for me to find things. It has been so lovely to be able to pick out stuff and have it delivered. If I have to find stuff in the store, it’s so much harder. Sometimes impossible. I am not exaggerating when I say that there were times in the past when I walked around a store for like half an hour just looking at shelves because I had to find something specific. The stuff I get a lot, the stuff that’s prominently on display, that’s easy. But when looking for something new, it can be impossible for me to find. And you may ask, why don’t you just ask someone who works there? Well, that’s when the social phobia becomes real problematic. It has happened many times that I have had to not find what I was looking for because I just couldn’t get myself to ask for help. Sometimes it’s like a physical block, like a wall you can’t scale.
It would complicate my life a lot if I couldn’t get deliveries anymore. So let’s hope that doesn’t happen!
Anyway, my freezer is nice and clean now.
31/7 2026
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Triple goat score. Where’s Sky?
31/7 2026
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I succesfully got my grocery delivery today. Will it be my last one until 2028?
I sure hope this is just another case of me worrying way too much about something that turns out to be nothing at all. I sure hope.
But I got my stuff today, some things I would have a hard time finding in the stores myself. Just in case. And soda. I have a huge stash of sodas now. I really don’t miss carrying bags of heavy bottles home several times a week. Man, aren’t addicts something?
Anyway, I was just thinking how I miss buying DVDs and popping them in the player and looking at special features. Those were the days, huh? Speaking of Billy West, again, I remember the old box sets of Futurama episodes. They were so great because you’d practically get double the amount of episodes for your money. Every single episode had a commentary track. And those commentaries were often as amusing, if not more so, than the actual episodes. I l loved watching an episode and then watching it again with commentary. Having voice-over artists like Billy West and John DiMaggio making voices and doing sound effects and just laughing their ashes off and kidding around and being wild and crazy, it was so much fun. If you’re a Futurama fan and you have never listened to the commentaries, you really oughta. Can you listen to commentaries on streaming services? I don’t even know. Other than sports channels I have never actually subscribed to any streamers. I don’t know if they include bonus features and commentaries? I miss physical media. I mean, I’m glad I don’t have to have those big bookshelves full of stuff. But I also miss.
But enough about me. How about you? Do YOU come with bonus features?
/breakdancing Yoda.
1/8 2026
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By the way, I’m not going to start ranting on about politics again (until I do) but I just want to remind people that if you support Trump then you are supporting a world leader who wants to take territory from my country and who will not rule out military force or other options. So, you know. If you wonder why most of the ‘civilized’ world hates the guy, well I’m just saying.
Okay, now back to whining about my grocery deliveries..
https://www.the-independent.com/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-greenland-threats-europe-b3025688.html
1/8 2026
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And some goat content to bump the ugly off the front page. Think goat thoughts.
1/8 2026
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goatlog
2/8 2026
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Taking it easy today. Next week I need to keep at the goating and exercising and then I have an appointment at the doc’s office. Blood tests to see if my potassium is better after a month back on the meds.
And of course next week I’ll have to see how the delivery situation will be. The parking is supposed to get shut off tomorrow.
I am feeling… kind of sad and tired and frustrated. I don’t want to deal with life. I just want to sit back and sink into my comfy chair, like Homer sinking back into the hedge.
This month I’m going to try to keep my spending on junk food and cake and other unhealthy stuff more under control. I am just craving it now. I want to do nothing but sit back and eat unhealthy stuff for that instant gratification. What is the point of caring about things, why not just give into bad things and ignore reality? Why why why.
Bla bla. Got that off my chest. I have been good and NOT ordered anything bad today, despite the cravings. So that’s a win, right? One day a day. Maybe I’ll ahve myself a nice tasty… apple. Not much of a temptation, really. Don’t know what the fuss is.
2/8 2026
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Think goat thoughts. With Lunaface.
2/8 2026
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Relax.
This has been one of Sky’s favourite spots recently, especially if the big girls are taking the podiums. There’s good shade here. I don’t know if being right next to the gate is a factor. It’s not like she’s tried to run out the couple of times visitors opened the ate and had to go past her when they came into the pen.
Anyway, hope next week will be relaxing. There are stressful things coming up, but hopefully it won’t be too bad.
2/8 2026
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That’s all for now.